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creepy entitled babies men who should not ever be with women ever reddit

And the Creepy Boss of the Week Award goes to … this dude posting on Reddit

He’s just trying to help

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By David Futrelle

I don’t even know how to begin to summarize this very long and very creepy post from the Relationship Advice subreddit from a male boss who seems just a teensy weensy bit too “concerned” about a female employee’s relationship with her boyfriend.

So you’re going to just have to read it for yourself. But here’s a fun game you can play as you make your way through it: See how many paragraphs you can get through before your skin starts to crawl!

Me [32M] with my coworker/friend [24/F] of one year, how do I let her know she is in an abusive relationship with her bf[24m] (self.relationship_advice) submitted 1 day ago by menumessages So a little background to start off with: I work for a nonprofit where I'm the supervisor of 10 people that work under me. Last fall a young woman, lets call her Jennifer started to work with us through an outside fellowship. Now she's the kind of person that just commands attention as soon as she walks into the room. She is very pretty but just has one of those personalities that everyone likes you know? I had to train her when she first started but was very surprised by how quickly she picked everything up. We do a lot of legal work and it's not easy for people without previous experience to learn so quickly. So this should give you a good idea of the kind of person she is. I immediately took a liking to her because of her work but also how easy she was to talk to. During our training, I would say we became pretty close. So much so that I would text her outside of work about non work related stuff. Also she sends me snapchats a lot, random stuff like shows shes watch like friends do. We even go to happy hour alone sometimes and I think I am the closest to her at work. One time she even had lunch with my mom and I when my mom was visiting town. So she is someone I consider a very good friend and want the best for her. Now here's the problem. About two months into her working with us, I found out she has a boyfriend. TO CLARIFY I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS AND DO NOT CARE THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. I really don't care that she has a boyfriend but felt a little manipulated that she never mentioned him before. I am supervisor, been training her for a few months, we have been talking about a lot of stuff so it just comes off as hiding something. People who work in small offices will know what I'm talking about. It was a little hard for me to trust her after that but I kept it to myself. She was still a great employee and her having a boyfriend did not change anything because apparently she has been with this guy for 5 years now. He doesn't live in the same city and they barely see each other from what I understand. So months go by and everything is going really well. So much so that I was even thinking about recommending her for a promotion. We became even closer during this time. About two weeks ago our parent group is hosted a fundraising gala. I asked Jennifer if she wold like to go with me and she said yes. I always have a great time with her so I was really looking forward to it. The night of the gala I called to see when I should pick her up and she said her boyfriend was in town and he would drop her off so she will just meet me there. This is the first red flag I noticed. Is this guy really that insecure that he can't even let her date take her to this gala? Five years and this insecure? That's a problem. But I just agree and say okay I will meet her there. I get to the gala and start to mingle. She eventually gets there but I don't approach her. Honestly, still pretty bothered by what happened earlier so I wanted her to come to me and apologize. She came up to me and we talked but she never apologized for what she did but I ignored it. Soon we were talking just like before and honestly really enjoying each other's company. Here's when I noticed the second red flag. Jennifer and I were talking to another couple when she excused herself because she had to take a call from her boyfriend. I thought it was pretty rude and she has never done something like this before. A little later she comes back and says that her boyfriend is picking her up and she will leave early. THIRD RED FLAG. She was very much looking forward to this night and suddenly she wants to leave early? You know when you can just tell someone isn't happy in their situation? Yeah I definitely felt it right away. A little while later he gets there and I shit you not, this idiot walked into the gala wearing shorts and a t shirt. I almost wanted to laugh but I didn't want to embarrass him. Jennifer introduces me to him and I make pleasantries but I do make a joke about how must feel a little out of place. He says something like "nah, not really sticking around so not a big deal." Okay? I don't really get what that has to do with anything. My point was that he was at a black tie event dressed like he is going to the gym, I don't care if you're for five minutes or five hours, that's weird. So you can already see he is getting an attitude with me for no reason. I follow up with, "well there are some really important people here" and his response was something like, "I've met senators wearing flip flops, I think I'll be okay." Holy shit, I'm getting angry writing this. But you see what I'm talking about right? He completely rubbed me the wrong way. So anyways, as she is leaving, I tell her to let me know if she gets home okay. It gets around midnight and she hasn't sent me a single message. So I sent her a text and no reply. I sent her another around 1am saying I am worried and just to let me know if she is okay. No reply. I have a hard time sleeping that night because I am genuinely concerned. It's just the kind of person I am. I need to know my friends are okay or it bothers me. I wake up the next morning after getting really bad sleep and she still hasn't responded. This makes me upset because I can see she has uploaded pictures on facebook but yet won't respond to my text. The only explanation is that her boyfriend is the reason. She always responds to me and at most a few hours later. So Sunday night I finally send another message really detailing how upset I was with how she was treating me. Also how I think how much control I feel her boyfriend was exerting over her was really making me lose respect for her. I always thought she is this strong independent woman and suddenly this guy is controlling who she can or can't talk to. Of course I get no reply. Monday, inevitably we see each other at work and she confronts me the first thing in the morning. Before I even get a chance to speak, she says I made her uncomfortable and she wants to just finish her last two months of fellowship without any contact that is not necessary for work. This was about two weeks ago. I was really upset at first but honestly I've done a lot of reading. When you are in an abusive relationship, you stop seeing the world the way it is and only the way the abuser wants you to see. It makes me really sad that I am losing a good friend because her boyfriend has insecurity issues. So a few concerns here. She started dating him 5 years ago meaning she was only 19 and therefore this is pretty much the only adult "relationship" she knows. Also the guy is a lobbyist! She wants to work in public service, help immigrants and refugees but yet dates a lobbyist? Does she really not see the contradiction here? I think over the past five years he has done a good job gaslighting her and it's to the point where it's affecting her relationship with other people and it breaks my heart to see this happen to a good friend. My question is this: what is the best approach to let her know of these concerns I have? How can you make someone who refuses to see reality to actually see what is happening? I have spoken to my mother and we both agree it would be best that she is also there when I approach Jennifer. However, do you think it should just be me alone or it would be better having a motherly figure also there to talk about something this serious? And if we have this conversation and she still refuses to break up with her abusive boyfriend, what are the final steps that I should take? To be frank, I'm not sure I can remain friends with her if she continues to date him. I'm simply not the kind of person who will stick by someone who is willingly ruining their own life. I can't stop thinking about this and haven't gotten any work done today. I really look forward to your suggestions and thank you for all your help. For any of you that are currently in an abusive relationship, get out before it's too late. tl;dr: My pretty good friend is in an abusive relationship but won't notice it. How do I get her to notice for her own good but also the future of our friendship?

Yipes.

In the movie Election, the main characters periodically break frame for brief “confessionals” in which they explain what they think is going on; it doesn’t take long to figure out that, well, they have no idea what’s really going on, and their little monologues are at once self-serving and completely un-self-aware.

Boss man has outdone all of them here.

H/T — @leyawn

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weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

The people I have known throughout my life have been a really wide range of socioeconomic statuses and I’ve had varying amounts of money at different periods of my life, so I’ve observed a lot of the differences between different class groups.

Working class people definitely don’t socialize less than middle or upper class people. They just socialize in different settings. In working class neighborhoods, people are congregated on the streets, in yards and on stoops or in any public place or free event. I’ve noticed that there’s far more of a sense of community in poor neighborhoods than in middle class ones. When I lived in a more poor neighborhood, that was the only time in my adult life that I ever knew any of my neighbors. In fact, I had trouble dealing with that apartment because I’m an introvert and when I’m in need to relax mode, I get noise sensitive. The noise levels from people socializing and listening to music all over the place got to me sometimes.

Middle class people are more likely to go out to nice or niceish bars to socialize, but they certainly don’t have unlimited resources either. Unless one is rich, an evening out at a place that serves ten dollar cocktails is likely to be an occasional treat. If you have less money than your friends, research happy hours in the area on the internet. You can find some great deals, especially on a weekday and unless your friends are super snobby, they’ll probably appreciate the good deals. You can also throw potluck parties if you have a little space. There are ways to entertain yourself and others for cheap if you put thought into it. Anyone who feels like you’re the only one who can’t go out to upscale bars two or three times a week? You’re not.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

Board game night! Start a board game club!

Seriously board games are lots of fun now! It’s not just awful monopoly or risk or parcheesi or whatever. There are some amazing experiences out there!

I’m not a dork shut up!

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I like Monopoly for a little while but it just drags on way too long. When I was a kid, my friends and I would play until we got bored, count our money and properties and whoever had the most, won. Clue was my favorite though.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

When was a kid the weirdest thing about Monopoly was the idea that you could own a railway or a utility company. It just didn’t make sense. 🙂

(They should have done a socialist version for the UK so as not to confuse us)

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It’d be cool to have a reverse Monopoly where the way to win is to do the best job of enriching the community as a whole. Maybe part of why my friends and I stopped playing midway through in Monopoly is that we weren’t capitalist pigs at heart and didn’t want to bankrupt each other.

I’m no board game expert, so maybe something like that already exists?

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

That’s the big problem with Monopoly – the randomness of movement and the way that money changes hands makes it sort of a steamroller, and based entirely on how lucky you are. The optimal strategy is to buy everything you can. Monopoly is sort of held up as an example of how to get everything wrong. I’m sure you had fun! But it wasn’t the game that was fun, it was your friends. Good board games facilitate that fun, they’re social lubricant. Monopoly is social sandpaper 😐

Though, even being crap as a game, it’s an excellent teaching tool to show how terrible and random capitalism is (Which is what it was originally designed as). That sort of links back to Alan’s comment actually! Rail and Utilities are included in the game as things-you-can-buy because they just pile on the economic misery.

Board games are good now! If you liked Clue, there are lots of mystery games out there that are tremendous fun! Try Betrayal at House on the Hill,

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/10547/betrayal-house-hill

which is like your own little horror movie where everyone explores a spoooooky haunted house, until some weird horror mystery leaps out and surprises you – and one of your friends becomes the monster! It’s so fun, and very replayable. A classic, for sure. 10/10, would spook again.

Or if you want a puzzle game that stabs you in the heart and makes you choke on your own tears of rage and misery in a way that no other medium than games can, try to find a copy of Freedom: The Underground Railroad.

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/119506/freedom-underground-railroad

Which is about exactly what you think it’s about, and handles the subject matter in a way that will make you angry and nauseous, all with a boring map and little wooden cubes. I saw a review for this game, and the reviewer – a white English man – literally couldn’t finish his first playthrough because it made him feel too bad. I want this game. As a teaching tool and a learning tool.

Or maybe you want something you can play casually around a kitchen table or at the pub? Howabout a game with cards made of bar coasters? Try Skull:

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/92415/skull

A simple bluffing game that’s fast, fun, and lets you chat and laugh about stuff while you’re playing. And the cards are gorgeous – if you’re at a bar or patio, you’ll have people coming up just to look at them and to ask what the heck you’re doing, it looks fun.

Guys! Board games are awesome now! I just love them. I am like a board game evangelist, because i just want more people to play! They’re so good now! Do it!

EDIT

Oooh yes, those games exist. All sorts. One moment, my duck!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

When I lived in London I did the Monopoly pub crawl thing. It’s quite a good way of learning your way around.

It’s interesting though that the only reference to taxation is (I think) one of the Chance cards. And that it’s seen as a bit of bad luck. There’s probably an article to be written about all that.

You could probably do a rules expansion pack to introduce taxation. Make things interesting. Don’t ever introduce quantitative easing though. Goes on forever as it is.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

Quadropolis is a lovely little dice game about building a city and balancing all of its pollution and population needs. It’s also got a wicked clever little puzzle mechanic at its heart that never punishes you, but always keeps you thinking about what better options you could make. It also has tiny little peoples and tiny little barrels of pollution that you can play with!

At a smaller scale, there’s the adorable Blueprints, where players compete to build little buildings out of dice! It’s got a wonderfully tactile element to the game, it’s very quick, and there’s a remarkably fun little private puzzle you get to have as you try to figure out how to get your plans to work while everyone else keeps taking all of the dice you want!

Machi Koro is a Japanese classic that’s very light, very easy to understand, and quick. It has a bit of an issue with randomness, but it’s a wonderfully light game and it’s not long. Not very puzzly’ and not very competitive.

If you’d like a fully cooperative game about trying to make the world a better place, Pandemic is incredible. You play doctors and agents of the CDC, trying to stop a bunch of disease outbreaks across the world before there’s a global, well, pandemic. You all work together to win, and you don’t always win – it’s hard! There’s a version of this called Pandemic Legacy which I want so very badly to play. Game takes about 45 minutes. It’s a more serious board game sort of a game, but it’s a great thing to sit over with drinks or coffee and discuss with friends. Group problem solving is great fun.

So many good games out there, guys! For really reals!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ scildfreja

The IT Crowd did a (very affectionate) spoof of the world of board games.

(Sorry for the poor picture quality in this first bit.)

https://youtu.be/QqtSDE261fQ

But then they got hip.

https://youtu.be/0h9jN12QbdE

kupo
kupo
7 years ago

Pandemic is so damn hard that even when we cheat we don’t win.

Edit:
@Alan
Didn’t they get hip by wearing women’s trousers?

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
7 years ago

Also!! Also! If someone is like ‘Hey let’s play Monopoly, I have the Simpsons version and Doctor who version and LotR version and local version etc’ you can say ‘why don’t we play monopoly, but actually fun????’

The Farming Game – Not a great title, I know, and the artwork is definitely older. But it is like monopoly, in that you go around a board, but *very* unlike it, because you are playing against the game, and not each other. You can co-operate between people with loans and stuff, and *every turn* you get to do something.

It is a longer game, probably in the 3 hourish range, but it is honestly fun the whole time. My board game limit is about an hour and a half, but this one is engaging enough that I always am really sad when people need to go home, and we don’t get to finish. One day I’ll make half a mil and be able to quit my job and run a farm! Also… I get to pay off a mortgage, something that will likely never happen in my IRL.

And if someone is all “Hey, remember Risk?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNdTLrM8HzA

And you’re like “NOOOOOOOOOOO” I’d like to present the alternative!

Small World
– It’s like risk, but fun! You choose who you’re going to play at the beginning from options have race (with special abilities) and something fancy (with other special abilities). These are separate, which means you might wind up with Dragon Rider Ratmen and Merchant Mermen or anything. It’s great for replayability.

Then you expand as much as you can, holding territories (like risk). When you can’t expand any more? Instead of being stuck in a no-win situation trying to do something for the next EIGHT HOURS, you put your race into decline, and start a new one.

Small World rules summary.
Tabletop episode.

Also, I’d like to share with you the best things about HeroQuest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx8sl2uC46A

<3

(The 25th anniversary kickstarter thing is a scam, I'm pretty sure.)

For playing tabletop stuff, if you're interested in playing the 5th edition of D&D, there's D&D Beyond. It’s a website where they’ve put a lot of the basic information up there, so you can play without needing to spend money for a book.

If people have internet connections, there is also roll20, which is free. You do need to have a mic of some sort as well as a stable internet connection, so that could be a barrier. But if the barrier is that someone doesn’t have other people to play with, there are games on there that can be joined.

That isn’t d&d specific! It will work for all sorts of games, and there are all sorts of groups looking for people.

I know that not all people have space to actually get a group of people together. Sometimes libraries will have spaces you can access, or community centres.

WOW long post. I just like hanging out with people and playing games, and I’m really happy that there are lots to choose from now.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ kupo

women’s trousers?

Women’s slacks. 🙂

https://youtu.be/ujGCGZqwaSc

(why are they called slacks; if anything they’re tighter?)

kupo
kupo
7 years ago

@Alan
Sorry, your English terms for things always trip me up. Here we call them slacks or pants, but I assume women’s pants has a different connotation over there.

@Rhuu
I think I used to play The Farming Game as a kid. Does it have little plastic figures of groups of cows and sheep? If so, I loved it!

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
7 years ago

Yeah, Pandemic is hard to win. But it gives you a real sense of accomplishment when you manage it. We won my first game, after I realized that if the four of us playing all did one particular set of actions in order, we could win. Pretty much anything else and we’d lose. It’s a game where you pretty much have to plot things out several moves in advance and hope that the wrong cards don’t show up, particularly as you get into the end game.

(Pandemic can be made easier by adjusting some of the numbers; there are specific rules for adjusting difficulty level, and they can be pushed one past the ‘easy’ end if you want something that has more like a 50/50 chance of winning.)

The first co-operative board game I ever played was the original Avalon Hill edition of Arkham Asylum. That’s even harder to win than Pandemic, in my experience.

As for reverse Monopoly:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Monopoly

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ kupo

Pants can mean trousers here, but it’s also (and perhaps more commonly) underwear. I like pants because it’s one of those inherently funny words. 🙂

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

When I was growing up, one of my best friends’ father was a board game collector. Their basement was entirely covered in floor to ceiling shelves full of games. It did provide us lots of entertainment, although we found the NES more interesting. There was even a Dr Ruth sex ed game that we got much amusement out of. I can’t remember the names of many of the games that we played the most, unfortunately. I think one was called El Dorado and it was gold rush themed.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ jenora

I liked that link because it lead me on a wonderfully geeky legal wikiwalk; ta.

To get a bit feministy, I didn’t know Monopoly was invented by a woman; but then a man claimed credit and got all the royalties.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darrow

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

@WWTH

psst

You should look at this.

comment image

Katz
7 years ago

It’d be cool to have a reverse Monopoly where the way to win is to do the best job of enriching the community as a whole.

I’ve kept threatening to make a reverse RTS where you start with a big, fully-developed civilization and you gradually take it apart and return to nature.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

@Alan, I know, right? Not only that, but the dude basically said “Hey, this game about how terrible landlords are is great, but what if instead we made the landlords awesome?” Monopoly is a great thing to study. A game about poor peoples’ needs being subverted by capitalism… which was subverted by capitalism. It’s incredibly meta.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

@Katz,

Ecopoly

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

It’s incredibly meta

Well we are talking about a guy who obtained an exclusive trademark on the word ‘Monopoly’.

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

Areas of grinding poverty have some of the richest and most vibrant social structures you could want. Unless you have actually visited the poor where they live and talked to them[snip]

You mean checking a few streets in a few towns out with Google Street View doesn’t count?

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
7 years ago

@Alan, tee hee! I’d love it, if Monopoly weren’t such a bad game. I guess it’s best as an example of What Not To Do.

Play Istanbul instead! It’s such a good economic game, but it’s actually a fun puzzle that you share with your friends instead of a tarpit of boredom. (Just ignore their somewhat problematic depiction of women, though. In that, they don’t have any depictions of women. 87 people in the game art; 87 men. The publisher is terribly embarrassed by it. But it’s still a great game)

Katz
7 years ago

Well we are talking about a guy who obtained an exclusive trademark on the word ‘Monopoly’.

That is indeed pretty meta.

The bizarre thing about Monopoly to me is that there are people who will defend it to the death as a game of complex, multilayered strategy.

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