By David Futrelle
The deeply bitter dudes who call themselves Incels – short for “involuntarily celibate” — are jealous of pretty much every other human being, living or dead, aside from their fellow incel brethren. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before they started feeling jealous of inanimate objects.
In the Incels subreddit today, they’re getting mad at a literal marble statue for getting female attention of a most intimate kind — the sort of attention they’re concinved they’ll never ever get. Here’s the statue in question — a veritable marble Chad.
Apparently Reddit’s incels do not consider a woman pretending to toss the salad of a giant hunk of carved rock to be a joking matter.
“I’m laughing on the outside, and crying on the inside at this blatant display of degeneracy,” reports one commenter calling himself bigantennaemay1.
And he’s apparently the only one even pretending to laugh.
“tfw you will never get a rimjob,” laments xxxrivenmainxxx.
“Chad object > Incel,” drincelery sadly concludes.
“Normally I roll my eyes when you folks talk about ‘the degeneracy,'” reports LooksMatterToWomen, “but THIS is legit. 912 likes? Really?”
Someone called dr_gunit, meanwhile, attacks the anonymous woman in question for what he sees as her blatant height discrimination. “If that statue was shorter than 5’8 she would not be doing that,” he complains. “[S]he wants a BIG cock in her RED c*nt and she wants BIG babies.”
Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.
There’s one commenter in the bunch who doesn’t seem overly bothered by the notion of someone licking a hunk of stone. “[T[he statue doesn’t talk or smell, that’s the whole point,” TotallyTroll explains. “I’d rather lick a statue than talk to someone.”
Naturally, he is taken to task by one of the other commenters for his heresy.
“Well Aren’t you an ignorant one,” Inceldemographic thunders.
You are such a whiteknight that you are willing to appear like a dumbass just to continue being a doormat for women. Statues or any form of public property are the dirtiest surfaces around. There’s a reason why they are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak. If you want to be a cuck bending over backwards to defend all kinds of behaviour, go ahead, just don’t lose your IQ over it.
If these guys get this worked up over a woman pretending to rim a statue as a joke, let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.
The new definition of White Knight: Man who defends statue fucking.
Or perhaps there was a leak about the upcoming season of Doctor Who and we’re going to learn how baby Weeping Angels are made.
When a Stacey and a marbleChad love each other very much…
Femoids only want BIG FANTASY COCKS inside them! That’s why they buy dragon dildos!!!
[/slight sarcasm]
Can someone tell me what a “roastie” is? I’ve seen it a few times now.
@DW Refers to a woman who has labia that looks like ‘roast beef’.
Yeah. 😛
Amazing to think of a mind existing that most likely thinks that statement is more damning of women than of incels.
Apparently didn’t pay attention in art history or sex ed. Classical and Renaissance statues don’t have big cocks.
What’s next, is the wind going to be cucking them because it gets to run itself through a woman’s hair and they don’t.
Yuck. Just yuck.
Michelangelo’s David is 17 feet tall and is hung like a mouse. The ancient Greeks considered small penises most attractive on men, and Renaissance artists followed suit.
Here is a hint, dear Incels: The statue doesn’t call women “feminoids”. That makes a bunch of dense gravel a lot more appealing than you. Heck, I’d take a SARS-infested piece of landmark over these guys. And that’s got nothing to do with how they look.
re: roasties
I’ve already decided to stay dormbound for the rest of the day. Don’t give me cravings for legit meat…
When a guy wants to have sex with a robot it’s completely fine for them but a women making a sexual joke with a statue, OMG DEGENERACY WHY WOULD THESE FEMALES EVER CHOOSE A STATUE OVER MEEEEEE!?!!?
I mean no matter what women do, Incels will make a conspiracy against them out of it. Seems like making a joke is now misandry.
I mean, I would lick pigeon crap before talking to an incel. That has nothing to do with me wanting to lick what comes out of a pigeon’s butt, cause I don’t. Hell, rimjobs aren’t something I particularly want to do at all for anyone.
It’s entirely based on how much worse talking to an incel would be, cause they’re so toxic.
Thank you for the “roasties” definition! I was going to say here “I don’t know why I didn’t just look it up on Urban Dictionary”, but after having done that just now, I wish I hadn’t.
There’s a reason women won’t talk to you. Try being more statuesque?
When I saw the photo at the top of this post I though it was going to be about incels losing their shit over a woman restoring a old statue or something.
Men are just as degenerate
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/10/30/article-2480516-19164E0F00000578-406_634x421.jpg
Jamesworkshop-“What’s next, is the wind going to be cucking them because it gets to run itself through a woman’s hair and they don’t.”
That won’t surprise me much.
Are they not even slightly aware how ridiculous this all sounds. The whole incel thing is ridiculous, but this has to be one of the most ridiculous.
And the whole degeneracy thing – women are slutty sluts, but what makes them actually degenerate is they CHOOSE who to be slutty sluts with and it is not these self loathing self pitying idiots?
Choosing not to have sex with men who idolise a spree killer, and hate women as much as he did is a lot of things (positive things). Degenerate is not one of those things.
DW,
I’d say I can’t believe there are people out there who really think like this, but I’ve been here too long to be that naive.
When i went to school i drew some male statues for art class. I have also made some male statues myself, including their genitales. So i have actually spend more time making a statues dick than i will ever with an Incel.
The statues also weren’t raging misogynists, in contrary to the Incels.
Omfg – they really have no idea what women’s bodies are like do they? I can’t say I have done a study, but I have had sex with a number of women, some have had sex with many partners etc etc. Vulvas are different because women are different. You cannot tell what kind of sex, or how much of it, or how many partners, your partner has had based on the look of her vulva.
And they even have a moan about sun damage?! Ffs sake children – are women degenerate because they go in the sun, or live in a sunny climate? Maybe that is a reference to the ‘purity’ of lily white skin or some other racist/ sexist/ ageist bollocks .
I can’t even think to parody this. I would have looked at this and laughed. Maybe there’s a reason a random silly woman would rather eat the ass of a statue than talk to an incel
I don’t know what to think of this. On one hand, it is funny to see these incels lose their shit over the picture and whine about how women are so horrible for not giving them the attention. But I almost feel like I’d be a hypocrite after hearing about men making sexual “joke” pictures with the little girl statue standing in front of the charging bull, or the cardboard cutout of the woman at a gas station.
I guess the difference is in the message it sends, and the cultural/historical context. But it’s still kind of uncomfortable.
Non-sexual joke pictures with statues, however, are often hilarious.
http://worldwideinterweb.com/images/blogphotos/Funny/Statue%20Funny%20Photos/statue-funny.jpg