By David Futrelle
Welcome to a special early edition of Today in Tweets, because, OMG, Ted Cruz “liked” a porn video on Twitter. And not just any porn video: an incest porn video in which a “mom” walks in on her “daughter” having sex, and kind of likes it.
Oh, the irony! As the Solicitor General in Texas, you may recall, Cruz defended a ban on dildos. with his legal team memorably arguing that “[t]here is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.” Which seems a bit harsh.
Apparently he, or whoever was manning his Twitter account at the time, doesn’t actually agree with this proposition any more.
Let’s go to the tweets:
Alright, I'm in. Ted Cruz 2020. pic.twitter.com/0H5VeWieyB
— Brad DePrima (@brdeprima) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/TheDukeWindsor/status/907466227920109568
https://twitter.com/andreagrimes/status/907483719476297728
The most surprising thing about the porn video Ted Cruz liked is that the people in it were alive
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) September 12, 2017
someone will write a think piece about how Ted Cruz shouldn't be shamed for liking porn and it's like yeah we know let us laugh tho
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/Khanoisseur/status/907609735083417600
https://twitter.com/jonfavs/status/907467146959245312
Well this didn't age well. pic.twitter.com/JyktojBHmH
— laanat del rey (@badkuthi69) September 12, 2017
(Not a real tweet, BTW; Trump would never praise Cruz like that.)
Ted’s college roommate added his two cents:
https://twitter.com/clmazin/status/907470879851819008
And this wasn’t even the first time he weighed in on Mr. Cruz’ alleged nocturnal activities.
https://twitter.com/clmazin/status/720259227067920385
There is, of course, news that doesn’t involve Ted Cruz’ penis. Unfortunately, much of it involved the penises of other creepy dudes.
https://twitter.com/zachheltzel/status/907347649568714752
It’s infuriating @KatyTurNBC would have to be the one to worry about being taken seriously after this. But that’s how harrassment works. pic.twitter.com/iNkalexGsb
— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) September 12, 2017
a fairytale ending pic.twitter.com/4TOeDBskNN
— Suse (@okSuse) September 12, 2017
Some actual serious news:
A look at Hurricane Irma by the numbers https://t.co/NhWZ63lWxB pic.twitter.com/i1GZvFzdIB
— Los Angeles Times (@latimes) September 12, 2017
10,000 people who rode out Hurricane Irma in the Florida Keys may require evacuation https://t.co/Lisl7fugYi pic.twitter.com/AEJhMHaI9b
— CNN (@CNN) September 12, 2017
Hurricane Irma destroyed about 25% of the homes in the Florida Keys, FEMA says https://t.co/25o46Nj3DZ pic.twitter.com/zr7irAAJql
— CNN (@CNN) September 12, 2017
One reporter who made it to the Keys compared it to a war zone. Most of the islands have no water or communications https://t.co/dFQjg7be6g pic.twitter.com/cSdNIhWL8h
— CBS News (@CBSNews) September 12, 2017
The destruction of Hurricane #Irma can be seen from space after the storm turns several Caribbean islands brown: https://t.co/oTZjRgmdmN pic.twitter.com/Li4MUNNqcR
— NASA (@NASA) September 11, 2017
Pizza Hut employees told they could be punished for fleeing Hurricane Irma https://t.co/59gcboU5oh
— Salon (@Salon) September 12, 2017
Some cute animals:
https://twitter.com/PAYOLETTER/status/907439945249206272
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). pic.twitter.com/WQ7kua5ZRQ
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) September 11, 2017
H/T — Makroth, for posting a link to the Piano Man update tweet in the comments
Which is unfortunate, because they have so much in common!
Namely incest.
Another sanctimonious Republican shows off what a glaring hypocrite they are. Must be a day ending with “Y”.
I think Ted Cruz is a vile and reprehensible human being. Though I don’t believe in kinkshaming, I will laugh at him for being stupid enough to “like” a porno via his Twitter, especially when he’s a religious fundamentalist tea party darling. This man needs to be ridiculed for every mistake and booed at for every horrible piece of legislation he supports.
“Luke, from Bath, said he was still playing that fucking piano around 4 in the goddamned morning.”
They buried the lede.
Hey! That’s Cory Chase in that vedio. She’s great. She’s just so much to watch.
James Woods is such a fucking toad.
Joe, thanks for the Cruz Boner update.
Apparently Milo Yiannopoulis is one of the people who lost their homes to Irma. I feel bad for all the other people who lost their homes.
Thaaaaaat’s my senator’s boner!
@ paganreader
Apparently he was lying, sorry, being satirical.
https://twitter.com/waypoint/status/907657866177376256
‘Destiny 2’ included a gauntlet with a white supremacist logo: http://bit.ly/2gZvw3q
happy national video games day.
It wouldn’t surprise me if James Woods was also one of the (unfortunately many) people in Hollywood who steadfastly defend child rapist Roman Polanski.
What would be the point of Milo joking about losing a house to Irma? I just don’t get reactionary humor at all. It’s either cruel, nonsensical or most often both. Or was he trying to con his fans out of money and called it a joke when he got caught? It’s hard to tell with these guys. I’m reminded of the time that Roosh claimed to be in a Polish jail and later said it was a joke.
Ted: “I feel like rubbing one out.”
*Opens Twitter*
He cracks me up.
Aw poop. I’m not surprised, though. In that case, I feel sorry for everyone who lost their homes.
@weirwoodtreehugger
Because people having been talking about him lately.
Hmm… wonder if Ted Cruz is a closet furry….
Now I must bleach my brain.
I laughed at this for a full minute. My 8 year old asked me why I was laughing. I couldn’t think of something to tell him so I just said “I don’t know”
He’s looking at me with a baffled expression now haha.
Yeah, that was just Milo being so edgy, “haha, people lost everything, wheee! I don’t care because I’m a jackass. An EDGY jackass. Does my hair look okay?”
The fat cat is indeed doing an amazing job.
Apparently Cruz’s denial is suspiciously passive-voiced.
Never thought I’d say this, but I miss Kay Bailey H.
More like Indiana Bones and the Raiders of the Lost Bark
NicolaLuna, glad I could give you the giggle this whole dumb story gave me when I first read about it…
In a moment of brainfart, I mixed her up with fellow performer Kayden Kross and she became Cory Cross.
I don’t know why I have Maple Leafs alumni of the 90s on my mind… must be the preseason or something.
EDIT: CN mental health/mention of suicidal thoughts
FAMILY CRISIS STUFF
Hey folks, lovely Mammotheers, everyone. I have a Very Bad Situation on my hands. This is mainly venting, but advice might also be useful I suppose.
I just got a phone call from my brother’s girlfriend. They are, completely out of the blue from my perspective, in the process of separating. Unbeknownst to me or anyone else this has been the situation for about a month already, but tonight it’s escalated. She has been cheating on him, and she’s now moved in with her niece temporarily. He is in free fall crisis mode, as far as I can tell. He had even gone over to the niece’s house to try and talk her into coming back home for the night, but she refused.
Bit of background: they are both in their late 30s and have been living together for something like 17 years. My brother has a history of undiagnosed mental illness. He has never had a job or an income, and is financially entirely dependent on his girlfriend. He also has no social circle other than the immediate family. The apartment belongs to the girlfriend, even though he’s the only one staying there at the moment.
He refuses to talk to me. I’ve tried calling and texting. We live in different cities, so I can’t go over to his place. I talked to my parents and they tried visiting him to check in, but he wouldn’t let them in and won’t talk to them either. I have NO idea whether he might be suicidal, but I definitely can’t rule it out. His girlfriend says he hasn’t been violent (and I wouldn’t expect him to be), but he’s been as verbally aggressive as you’d expect from someone who’s just been betrayed and dumped by their lifelong partner.
I know he has a psychologist/contact person in his town, and I will try to call her tomorrow morning and give her a heads up. He has an appointment for 11 tomorrow, so hopefully he will at least show up for that.
I am not sure what to do here. We’re devastated, and this is all very sudden. In the longer perspective, we need to figure out how to get him to cooperate with social services. I don’t think it’ll be possible for him to support himself anytime soon. In the short term, I’m just hoping my brother will still be alive tomorrow. I’ve already reported in sick for tomorrow, so I’ll just spend the day trying to manage things as far as I can. Ughh.
Dunno if this tweet has been posted before, but while Brock Turner may have escaped proper justice, he is now literally a textbook example of a rapist.
@IP
I’m sorry to hear about your brother’s crisis. I don’t have any advice to give you, since you say he has no social circle other than his immediate family. (I at first thought about your contacting a mutual acquaintance from the same city.). I hope, for his own sake and your family’s sake, that he doesn’t self-harm.
@A. Noyd
Brock Turner isn’t just a textbook example of a rapist, he’s also a sex offender poster boy.
I saw an ad today for a sex offender search service with his mugshots on it. I probably shouldn’t have laughed, but I did.
@Jamesworkshop
Wait! The guys who made Halo, a game where the genetically engineered super-soldiers all have blue eyes and defend the remnants of humanity from a conglomerate of dozens of alien races might be a little on the non-progressive side?