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Endless war, blue racism and Hermes scarves: Today in Tweets

Trump’s bold new plan for Afghanistan

By David Futrelle

Last night, boy president Donald Trump announced a bold new plan for Afghanistan that wasn’t bold or new or really much of a plan at all. Meanwhile, the Treasury Secretary’s wife yelled at people for being poor, Big Ben stopped bonging, and the day after the big eclipse people are wondering why their eyes hurt.

https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/status/899808607029559301

In other news, protest works, though not always in expected ways.

Police are a race now?

https://twitter.com/roqchams/status/899429579286134786

Big Ben takes a vacation:

A rich lady mocked people for being poorer than her and her husband, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.

Julian Assange is mad at the press.

Apparently Donald Trump wasn’t the only one to stare directly at the eclipse yesterday:

Ok, time for cute animals.

https://twitter.com/CuteEmergency/status/900125380454907904

Goats are basically Spiderman:

https://twitter.com/picturecats/status/899910638826377216

The only weird thing about that last one is that they are eating a human baby.

Some animals aren’t quote so cute, though.

https://twitter.com/asproshere/status/899180288978415616

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Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
3 years ago

Estimated “value” of her outfit

Estimated cost… estimated value is about two sixpacks of warm beer, and that’s including her spouse….

JS
JS
3 years ago

“value” in quotes for exactly that reason. It’s what some rich people think it’s actually worth. Very odd mindset. Apparently Linton also thinks taxes are sacrifices. As in, “I sacrifice more in taxes than you”.

“Let them eat cake”, indeed.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
3 years ago

@Hypatia’s Daughter

How the fuck can he still be flailing around trying to find reasons to defend people who would exterminate his own grandchildren if they had the opportunity?

They’re the exceptions – until the time when they are no longer useful/convenient. Like the kapos, I suppose. Horrifying thought, as you say. I have no qualms saying that Herr Drumpf would not pass on throwing them under the bus in some way if it helped him.

Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
3 years ago

throwing them under the bus in some way if it helped him

There are two people in the universe: donald and “not donald”. If you’re “not-donald”, then your function in life is to affirm donald

Amnesia
Amnesia
3 years ago

Off topic, but does anybody know of any good apps or programs that will replace all instances of a word with another of your choosing? I mean onscreen text while browsing, not a find/replace in a text/word document. I feel like replacing all instances of certain Republicans with insulting nicknames would improve my quality of life.

For Trump, I think I’d go with Jon Stewart’s lovely ‘Fuckface von Clownstick’.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
3 years ago

@Amnesia ROFL!!!!!! 😀

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

This is only tangentially related, but while i was watching a review on the new duck tales reboot I encountered this majestic comment:

Just a reminder that is is a review about a children’s cartoon. The characters he’s probably referring to are the triplets Huey, Dewey and Louie that went from “literal triplets” to actually interesting little boys with personality and there’s only been like two prominent female characters. Like I honestly wonder what is these folks idea of a proper character.

Makroth - cowboy Jacobin from Hell
Makroth - cowboy Jacobin from Hell
3 years ago

@Amnesia

Foxreplace for Firefox.

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

How do you image here?

The comment said:

“The nephews are worthless idiots and the two women are pushed to the forefront because far leftist propaganda demands it”

Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
3 years ago

@ Jojo Mojo

It’s magic… there’s some here who can do some of it, post “gif”s, screenshots, there’s others with more skills, there’s one All-Powerful Being named “Scildfreja”, who can post ANYTHING… animated gifs, videos, EVEN PONIES!!! The rest of us can’t do squat….

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

JS
JS
3 years ago

Just the image http link by itself like this
http://i.imgur.com/iGKcyCg.png

Accepted formats for images are .jpg, .png, and .gif. Others won’t work.

Youtube links can generally just be pasted in the same way, no HTML angle brackets or tags needed.

Tov01
Tov01
3 years ago

@ David
Well… Shit.

They certainly deserve each other.

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

Let me try
comment image

Edit: It was a success. Thanks for the lesson JS. Now glance at the bitterness at it most refined. Nothing says far left propaganda like cartoon ducklings.

JS
JS
3 years ago

Speaking of far left propaganda, Disney helped make antifa training films and propaganda during the war.

Lovely to see the alt-reich finally noticing that Disney has never been ultra-right.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
3 years ago

I bet they love Ducktails because Scrooge McDuck = Trump.

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

Scrooge McDuck is probably the furthest possible from Trump. Not only is he an active explorer who is actually rich (rather than telling the whole world he is), he was generous enough to use a treasure he found for the betterment of Duckburg. Trump wishes he was Scrooge

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
3 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw

I have a hard time grasping how they’re able to pull it off, even with two vestigial toes and an incredible sense of balance. I mean the whole being a quadruped thing would, at first hand, seem like an inconvenience for climbing anything, but I stand corrected. They are pretty awesome.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meanie
3 years ago

@Jojo Mojo,

Who are the ‘two women’ being referred to there? I’m not familiar with either version of Duck Tales. I assume one is Daisy Duck, but who would the other be?

@Virgin Mary,

Don’t insult Scrooge McDuck like that! Scrooge wouldn’t ever do many of the things Trump does. He does have a moral code in there, someplace. You might have to dig to find it, but it’s there.

There was an episode of one of the Duck shows that I caught a part of, where Scrooge chews out a business associate over the phone. Once he hangs up, the little girl duck sitting in his lap mimics his actions on her toy phone in play. Realizing what lesson he just taught the girl, Scrooge decides to call back his associate and apologize for the chewing out, teaching the girl it’s alright to apologize for angry actions.

Somehow I can’t imagine Trump doing something like that in Scrooge’s shoes. At all.

ETA: ninja’d by Jojo Mojo on Scrooge.

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
3 years ago

@numerobis

While I share the general sentiment on the unearthly abilities of ghosts, comments policy, please.

@Jojo Mojo

I watched some DuckTales when I was younger, and I can concur that Scrooge McDuck, while mildly eccentric and somewhat quick-tempered (runs in the family), was generally a better-than-decent person.

ETA: double ninja’d.

@RedSilkPhoenix

I remember that bit, too! (He told other line “shape up or ship out”; she bungled it to “ship up or shape out”. I always got odd visuals from her version.)

dlouwe
dlouwe
3 years ago

@Diego Duarte

I think, in this particular case, it has to do with the type of tree. Palm trees have “layered” outer bark, which I can see providing something resembling ledges for a goat to find purchase. For example, I don’t imagine they’d be able to do the same thing straight up a pine tree like a bear could.

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

@Redsilkphoenix

I barely remember the old one too (the only episodes that i ever saw were a pair i had on a barely working VHS), but in the new one Webby, the little duckling girl, changed from another tag along to a somewhat sheltered but knowledgeable girl with dreams of adventure. The other is either Webby’s grandma (I forgot her name) Scrooge’s take-no-crap housemaid or Donald’s sister/the triplets’ mom that had a tiny cameo at the end of the episode in a painting with Scrooge and Donald.

The show looks very nice and the first hourlong episode (for american television standards, which means 45 minutes) is actually online on the Disney XD youtube. It’s a shame i don’t have cable because i want to see more.

Msexceptiontotherule
Msexceptiontotherule
3 years ago

GOATS!!!!

That is all. 😉

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

Continuing this Donald Duck thing, I just realized that Scrooge McDuck would probably not be very fond of Drump himself, considering how the latter is a rather persona non grata in Scotland.

Robert Walker-Smith
Robert Walker-Smith
3 years ago

I think Dolt 45 missed being in front of cheering crowds. He never actually wanted to *be* President, and doesn’t want to be President now. It turned out to not be power and glory but hard work and responsibility.

Remember at the end of “The Face in the Crowd”, Lonesome Rhodes doing his schtick in front of his house hold staff, because they were the only audience he had left? If nobody is dancing attendance on Trump, he’s afraid he’ll stop existing.

Amnesia
Amnesia
3 years ago

@Makroth
Thanks!

The White House says President Fuckface von Clownstick and Senate Majority Leader Incel Turtle will meet following the August congressional recess amid reports of a vicious feud between the Republican leaders.

As neo-Nazis grow bolder, the ‘Friendly Neighborhood Nazi Punchers’ has emerged to fight them

Quality of life significantly improved. Anybody wanna suggest other nicknames/term replacements?

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago

I called Trump “President von Clownstick” the other day online and was treated to some very colorful answers.

I lol’d.

But the “ESSJAYDUBYEWS” are the oversensitive ones.

I told them, “Your guy won the election. Get over it, already.
Holy shit, sore winners are the worst!”

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

For Mitch McConell I would personally would have gone with “Turtle McAsshat”. For Steve Bannon I could suggest “The putrid bloat” and Breitbart if you want to be intelectual you can go for “Der Amerikanish Beobachter” (based on Völkischer Beobachter) or alternative “the Low sodium Prison Planet”.

Amnesia
Amnesia
3 years ago

Hmm… You make a compelling case. I just went with ‘Incel Turtle’ because I can’t help but think of a turtle being obnoxiously ‘Woe Is Me’ over not getting laid when I look at him.

Also, not to worry, I made sure to add an obvious one…

A couple of hours after Fuckface von Clownstick connected Zodiac Killer’s father to John F. Kennedy’s assassin, Killer made an announcement to reporters that made it fairly evident that should von Clownstick become the nominee, he will not have Killer’s support.

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago

Amnesia, that is hilarious!

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
3 years ago

@amnesia

touche

AngryWarthogBreath
AngryWarthogBreath
3 years ago

Luke and Ellen of Outside Xtra had a bit about Webby when they were playing the Disney Afternoon Collection.

ELLEN: What about Suey, or something? The other three may not be great names, but at least they ARE names!
LUKE: To be fair, we’re probably lucky she isn’t called Girly or something. Or Femaley. Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Girl Duck.

The main reason I put Scrooge in the alignment quadrant of Richasshole Good (where Uncle Pennybags is Richasshole Neutral, Wario is Chaotic Richasshole, and Monty Burns and Trump are Richasshole Evil) is his focus on fairness, something Trump wouldn’t qualify for in a quadrillion years.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@Robert Walker-Smith

If nobody is dancing attendance on Trump, he’s afraid he’ll stop existing.

And they can appear to themselves every day
On closed circuit T.V.
To make sure they’re still real.
It’s the only connection they feel.

tim gueguen
3 years ago

I hadn’t heard there was a new DuckTales.

In the old one Scrooge had a couple. of female big bads to face. One was Ma Beagle, mother of the Beagle Boys, who led them in various crime schemes. The other was Magica De Spell, a sorceress who wanted Scrooge’s lucky dime for her magic based schemes.

(((Podkayne Lives)))
(((Podkayne Lives)))
3 years ago

I was absolutely floored when I realized Mnuchin had married the girl who wrote the awful memoir about almost getting killed by militants in Zambia.