By David Futrelle
The Federalist — the tradcon clickbait site with the oddly wonky name — has won itself a vast audience of hate-readers by posting some of the most ridiculously backward crap on gender you’re likely to find outside of Return of Kings. Federalist posts regularly go viral on the sheer strength of their stupidity.
Well, it looks like they’ve got another potential hit on their hands, a post with the lovely title “How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage.” The writer, a self-described “homeschooling mother of four [with] a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America” named Carrie Gress, is worried that feminism is making women too girl-powery to be attractive to men.
“Women today are supposed to ‘be bold and assertive,'” she writes, “but could all this girl-power actually undermine our best efforts at finding marital bliss?”
You can probably guess how she answers this question.
Feminism has ushered in a near-universal trend for women to “just one of the boys” or to be better than the boys. It is reflected in our sarcasm, sexual habits, attire, and goals. A recent study found that women are now dropping the f-bomb more than men.
“Fight like a girl,” “Strong is the new pretty,” and “Find your fierce” may sound nice, but we have to ask if they have led women to happiness or an endless fluctuation between ferocity and victimhood.
It’s fairly familiar stuff so far, but Gress breaks new ground with her suggestions on how women can learn how to be the traditional “country girls” of every man’s alleged dreams. It involves Italian poetry, the Grateful Dead, and … Sting. Yes, that Sting.
You can learn a lot if you listen to men when they don’t know we are listening: poetry and music.
From the dawn of time, men croon about particular attributes especially found in women: loyalty, sweetness, a calming presence, kindness, thoughtfulness. Looking past lyrics dripping with lust, a pattern emerges. Dante, the Beatles, Elvis, James Taylor, Sting, The Grateful Dead, Tim McGraw, and on and on—all speak of loving a truthful, kind, loyal, soulful woman who brings them peace. There has been no love song dedicated to a nagging, angry, self-absorbed woman.
Well, none that I can think of offhand. Can any of you think of some? If not, well, there’s literally nothing stopping anyone from writing songs like this and maybe posting them here hint hint nudge nudge knowhatImean?
Also, I’m not quite sure that Mrs. Gress has been listening all that carefully to Beatles lyrics, because if she had been she surely would have noticed that, in addition to writing assorted silly love songs, the Beatles also wrote songs about:
- Setting a woman’s house on fire because she says no to sex
- Murdering a woman for being unfaithful
- Randomly murdering one’s date because why not?
So I’m not sure Beatles lyrics are necessarily the best guide on how to live a happy life as a woman.
Oh, and the worst bit in the Beatles’ Run for Your Life — “I’d rather see you dead, little girl/ Than to be with another man” — was ripped off word-for-word from an Elvis song, so I don’t think Elvis is necessarily the best guide either.
I would say something about Sting’s lyrics as well, but, come on, there’s no way I’m going to voluntarily go and read a bunch of Sting lyrics. Every Breath You Take is pretty creepy, though. Don’t base your life on that.
Recorded with the title I Got A Woman if I have the correct song in mind. In this one, the woman, who is described as ‘mean as mean can be, is fatal to black cats crossing her path, she’s never happy unless she’s mad, and so on.
Cracking good song.
I’m pretty sure the riot grrl genre has plenty of examples of odes to less-polite women.
Don’t know about Sting, but The Beautiful South had a hit on that very theme with Perfect Ten.
On a non related note:
My mom has decided not to divorce my asshole stepdad. The cycle of arguments and emotional abuse shall continue on as always. I’m thinking I need to get out and find my own place.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASgtXZB9cs8
On the one hand, manosphere theme music. But also, another song about women who aren’t mild and submissive being attractive
There’s this love song– though the guy says he “lets her” do this and that, she obviously isn’t a bit submissive and he doesn’t seem to mind.
Yes, we really must ask which of these only two possible results is the one which has come to pass. I know that’s the question that haunts my nights.
Strong women end up with men who aren’t afraid of strong women, is how it works.
Also, Sting intended “Every Breath You Take” to be creepy af — it’s a song from the POV of a stalker! I’ve seen interviews with him in which he says he’s absolutely appalled that people think it’s a romantic love song. But then, that’s a huge part of rape culture. Women are carefully groomed to consider skanky and abusive behavior “romantic”.
Hmmm… has anyone ever run across a fanvid using that song as background for a bunch of cuts from horror movies?
“doctorate in philosophy” Appears to be true, but… only being able to be on the faculty of Pontifex University (offers non-accredited degree in Master of Sacred Arts) may be some sort of sign or portent.
My favorite bit about Pontifex “University”? You can pay for the course via Paypal installment plan with no apparent check for actually being admitted to the University. I didn’t log in to be sure, because… paying for University fees via Paypal? LOLNOPE
ETA: Not Sting, but…
“doctorate in philosophy” Appears to be true, but… only being able to be on the faculty of Pontifex University (offers non-accredited degree in Master of Sacred Arts) may be some sort of sign or portent.
My favorite bit about Pontifex “University”? You can pay for the course via Paypal installment plan with no apparent check for actually being admitted to the University. I didn’t log in to be sure, because… paying for University fees via Paypal? LOLNOPE
ETA: Not Sting, but…
She might not always make the right choices
Even with info in her hand
And she might flirt with danger and infinite vices
And THC-laced contraband
She might not hold a job down as well as another
(Something that I’m not one to say)
She’s livin’ with a shithead, a sister, and mother
But damn, there ain’t an anyway
Smileys and slashes, and cuts so deep
Into my thoughts when I’m tryin’ to sleep
I wonder how she’s ticking down the years
Trouble around, and with tolerance low
In a world like this she won’t be last to go
And that’s at the heart of my fears
Ohhh, she fell from the sky and lent me her heart
How much longer must we spend apart?
‘Cuz she’s mine-all-mine and I’m hers-all-hers
Seeing the stars in our universe
I wait on her reply
From satellites in the sky
The deal ain’t clear until one of two things
Either way, you’ll hear the bells that ring
The question is, for one
Or two under the sun?
It’s a long, long road between us
But I got the bit I need
The location that’s a destination
And a journey I will lead
She’s an outcast and in low-class
And her prospects are simply shit
It might not seem like a teenage dream
But I guess I’m full of it
Her sake is the one and only why
I want to sit with her under the starry sky
The question is, by land or by sea?
Maybe I’ve got a bit of a savior complex
But I know that my girl deserves better than she gets
And that’s what’s important to me
She’s my mission, and then my payload
Just let me take the lonely road!
‘Cuz she’s mine-all-mine and I’m hers-all-hers
Seeing the stars in our universe
I wait on her reply
From satellites in the sky
We’ll be together until final breath
It’s not over until a death
Claims me or my baby girl
What a net loss to the world
I want to wake up and just see
My girl lyin’ down next to me
Scars and shakes in my embrace
Nothin’ left to set the pace
Just two members of the human race
‘Cuz she’s mine-all-mine and I’m hers-all-hers
Seeing the stars in our universe
I wait on her reply
From satellites in the sky
It’s been a month since I read her last
It feels like the most ancient past
But she’s my loved and my friend
I don’t want this to be the end…
(I made a song for this. Yay.)
Classic cat mistake:
http://i.imgur.com/UP7tiYd.jpg
@Troubelle
Dammit! *claps* (; __ 😉
@JS, Sister Bat’leth of Rational Discussion
You know, the first time I heard “Every Breath you Take,” I thought it was about someone being haunted. I didn’t catch on to the stalker vibes until I was older.
@Axe
It was actually about my girl. Which I had, indeed, just sent a Kik to after about a month. She replied, and is mostly okay!…though she got stung by wasps.
Hey, lay off Sting. Man’s a genius, and still plays and writes better than just about anyone around.
But yeah, this diatribe is essential cluelessness. Pop lyrics and rock lyrics and blues lyrics and – you get the idea – address just about every quality a human being can have, and trying to cherry-pick a few songs of similar theme and fashion a paradigm is rather pathetic.
She needs many hours with Captain Beefheart and the collected works of Ian Dury. Paradigm that.
Of the top of my head, I can think of ‘Meet Virginia’ (“She doesn’t own a dress, her hair is always a mess, if you catch her stealing, she won’t confess”) and ‘Grenade’, though in that song, I think you can safely assume at least one of the couple is abusive.
@Troubelle
Strumming my pain with your fingers
Singing my life with your words
Killing me softly with your song
Telling my whole life with your words…
All except that last verse *hugs*
Yay! And oof! Hope she recovers quickly 🙂
When I was young “every breath you take” was a scary thriller themed song. It wasn’t until my adulthood I realised it was supposed to be a love song. So glad Sting himself has declared it creepy too.
@Lunetta
*startles from strike oogling /strike looking at Sting as Feyd, looks around guiltily, mumbles about the obvious fanservice being one of the few good parts about Lynch’s Dune*
Yup, he has. I’m sure he’s playing characters with all his songs, especially the assy, obsessed ones.
I’m also thinking that Sonic Youth is not on Gress’s preferred listening list for Proper Ladies, especially “Kool Thing”. Liberating women from male white corporate oppression isn’t exactly what she’d call romantic criteria.
I wounder how she would explain the popularity of tsunderes.
I like these suggestions for love songs to mean women. How about adding “Hey Hey What Can I Do,” where the narrator’s in love with a woman who’s a serial cheater? Here are both the Led Zeppelin original (top) and the cover by Hootie and the Blowfish (bottom).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMnkFrx8Hgw
ETA: First the Hootie vid actually embedded but Zep didn’t-just appeared as a link-then neither did. What the hell? Oh, screw it-I’m just leaving them both as links.
Oh! Forgot to add (and only remembered post-edit window) Fall Out Boy’s “Irresistible”-it’s about a mutually toxic relationship and Demi Lovato’s vocals on the duet version make it even better. It also has a hilarious video spoofing *NSYNC’s vid for “It’s Gonna Be Me” (Chris Kirkpatrick and Joey Fatone even appear).
Also Green Day-“She’s a Rebel”
and “Last of the American Girls”
Now, after refreshing, everything but Hootie has embedded. Oh, hell, I give up. As long as you can still link-click what doesn’t embed, I’m fine with it.
Hmm…trying to add my own songs to the pile, but they’re all kind of stretches.
“Unbelievable” by EMF (if you interpret it as tongue-in-cheek)
“Grenade” by Bruno Mars (willing risking death and humiliation for a woman who’s possibly abusive…also, still one of my favorite Todd in the Shadows reviews ever)
“As Long As You Love Me” by the Backstreet Boys (pretty vague, but the subject apparently has a questionable past, and the singer expressly doesn’t care)
EDIT: Also, because of my mind’s immediate associations, I read the post title and wondered what Dante, son of Sparda, could teach a woman about being attractive.