By David Futrelle
Recently I wrote about one inventive Incel — that is, a so-called “involuntary celibate” — who thought he had the perfect solution to his no-sex problem: Simply allow all incel organ donors to have sex with recently deceased women! After all, he reasoned, “[t]he pussy of females can be used even 2 days after their death,” and dead women can’t say no.
But what if you prefer to have sex with women who can, you know, move around and make noises and perhaps even fetch sticks for you?
Well, let me introduce you to livinginhell101, an incel Redditor with an even more ingenious solution to the “involuntary celibacy” of the world’s worst men: Simply remove women’s brains and replace them with dog brains. Hey presto! Now she’ll want to have sex with you! Apparently.
Let’s let him explain:
I have so many questions for livinginhell101 and anyone else who thinks this is a brilliant idea! Do you really want to kiss a lady with dog breath? Will you have to follow after your special dog-brained lady with a little poop bag every time you take a stroll with her outside? What if she likes rolling in filth or eating her own vomit? What if she hates bath time as much as every dog-brained dog I’ve ever known? What if she rejects you for some hot German Shepherd named Chad?
But of course the real question is: how does a dude who literally just suggested replacing women’s brains with dog brains come to the conclusion that only “males are … capable of love, humanity [and] kindness?”
The general consensus in the Incels subreddit, where this lovely proposal was submitted, is that livinginhell101’s post is hilarious “satire.” But it’s not satire to post an obviously impossible fantasy that you not-so-secretly wish could be true. Jonathan Swift didn’t write his famous “modest proposal” because he actually wanted to eat babies.
But when incels talk about fucking corpses or women with dog brains it’s because they really do want to have sex with women without having to worry about getting their consent first. Coming up with wacky scenarios like these enables them to fantasize about rape endlessly without having to admit that what’s they’re doing.
Just another reminder that incel is poison.
NOTE: This r/incels post was going around Twitter right around the time I had to take my headache break, and was even discussed in the comments here. So apologies if you’ve seen this before. But I sort of felt I needed to post about it anyway, because damn.
Lock up your house pets, here come the man babies! Won’t someone please throw me a fuck? Waaaaaaaah!!!!’
Well, I certainly know what the guy who thought this piece of brilliance up has for brains.
It’s like Pinky and the Brain if the Brain became a bitter misogynist who blamed all his problems on Minnie Mouse and had perpetuated domestic violence against Pinky.
And they seriously wonder why they’re forever alone.
I live with a female dog. She never tries to have sex with humans. She’s mostly interested in food, marrow bones, belly rubs, chasing rabbits and pooping by the creek. Misandry!
Sorry, incels. The dogs don’t want to fuck you either.
ETA: Bailey does often jump up and grab my boobs. But since incels are all cis men, they don’t have any breasts to grab and are shit out of luck. Double misandry!
He doesn’t want to replace women’s brains. He wants to replace humanoid female’s brains. Or, more accurately, humanoid feeeeemales.
’cause you know, you don’t have to treat it like a human if you just say it isn’t one.
It’s pretty obvious why so many MRAs, MGTOWs and incels become alt-right protofascists, really.
Not enough E’s or W’s in the world for these disgusting male humanoids (if they’re not gonna respect women enough to refer to us as humans, I won’t respect them enough to refer to *them* as humans. Quid pro quo, filthy dudebros!). I am SO grateful for my stun gun right now!
Maybe it’s just because I’ve been overdosing on various Star Trek series lately, but when I saw ‘humanoid female’ I definitely wondered if this dude thinks that women are one of the alien species of Star Trek.
And now I’m fantasizing about the reaction a Klingon woman would have to an incel who tried to hit on her. Teehee!
So…this guy was looking at his dog and thinking “If only I could fuck you.” Right? I mean, lets not kid ourselves, that’s definitely how this happened, and now we all have to know that.
Any one of my dogs (including the chihuahua) would take this asshat apart. Dogs know creeps when they see them.
Even if you put my pet Victoria’s brains in some poor woman’s body Incel, she’d still rather maul you before being the bodyguard of my grandmother.
He says that like he’d be able to convince a dog to do the deed with him. There’s not enough peanut butter and squeaky toys in the world to make him appealing to any species.
Even the most docile dog would take one look at these freaks and either run away with its tail between its legs, or lunge at them growling and try to bite their ‘nads off.
Spoiler: it won’t be any better if they transplant its (smaller, less organized) brain into a woman’s body, either. That sad hybrid creature, assuming it even lives, will still either cringe away from them, or bite their ‘nads off. And they’ll deserve it, too.
As for that sex-with-a-corpse idea, it’s called necrophilia. It’s considered pathological, for reasons obvious. I can’t speak for anyplace else, but I know it is a crime here in Canada.
Why do so many of these guys’ dick-wetting solutions involve either shitty science, indignities to dead bodies, or both?
I’ve owned female & male dogs. The females only seem to like to hump for dominance purposes and only if they are in charge. My current two male dogs have a weird relationship in that one will bring the other one a chew & while the second dog is eating his gift the first dog will hump him, both dogs are happy with this arrangement.
So they either want a relationship with a dominant female dog or a male dog they have to buy sex from with chews & treats. How is this any different from what they keep claiming women act now?
I’ve never heard the word “brains” repeated so often outside a zombie movie. This guy is in danger of setting a record.
“Stupid minds!! Stupid!! Stupid!!”
Added: Also, I’m reminded of a National Lampoon cover which is pretty famous.
My sister’s dog only attacks when other dogs try to mount her when she’s out just playing. She warns them she’s not interested. Then she’ll turn stalker dogs over, not hurting them, but striking terror with her growls and teeth flashing. She’s a small dog. She’s done this to huge dogs. She’s my mascot.
I’ve never heard the word “brains” repeated so often outside a zombie movie. This guy is in danger of setting a record.
“Stupid minds!! Stupid!! Stupid!!”
(Added: Also, I’m reminded of a National Lampoon cover which is pretty famous.)
Gaea likes sniffing and jumping at people’s crotches with reckless abandon and hates having her claws filed. Good luck with that, incels…
At one point while reading this my brain was like “Oh! This is clearly the result of some seriously bad drugs so I’m going to start hallucinating other things too!” and I was like “No! Stop it Brainmeats! This is real, we have not eaten the brown acid!”
@ Dan Kasteray:
Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky–be creepy and horrible on Reddit!
They would be lucky if they just ended up in sickbay for a few weeks. Hell these guys are so repulsive a Orion Female who are known for their high sex drive won’t want anything to do with them
My grandmother’s dog, Stella, does two things: Sleep and hunt mice. No sex to be had from her. My dog, Charlie, doesn’t hump much, except to try and assert dominance over Stella, but she sorts him out eventually. “Sort Me” is a game that both the dogs like to play (it doesn’t always, or even usually, involve humping).
That said, incels would be pretty SOL with our dogs–(Not to mention that Charlie would maul them. He’s not vicious but never underestimate the power of fear aggression)
ETA: I’m still MAJORLY disgusted with the bestiality, the profound misogyny (fucker doesn’t even consider women human) and the lack of empathy (and he says women are incapable of love, HA!)
Every incel community is like a sinister version of the Four Yorkshiremen, comparing who can be most contemptuous of women. That’s why they develop these wild-ass scenarios and terms such as “female humanoid organism”. It would be hilarious except not.
Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky–be creepy and horrible on Reddit!
Personalpest, you are my hero
“males are … capable of love, humanity [and] kindness”
I wonder if health insurance pays for surgical removal of the self-awareness part of the brain. Or is this something you have to pay out of pocket for?