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By David Futrelle
Watch out, straight dudes! The government is coming for your manhood!
Or at least that’s the accusation being leveled at internet Nazis. On neo-Nazi internet tip sheet The Daily Stormer, the writer known as Zeiger points to a six-month old Science Daily article reporting the results of a large-scale study designed to more accurately determine “normal” testosterone levels in men. Shockingly, to Zeiger at least, the study determined that the old “normal’ range was a bit high. The CDC and medical testing companies are adjusting their standards accordingly.
Zeiger is not pleased. “The chemical castration of the Western male is about to be kicked up to the next level,” he warns. “It’s a transparent push to feminize men and normalize being a low-T f*ggot.”
Zeiger warns that the new “normal” could even lead to the government trying to TERK OUR TERTOSTERONE!
[T]f this process continues, you could start seeing men with healthy testosterone begin to be seen as “pathological” because their levels are “too high” compared with the new standard. So power-lifters who watch their diets could start being prescribed drugs to lower their T levels.
First they came for the power lifters …
Over on his blog, Nazoid pickup artist James “Heartiste” Weidmann raises the alarm in even more outlandish prose.
Mother fucking yahweh, this is a declaration of war against masculinity. The ruling class wants a compliant and pacified herd of puppy dogs in place of the White men who could pose a threat to their ill-gotten and corrupted sinecures.
The soyfatted manboobed weepy feminist nümale is not a meme. It’s real!
Hey, I think he means me!
Think about the implications. Are you a high T man who’s within the formerly normal range of male serum testosterone level? Guess what, you’re now suffering from pathologically high testosterone. Report to your nearest feminization camp for the requisite T-lowering Mazeltov cocktail of beta blockers, SSRIs, estrogen, dissolved birth control pills drawn from the local tap, and opioids.
There is a Western-wide War on Men, because the effete low T Globohomo taintlickers that have somehow wormed their way into power and laugh at the plebs assaulted by Diversity™ from behind their gated communities know…they KNOW fam…that testosterone is the elixir of the god emperors, and a million god emperors whose veins flow with the power of T and whose hearts are opened to ethereal channels of connection to their mighty warrior ancestors through their shared high T heritage are the ONLY FOE WITH THE FORCE OF WILL to oust the degenerate elite from their plush sanctums.
I think Heartiste is huffing something, but it’s not testosterone.
Pull the Goylent feeding tube from your soulgut and reclaim your rightful place in the pantheon of powerful White men as heir to a noble race of warrior poets.
Sorry dude, but making up words like “globohomo” and “Goylant” doesn’t actually make you a poet, much less a warrior.
Our government is evil. It wants to pathologize masculine men and normalize fat women. The bureaucratic machine and its elite operators assault the very notion of Truth and Beauty, which they want replaced with Lies and Ugliness. This is our generation’s war, and I can’t think of a nobler reason to fight than the nature of our enemy…a globalist swarm of soulless atomized grubby usurers with no attachment to anything but their continued power.
So Heartiste is declaring war on … fat people? Well, if it’s on, it’s on. So, fellow fatties, if you ever run across Mr. Weidmann, I suggest you gut-check him to the ground and sit on him.
“And that’s my job! Stay off my turf, bureaucratic machine!”
Is anyone else getting JoJo vibes off the image up top?
@Policy of Madness
It’s not some weird trick, as far as metabolisms go the body consumes carbs first, then fat, then muscle fiber, or so the nutritionists that came up with the Atkins diet and Whole 30 say. Theoretically, controlling your sugar and carb intake forces the body to burn down fat instead.
Granted, that’s the theory but every metabolism is different. What worked for me might not work for other people with metabolisms which are more resistant to weight loss. I apologize if I assumed too much on this based on my own personal experience.
I apologize if I was too defensive and tried to tone police you. It’s not that I’m new to intersectional feminism, as others have suggested, just the sites and groups I usually comment on don’t have that much moderation. Not that what you’re saying isn’t legitimate, it’s just that up until now I haven’t felt this scrutinized given that the rules are different.
@Clever
Oh, I didn’t mean to come off as ‘splaining. I was agreeing and adding another anecdote. 🙂
I’m okay with not eating kale. It was okay occasionally, but never my favorite. I’m most sad about the broccoli and horseradish. 🙁 I can still have them, and it’s not as bad for me if they’re cooked, but I need to watch how much I eat or I’ll get sick. So that family of veggies went from my go-to side dish that I made all the time to a treat I let myself have once a month.
@Diego Duarte
Fucking stop the diet talk.
You can’t binge on horseradish? OMG I am so sorry. That must be awful. Horseradish is the #2 best thing on earth, right behind milk.
“Pull the Goylent feeding tube from your soulgut and reclaim your rightful place in the pantheon of powerful White men as heir to a noble race of warrior poets.”
This reads like it was written by an alien who’s only been on earth one day and is failing at blending in
@kupo, oh you didn’t strike me as splain-y at all. 🙂
Oh god broccoli too?!
@diego, I would love to explain to you why whole 30, Atkins, and the whole mess doesn’t work, but I’m on my phone and can’t pull up my studies. But if you’re up for it I would be willing to change my mind if you could produce a study that:
1. Shows long term weight loss (5 years plus) for the majority of participants.
2. Shows that the health outcomes improved. (Thinness isn’t a health outcome)
3. Wasn’t paid for by the diet industry. (Dieting is a multi-billion dollar industry)
Ugh someone is sending weight loss magazines to me. I’m pretty sure I haven’t been doxxed, but if I have been, can you send me a fruit and vegetables subscription next?
Or maybe a treadmill?
There’s a lot of evidence these days that it’s not just calories in, energy out. There’s the gut biome, and now scientists are looking at how sense of smell affects weight gain or loss.
@Cleverforagirl
You don’t need to. I already realized it doesn’t, given that only 2 people out of 1000 maintain that weight loss. I read the study they linked, as I referenced in the previous comment. And as I said, just to maintain this loss I have to go through loops and hoops naturally skinny people don’t. Initially I had the perception it was easy until I realized just how much effort I have to put in and how much of it has actually become time consuming routine.
EDIT: It’s probably some cookies or spyware you have installed. Upon googling legalzoom ONCE I kept on getting bombarded by ads from that website for months.
@PoM
Yeah, all the good peppery veggies like horseradish, wasabi, watercress, and radishes are in that family and bad for me. I read once it’s believed to be one of the first cultivated plants, which would explain why there are so many varied species. Apparently it was originally similar to bok choy (which is part of that family). But if it’s cooked or fermented the goitrogens (compounds that are bad for the thyroid, which is the reason I need to avoid them) start to break down, so there’s that. 🙂 It’s way better than with gluten, where I get acute symptoms from trace amounts.
Honestly, I’d rather never eat my favorite foods than suffer autoimmune symptoms.
@diego, I actually know some people irl who would pull that shit if they thought I was getting uppity. Jokes on them, I walked through the house yelling, “free magazines!”
There was one guy who made the news using all the junk mail he got to help heat his house. Wood-burning stoves do reasonably well with paper, and you can always use it to help start the fire. Might have to clean the chimney more frequently though.
Just remember to write “Cancel” on the invoice.
FYI: I’m not familiar with Whole 30 but that’s not how the Atkins diet works. Atkins works by putting your metabolism into an unhealthy, abnormal state called ketosis. Ketosis is a pathological process that your body utilizes in a situation of malnutrition. It has no relation to the normal, healthy way that bodies use reserves. It’s possible to eat your way into starvation by fucking around with the balance of your carb-protein-fat intake.
eta:
Legit, but it sucks that you need to make that choice at all.
The problem with Atkins, Paleo and similar diets is that they include a lot of meat. My body just doesn’t like meat much. I stopped eating it partially because the industry is so full of animal cruelty, but partially because I always feel bloated and gross after eating meat. Especially red meat. A paleo diet pusher once told me that my body was sick and defective because it doesn’t take meat well. It was so bizarre. I’m actually healthier than one might expect considering the history of eating disorders and the mild insomnia I have. That didn’t matter though. If the paleo diet doesn’t sound right for me, my body must be wrong, wrong, wrong. People are so weird.
“Goylant”? That’s fairly subtle for antisemites (Yes, there is no bigot who only hates one innocent group; they hate a LOT of groups)
@JS
Can confirm, them’s good kindling.
@Policy of Madness
Whole 30 is, I guess you could say, a much tamer version of Atkins. I could never fully follow Atkins. My cravings for carbs were just too much to limit myself to 20 carbs a day.
Even now that I would rather spend two hours walking every day than miss out on rice. Life without rice is just not meant to be lived.
@weirwoodtreehugger
I take it you live in the US? Granted it might be your body reacting to certain agents it doesn’t agree with, but I found that a lot of meat, poultry and such in the US have needless additives and whatnot that makes the meat taste bland and even unnatural. Though I guess it makes little difference seeing how the meat industry is still abusive everywhere else as well.
I can’t eat meat because of the texture. Bleh! A vegetarian diet hasn’t kept me thin though.
@Strawberry Wizard
Top image comes from “Tom of Finland” I think. Somewhat well-known early homoerotic “physical fitness and health” artist, with either somewhat controversial works, or entirely controversial works, depending on time period, orientation, and/or politics.
Humans being Omnivores doesn’t mean we can all eat the same things with the same results, it means, in general, humans can eat plants and animals. The actual efficiency of a particular person’s omnivoracity can vary significantly from the norm. Some people truly feel worse when eating meat, others it doesn’t bother. Enjoy what you can!
Since this discussion has come back around and I’m not working ridiculous overtime now, here’s my 2 calories:
It is true that the average U.S. body mass has increased significantly in the last several decades. It is also true that rates acquired diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and a number of other ‘lifestyle’ diseases have dramatically increased in the past several decades. One of these things is a serious public health problem and needs to be addressed. In order to address this, we must first examine why it’s happening in the first place. The answer to this question lies principally in two factors: deurbanization and agribusiness.
For the first, the proportion of Americans living in suburbs with few sidewalks, few or no parks, and no businesses within walking distance (poor infrastructure maintenance causes similar problems in urban cores). This in turn means that nobody walks anyplace, or gets any exercise to speak of except via planned workouts. Planned workouts are not feasible to maintain for the majority of the population (for reasons not just of time and finance but of motivation). Combined with more indoor, seated jobs, this means that people are getting increasingly less physical exercise, which has assorted deleterious effects on the body.
As far as food supply goes, since the 1970s (when Earl Butz initiated the policy changes in question), U.S. agriculture has been almost entirely dominated by vast monocropped fields of corn, wheat, and soybeans. These are processed into a huge number of food additives, and the remainder fed to livestock in Confined Animal Feeding Operations (CAFOs). This does actually affect the metabolic and nutritional characteristics of the food produced thereby. Fructose and sucrose are metabolized differently, and the dramatic increase in proportion of fructose in sweeteners (such as High Fructose Corn Syrup) has brought that into sharp relief. This is particularly problematic because HCFS tends to generate addiction like effects, and is being added to things that normally don’t take sweeteners at all (Canned beef stew, frex.) There’s a great deal more detail, involving a great number of other products, but that’s the gist of it.
The relevant takeaway here is that, on an individual level, there’s mostly shit all anyone can do about it, and fixing the problem requires structural changes that aren’t going to happen while so many people keep wittering on about diets and discipline and suchlike victim-blaming bullshit.
I’m gonna guess that the single biggest threat modern society *actually* poses to testosterone levels is the destruction of sufficient and good-quality sleep. Wonder how many of these dorkuses write their conspiracy theories at 4 am…
@Dreamer
CW: Satirical Diet infomercial
Clearly you’re eating the wrong plants! If you’d just eat these plants I’ve specially prepared for you (and whoever else listens to this ad) you’ll be as skinny as a pool noodle! Or perhaps you’ll get a noo poodle, I’ve not quite worked out the processing yet.
Only $49.99 for 30 days supply! Results not guaranteed, claims not verified, credit card charged as soon as you call! N/Poodle not guaranteed! Poodle not actual size!
@Strawberry Wizard
Oh hey, you too?
Who or what’s JoJo? I’m missing the reference and google says she’s a singer.