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Reddit’s Incels are furious at a literal statue for getting more action than them

Hey, big fella!

By David Futrelle

The deeply bitter dudes who call themselves Incels – short for “involuntarily celibate” — are jealous of pretty much every other human being, living or dead, aside from their fellow incel brethren. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before they started feeling jealous of inanimate objects.

In the Incels subreddit today, they’re getting mad at a literal marble statue for getting female attention of a most intimate kind — the sort of attention they’re concinved they’ll never ever get. Here’s the statue in question — a veritable marble Chad.

Apparently Reddit’s incels do not consider a woman pretending to toss the salad of a giant hunk of carved rock to be a joking matter.

“I’m laughing on the outside, and crying on the inside at this blatant display of degeneracy,” reports one commenter calling himself bigantennaemay1.

And he’s apparently the only one even pretending to laugh.

“tfw you will never get a rimjob,” laments xxxrivenmainxxx.

“Chad object > Incel,” drincelery sadly concludes.

“Normally I roll my eyes when you folks talk about ‘the degeneracy,'” reports LooksMatterToWomen, “but THIS is legit. 912 likes? Really?”

Someone called dr_gunit, meanwhile, attacks the anonymous woman in question for what he sees as her blatant height discrimination. “If that statue was shorter than 5’8 she would not be doing that,” he complains. “[S]he wants a BIG cock in her RED c*nt and she wants BIG babies.”

Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.

There’s one commenter in the bunch who doesn’t seem overly bothered by the notion of someone licking a hunk of stone. “[T[he statue doesn’t talk or smell, that’s the whole point,” TotallyTroll explains. “I’d rather lick a statue than talk to someone.”

Naturally, he is taken to task by one of the other commenters for his heresy.

“Well Aren’t you an ignorant one,” Inceldemographic thunders.

You are such a whiteknight that you are willing to appear like a dumbass just to continue being a doormat for women. Statues or any form of public property are the dirtiest surfaces around. There’s a reason why they are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak. If you want to be a cuck bending over backwards to defend all kinds of behaviour, go ahead, just don’t lose your IQ over it.

If these guys get this worked up over a woman pretending to rim a statue as a joke, let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.

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Zatar
Zatar
3 years ago

The new definition of White Knight: Man who defends statue fucking.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.

Or perhaps there was a leak about the upcoming season of Doctor Who and we’re going to learn how baby Weeping Angels are made.

When a Stacey and a marbleChad love each other very much…

Paradoxical Intention - Mobile
Paradoxical Intention - Mobile
3 years ago

Femoids only want BIG FANTASY COCKS inside them! That’s why they buy dragon dildos!!!

[/slight sarcasm]

DW
DW
3 years ago

Can someone tell me what a “roastie” is? I’ve seen it a few times now.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
3 years ago

@DW Refers to a woman who has labia that looks like ‘roast beef’.

Yeah. 😛

Jamesworkshop
Jamesworkshop
3 years ago

Femoids would rather eat out a statues ass than even TALK to an incel.

Amazing to think of a mind existing that most likely thinks that statement is more damning of women than of incels.

MexicanHotChocolate
MexicanHotChocolate
3 years ago

Apparently didn’t pay attention in art history or sex ed. Classical and Renaissance statues don’t have big cocks.

Jamesworkshop
Jamesworkshop
3 years ago

What’s next, is the wind going to be cucking them because it gets to run itself through a woman’s hair and they don’t.

Bonelady
Bonelady
3 years ago

Yuck. Just yuck.

Hu's On First
Hu's On First
3 years ago

Michelangelo’s David is 17 feet tall and is hung like a mouse. The ancient Greeks considered small penises most attractive on men, and Renaissance artists followed suit.

TheKND
TheKND
3 years ago

Here is a hint, dear Incels: The statue doesn’t call women “feminoids”. That makes a bunch of dense gravel a lot more appealing than you. Heck, I’d take a SARS-infested piece of landmark over these guys. And that’s got nothing to do with how they look.

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
3 years ago

re: roasties

I’ve already decided to stay dormbound for the rest of the day. Don’t give me cravings for legit meat…

Chiara
Chiara
3 years ago

When a guy wants to have sex with a robot it’s completely fine for them but a women making a sexual joke with a statue, OMG DEGENERACY WHY WOULD THESE FEMALES EVER CHOOSE A STATUE OVER MEEEEEE!?!!?

I mean no matter what women do, Incels will make a conspiracy against them out of it. Seems like making a joke is now misandry.

IgnoreSandra
3 years ago

I mean, I would lick pigeon crap before talking to an incel. That has nothing to do with me wanting to lick what comes out of a pigeon’s butt, cause I don’t. Hell, rimjobs aren’t something I particularly want to do at all for anyone.

It’s entirely based on how much worse talking to an incel would be, cause they’re so toxic.

DW
DW
3 years ago

Thank you for the “roasties” definition! I was going to say here “I don’t know why I didn’t just look it up on Urban Dictionary”, but after having done that just now, I wish I hadn’t.

comment image

kupo
kupo
3 years ago

There’s a reason women won’t talk to you. Try being more statuesque?

Fabe
Fabe
3 years ago

When I saw the photo at the top of this post I though it was going to be about incels losing their shit over a woman restoring a old statue or something.

MissEB47 (Resident Rainbow Lorikeet and Beak Typist)
MissEB47 (Resident Rainbow Lorikeet and Beak Typist)
3 years ago

Jamesworkshop-“What’s next, is the wind going to be cucking them because it gets to run itself through a woman’s hair and they don’t.”

That won’t surprise me much.

Ellesar
Ellesar
3 years ago

Are they not even slightly aware how ridiculous this all sounds. The whole incel thing is ridiculous, but this has to be one of the most ridiculous.

And the whole degeneracy thing – women are slutty sluts, but what makes them actually degenerate is they CHOOSE who to be slutty sluts with and it is not these self loathing self pitying idiots?

Choosing not to have sex with men who idolise a spree killer, and hate women as much as he did is a lot of things (positive things). Degenerate is not one of those things.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

DW,

Recycled Arby’s

Semen damage

comment image

I’d say I can’t believe there are people out there who really think like this, but I’ve been here too long to be that naive.

Chiara
Chiara
3 years ago

When i went to school i drew some male statues for art class. I have also made some male statues myself, including their genitales. So i have actually spend more time making a statues dick than i will ever with an Incel.
The statues also weren’t raging misogynists, in contrary to the Incels.

Ellesar
Ellesar
3 years ago

“roasties” definition

Omfg – they really have no idea what women’s bodies are like do they? I can’t say I have done a study, but I have had sex with a number of women, some have had sex with many partners etc etc. Vulvas are different because women are different. You cannot tell what kind of sex, or how much of it, or how many partners, your partner has had based on the look of her vulva.

And they even have a moan about sun damage?! Ffs sake children – are women degenerate because they go in the sun, or live in a sunny climate? Maybe that is a reference to the ‘purity’ of lily white skin or some other racist/ sexist/ ageist bollocks .

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
3 years ago

I can’t even think to parody this. I would have looked at this and laughed. Maybe there’s a reason a random silly woman would rather eat the ass of a statue than talk to an incel

BritterSweet
3 years ago

I don’t know what to think of this. On one hand, it is funny to see these incels lose their shit over the picture and whine about how women are so horrible for not giving them the attention. But I almost feel like I’d be a hypocrite after hearing about men making sexual “joke” pictures with the little girl statue standing in front of the charging bull, or the cardboard cutout of the woman at a gas station.

I guess the difference is in the message it sends, and the cultural/historical context. But it’s still kind of uncomfortable.

Non-sexual joke pictures with statues, however, are often hilarious.

http://worldwideinterweb.com/images/blogphotos/Funny/Statue%20Funny%20Photos/statue-funny.jpg

AsAboveSoBelow, Deviated Preevert
AsAboveSoBelow, Deviated Preevert
3 years ago
Haise, the husky puppy
Haise, the husky puppy
3 years ago

Someone should tell the incels that virtual girlfriends are free to download onto their smartphones already. There are alot of apps.

brian
brian
3 years ago

sigh

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.

On the one hand, you’d have a lot of material. On the other, it would all be completely revolting.

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

Someone should tell the incels that virtual girlfriends are free to download onto their smartphones already

But they can’t put those in their place.

Tosca; Chaos made Flesh, Servant of the Purring Jew
Tosca; Chaos made Flesh, Servant of the Purring Jew
3 years ago

Femoids would rather eat out a statues ass than even TALK to an incel.

Good lord. An Incel post has provided correct information. Well, a stopped clock and all that…

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

Femoids would rather eat out a statues ass than even TALK to an incel.

To be fair that is a finely sculpted posterior. Who wouldn’t want a piece of that marble?

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

This woman is the first person ever to simulate a sexual act with a statue!

FromTheNorth
FromTheNorth
3 years ago

That statue is from Vigelandsparken in Oslo! There are literally hundreds of statues in that park, and people are always posing in weird ways around them. One of my favorites is the “babypuncher” statue.

Matteo Suppo
Matteo Suppo
3 years ago

About the urban dictionary definition… They don’t actually know what a definition is either, do they?

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

Expecting incels to know what definitions are is misandry.

JennyWren
JennyWren
3 years ago

A bit OT, but as I was drifting off to sleep last night, a thought hit me: what happens if an incentive gets laid? I know they’re horrible people, but horrible people get laid all the time. Do they have to leave the subreddit forever? Do the other incels turn on them? Do they post progress reports on the subreddit, criticising the woman for her sluttiness? Do they think of it as a hate-fuck?

I would go and have a look through the subreddit myself, but I’m not sure I could stomach it. David, or anyone else who’s been there, has this ever come up?

Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

she wants BIG babies

I take it this guy has never talked to a woman who experienced a difficult labour? BIG babies can be a problem. Most women who want kids are not hoping they’ll be super-sized.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
3 years ago

@Jenny
Incels don’t get laid, that’s the point. It’s not a failure on their part to get laid, their entire identity is wrapped up in their virginity, so they’ll reject any opportunity for sex. Even tho most are certainly not asexual, the fear of loss of identity is more negative than they’d imagine the loss of virginity would be positive

That said, if one did, they’d probably move on to the MGTOW sub. ‘Ex incel bangs a chick (HB9.3, real story), and, whaddaya know, they’re just as bad as y’all always said. I mean, I thought they were bad too, but in a slightly different way’

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ jenny & axe

what happens if an incentive gets laid?

You can probably extrapolate from this. But basically the ‘layee’ criticises the woman and his fellow incels call him a humblebragging ‘fakecel’.

I love the lack of awareness behind bullet point 4 though. ‘Women are so fickle. Before she got to know me she seemed quite keen; now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.’

https://www.reddit.com/r/Incels/comments/6zzg9d/contradicting_statements_by_a_girl_i_went_on_a/

Pie
Pie
3 years ago

There’s a reason why [statues] are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak.

Is this actually a thing? I had no idea.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

Is this actually a thing? I had no idea.

No. For one thing it’s an absurd idea that would do nothing for public health. For another, there was only ever one SARS epidemic, and it’s been over for more than a decade.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

I feel like incels’ keyboards should regularly be doused in antiseptic.

Newt
Newt
3 years ago

@JennyWren:

a thought hit me: what happens if an ince[l] gets laid? I know they’re horrible people, but horrible people get laid all the time. Do they have to leave the subreddit forever?

Checking the FAQ, so you don’t have to:

The most common definition to be considered incel is that you are at least 21 and have to go at least six months without a romantic partner.

Getting laid is allowed, but they’ll be disqualified for a repeat “offence” within 6 months. (And paying for sex doesn’t count.)

That definitely “qualifies” me, and many other people who manage not to become whiny misogynists; I’d have thought plenty of over-21s routinely go that long between partners.

epitome of incomprehensibility

And they even have a moan about sun damage?! Ffs sake children – are women degenerate because they go in the sun, or live in a sunny climate? Maybe that is a reference to the ‘purity’ of lily white skin or some other racist/ sexist/ ageist bollocks .

@Ellesar – That could be, as well as a general complaint about women not looking eternally young. What made me shake my head was “semen damage”. Sun damage makes a little bit of sense, but that does not.

Michelangelo’s David is 17 feet tall and is hung like a mouse. The ancient Greeks considered small penises most attractive on men, and Renaissance artists followed suit.

@Hu’s on First – When I was in 11th grade, my history class went to see a reproduction of Michelangelo’s David statue. One of the girls looked at it and said “Nice dick,” which amused her listeners (16-year-olds are easily amused, or at least I was). Not exactly a serious comment, but not sarcastic, either.

Good thing no incels heard it, since they can’t stand to see other people having fun.

Pie
Pie
3 years ago

@Dalillama

No. For one thing it’s an absurd idea that would do nothing for public health.

It sounds a bit like a sort of “we must be seen to be doing something” kind of gesture, so I wasn’t going to dismiss it out of hand, but I’m not surprised it isn’t true. It is a pretty weird thing to invent on the spot though, seems like he must have got it from somewhere. Magical incel powers of lady-hating narrative creation, perhaps.

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

I feel like incels’ keyboards should regularly be doused in antiseptic.

Quite a lot of people’s keyboards and desks probably should be. They get remarkably nasty.

@epitome of incomprehensibility

“semen damage”. Sun damage makes a little bit of sense, but that does not.

This was of course the subject of a study by renowned slutologist D. Valizadeh, 2015, and was even reported in this very blog! The shocking conclusion by the author was that ladies who ride the cock carousel look extra awful due to exposure to many different sources of sperm, because of deeply scientifc reasons.

https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2015/09/09/roosh-v-women-incorporate-dna-from-the-sperm-of-casual-sex-partners-causing-slut-face-cuckolding/

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

I can understand why incels are furious about the existence of Michelangelo’s David.

He’s a lot better looking than any of them. He’s also smarter, more accomplished, and much better company.

Then again, I have an elderly dish towel that fits that description. No offense to dish towels intended!

Gussie Jives
Gussie Jives
3 years ago

I think it’s worth drilling down on that “degeneracy” word they love so much. It’s bad enough that certain National Socialists used it to describe art made by people they didn’t like, but the usual suspects of the ol’ deplorable basket seem to have caught on to it far too often for comfort. I remember it being bandied about during Gamergate by the likes of Davis Aurini (there’s a blast from the past), now it’s made its way into the incel vocab, huh?

I just find it highly amusing that somehow their notion of being “degenerate” never involves the seething misogyny they ooze out of every pore. No no, somebody acting like a goofball for a split second is degeneracy, but using dehumanizing language about women, that’s all above board to these guys. Makes total sense!

Lea
Lea
3 years ago

Aren’t these the guys who approved of humping a stranger’s corpse?
Didn’t one of them have fantasies of animal abuse that may not have just been fantasies?

Yet, pretending to eat a statue’s ass for laughs has them popping their monocles?

What can you do about a bunch of people so utterly up their own asses that they think like this? They’re so desperate to have something to whine about. I don’t get it. Why are they determined to be miserable? Are they addicted to the rush they get from the hate and they need to justify it continuously? To see a stranger posing for a joke photo and your first thought to be, “It isn’t fair she isn’t touching my butt.” you really have to program yourself to see everything as being somehow about you and your personal discontent. I honestly wonder, when these men look up and see a cloud, do they see cloud women rejecting them to be with cloud Chad?

IgnoreSandra
3 years ago

@Newt

Getting laid is allowed, but they’ll be disqualified for a repeat “offence” within 6 months. (And paying for sex doesn’t count.)

That definitely “qualifies” me, and many other people who manage not to become whiny misogynists; I’d have thought plenty of over-21s routinely go that long between partners.

I think my last consensual encounter was about 11 months ago. Obviously, I’m not counting nonconsensual encounters. And that’s me, a person who really doesn’t look for sex.

The only thing wrong with “incels” is their repulsive attitude.

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