And the Creepy Boss of the Week Award goes to … this dude posting on Reddit

@Imaginary Petal

autumn totally beats summer.

Oh, my dear friend. I was once like you. I loved autumn – the crisp air, the new cold-weather clothes (like cozy new sweaters). Going to the apple orchard for cider and donuts.

Watching a scary movie Halloween night while passing out candy to kids on the porch. Sometimes dressing up myself, going to a party with friends, getting drunk and loud and stumbling home at 5 a.m. Cold but not too cold.

Looking forward to winter and Christmas, fires and hot chocolate and more cozy sweaters, gifts and ice skating and skiing! Peppermint schnapps and mulled cider! I grew up in Michigan, lots of snow due to the lake effect, pleasant not-too-cold temperatures.

Then I moved to North Dakota.

Where winter begins in October and lasts until May.

Where winter isn’t fun outdoor activities in mild, just-below-freezing temps, but an all-out fight to the death against blizzards, 40-mph winds sweeping down from Canada with no landscape to slow them down in the -30 degree nights, shaking the house until you think it’ll blow away like Dorothy’s, not to Oz but to the ice-cold Winter Witch’s palace, where you can lose your ear- and finger-tips to frostbite in minutes. Where it hurts right down to your bones just to scuttle from your warm house to the car and into work.

Where I actually start to get angry in March and April when it seems we’re no closer to spring than we were in February. Where I pine for a day when it will just be warm enough for me to open a window and let out some stale recirculated air.

Now, for me, autumn just means we’re that much closer to the desolate Season of Death. I dread autumn now.

Too long reply post incoming and I’m doing other things while writing, so I assume that I will be ninja’d multiple times. Oh well.

I had to train her when she first started but was very surprised by how quickly she picked everything up. We do a lot of legal work and it’s not easy for people without previous experience to learn so quickly. So this should give you a good idea of the kind of person she is.

Honestly, this is where the post first got suspect. Right away in the first paragraph. I’m getting the impression that he’s one of those men who assume that young women are all vapid, stupid and childish. Especially if they’re pretty. Presumably she got the job because she’s qualified for it. Why should it be a surprise that she’s competent?

I immediately took a liking to her because of her work but also how easy she was to talk to. During our training, I would say we became pretty close. So much so that I would text her outside of work about non work related stuff. Also she sends me snapchats a lot, random stuff like shows shes watch like friends do. We even go to happy hour alone sometimes and I think I am the closest to her at work. One time she even had lunch with my mom and I when my mom was visiting town.

Why the fuck would you invite your trainee to lunch with your mom? Especially if she’s visiting from out of town. The only way this would be acceptable is if the mom is also in the same sector and could provide “Jennifer” additional mentorship and a networking opportunity.

Now here’s the problem. About two months into her working with us, I found out she has a boyfriend. TO CLARIFY I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS AND DO NOT CARE THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.

Nothing says nonchalance like all caps.

I really don’t care that she has a boyfriend but felt a little manipulated that she never mentioned him before. I am supervisor, been training her for a few months, we have been talking about a lot of stuff so it just comes off as hiding something. People who work in small offices will know what I’m talking about.

Yes, people in small offices or close knit departments in larger companies will often know each other’s business. That doesn’t mean any employee is required to open up about their private life. Especially to their boss when they’re still in their training period. How is this manipulative? This guy clearly thinks that women are required to inform every man around them as to whether or not she’s some other man’s property. Because if you’re single, just being in the same room with a man pretty much amounts to consenting to a date.

It was a little hard for me to trust her after that but I kept it to myself. She was still a great employee and her having a boyfriend did not change anything because apparently she has been with this guy for 5 years now. He doesn’t live in the same city and they barely see each other from what I understand.

Ugh. It’s bad enough that bosses think that women are being bad employees if they have children. Now they’re being bad employees if they have a boyfriend? And why is it okay that she was in a 5 year relationship but being in a 5 week relationship should’ve changed things? The fuck?

So months go by and everything is going really well.

During which time he was creepily obsessing about her?

The night of the gala I called to see when I should pick her up and she said her boyfriend was in town and he would drop her off so she will just meet me there.
This is the first red flag I noticed. Is this guy really that insecure that he can’t even let her date take her to this gala? Five years and this insecure? That’s a problem. But I just agree and say okay I will meet her there.

How is this a red flag? Maybe they were out together and it was easier for her to just be dropped off by her BF? What makes him think that it was the BF’s idea to drop her off? Maybe it was her idea. I’m also creeped out by his use of the word date. Now, people do commonly call it a date when they take a friend to a formal kind of event. All by itself the use of the word doesn’t bother, but given his obsession with “Jennifer” it really reads like he’d talked himself into believing that this was a romantic date even though she probably gave no indication that his was the case.

I get to the gala and start to mingle. She eventually gets there but I don’t approach her. Honestly, still pretty bothered by what happened earlier so I wanted her to come to me and apologize.

What happened? What was there to apologize for? For fuck’s sake, even if it had been a romantic date, it would have been perfectly acceptable to meet at the location. Getting mad about this, that’s the real red flag here. Again, it sounds like he’d planned to woo her into seeing him as a boyfriend instead of a friend/boss. He had a picture in his head about how the evening would go and was enraged that it didn’t turn out as planned. Nothing wrong with indulging in romantic fantasy, but there’s something very wrong with getting angry at the object of your fantasy for not fulfilling it.

Here’s when I noticed the second red flag. Jennifer and I were talking to another couple when she excused herself because she had to take a call from her boyfriend. I thought it was pretty rude and she has never done something like this before. A little later she comes back and says that her boyfriend is picking her up and she will leave early.
THIRD RED FLAG. She was very much looking forward to this night and suddenly she wants to leave early? You know when you can just tell someone isn’t happy in their situation? Yeah I definitely felt it right away.

Why is this two red flags in one? I’m actually assuming that she had wanted to cancel to hang out with her BF but 1. wanted to get the chance to meet people in her field and 2. felt bad because she said she would go. So she compromised and went for a shorter timespan.

And um, “another couple?” Just no. Dude, you’re not in a couple with Jennifer. That’s pretty damn obvious. Really not buying that HE’S TOTALLY NOT CARING THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND here.

A little while later he gets there and I shit you not, this idiot walked into the gala wearing shorts and a t shirt. I almost wanted to laugh but I didn’t want to embarrass him.

What is the point of this anecdote? I guess he’s trash talking his rival, but putting it in his list of red flags makes it seem like he thinks it’s also a red flag. It’s not exactly unheard of for a 24 year old man to be clueless about proper attire. It was a social faux pas to meander into a dressy event in casual clothing, but I’m not seeing why it’s grounds for breaking up a long term relationship.

So you can already see he is getting an attitude with me for no reason.

Maybe he’s getting attitude because you’re all jittery and creepy and trying to get on his girlfriend? Just a though.

Holy shit, I’m getting angry writing this. But you see what I’m talking about right? He completely rubbed me the wrong way.

Totally not creepy that he’s going into a rage about an employee’s boyfriend. Ew.

So anyways, as she is leaving, I tell her to let me know if she gets home okay.
It gets around midnight and she hasn’t sent me a single message. So I sent her a text and no reply. I sent her another around 1am saying I am worried and just to let me know if she is okay. No reply. I have a hard time sleeping that night because I am genuinely concerned. It’s just the kind of person I am. I need to know my friends are okay or it bothers me.

Yeah, your employees are not obligated to check in with you late at night.

I wake up the next morning after getting really bad sleep and she still hasn’t responded. This makes me upset because I can see she has uploaded pictures on facebook but yet won’t respond to my text.

Gaahhh! This creepo stayed up all night fuming and stalking her Facebook. Ewwwwww!!!! It’s astonishing that he’s expecting to be the sympathetic one in this tale.

The only explanation is that her boyfriend is the reason.

Or, you know she was uncomfortable that her boss is acting like a controlling creep towards her. Although maybe she her boyfriend was the reason. As in she was engaging in sexy times with him. She does actually have every right to do sexy times with the long distance BF when she’s in town instead of catering to her needy m’lady boss all night long.

She always responds to me and at most a few hours later. So Sunday night I finally send another message really detailing how upset I was with how she was treating me. Also how I think how much control I feel her boyfriend was exerting over her was really making me lose respect for her. I always thought she is this strong independent woman and suddenly this guy is controlling who she can or can’t talk to. Of course I get no reply.

Take a fucking hint! My irony meter just exploded at this stalker calling her boyfriend the controlling one. Blowing up someone’s phone when they don’t respond to a text right away is like, chapter one in the abuser/stalker handbook.

Monday, inevitably we see each other at work and she confronts me the first thing in the morning. Before I even get a chance to speak, she says I made her uncomfortable and she wants to just finish her last two months of fellowship without any contact that is not necessary for work.
This was about two weeks ago. I was really upset at first but honestly I’ve done a lot of reading. When you are in an abusive relationship, you stop seeing the world the way it is and only the way the abuser wants you to see. It makes me really sad that I am losing a good friend because her boyfriend has insecurity issues.

Yes, it’s her boyfriend’s fault that your rage frothing and creeping have made her uncomfortable. Riiiiight.

So a few concerns here. She started dating him 5 years ago meaning she was only 19 and therefore this is pretty much the only adult “relationship” she knows.

Wut? I’m 37 and I have friends from college who are (as far as I know) still happily married to people they got together with in college. That’s so not a big deal.

Also the guy is a lobbyist! She wants to work in public service, help immigrants and refugees but yet dates a lobbyist? Does she really not see the contradiction here?

How did this dude get to be a supervisor in a non-profit without realizing that non-profits hire lobbyists. I know a lot of people think that only giant corporations hire them, but you’d think that someone who works in a non-profit would know better. I used to work for an environmental group that had a lobbyist.

I think over the past five years he has done a good job gaslighting her and it’s to the point where it’s affecting her relationship with other people and it breaks my heart to see this happen to a good friend.

It sounds more like he’s trying to gaslight her into thinking that her boyfriend is an abuser. It really grosses me out that abusers are reading material intended to help victims recognize abuse in order to better manipulate their targets. And notice that this guy hasn’t mentioned that any of her friends or fellow co-workers have a problem with the BF. What’s his evidence that the BF has affected her relationship with anyone else in her life?

My question is this: what is the best approach to let her know of these concerns I have? How can you make someone who refuses to see reality to actually see what is happening?

You’re her boss and she told you that your behavior is making her uncomfortable! There is no best approach. Any attempt to interfere in her private life opens your org up to a sexual harassment lawsuit.

I have spoken to my mother and we both agree it would be best that she is also there when I approach Jennifer. However, do you think it should just be me alone or it would be better having a motherly figure also there to talk about something this serious?

My turn for a caps rant. WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR MOTHER GETTING INVOLVED WITH THIS? WHO ARE YOU, BUSTER BLUTH!?

And if we have this conversation and she still refuses to break up with her abusive boyfriend, what are the final steps that I should take? To be frank, I’m not sure I can remain friends with her if she continues to date him. I’m simply not the kind of person who will stick by someone who is willingly ruining their own life.

Translation: He wants to tell her that she has to dump her boyfriend if she wants to keep her job.

I can’t stop thinking about this and haven’t gotten any work done today. I really look forward to your suggestions and thank you for all your help. For any of you that are
currently in an abusive relationship contemplating ever getting into a relationship with me, get out before it’s too late.

ftfy

Oh and this bit:

Also how I think how much control I feel her boyfriend was exerting over her was really making me lose respect for her.

There’s no evidence that this woman is in an abusive relationship, but isn’t it nice that this guy feels that women who are don’t deserve respect as a result.

Chaos-Engineer:

The good news is that he’s managed to get over her, and in fact is planning to laugh in her face when she apologizes and admits that he was right all along

Such over. Very friend.

I foresee seagull recipes in this guy’s future.

User imfb re-wrote this from Jennifer’s POV:

Imagine if “Jennifer” wrote this:

A little background. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years, though it’s currently long distance.

Last fall I started working at a nonprofit through a fellowship. I normally get along well with everyone, and really enjoyed the office. I got trained by my boss, a manager there who has seemed very friendly since I started, perhaps too friendly. He started texting me outside of work early on, but it was always nice and nonthreatening, mostly about tv. We would sometimes go to happy hour together and he even invited me to lunch with his mom when she was visiting. It was a little weird, but I want to make a good impression, and I get the feeling like he doesn’t really have any friends at work. It must be hard for a manager, and maybe it’s easier to talk to me because I’m here through a fellowship? I know, slightly naïve, but I had high hopes for this and I tried very hard to never talk about my personal life.

A few months after I started working here I was concerned that my boss might be developing a bit of a crush, so I let it drop that I was in a long-term relationship. He didn’t seem phased so I figured it was all in my head. Well, two weeks ago our parent group was hosting a fundraising gala. My boss asked if I would like to go, and I said yes because I assumed it was a professional event. My boyfriend was visiting that weekend but he understands that work events are important, this fellowship is only for a year after all. Well then I get a call from my boss asking when he should pick me up? I was pretty shocked, this is a work event, not a date. I honestly thought about cancelling, but my boyfriend said it was probably just miscommunication and I should go. He agreed to drive me and drop me off, and to stay in the general area in case things got weird and I had to call him.

Things got weird. When I got there my boss was pretty standoffish and acting like he expected an apology. He definitely thought this was a date. We were talking to a couple and he was acting like we were all on a group date, so I excused myself to call my boyfriend to pick me up. I waited in the bathroom for another five minutes to minimize the time I had to spend with him. My boyfriend was so worried he came into the gala with shorts on, and was immediately insulted by my boss. I just wanted to get out of there. My boss even asked me to text him when I got home safe. Safe from what? I was with my boyfriend.

Holy shit, I’m getting angry writing this. But you see what I’m talking about right? He completely rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway, he kept sending me text messages saying he was worried, but I ignored them because he was creeping me out. Then he send this insane message detailing how upset he was with how I was treating him and how I thought my boyfriend was exerting too much control over me. Of course I didn’t reply. On Monday I confronted him first thing in the morning. Before he had a chance to say anything, I told him he made me uncomfortable and I just want to finish my last two months of fellowship without any contact that is not necessary for work.

This was about two weeks ago. I was really scared at first, but then thought things had died down. Well today I found out he posted an insane screed on reddit about how my boyfriend was abusive! TL/DR: My boss is sexually harassing me and accusing my boyfriend of abuse. Do I need a lawyer? How do I file a complaint?

Perfect.

PoM, O.O

Tabby Lavalamp:

Now she’s the kind of person that just commands attention as soon as she walks into the room.

To be fair, maybe she used to be a drill sergeant?

@PeeVee & @wwth

@Policy of Madness

I don’t think I have ever, ever asked to be “pounded out”. I mean, I’ve heard and indulged in raunchy, don’t get me wrong. But that? That just sounds like work.

@Diego – I don’t want to “pile on” here, so I’ll just say that, IMO, the fact that he’s her boss, and she has shown zero interest in him romantically to the point of mentioning her long-term bf, is enough to say “Nope, do not pursue this.”

His commenting history is all about him justifying his behavior; indeed, he just keeps doubling down.

*Shudders*

@ POM

that Alan failed to screencap for us

A chambers friend once had a defamation case arising out of an article in an Arabic newspaper sold in London.

But then they managed to lose the newspaper. So they rather embarrassingly had to ask the publisher for a spare copy. When the ‘copy’ arrived it no longer had the offending article in it.

They hadn’t photocopied that time either 🙂

Because the article was in Arabic, which none of the legal team spoke, no-one except the client could give evidence as to what it said, or even that it had existed.

(It genuinely was a friend, not me)

oh… wow….

Weird Eddie,

I thought it was rather clever, given the Clinton did serve his term between the Bushs’.

But why are those three presidents standing on a big fat zero?