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By David Futrelle
So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.
![Mikveh 4 points 21 hours ago My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month, not because she is a slut, just because she knows she has to put out for chad or he will lose interest. So the younger they are, I figure the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it, rather than at the age of 25 say 84 penises(12*7years) permalinkembedunsavereportgive goldreply [–]Onkel_Adolf 10 points 21 hours ago i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ififcanIhaveacoatplz 4 points 20 hours ago It bears repeating](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/penises-e1499389564757.png?ssl=1)
So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?
The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?
On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.
Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.
As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.
I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!
@ dormousing, et. al.;
Can’t help you with the Mountain Dew question, but the r*****k[s] were originally on our side! … Well, if not specifically on our side, they were originally an anti-capitalist force, anyway! … All right, maybe that’s a bit optimistic, too, but they WERE engaged in armed conflict with the Plutocracy!!
@guest, msexceptiontotherule, wwth, Victorious Parasol
Yes, I know Mountain Dew is high in caffeine. I used to drink it when I was a kid, before people were concerned about children using caffeine. At least, not as concerned as they are today.
Heh…soda as spermicide. My sister and I once spilled some cola on the rug in the back seat of our parent’s car. The soda actually began to dissolve the carpeting! If it could do that, then imagine what it’s doing to our bodies. Formulas have probably been changed since then, but still…
Re: Soda (or Pop as we’d say here)
If you shine a UV light on decent quality Tonic Water you can pretend you’ve had a nuclear reactor radiation leak.
I haven’t read the entire thread yet but I had to stop to echo @Axe’s SQUEEEEEEEEE
Welcome back Scildfreja Unnyðnes!! You were missed!!!
oh gosh there are so many people
@kupo, counseling is so hit or miss. It’s usually a good thing, but it really depends on the counselor you get. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with it. Not your fault! Humans are terrible, I mean really 😐
Keep working on that portfolio! I need to do the same. Most of my work is under NDA, so I can’t share it :s womp womp.
and – gosh – going into a problem happy is never a mistake! It’s always the right thing! You were just unprepared. And those work-at-home problems are tailored for bulldozing people. Keep at it!
@bananan, yay! *flail!*
@AngryWarthogBreath, I am always confused by people and would in general prefer to hide under the bed. That’s just me. I’m sure you’re totes a hotboi tho, I mean – you like homophones and puns and board games! Dreamy…
@Ooglyboggles, hiii! I’m so glad you’re doing good! Please keep us up to date on how you feel now that your Wellbutrin is spinning up to speed. And remember, you aren’t cheating! Your feelings are what they should be right now. Go get that math and that FAFSA! I don’t know what FAFSA is, but go get it!
Hello @occasional reader, thank you! Don’t worry, originality is over-rated. Consistency is more important usually!
@Sailor LeadDragonite, thank you too! I will redouble your daily dose of marshmallow ponies.
@EJ! You scheming liberal race-traitor! I’m glad you’re on your way out of academia. You’ve done your time contributing to knowledge and the world at large. Time to contribute to your bank account! You deserve it! As for me – am I in a better place? I don’t know really. I’m sort of in a positive and negative state simultaneously. I’m a bit of a Higgs-Bozo, if you will. Summer’s okay, though!
@kootiepatra, hi!
@opposablethumbs,
@Ohlmann, oooh, that sounds fun; what game? Or is that super secret?
@Iseult, thank you!
@Weird Eddie, I missed you too! You are the best Eddie I know!
@bluecat, I’m happy to be back, thank you very much! And yes, I do suspect that the OP sort of rather perhaps hasn’t thought things through very deeply. I would accept that axiom!
#Fanta is around up here. It disappeared for awhile, I believe, and was then brought back as part of a marketing push a few years ago. I always found it sort of bland sugar-water, myself.
@Dan, I hope your gout clears up! If not, please try to train the demon to be helpful. A little guy like that might be good for cleaning under tables and low shelves.
@dreemr!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I’m sure I’ve missed some of you lovely peeps, I apologize! Hello everyone <3
Speaking of Fanta – I can’t find orange Fanta anywhere around here (New England). It’s a tragedy. There is strawberry and grape Fanta at the grocery store now, and a blue one (blue raspberry? I don’t think it’s blueberry.)
Even worse, I visited Florida and they have Mango Fanta down there! It was really tasty! Why don’t we have it up here?
Also, sticking one’s penis into a Pepsi bottle sounds painful. Not just the size aspect (for many penises) but the acidity and carbonation. I can’t imagine the sugar would be very good for it either.
@ preuxfox
I can only send you a virtual Fanta I’m afraid. But if there’s anything to sympathetic magic it might work if I vicariously drink it for you?
http://i.imgur.com/qdn62MI.jpg
@ PreuxFox;
… umm, those aren’t actually fruit flavored in there….
O_o
@Weird Eddie
Yeah, I know, not so long ago, the r*****ks were on our side. Hell, even this past presidential election, there was a group of Democrats near where I live who called themselves “Hillbillies for Hillary”.
RE: Penises in soda bottles. I’ve heard an urban legend where a young guy got his penis stuck in a Coke bottle, and had to ask his mom for help. Apparently, he’d been masturbating with it. I suppose the neck of the bottle acted the same way a cock ring would…it kept the blood from flowing back out. Anyway, I don’t believe the story, but it is amusing to think about how very EMBARRASSING that would be.
@PreuxFox
Mango soda does sound very good. I love all kinds of tropical fruit. Don’t hold your breath for it to ever be available in New England, tho’.
@Dormousing_It
I suspect it has to do with regional history, Mountain Dew having started as a local brand in Knoxville TN. Also there’s a strong association with moonshine; ‘mountain dew’ originally meant whiskey, especially moonshine, and the soda was invented as a mixer for same.
@WWTH
Very widespread, not sure of the origin.
@Scildfreja
Federal student aid in the States.
@Weird Eddie
It’s a cute story, but the part about the word origin is entirely made up. (The rest of the article is factual, however); the term in question predates the Matewan incident by some decades, having apparently been imported from South Africa, where it was already current. It refers to the appearance of a white person who works on a farm in a sunny clime; the back of the neck will get sunburned and turn red.
My two penn’orth on pop. Tommyknocker root beer (nothing to do with Steven King) is, I understand, deliberately formulated to glow in the dark. Presumably bioluminescent ingredients have something to do with this.
On a lighter note, does anyone want to quantify a ‘lashing’ of ginger beer ? (Readers of Enid Blyton have the advantage here.)
I gave up soda a long time ago (and would have done it sooner if I knew it contained penises).
Thanks, @Dalillama! Student loans in the USA are sort of scary :s
and as for soda, I really gotta say, weiner flavour sounds like the worst
Probably still better than that ranch dressing novelty soda I saw once.
You have something against drinking cool refreshing peni? Misandry!
@guest Ahhhhh, Jolt Cola. Brings me back to my university days. 🙂
On the sex scale I’m apparently in the 88th percentile for my age. *shrug* I still feel like I haven’t had enough. LOL!
And to echo everyone else – welcome back, Scildfreja Unnyðnes! 🙂
thank you! You are my favourite capricorn
@Dalillama:
In South Africa, “redneck” (rooinek) specifically refers to a white person of English-speaking ancestry, as opposed to of Afrikaans-speaking ancestry.
Afrikaners were (and still are today) a magnificently hatted ethnic group, and thus (supposedly) our necks were spared from the sunburn that plagued other white immigrants.
I suspect that this meaning either got lost when the word transferred to the US, or else all Americans were deemed to be British and thus to fall in that category.
(Is “redneck” considered an *able slur in the US?)
@kupo – ACK! no, I can see where that wouldn’t work. I’m sorry for your troubles.
@Dormousing_It, re:Fanta
Pardon my lateness, here.
In Kentucky, I’ve hardly seen a gas station that doesn’t carry some kind of Fanta. We haven’t that mango flavor (and I’m jealous) nor the Icy Lemon flavor that I picked up on my trip to Ireland (which is absolutely GODLY); but we do have the traditional grape and orange, alongside berry mix, peach, red berry, and pineapple. They have a different sort of grapeness compared to other grape sodas, at least to me (having tried Grape Big K, Grape Crush, Grape Sunkist, Grape Faygo, and the anachronistic NuGrape in contrast).
They lost me at “Pepsi”. How you would even want that drink, regardless of how many dicks have been dipped in it, is entirely beyond me.
I know that trying to apply real logic instead of superior man logic to their arguments is futile, but there is a serious flaw here. If I’ve had one boyfriend who I have sex with several times a week for years, why does that somehow count less than if I had sex with several men one time each?
In the one boyfriend scenario, I’ve had an order of magnitude more sex than their once with a new guy each month scenario. Why is my vagina not ruined by case A, but it is by case B?
I know this is a silly question, because the idea itself is ridiculous, but part of me wonders what they’re reasoning is on this.
Iseult:
Try mixing Vernor’s with vanilla ice cream for a confection called a Boston cooler. No one seems to know why it’s called that, but it seems that, like the Coney Island hot dog (another Detroit culinary institution), it wasn’t invented in Boston, nor even on Boston Avenue.
I would take some serious abstraction to reach such levels of stupidity, but let’s attempt this.
Going by their logic, women are meant to be property. Thus if a woman had slept with the same person for several years, as opposed to a woman with several partners, she would still be more desirable because she would be viewed as a “secondhand item” rather than a “good for common use”.
I think I gave myself brain cancer thinking that up.