By David Futrelle
The deeply bitter dudes who call themselves Incels – short for “involuntarily celibate” — are jealous of pretty much every other human being, living or dead, aside from their fellow incel brethren. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before they started feeling jealous of inanimate objects.
In the Incels subreddit today, they’re getting mad at a literal marble statue for getting female attention of a most intimate kind — the sort of attention they’re concinved they’ll never ever get. Here’s the statue in question — a veritable marble Chad.
Apparently Reddit’s incels do not consider a woman pretending to toss the salad of a giant hunk of carved rock to be a joking matter.
“I’m laughing on the outside, and crying on the inside at this blatant display of degeneracy,” reports one commenter calling himself bigantennaemay1.
And he’s apparently the only one even pretending to laugh.
“tfw you will never get a rimjob,” laments xxxrivenmainxxx.
“Chad object > Incel,” drincelery sadly concludes.
“Normally I roll my eyes when you folks talk about ‘the degeneracy,'” reports LooksMatterToWomen, “but THIS is legit. 912 likes? Really?”
Someone called dr_gunit, meanwhile, attacks the anonymous woman in question for what he sees as her blatant height discrimination. “If that statue was shorter than 5’8 she would not be doing that,” he complains. “[S]he wants a BIG cock in her RED c*nt and she wants BIG babies.”
Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.
There’s one commenter in the bunch who doesn’t seem overly bothered by the notion of someone licking a hunk of stone. “[T[he statue doesn’t talk or smell, that’s the whole point,” TotallyTroll explains. “I’d rather lick a statue than talk to someone.”
Naturally, he is taken to task by one of the other commenters for his heresy.
“Well Aren’t you an ignorant one,” Inceldemographic thunders.
You are such a whiteknight that you are willing to appear like a dumbass just to continue being a doormat for women. Statues or any form of public property are the dirtiest surfaces around. There’s a reason why they are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak. If you want to be a cuck bending over backwards to defend all kinds of behaviour, go ahead, just don’t lose your IQ over it.
If these guys get this worked up over a woman pretending to rim a statue as a joke, let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.
“…she wants BIG babies.”
http://oohlo.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Iwanttomakeb.gif
Someone should tell the incels that virtual girlfriends are free to download onto their smartphones already. There are alot of apps.
sigh
On the one hand, you’d have a lot of material. On the other, it would all be completely revolting.
But they can’t put those in their place.
Good lord. An Incel post has provided correct information. Well, a stopped clock and all that…
To be fair that is a finely sculpted posterior. Who wouldn’t want a piece of that marble?
This woman is the first person ever to simulate a sexual act with a statue!
That statue is from Vigelandsparken in Oslo! There are literally hundreds of statues in that park, and people are always posing in weird ways around them. One of my favorites is the “babypuncher” statue.
About the urban dictionary definition… They don’t actually know what a definition is either, do they?
Expecting incels to know what definitions are is misandry.
A bit OT, but as I was drifting off to sleep last night, a thought hit me: what happens if an incentive gets laid? I know they’re horrible people, but horrible people get laid all the time. Do they have to leave the subreddit forever? Do the other incels turn on them? Do they post progress reports on the subreddit, criticising the woman for her sluttiness? Do they think of it as a hate-fuck?
I would go and have a look through the subreddit myself, but I’m not sure I could stomach it. David, or anyone else who’s been there, has this ever come up?
I take it this guy has never talked to a woman who experienced a difficult labour? BIG babies can be a problem. Most women who want kids are not hoping they’ll be super-sized.
@Jenny
Incels don’t get laid, that’s the point. It’s not a failure on their part to get laid, their entire identity is wrapped up in their virginity, so they’ll reject any opportunity for sex. Even tho most are certainly not asexual, the fear of loss of identity is more negative than they’d imagine the loss of virginity would be positive
That said, if one did, they’d probably move on to the MGTOW sub. ‘Ex incel bangs a chick (HB9.3, real story), and, whaddaya know, they’re just as bad as y’all always said. I mean, I thought they were bad too, but in a slightly different way’
@ jenny & axe
You can probably extrapolate from this. But basically the ‘layee’ criticises the woman and his fellow incels call him a humblebragging ‘fakecel’.
I love the lack of awareness behind bullet point 4 though. ‘Women are so fickle. Before she got to know me she seemed quite keen; now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.’
https://www.reddit.com/r/Incels/comments/6zzg9d/contradicting_statements_by_a_girl_i_went_on_a/
Is this actually a thing? I had no idea.
No. For one thing it’s an absurd idea that would do nothing for public health. For another, there was only ever one SARS epidemic, and it’s been over for more than a decade.
I feel like incels’ keyboards should regularly be doused in antiseptic.
@JennyWren:
Checking the FAQ, so you don’t have to:
Getting laid is allowed, but they’ll be disqualified for a repeat “offence” within 6 months. (And paying for sex doesn’t count.)
That definitely “qualifies” me, and many other people who manage not to become whiny misogynists; I’d have thought plenty of over-21s routinely go that long between partners.
@Ellesar – That could be, as well as a general complaint about women not looking eternally young. What made me shake my head was “semen damage”. Sun damage makes a little bit of sense, but that does not.
@Hu’s on First – When I was in 11th grade, my history class went to see a reproduction of Michelangelo’s David statue. One of the girls looked at it and said “Nice dick,” which amused her listeners (16-year-olds are easily amused, or at least I was). Not exactly a serious comment, but not sarcastic, either.
Good thing no incels heard it, since they can’t stand to see other people having fun.
@Dalillama
It sounds a bit like a sort of “we must be seen to be doing something” kind of gesture, so I wasn’t going to dismiss it out of hand, but I’m not surprised it isn’t true. It is a pretty weird thing to invent on the spot though, seems like he must have got it from somewhere. Magical incel powers of lady-hating narrative creation, perhaps.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Quite a lot of people’s keyboards and desks probably should be. They get remarkably nasty.
@epitome of incomprehensibility
This was of course the subject of a study by renowned slutologist D. Valizadeh, 2015, and was even reported in this very blog! The shocking conclusion by the author was that ladies who ride the cock carousel look extra awful due to exposure to many different sources of sperm, because of deeply scientifc reasons.
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2015/09/09/roosh-v-women-incorporate-dna-from-the-sperm-of-casual-sex-partners-causing-slut-face-cuckolding/
I can understand why incels are furious about the existence of Michelangelo’s David.
He’s a lot better looking than any of them. He’s also smarter, more accomplished, and much better company.
Then again, I have an elderly dish towel that fits that description. No offense to dish towels intended!
I think it’s worth drilling down on that “degeneracy” word they love so much. It’s bad enough that certain National Socialists used it to describe art made by people they didn’t like, but the usual suspects of the ol’ deplorable basket seem to have caught on to it far too often for comfort. I remember it being bandied about during Gamergate by the likes of Davis Aurini (there’s a blast from the past), now it’s made its way into the incel vocab, huh?
I just find it highly amusing that somehow their notion of being “degenerate” never involves the seething misogyny they ooze out of every pore. No no, somebody acting like a goofball for a split second is degeneracy, but using dehumanizing language about women, that’s all above board to these guys. Makes total sense!
Aren’t these the guys who approved of humping a stranger’s corpse?
Didn’t one of them have fantasies of animal abuse that may not have just been fantasies?
Yet, pretending to eat a statue’s ass for laughs has them popping their monocles?
What can you do about a bunch of people so utterly up their own asses that they think like this? They’re so desperate to have something to whine about. I don’t get it. Why are they determined to be miserable? Are they addicted to the rush they get from the hate and they need to justify it continuously? To see a stranger posing for a joke photo and your first thought to be, “It isn’t fair she isn’t touching my butt.” you really have to program yourself to see everything as being somehow about you and your personal discontent. I honestly wonder, when these men look up and see a cloud, do they see cloud women rejecting them to be with cloud Chad?
@Newt
I think my last consensual encounter was about 11 months ago. Obviously, I’m not counting nonconsensual encounters. And that’s me, a person who really doesn’t look for sex.
The only thing wrong with “incels” is their repulsive attitude.