By David Futrelle
Last night, boy president Donald Trump announced a bold new plan for Afghanistan that wasn’t bold or new or really much of a plan at all. Meanwhile, the Treasury Secretary’s wife yelled at people for being poor, Big Ben stopped bonging, and the day after the big eclipse people are wondering why their eyes hurt.
https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/status/899808607029559301
I was 27 when I first treated an Afghanistan combat vet w PTSD. Now I'm almost 40 and every year it's new kids from the same fucking war.
— Chris (@tolstoymuseum) August 22, 2017
Trump quoted Afghanistan's prime minister during his address.
The problem? Afghanistan doesn't have a prime minister. It has a president. pic.twitter.com/3YaoHf4iRt
— igorvolsky (@igorvolsky) August 22, 2017
Never forgive, never forget. pic.twitter.com/EhIbh9qpYm
— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) August 22, 2017
In other news, protest works, though not always in expected ways.
BREAKING: After alt-right organizers saw huge counter-protests in Boston, they've canceled 67 "America First Rallies" scheduled in 36 states
— Jon Cooper (@joncoopertweets) August 22, 2017
Confederate monuments across the country are being taken down following the violence in Charlottesville https://t.co/ZEXvrA6N9M
— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) August 22, 2017
MO Gov. grants stay of execution to Marcellus Williams w/ 3 hrs to go, as attorneys say DNA evidence exonerates him. https://t.co/6RSY1ERfVO
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) August 22, 2017
Police are a race now?
https://twitter.com/roqchams/status/899429579286134786
Big Ben takes a vacation:
BIG BEN BONGS NO MORE. TIME NO LONGER EXISTS IN THE UK. CHAOS. NO ONE KNOWS WHEN TO MAKE TEA. WHEN IS EASTENDERS ON. HELP US.
— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) August 21, 2017
A rich lady mocked people for being poorer than her and her husband, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.
One thing we learned about Louise Linton, wife of Treasury Sec Steven Mnuchin, is that she's just as awful as her husband (h/t @skenigsberg) pic.twitter.com/RCOAFTdCpq
— Scott Dworkin (@funder) August 22, 2017
I genuinely didn't ever think I'd see a more repulsive exhibition of white privilege than Jared Kushner. Then I saw Louise Linton.
— Matthew Chapman (@fawfulfan) August 22, 2017
Louise Linton, wife of foreclosure bankster @stevenmnuchin1 tagged brands on her Instagram. We tagged how she bought them. pic.twitter.com/57PTHkzc7k
— Working Families Party 🐺 (@WorkingFamilies) August 22, 2017
Julian Assange is mad at the press.
— Everyone is Dril (@EveryoneIsDril) August 22, 2017
Apparently Donald Trump wasn’t the only one to stare directly at the eclipse yesterday:
Data is beautiful. pic.twitter.com/o1ULhw0XKU
— Thomas McConaghie (@thisthomas) August 22, 2017
Ok, time for cute animals.
https://twitter.com/CuteEmergency/status/900125380454907904
https://twitter.com/dognkitty/status/899912586279309312
Goats are basically Spiderman:
Gravity causes objects with mass to gravitate toward one another & on Earth it gives weight to physical objects, however, goats DO NOT care. pic.twitter.com/Ss0S7oRuMy
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) August 21, 2017
https://twitter.com/picturecats/status/899910638826377216
The only weird thing about that last one is that they are eating a human baby.
Some animals aren’t quote so cute, though.
https://twitter.com/asproshere/status/899180288978415616
I called Trump “President von Clownstick” the other day online and was treated to some very colorful answers.
I lol’d.
But the “ESSJAYDUBYEWS” are the oversensitive ones.
I told them, “Your guy won the election. Get over it, already.
Holy shit, sore winners are the worst!”
For Mitch McConell I would personally would have gone with “Turtle McAsshat”. For Steve Bannon I could suggest “The putrid bloat” and Breitbart if you want to be intelectual you can go for “Der Amerikanish Beobachter” (based on Völkischer Beobachter) or alternative “the Low sodium Prison Planet”.
Hmm… You make a compelling case. I just went with ‘Incel Turtle’ because I can’t help but think of a turtle being obnoxiously ‘Woe Is Me’ over not getting laid when I look at him.
Also, not to worry, I made sure to add an obvious one…
Amnesia, that is hilarious!
@amnesia
touche
Luke and Ellen of Outside Xtra had a bit about Webby when they were playing the Disney Afternoon Collection.
ELLEN: What about Suey, or something? The other three may not be great names, but at least they ARE names!
LUKE: To be fair, we’re probably lucky she isn’t called Girly or something. Or Femaley. Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Girl Duck.
The main reason I put Scrooge in the alignment quadrant of Richasshole Good (where Uncle Pennybags is Richasshole Neutral, Wario is Chaotic Richasshole, and Monty Burns and Trump are Richasshole Evil) is his focus on fairness, something Trump wouldn’t qualify for in a quadrillion years.
@Robert Walker-Smith
And they can appear to themselves every day
On closed circuit T.V.
To make sure they’re still real.
It’s the only connection they feel.
I hadn’t heard there was a new DuckTales.
In the old one Scrooge had a couple. of female big bads to face. One was Ma Beagle, mother of the Beagle Boys, who led them in various crime schemes. The other was Magica De Spell, a sorceress who wanted Scrooge’s lucky dime for her magic based schemes.
I was absolutely floored when I realized Mnuchin had married the girl who wrote the awful memoir about almost getting killed by militants in Zambia.