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Suffracattes, Daddy Mooch, and Tampons as Masturbatory Aids: Today in Tweets

Sneaky, sneaky girls!

By David Futrelle

In today’s Tweet Pile: Cats fight for the right to vote (for women), Mooch meets his new baby, Trump threatens to destroy Obamacare himself if congress can’t, and incels offer some very interesting theories about tampons. With cameos from long-time WHTM favorites Scott Adams, M*ke C*rnovich and Roosh V!

Oh, and there’s a kitty getting belly rubs.

Let’s start with a certain Mr. Scaramucci’s amazing parenting job:

Suffracattes!

https://twitter.com/HashtagGriswold/status/891099598017761280

https://twitter.com/kathbarbadoro/status/891521958189441024

And some good news:

https://twitter.com/planetepics/status/891058940355768320

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Robert Walker-Smith
Robert Walker-Smith
3 years ago

When my husband and I were preparing to be parents, he expressed his willingness to father either sons or daughters. If we’d had daughters, we would have taught them as best we could how to experience menarche and its sequelae.

Due to my insecurities about my abilities to father daughters, we had two sons. To the best of our ability, we have taught them about menstruation and how best to assist with its attendant issues.*

Basic rule could be expressed as – whatever Cernovich Juicebro would do, do the opposite.

*To paraphrase S. Bear Bergman, the correct phrasing is ‘is there anything I can do that would make it easier for you?’

JS
JS
3 years ago

CW: Cat story

Friend had a Turkish Van cat. These cats are known for enjoying water much more than other cats, and being as soft-furred as rabbits.

It really loved laying on the floor, wrapping its front paws around your hand while you petted it, and licking your wrist like mad. Then trying to play-bite it without much luck because of the angle.

Also once spent several minutes working out how to climb to the top of a bookcase to pounce on a spot on the ceiling. Very disappointed to find out it was just a shadow.

A. Noyd
A. Noyd
3 years ago

Makroth says:

Wait. I thought cats hated belly rubs.

In my experience, most cats like them, but they have to be relaxed first. No going straight for the tum. However, lots of cats that do like belly rubs will still grab you with claws and teeth when you give them one. They’re not trying to stop you; cats cuddling with one another grab and bite at each other all the time. It’s just that, cats being cats, they don’t get how much that hurts a human or interferes with the belly rub.

kupo
kupo
3 years ago

(Yes, to describe how to do that, you have to know how to do it, catch-22)

Or if you know how to use escape codes you can put it in text. 🙂

JS
JS
3 years ago

Oh, of course it takes more html than it lets on. It’s wonderful that so many commenting systems use the same methods </s> as others.

Dreamer
Dreamer
3 years ago

I have a funny little calico who flips on her back and demands belly rubs. I’ve never had a cat who appreciated belly rubs before. If she flips over and I don’t rub her belly, she gets up and paws me and flips over again. Karma is being kind to me.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
3 years ago

@Buttercup

I attach playing cards with clothespins to my tampons so when I do the treadmill, it sounds like a motorcycle.

There’s an appliance for that

http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/sqweel2/

(sex toy review cartoon, mildly NSFW)

According to this review, the Sqweel is about equally effective as a sex toy and a menstrual hygiene product (that is, not at all), but it does pretty much what you described.

(((Podkayne Lives)))
(((Podkayne Lives)))
3 years ago

Annnnd fuck Cernovich for calling Trayvon Martin a rapist.

That case fucked me up. I am still fucked up over it. I hadn’t believed there were so many people in the world who would openly demonize a teenage boy for being shot to death over nothing.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
3 years ago

Eh, I’m pretty sure they’re demonizing him for being black.

More than that, even, they’re demonizing him because it’s the only way to paint Zimmerman as anything other than an evil murdering villain, and since they identify more with Zimmerman than with his victim, if they don’t demonize Martin they would be perilously close to having to accept themselves as villains. Which is something villains can never seem to bring themselves to do.

Button
Button
3 years ago

ever since finding out they think big pussy lips = promiscuity

Wait, what?

At the risk of TMI, my labia started, erm, developing almost a decade before I ever had sex.

And don’t these dudes watch porn? I was under the impression that small labia were considered a must-have for that kind of work, and in terms of physical activity, porn stars are the most “promiscuous” women around. So how on earth could regular porn-watchers come away with the idea that having lots of sex makes your labia hang low?

What the heck?

(((VioletBeauregarde))): Crooked Nasty Social Justice Necromancer
(((VioletBeauregarde))): Crooked Nasty Social Justice Necromancer
3 years ago

Tampons as masturbatory aids? At the risk of TMI, they don’t arouse me at all–they kind of hurt. I only use them when I want to swim during my period.

I can’t believe some guys are jealous of fucking *tampons*. Pathetic!

Nobody Special
Nobody Special
3 years ago

Button, not just lots of sex, they only grow due to lots of promiscuous sex, ‘cos it takes many, many different partners to activate the growth thingy because mumble mutter something something.

Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
3 years ago

I could never tolerate a tampon for more than an hour or so. Even the ones made for teenagers with a light flow. UNCOMFORTABLE is what they are and I’m not into pain enough to get off on that.

re: Cerno – I saw a vid of him vlogging about the health (non)care bill being shot down and just couldn’t press play because I was sure he was ripping off the “Leave Brittany Alone!!” video. Now I find out that video-ing himself in bed is normal for him? Yeesh.

bluecat
bluecat
3 years ago

In my youth, in Roman Catholic circles, I was told – entirely straight faced – that “decent” girls would not use tampons because it “meant you weren’t a virgin any more.” This puzzled me, as I thought you had to have sex (with a person with a penis, of course – the only type of sex anyone ever warned me against or told me about).

Instead you were supposed to pin something the size, flexibility and general comfortableness of a housebrick inside your knickers, change it frequently and of course cower in shame and terror lest anyone noticed.

I like to swim, though, so it was only a year or so before I discovered tampons. Not particularly comfortable and certainly not enjoyable, but I could swim when I wanted, and I could kind of forget about them, sometimes for hours at a time.

And when the time came MANY years later to have sex for the first time I still had a hymen: not half! So there goes another bit of nonsense.

But reading this rubbish from the incels makes me wonder whether all these terrible ideas and pernicious myths never actually went away at all. They just got recycled and re-branded.

Whoever
Whoever
3 years ago

Bluecat,
That’s awful I’m sorry that that’s what your sex education was like. My family is Roman Catholic and my mom taught NFP for years. She taught newly married and engaged couples and learned that a lot of men didn’t understand the simplest things about their wives bodies and biology so she spent a lot of time catching them up really basic stuff including menstrual hygiene. She encouraged me to use tampons and got anxious when I was afraid to put things in (any) orifice because she thought I would miss out on summer activities.
Comments describing tampons literally rattling around in a vagina make me seriously question the average age of incels. That sounds exactly like some shit a 12 year old boy would say in all earnestness

Nop
Nop
3 years ago

From later in that tampon thread:
Q: Do tampons interfere with the womb’s ability to roam the body?
A: Yes. The string is for you to leash it to your underpants.

Nanny Oggs Bosom
Nanny Oggs Bosom
3 years ago

TMI coming up:

Back when I was still having periods I tried tampons a couple of times in emergencies (Download Festival 2013 to be precise – period started on the Monday and there was no pads in the on-site shop, only tampons); it was the least erotic event ever. Painful and embarrassing. So much so that I gave up and hoped the journey home would produce minimum flow. It was preferable to the irritation and discomfort of a tampon.

Incels know nothing about anatomy.

Kitties:

That cat is saying ‘I surrender. Now give me belly rubs!’

Bearpelt
Bearpelt
3 years ago

I literally can’t even use tampons and I know that they don’t arouse when inserted. For one thing, it’s kind of uncomfortable. Secondly, when inserted properly, you’re not really supposed to be able to feel it. I swear.

(Can’t use them, before anyone asks, because of a vasovagal reaction, we think. Most folks won’t have to worry about it, but everyone’s body is different and mine has a nerve in just the wrong spot where tampons and speculums make me pass out. And no, it’s not an issue during sex, probably because the vaginal canal or whatever it’s called extends when aroused, so that probably shifts things enough. Lol)

SamBarge
SamBarge
3 years ago

As long as we’re in TMI territory:

1. I regularly use tampons, and
2. I regularly have p in v sex.

The two experiences do not feel the same. At all.

Not even close, really.

The fact that someone thought they would and put it out there on the internet for, like, other people to read and know you think that makes me despair for the future of humanity. That kind of ignorance should not be possible in the 21st century.