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By David Futrelle
Watch out, straight dudes! The government is coming for your manhood!
Or at least that’s the accusation being leveled at internet Nazis. On neo-Nazi internet tip sheet The Daily Stormer, the writer known as Zeiger points to a six-month old Science Daily article reporting the results of a large-scale study designed to more accurately determine “normal” testosterone levels in men. Shockingly, to Zeiger at least, the study determined that the old “normal’ range was a bit high. The CDC and medical testing companies are adjusting their standards accordingly.
Zeiger is not pleased. “The chemical castration of the Western male is about to be kicked up to the next level,” he warns. “It’s a transparent push to feminize men and normalize being a low-T f*ggot.”
Zeiger warns that the new “normal” could even lead to the government trying to TERK OUR TERTOSTERONE!
[T]f this process continues, you could start seeing men with healthy testosterone begin to be seen as “pathological” because their levels are “too high” compared with the new standard. So power-lifters who watch their diets could start being prescribed drugs to lower their T levels.
First they came for the power lifters …
Over on his blog, Nazoid pickup artist James “Heartiste” Weidmann raises the alarm in even more outlandish prose.
Mother fucking yahweh, this is a declaration of war against masculinity. The ruling class wants a compliant and pacified herd of puppy dogs in place of the White men who could pose a threat to their ill-gotten and corrupted sinecures.
The soyfatted manboobed weepy feminist nümale is not a meme. It’s real!
Hey, I think he means me!
Think about the implications. Are you a high T man who’s within the formerly normal range of male serum testosterone level? Guess what, you’re now suffering from pathologically high testosterone. Report to your nearest feminization camp for the requisite T-lowering Mazeltov cocktail of beta blockers, SSRIs, estrogen, dissolved birth control pills drawn from the local tap, and opioids.
There is a Western-wide War on Men, because the effete low T Globohomo taintlickers that have somehow wormed their way into power and laugh at the plebs assaulted by Diversity™ from behind their gated communities know…they KNOW fam…that testosterone is the elixir of the god emperors, and a million god emperors whose veins flow with the power of T and whose hearts are opened to ethereal channels of connection to their mighty warrior ancestors through their shared high T heritage are the ONLY FOE WITH THE FORCE OF WILL to oust the degenerate elite from their plush sanctums.
I think Heartiste is huffing something, but it’s not testosterone.
Pull the Goylent feeding tube from your soulgut and reclaim your rightful place in the pantheon of powerful White men as heir to a noble race of warrior poets.
Sorry dude, but making up words like “globohomo” and “Goylant” doesn’t actually make you a poet, much less a warrior.
Our government is evil. It wants to pathologize masculine men and normalize fat women. The bureaucratic machine and its elite operators assault the very notion of Truth and Beauty, which they want replaced with Lies and Ugliness. This is our generation’s war, and I can’t think of a nobler reason to fight than the nature of our enemy…a globalist swarm of soulless atomized grubby usurers with no attachment to anything but their continued power.
So Heartiste is declaring war on … fat people? Well, if it’s on, it’s on. So, fellow fatties, if you ever run across Mr. Weidmann, I suggest you gut-check him to the ground and sit on him.
@ Alan
My mother’s family is originally from Yorkshire, and if I’m remembering the family history correctly, the ancestor who came over was a younger son seeking his fortune in the New World.
I’m glad you liked the vid. 🙂
Oh not Lesley bloody Garrett. She should be prevented by law from ruining popular songs.
@Falconer A SPOILER WARNING would have been nice.
I am happy with the casting of Jodie Whittaker as the new Dr Who, not least because it means that Kris Marshall won’t be (a view shared by many it appears)!
TBH I would have loved Tilda Swinton as the first female doctor. I haven’t seen a lot of JW .
PS – Yes, Attack The Block is well worth a watch.
Hambeast – I have an ex from HS who shows up every 5 years or so to pull shit like this, an ex husband who gaslighted the crap out of me, and probably a few friends who are on the “you’re fat b/c you’re lazy/stupid” but won’t say anything to my face. (come at me bro, I got peer reviewed studies!)
Kupo – When it gets bad and I’m thinking of doing something stupid (swallow balloons? why not? Let’s get my stomache amputated for no goddamned reason) I remind myself that the only hard part about my weight is how other people treat me, and if I won’t grow my hair, or paint my nails for them, then why the fuck would I risk permanent damage for them. Fuck them, where’s my sleeveless top and skirt!
Slightly OT – I worry about my fat posts sometimes, cause it’s like, “Oh god, clever is talking about her ass, again”
Nthing the love for Attack the Block. I just wish they’d implied the estate was the Jasmine Allen so it could be a lost episode of The Bill; that would have been so perfect.
(in my head it is)
@ cleverforagirl
FWIW, I think you’ve got some of the coolest hair on the planet.
Well, I’m sure it’s more welcome than me constantly talking out of my ass. 🙂
I don’t think Alan can be impartial what with his ass sanctuary, but I love hearing about your glorious ass, Clever! (I don’t remember who had the glorious ass in that thread months ago, but I felt it fit here!) And I’m munching on chips right now straight from the bag, so I’m doing okay, I just can’t fit in some of my clothes and have been feeling bad about that. I’ll get over it. But when I see the talk of how great losing weight is it can set me back a bit.
*squints into the distance*
I was on patrol with the 54th Men From Nantucket, when all of a sudden an enemy platoon ambushed our squad. As the assailants closed in, pinning us down with anapests, I lay motionless on the ground. When the smoke cleared, I tossed a sonnet into their midst and destroyed three free-verse nests before being gravely wounded by compact lyricism and the displaced grief of systemic colonialism.
When I came to, they awarded me a purple Pushcart. I keep it in a drawer with my buddy’s doggerel tags. It wasn’t anything, really. Thank God we’d all had the Goylent feeding tube pulled from our soulguts the day before.
The “Artists’ Rifles” used to be regiment of the British army: not just warrior poets, but warrior painters, warrior cellists, warrior actors etc. I frequently walk by their former HQ:
Alan – lol TY
Kupo – I was the one with the glorious ass. And you eat those chips, in slow motion, while pretending to make eye contact with a fat shamer. If you’re in the USA hot topic and torrid both have plus size who shirts. . .and I think there’s a sale going on. . .
@Buttercup
My cacklebox hurts ???
When I was at UC Berkeley, there was a downtown fish and chips place run by a delightful old Yorkshire couple. They had, among other atmospheric decor, an illustrated poster of the Ilkla Moor lyrics.
Including a nice cartoon of the duck eating the worms.
@ moggie
They still exist. They’re now “21 SAS Regiment (Artists)”
testosterone is the elixir of the god emperors, and a million god emperors whose veins flow with the power of T and whose hearts are opened to ethereal channels of connection to their mighty warrior ancestors through their shared high T heritage are the ONLY FOE WITH THE FORCE OF WILL to oust the degenerate elite from their plush sanctums.
Damn, that’s some bad writing…
@JS — Sorry!
Why do all of Nanny Ogg’s Bosom’s posts always show up late like they’re stuck in moderation?
Nanny, if you’re reading this, you might want to email David about it. If he never took you out of moderation, I’m sure it’s accidental or it’s a glitch or something.
My money’s on crystal meth.
I think that whole “warrior poets” thing comes from Braveheart, at the very end. I’ve only ever heard it uttered in that movie.
Also, as always the Right wing will complain about food stamps but will not say a word about the bloated military budget. Even in the hypothetical scenario that some of the money was being wasted, it’s better to “waste” some money whilst helping keep millions afloat than it is to throw money into murder and rampant human rights violations.
So are the million God-Emperors not degenerate elites? Do the elites lord it over the God-Emperors? Seriously, I’m aware that the term “Emperor” has undergone inflation recently, but this is a little silly.
Protip: If degenerate elites can lord it over you, then you’re not an Emperor.
Also, does anyone else think that Robert E. Howard has a lot to answer for?
That was amazing.
Bravo, Buttercup!
Buttercup Q Skullpants, you are the happiness that the world needs.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
That was a spectacular paragraph of poetry terms.