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“I was attacked by an elderly Swedish woman for putting my girlfriend in her place” Return of Kings writer laments

Not the elderly Swedish woman in question

By David Futrelle

Great headlines — like the New York Post’s legendary page-one shocker, “Headless Body in Topless Bar” — grab the reader’s attention instantly but leave enough unsaid that hapless news junkies feel compelled to click the link or buy the tabloid because they need to know the rest of the story.

Internet garbage site Return of Kings has gotten pretty good at the clickbaity headlines. But one memorable headline on the front page of the site today, while certainly attention grabbing, falls just short of greatness because, well, it’s pretty obvious that the real story can’t possibly live up to whatever story you make up in your own head about it.

This is the headline:

I WAS ATTACKED BY AN ELDERLY SWEDISH WOMAN FOR PUTTING MY GIRLFRIEND IN HER PLACE WILLIAM ADAMS AUGUST 31, 2017

But however much I might cherish the story I came up with in this particular instance — which involves a blonde Ruth Buzzi lookalike hitting a tophatted, velvet-clad PUA with her purse —  it’s my job to click on these links so you don’t have to. The good news is that the real story is nearly as good as my imaginary one, if somewhat less dramatic. And by “good” I mean awful.

So it seems that Return of Kings writer William Adams went drinking with his girlfriend and some of his friends one recent evening in Stockholm. Alas, his girlfriend had a little too much of the drink and wanted to return home around midnight. As Adams, who is apparently always right about everything, explains,

I made a quick calculation and decided that the wisest choice was to take the metro, which is located just outside the bar. I know that traffic can get congested, especially where we were at that time, and even short taxi rides are very expensive in Stockholm, where we live. Of course I can afford a taxi ride or twenty but in this case it was the proper decision to not do it, especially after taking travel duration in to consideration.

But she was afraid of throwing up on the train and insisted on taking a cab, even though this was objectively the wrong thing to do.

We did, and as expected it took much longer time and costed me almost the equivalent of 50 US dollars. … Because of construction work we also had to walk about 300 meters to our home, and she was wearing a dress, rubbing her arms a bit to showcase the low outside temperature relative to her choice of clothing.

She then consequently asserted that she wanted to borrow my (stylish) jacket, but I was annoyed and didn’t want to lend it to her in that particular situation.

Naturally, Adams insisted on informing her that he had been right all along about the cab thing. Apparently this required him to yell at her a little bit.

I thought that if she occasionally associates with my male friends, then she should talk to us on more equal terms and not be afraid of some realtalk. So while listening to her complaints I raised my voice and semi-yelled that if she would have listened to me in the first place we would not have to walk outside and would already be home by now.

ENTER ELDERLY SWEDISH WOMAN

WHO TURNS OUT TO NOT ACTUALLY BE ELDERLY EXCEPT MAYBE TO THE SORT OF PEOPLE WHO READ RETURN OF KINGS

Meeting us on the sidewalk, then about 200 meters from home, a middle-aged woman suddenly shows up. She stops next to me and starts yelling directly in my face. Although she looks normal, she unhesitatingly manifests her dislike for my behavior.

And the fight of the century is on!

My girl has started to cry a bit, not atypical behavior for her subspecies. …

The 50-something bitch sees this and engages in another attack, after I have tried to walk past her in an attempt to ignore and move on. She threatens to “wrestle me to the ground” and calls me an “ass hat,” all while standing two inches from me, looking hostile.

The “elderly woman” then ups the ante by not actually trying to wrestle Adams to the ground.

She refrains from doing so but does not listen when I stress that it is neither her nor anyone else’s business, and the entire situation is taken out of context too for that matter.

Presumably the “context” is that he is always right about everything and he was just pointing this out to his freezing girlfriend very loudly.

After that she also starts a lecture on the ABC of Cultural Marxism. She is so tired of white males who use their privilege bla bla bla. 

Ah, yes, Cultural Marxism, that totally real thing that normal people bring up all the time while having arguments on the street at 1 AM and that isn’t an antisemitic alt-right conspiracy theory or anything.

A white knight, perhaps a male feminist – although on a bicycle instead of a noble steed – shows up and asks if there is a problem. Well, that is great, I quietly sigh. I try to calm him down and say that the screaming woman is crazy. Luckily for me he hears the bitch calling me an ass hat again and decides to leave. At least there is some level of rationality left among cucked Swedes. Perhaps he reads ROK in his leisure time.

This is really quite the dramatic story! First we have an attack that turns out not to be an attack, by an elderly woman who turns out not to be elderly, and now a white knight who doesn’t actually do any white knighting.

The “conversation” continues for another five to ten minutes …

In other words, thirty seconds.

… and like Gandhi I stoically remain calm. She gabbles her last feminist tenets, hugs my girlfriend, and suggests that she should leave me. Her mission is almost completed. The woman then adds that there is still something good in me and I do not have to be an ass hat. I can change. Then she left.

BOY WHAT A SAVAGE ATTACK HE ENDURED HERE. HE IS TRULY LIKE GANDHI. GIVE THIS BOY A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

Amazingly, this experience seems to have taught our hero a few lessons, which he spells out in his conclusion.

If there is anything to learn from this minor debacle it is that non-violence is the only available strategy for a masculine man in many situations where he is confronted. Of course it would be more than pathetic to beat a woman, but many might consider doing it to give someone disrespectful like that a lesson. Think again. In fact, even speech can be considered violence in our current radical left-leaning societies, and to avoid rough talk and a raised voice near women is the way to go.

Wait, so you shouldn’t beat women who annoy you? WHO KNEW. Mind blown.

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sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

I really don’t believe the Swedish woman did or said half the things he claims she did. That she intervened, sure. But not much of the rest.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

Not the elderly Swedish woman in question

There’s quite a poignant story behind that iconic photograph; and a bit of a mythology has grown up around it.

The woman was called Danuta Danielsson. Contrary to what is sometimes said she was not a concentration camp survivor herself; although her mother was. Neither was she elderly. She was in her 30s when the picture was taken.

She grew to hate the photo and her notoriety. Ironically, and perhaps pertaining to our recent discussions, she was vehemently against violence, even towards Nazis and was deeply depressed that what she regarded as an impetuous embarrassing moment became a symbol for active resistance.

After her death plans to build a statue replicating the event were blocked when her relatives made the local authority aware of her views.

Angi
Angi
7 years ago

So he is a strong man when he yells at his drunken and freezing girlfriend but the women calling him out for his abusing is evil and attacking him. Wow what a manly alpha man. PUAs are pathetic. I really hope that his girlfriend can find a way out of this abusive relationship.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

If he tried to make himself out to be more of an ass, I don’t think he could have managed it.

When these guys self-aggrandize does anyone else imagine Evil Ed saying, “Oooh, you’re so cool Brewster”?

Nequam
Nequam
7 years ago

“Subspecies”?

Hopefully his failure at biology extends to his reproductive capacities.

MexicanHotChocolate
MexicanHotChocolate
7 years ago

He is like Gandhi in the sense that Gandhi had misogynistic tendencies. He is not like Gandhi in the sense he is involved in a struggle of an oppressive regime. He’s yet another whiny baby who hates it when his sense of masculine superiority is challenged. I actually have a sense that this confrontation didn’t happen the way he claims it did. The stories on RoK are usually exaggerated to make the contributors look like big shots instead of the whiny, self-important clowns they are.

Ami
Ami
7 years ago

Women: DON’T BE HURTFUL TO WOMEN
Men: You know what, I had this great idea to not beat women.

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
7 years ago

Yeah, I don’t believe 95% of this fable.

Sounds like the Swedish version of Mr. Whibbley and his “encounters” with the maurading hoards of SJW’s he’s always on about.

Cleon
Cleon
7 years ago

I’m guessing he said a lot more than he claimed to have if he made his girlfriend cry and caused two passersbys to intervene.

lkeke35
7 years ago

You can tell he cares deeply for his girlfriend because he refused to lend her his (stylish!) jacket when she was cold…

What kind of man, walking with a woman he’s dating, would let her go cold? That’s just unfathomable to me. I’ve had men lend me their coats who I wasn’t dating, or even trying to. Why? Because they could see I was cold!

I thought the whole story was bullspit, but even so, the “letting me freeze” part of the story would’ve been a deal breaker. If she exists outside of his imagination I hope the woman dumped him.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I was picturing an elderly Pippi Longstocking doing her famous turbo spin and then delivering him a roundhouse kick.

The reality probably is that he was yelling at his girlfriend and said middle aged woman gave him a dirty look and muttered something, or maybe stopped to make sure his GF was okay.

Of course I can afford a taxi ride or twenty

How fucking pathetic do you have to be to boast about being able to take a cab home from a bar? It never fails to crack me up how PUAs make such a big deal about completely mundane things. He’s probably one of those dudes that post “field reports” about how he was at the grocery store and the cute young cashier smiled at him and told him to have a nice day.

Because of construction work we also had to walk about 300 meters to our home,

Oh, the horror! I thought we Americans were supposed to be the lazy ones? A 300 meter walk is nothing. That’s what? A couple of blocks?

and she was wearing a dress, rubbing her arms a bit to showcase the low outside temperature relative to her choice of clothing.

What if she had worn a cable knit sweater, jeans and practical boots though? Then he’d be whinging about how she oppresses him by forcing him to be seen in public with a frumpy uggo. Note to men, if you want women to look sexy for you at all times, you’re going to have to put up with us being cold and needing to borrow a jacket when stranded outside. If that’s a terrible burden for you, you need to date a woman who prioritizes practicality over style or sexiness when it comes to clothes. This kind of thing pisses me off. It’s right up there with expecting your partner to be super skinny even if that’s not her natural body type and then complaining about how she’s all uptight and only orders salad when you go out to eat. Or expecting your partner to be all coiffed and made up 24/7 and then complaining about how women take too long getting ready. Newsfuckingflash, dudes. Even Victoria’s Secret models don’t roll out of bed looking like a Victoria’s Secret model.

She then consequently asserted that she wanted to borrow my (stylish) jacket, but I was annoyed and didn’t want to lend it to her in that particular situation.

Again with the bragging. Wow. You own a trendy and overpriced jacket. Good for you, bro.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

there is still something good in me

Skeptical

@Nequam

Hopefully his failure at biology extends to his reproductive capacities

Let’s not do that. Whether you meant it as a dig at his sexual prowess or some casual soft eugenics, neither is generally considered OK around here. Thanks

bluecat
bluecat
7 years ago

Adorable how he says “I made a quick calculation” and decided they should take the metro.

Do you think he used a calculator, an algorithm, or any kind of special calculating device he had patented? Much STEM.

Oh, and then he really wants us to know he’s not poor: he can afford “a taxi ride or 20”. Nor is he being cheap: the patented algorithmic calculation he has performed prove his decision was morally “the right thing to do”.

Unreliable narrator. And his writing style would make my eyeballs bleed.

Haise, the husky puppy
Haise, the husky puppy
7 years ago

The few things I believe from his ‘story’ were how he believes his girlfriend (and women) are a subspecies and how he yelled at her loudly enough to grab the attention from multiple strangers.

I hope this PUA’s girlfriend leaves him.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

“Subspecies”?

Hopefully his failure at biology extends to his reproductive capacities.

I knew there was something I was forgetting to mock!

Isn’t it amazing how the dudes who are always going on about how rational and STEMtastically superior men are never seem to have a grasp on even middle school level biology?

No, female and male humans are not separate species and no, female and males humans did not evolve separately. Also, boys don’t inherit only their father’s DNA while girls inherit their mother’s DNA.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

@WWTH

A 300 meter walk is nothing. That’s what? A couple of blocks?

Depends on the size of your blocks, but sub 5min walk definitely. So, his girlfriend was complaining to the point of profound annoyance ~1min into the walk (hair trigger you got there, slick), and he couldn’t bare to go sans jacket for the remaining 3. Such alpha, very wow…

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
7 years ago

@Ikeke

What kind of man, walking with a woman he’s dating, would let her go cold?

Your question is rhetorical, but I feel compelled to answer: an abuser.

This is the same kind of guy who would make a woman work past her physical capacity, thus injuring the woman’s knees.

This is also the kind of guy who would walk half a block ahead of a woman on their walk home from a movie theater after the theater closed at midnight.

And it’s the kind of guy who would open a woman’s own car door onto her ankle and then refuse to apologize — because he supposedly didn’t hurt her.

Three different guys (all abusers) and one woman (me).

These guys get a kick out of hurting women.

Pathetic.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Yeah, I don’t believe 95% of this fable.

I don’t believe a word of it…including the “I”.

feartheminotaur
feartheminotaur
7 years ago

He is so alpha he can afford 20 (so, so many!) taxi rides but loudly complains about how much the one cost. The rest is faux alpha bullshit. But this tool haranguing his girlfriend over money, that I can believe happened.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ David F

I guess I’ll stop using this pic!

That is a dilemma.

Apparently after the decision not to erect the statue there was a sort of protest with people placing handbags on statues around the place. Perhaps one of our Swedish Mammotheers knows more about that?

Poor Danuta though suffered from mental illness that sometimes made her scream at people in the street. Maybe that’s why she was distressd by the notoriety?

*warning – suicide*

Danuta was under psychiatric care including some time in hospital. Notwithstanding that she commited suicide by throwing herself from a water tower a few years after the picture was taken. 🙁

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meanie
7 years ago

Uhm, unless this guy literally lives next door to a train station, wouldn’t they still be walking a short distance in the cold to their door? Same difference, isn’t it?

It would have made more sense to just complain about the time needed to get from the bar to home and not gripe about a short walk in the cold. In my opinion, anyway.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
7 years ago

What a total jerkface.

Well, I’ve done my part to annoy the RoK/MGTOW contingent:

comment image

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
7 years ago

These guys are like aliens from the men in black and not actual human beings. I’m still waiting around for Agent K to vaporize a few of these slugs because good god-fuck, how do you get to this level of hateful fuckery without selling your literal soul to the literal devil?

TheKND
TheKND
7 years ago

There is SO much delightful insecurity in every paragraph, I am in love!
I also have this updated version:

…I thought that if she occasionally associates with my male friends, then she should talk to us on more equal terms and not be afraid of some realtalk, which is what I call verbal abuse. My significant other and my casual friends are on the same emotional level, that’s why we bum each other all the time…

…My girl has started to cry a bit, not atypical behavior for her subspecies. … Not so much because of me making a scene, but rather because of the complete culture shock of somebody standing up for her…

…After that she also starts a lecture on the ABC of Cultural Marxism. She is so tired of white males who use their privilege bla bla bla. It was something about me being a massive tool in public, but my brain has trouble with listening to the fe-male, so I just filled in the blanks with things I consider threatening…

…She gabbles her last feminist tenets, hugs my girlfriend, and suggests that she should leave me. Her mission is almost completed. The woman then adds that there is still something good in me and I do not have to be an ass hat. I can change. Then she left. The conceept of bettering oneself is repugnant to an Alpha like me! I am so Alpha, this whole story is predicated on me doing exactly what my girlfriend told me to and whinging online about how a lady was nice to said girlfriend without my permission. ….

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