By David Futrelle
In today’s Tweet Pile: Cats fight for the right to vote (for women), Mooch meets his new baby, Trump threatens to destroy Obamacare himself if congress can’t, and incels offer some very interesting theories about tampons. With cameos from long-time WHTM favorites Scott Adams, M*ke C*rnovich and Roosh V!
Oh, and there’s a kitty getting belly rubs.
Let’s start with a certain Mr. Scaramucci’s amazing parenting job:
wow what a piece of shit pic.twitter.com/knT2UKYdCh
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) July 29, 2017
Suffracattes!
the pro-suffragette cat memes were also v strong btw pic.twitter.com/BgvMGVZ1yP
— Tom Blackburn (@malaiseforever) July 29, 2017
https://twitter.com/HashtagGriswold/status/891099598017761280
— Gourmet Hot Takes (@NuclearTakes) July 29, 2017
I can't stop doing things to Mitch McConnell's face pic.twitter.com/vcGVXTcFYT
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) July 30, 2017
And another Mitch for you all pic.twitter.com/svEqtwmmOi
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) July 30, 2017
https://twitter.com/kathbarbadoro/status/891521958189441024
If a new HealthCare Bill is not approved quickly, BAILOUTS for Insurance Companies and BAILOUTS for Members of Congress will end very soon!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 29, 2017
A majority of white people in this country STILL approve of Trump's performance. Let that sink in… https://t.co/qPsCvR0aMP pic.twitter.com/9bqV3nEMA6
— Charles M. Blow (@CharlesMBlow) July 29, 2017
Can't believe I spent hours arguing why it's not ok imo to align ourselves w/ these people. Apologies to my followers. This debate is over. pic.twitter.com/gJCdHGZ8zh
— Amir (@AmirAminiMD) July 30, 2017
Is Trump golfing today? YES, indeed. So far, we’ve spent $54MM on his favorite pastime. Keep track here: https://t.co/AwAmB1GAJx pic.twitter.com/rJn4lpEIMm
— Jim Roberts (@nycjim) July 30, 2017
And some good news:
https://twitter.com/planetepics/status/891058940355768320
That tampons one… Yikes.
Why haven’t my non-feral kitties discovered the joys of belly rubs? *sobs* *nurses wounds from trying to pet kitty bellies*
The one about tampons crushed any misguided hope I might still have had that incels could see reason someday, somehow.
Ha, yeah, the tampon bit was pretty good. Chernobitch is still a piece of shit, Doosh thinks a man can “let” his bride to be do stuff only with his approval.
Another day, another sampling from the bizarro side.
But then we get a tummy rub, and all’s right with the world.
Ye gods! I can’t think of anything less arousing than a tampon shoved up my vagina. Except possibly Mitch McConnell, and even then he’s only beating it by a nose.
(Geddit? A nose? Because, you see, he has a reasonably large nose, although I guess it’s not as large as his throat wattle. Okay, I’m done.)
Also, I want to know who thought Scott Adams was an appropriate person to comment on North Korea. Oh, wait. It’s Fox News.
As an expert on international affairs, Scott Adams is a financially successful cartoonist.
Was Jim Davis unavailable?
I wish tampons could provide an orgasm. Orgasms alleviate menstrual cramps. Alas, that’s not how tampons work. Or vaginas.
Can’t believe we have to wait till NEXT YEAR to find out what happens to June (Offred).
They left it in a cliffhanger!
@WWTH Really? I’ve only ever had orgasms intensify my menstrual cramps. And I get very mild cramps, often no cramps at all UNTIL I have an orgasm, and then they go through the roof.
(1) Scott Adams is as likely to have an intelligent opinion on North Korea as 98% of Fox News “experts.”
(2) Considering the level of understanding that incels have about vaginas, it’s just as well that they have no contact with them. (For shit’s sake, there’s plenty of good info on the intertoobz, just not at Reddit.)
If a tampon is shaking around inside while you walk, that must be one skinny and rigid tampon.
I like to imagine it rattling around like a penny in an old tin can. We all have vaginas like tin cans, right? That’s normal, right?
Because no one’s mentioned it yet: Who waits four days to meet their own kid? Like, what the fuck?
Hi, I have read this articles in this website for a while. It is sad to see so much hate and bigotry on the internet, especially in the manosphere, i am glad this website exists to mock them.
This Incel post is so wrong, even if the use of tampons were like masturbation (what it’s not!) why would it matter to them?
I’m holding on to a shred of hope that the Incels post was just made in jest and they cannot actually be that ignorant of women’s bodies. I have to hope, or I will despair.
Whoa! When did THAT happen? Last I looked, ol’ Scott was still trying (ineffectually) to make a funny cartoon with himself cleverly disguised as a balding, pointy-haired boss.
And claiming that sweaters were emasculating, too.
Also, if they think tampons are arousing, I’d hate to see their hot take on Diva Cups. Because as someone who’s used both, I can attest that if used correctly, you can’t feel either one. On the other hand, maxipads can create friction on the clit if one tries hard enough. (I don’t bother with that, though. At that time of the month, all I care about is taking my pain meds and getting enough sleep.)
@Lucrece
Now, every time I look at a picture of Mitch McConnell, I’m gonna get a terrifying additional visual. ?
No, seriously, thanks for the laugh.
It could be worse…it could be the rotten tangerine.
God, imagine being such an insecure dickweasle you feel sexually threatened by a fucking tampon.
Like, having been brought up with a lot of friends who subscribed to the “Devil’s cotton fingers” school of thought about tampons, and whose parents’ approach to sex ed consisted of eliding all the awkward discussions one might have surrounding puberty, did I try to masturbate with a tampon as an adolescent? Absolutely. Did I successfully masturbate with a tampon? LOL, NO.
Imagine sucking at sex SO MUCH that you assume a tampon is better at it that you are. You’ve got to be pretty terrible to be worse than a tiny wad of cotton fibre on a string, but I’ve no doubt that incels generally manage it.
No one who understands North Korea wants to be on Fox News talking about it, because it’ll devolve into “Why do you think you know more about North Korea than Our Glorious Leader President-For-Life Trump” type questions. That or, “Why didn’t Obama stop North Korea from developing these weapons when he was President?”
Fox News newest North Korean Correspondent:
In other news:
The Honorable John Cornyn reminds constituents that Democrats might shut down the investigation into the Russian op against Trump. Good of him to let us know what he’s thinking about (partisanship).
Same guy who felt the need to tweet-remind us via “Schoolhouse Rock” that bills have to pass both parts of Congress (and go through committees in each [shock!]), instead of voting against something that would have hurt millions of people. Then deleted it once he
realized just how condescending that felt togot enough complaints from people who are actually engaged with the dysfunction that is the US Congress.The first time I used a tampon, I didn’t understand how far it needed to be inserted. When they’re not inserted all the way, it’s painful to walk. My mother was too embarrassed to explain it to me, I guess. Thank god for the directions inside the tampon box.
Juice Bro had a drama today over a guy trolling him to his face. Realized the guy was messing with him right away but got all worked up about the guy walking alongside him, “DON’T TOUCH ME” “YOU’RE IN MY SPACE” “PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS!” It’s on his twitter and widely RT’d because he looks like a clown.
I attach playing cards with clothespins to my tampons so when I do the treadmill, it sounds like a motorcycle.
@ joeb
Ooh is there a link for those of us who don’t understand how Twitter works? I’d love to see that.
Also, I want that pup.
The incident:
https://twitter.com/Cernovich/status/891452566747217921
Cerno’s recap: https://twitter.com/keanu_weaves/status/891767328135798784