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A Grand Jury, the Best Jury, Extremely High Quality Jury: Today in Tweets

D’oh!

By David Futrelle

In today’s tweet heap, well, take a wild guess. Also: A dog, a cat, a tortoise, and the sacred right of men to take upskirt shots.

Let’s go to the tape:

https://twitter.com/kumailn/status/893203074939928576

https://twitter.com/jesseberney/status/893116221545213952

This is me right now.

https://twitter.com/Yeti_v1/status/892885248589148160

This is also me:

https://twitter.com/AMAZlNGNATURE/status/892841104537604096

And in other news:

https://twitter.com/9_volt88/status/893096969538854912

https://twitter.com/cambrian_era/status/892890146646802433

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dslucia
dslucia
7 years ago

They’re just questions, Stan.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

@Oogly
Worst part is, if he does war it up with Fake Despot Korea, hate crimes against Asians will likely increase. ‘Model minority’ didn’t protect the Japanese in the 40s. This would be bad on every level…

Sheila Crosby
Sheila Crosby
7 years ago

For those of you worried about the prospect of President Pence – yes he’d be dreadful, but I’m not sure he’d last long.

IIRC Paul Manafort told Trump that his plane wasn’t ready, so Trump would stick around and meet Pence, because Paul Manafort was really, really keen to have Pence as the running mate and VP. this is the Paul Manafort who had to leave because he was pretty openly working for the Russians.

Which strongly suggests that the Russians wanted Pence where he is. I think there’s a fair chance that Mueller can find out why.

D
D
7 years ago

There are so many threads in Trump’s Russian connections that I wonder if Mueller’s team can ever untangle them all. The most important thing is to find a thread that he can nail Trump with, but the knot is huge. The simplest part, and the one that Mueller seems to be focusing on, may be Trump’s incredible number of Russian business contacts. They strongly suggest that Russian oligarchs, who are all subservient to Putin, have been using Trump’s businesses for money laundering for years. But a lot of the deals involved are very complex. (A sample: the antics of Felix Sater.)

Possibly the most disturbing part of the knot is the tangle of connections surrounding Cambridge Analytica, a company that seems to have been central to right-wing campaigns to analyze and manipulate voters in both the presidential election and the Brexit vote. It belongs to Robert Mercer, a strongly Trump-supporting billionaire, and it’s tied to Bannon, the European far right, and Russia. It exemplifies how the world is increasingly controlled by a global ruling class, and how they’re using 21st-century technology to pull it off. That’s the fundamental story underlying Trump’s victory (well, that and the xenophobia, sexism, etc. that the rulers use to manipulate their subjects). But it won’t get the kind of widespread coverage it needs. Everybody’s focused on the spectacular vomit coming out of Trump’s mouth.

kiki
kiki
7 years ago

Re: video games: there’s that funny thing with levels of suspension of disbelief; I think someone phrased it as being the difference between ‘believability’ and ‘verisimilitude’. In The Witcher 3, for example, the main character can hit an arrow mid-flight with his sword so that it turns 180 degrees, flies back along its original trajectory, and strikes the shooter with deadly accuracy – and for some reason this always strikes me as far more ridiculous than the fact that he can shoot fire from his hands and control people’s minds, or that he, y’know, spends his time fighting werewolves and griffins and spectres from another dimension.

It’s OK though, cos Geralt is a dude. If it was a womz doing the arrow-reversal thing, well then I’d have to stop playing The Witcher, declare Poland to be a cucked nation, and start sending death threats to random women who work at Marvel.

dslucia
dslucia
7 years ago

@kiki:

I was really excited when I first saw Ciri in the lead-up to The Witcher 3‘s release, because I thought it meant we would be getting a new main character to play.

I guess technically that’s true, but not in the way I’d been hoping. 🙁

Gussie Jives
Gussie Jives
7 years ago

I realize I’m thinking ahead on this… but beyond the current chaos, America is going to have to stomach monuments and memorials to this effing clown. Because apparently it doesn’t matter how crap a President you are, if somebody’s erecting statues of James Buchanan and Richard Nixon, watch out for the Donald Trump Memorial coming soon to Queens.

Just imagine what the Trump Presidential Library is going to look like.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

I’d be happy to have a Trump Presidential KFC. I think that’d be appropriate.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
7 years ago

@Dalil
I’ve already got enough history from my own native countries to know that this isn’t new.
@Dan
In a Comedy it’d be that he would lost territory. However in real life all I’m seeing is more occupations in other countries with no clear objective on being there aside from lining the pockets of Military Contractors.
@Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Yep. And I’m a Chinese Vietnamese immigrant with Trans issues, mental illnesses and am too brown to be seen as White. Ha ha ha I’m so dead, fuck the American War Industry.

Any show of hands on how often media will bury hate crimes against asians if Trump were to war with North Korea or some other Asian Country?

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
7 years ago

Trump Presidential KFC

Or maybe the Trump Presidential Municipal Waste Facility?

Gussie Jives
Gussie Jives
7 years ago

Trump Memorial Tire Fire?

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

@Oogly

Any show of hands on how often media will bury hate crimes against asians if Trump were to war with North Korea or some other Asian Country?

They didn’t say a passing word during Pride Month and nobody in the administration seems to care that nooses keep popping up at the Smithsonian. Ya know, the one in FUCKIN WASHINGTON!!!

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

Trump Predisential Library. Clearly, that’s what he should actually get. Very Predisential. The biggest, best library, with all the best books in it. TRUMP in big beautiful letters on the front. The best books.

@Oogly, they wouldn’t have to do any special suppression, they’re pretty good at suppressing any hate crimes right now as it is! It’ll be okay, my duck, I promise.

(Well, I sure hope it will be okay. Maybe plan a vacation to Canada. Like, a long one. Our refugee services are still managing to keep up with the flood of frightened Americans…)

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

Dunno how that sent…

Anyway, buried is too meager a word, I reckon. After all, we have always been at war with East Asia…

@Oogly

Yep. And I’m a Chinese Vietnamese immigrant with Trans issues, mental illnesses and am too brown to be seen as White

When you lay it all out like that, just… yeesh

Ha ha ha I’m so dead, fuck the American War Industry

*protective bubble hugs*

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
7 years ago

@dslucia: Well, at least Witcher 3 wasn’t delayed for over a decade and still counting, unlike a certain other 3 I could name …

Ray of Rays
Ray of Rays
7 years ago

@ Gussie

Trump Memorial Tire Fire?

Pack enough anthracite coal into the tires, and it will burn for decades.

I’d suggest a yearly ceremony of dumping hot garbage into the fire, but adding that much to greenhouse gas emissions would be mistaken for glorifying.

SinisterPigeon
SinisterPigeon
7 years ago

I think we should just rename the prison we end up putting him in and the Courthouses we try him in after Trump. That would be a fitting tribute to the man. That way he can spent the rest of his life how he lived, in buildings named after him.

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
7 years ago

Ha. Trump’s Presidential Library will be just a bunch of ghastly gold guilded furniture, crappy gold and crystal chandeliers, and copies of Fox and Friends broadcasts that verbally fellated him. Hung on the walls: crappy portraits of him and fake magazine covers.

No thanks.

Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
7 years ago

I live within easy driving distance of both Regan’s* and Nixon’s presidential libraries and have never been to either. Trump’s will likely be on the other side of the country from me and thus even easier to avoid.

It will be just as PeeVee said; ghastly and gilded and filled with fictional accolades for the Orange Julius Caesar. The sooner they build it, the better since predeisential liberries don’t get built until the dudes leave
office.

*I even used to work just down the road from Regan’s.

Lumen8
Lumen8
7 years ago

@Skiriki:

I’m a sheltered person, and yesterday I saw the animation of the potential reach of NK’s missles and how it basically covered 80% of the US. I turned to my husband who was cooking and he just gave me a raised-eyebrow, “yeah” kind of look and my stomach hit the floor. I didn’t know. :/ I spent the rest of the night in dumb, terrified silence. It was bad enough when I was just worried South Korea was in danger. We’re dealing with toddlers smashing their little toy soldiers together and it’s terrifying.

But of course, my dad will still insist he made the right choice.

GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
7 years ago

The thing is, libraries have books, and we know Trumpster doesn’t have any interest in books. So it will have to be the first ever Presidential Tweetery.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@Oogly

I’ve already got enough history from my own native countries to know that this isn’t new.

Oh, I know. That’s kinda my point. The way the country just goes hog-wild for any chance at killing brown foreigners dates back before the founding of the country. It is a major contributor to the chronic prevalence of fascist politics in the States, as ‘support the troops’ is a magic phrase to make antifascists look evil.

Yep. And I’m a Chinese Vietnamese immigrant with Trans issues, mental illnesses and am too brown to be seen as White

*hugs*

@Lumen8
North Korea is years at best, possibly decades, from having the capacity to launch anything at the U.S. Their recent test shows a rocket that is hypothetically capable of reaching Guam, or maybe even the Aleutian Islands. Neither of which are major military targets. That leaves completely aside the question of payload for said missiles, if and when they get ones with long enough range to actually reach California. Which they haven’t got, their nuclear weapons program is shit. And that’s just what they need to launch one single missile at the U.S. To actually pose more of a threat to Americans than our own gun laws, they’d need hundreds, at a minimum, and making a prototype isn’t at all the same as actually going into production. U.S. news is fearmongering about it to prepare the ground for the announcement of war. See “Saddam Hussein has WMDs!!!!111!!!11!1!!!11!” for another recent example of this.

Jesalin
Jesalin
7 years ago

@Oogly

*hugs*

numerobis
numerobis
7 years ago

Dalillama: I mostly agree. The only thing: NK can get a rock into orbit, which means it could land anywhere in the world.

Making that rock be a nuclear weapon that can survive re-entry and land somewhere they want to destroy and blow up — that’s indeed a tall order, one that took the US and USSR a good decade from their first orbital spacecraft. They had a much better-off economy to do it with (and a much larger population that could access both education and food), but also had to discover all the concepts.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ numerobis

NK can get a rock into orbit

I don’t want to give Kim any ideas, but if I was him I’d just fill one of the rockets with old nuts and bolts and fire it into the same orbit as the ISS or something and create a Kessler Effect. Or at least threaten to do so. The blackmail potential is enormous.