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By David Futrelle
So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.
![Mikveh 4 points 21 hours ago My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month, not because she is a slut, just because she knows she has to put out for chad or he will lose interest. So the younger they are, I figure the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it, rather than at the age of 25 say 84 penises(12*7years) permalinkembedunsavereportgive goldreply [–]Onkel_Adolf 10 points 21 hours ago i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ififcanIhaveacoatplz 4 points 20 hours ago It bears repeating](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/penises-e1499389564757.png?ssl=1)
So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?
The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?
On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.
Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.
As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.
I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!
@Scild
I know I’ll be fine. I honestly wasn’t expecting to have so much anxiety about it. I’m not on meds either because it’s never been bad enough that I would want to wade through the hell that is counseling (have tried 3 times, never worked out, always made me worse). I’m working on the anxiety by trying to get a portfolio together to showcase my work. That and I have to remember to talk myself into not wanting the job at all so the anxiety doesn’t kick in. That’s always when I interview best is when I decide I’m going to fail or I don’t want it. My mistake this time was being happy that it was a work-on-your-own assignment instead of a whiteboard problem, so I went in feeling like it was going to be all relaxed and then the problems were vague and challenging. Oh well. Next time. 🙂
*happy fit* Yay, Scildfreja! *flail*
Regarding sex partners, I think I can safely say that I didn’t have any sexual contact with another person until I was in my late thirties– an age at which according to these Mensa members I’d not just hit the wall, but splattered against it in a molecule-thin layer of Banananana. And then I married said person. So that’s one level of them being wrong.
You’d think that would mean that virginal (if dirty-minded) pre-25 me would have been a hot property, but I’m sure even thinner me wouldn’t have met their rigorous standards for an HB10 physically, let alone after nerd point demerits. Miggytoes are all about moving goalposts when they’re not whining about how the grapes are sour because any self-respecting woman would rather French-kiss a weedwhacker than fuck them.
On the subject of sodas, I drink an unhealthy amount of Coke* to the point my pancreas is going ‘uhhh’ but also love me the occasional Reed’s ginger beer** or Vernor’s***. I drink Dr. Pepper**** at work, but that’s largely because it goes warm better than Coke.
* Without penises in it
** Also without penises
*** Ditto
**** I think I have a theme going here
So, to address every point in the thread in a digest fashion:
– I am thirty three years old and still entirely virginal. This makes me a… bluepilled beta cuck incel, I believe? But I am not even a hot boy 7.
– Fluttershy is naturally entirely fazed by this discussion and does not know why people are having it.
– I too enjoy board games and the homophone “bored games”! It is adorable.
– Pepsi Max. Not standard Pepsi, that’s got a strained flavour to it, but Pepsi Max is the best fizzdrink ever made.
OT: What is it with Trump and hands?!
Trump handshake ignored by Poland’s first lady – video
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/jul/07/donald-trump-handshake-ignored-by-polands-first-lady-video
@Scild
@Axe
I wanna join on the life thingys! I’m almost done with a new semester of college, and just need to complete FAFSA again to be eligible for work study. My aunt a while ago had a diabetic shock but she’s all better now! I even completed an entire translation project from Japanese to English with a group as the person who can explain things to the esl members. Oh and I’m now 80% done with Khan Academy’s World of Math, just a little more and I can finally get on track to my accounting degree. Mentally I’m currently pretty swell, it took a year but my Wellbrutin is finally kicking in for sure. It’s like if someone just installed a super generator and said “go wild.”
Only a matter of time before I become the multi language speaking, drawing, book keeping, self dependent person I always wanted to be.
Hello.
@Scildfreja
Without originality, i wish you a good welcome back.
On the topic.
I think the poster has had a slip on the keyboard. He was thinking about Coke, which then became Cock, and the final slip to Penis. So, originally, he was considering mixing Pepsi with some doses of Coke (as it is all the same, i do not see why it is a problem, but nevermind). Still, it is a pretty strange metaphore.
And all in all, i prefer any of my drink without any male genitalia in it (plus, if it is a soda, and if some of it enters by the external urethral orifice of said genitalia, i predict the person is going to develop a new kind of dance… Just remember the effect of soap, yes ?).
Have a nice day.
And a welcome back to Scildfreja from me!
Even though I’ve one stopped lurking since you left *shruggif* What can I say? I missed the pony gifs
I prefer my genitals without fizzy drinks of any sort on them. Especially Pepsi. The official drink of the Blue Lives Matter movement isn’t getting near my junk.
Also, hey Scildfreja! You sound like you’re in a much better place now. How’s the summer up beyond the Wall?
My big news is that I’m leaving academia; I’m looking at data science or data visualisation as professions. I love research but the uncertainty is just too much.
I’m a fan of a line of soda pop called “Dry Soda”; they’re light, crisp, not overly sweet, and they come in fun flavors like lavender, cucumber, rhubarb, watermelon, or mint. Suuuuuper nice on a hot sticky day. (They also have a Serrano pepper flavor, but I am not brave enough for that one). They’re kind of in the same flavor family as La Croix, but I think they’re way tastier.
[Ed: *joins the welcome wagon for Scildfreja*]
The only way I can think of to get twelve penises inside a pepsi bottle is by cutting them off and stuffing them in one at a time. And it’d only work with one of the 2-liter bottles. Or, Dr. Klein from Fallout New Vegas could do it, because he’s confused about human anatomy and thinks fingers and toes are penises.
This is reminding me of a conversation some friends of mine and I had about a hypothetical woman who could suck eight dicks at once cause we were discussing a post about the necessity of respecting women regardless of the sex they do or not have.
We had some interesting theories – one of my friends said you should respect her cause she could probably unhinge her jaw like a snake and swallow you whole.
Maybe the pepsi bottle in question is part snake.
Ah, but remember, women below a “HB” 7 or 8 don’t count in their world. All the women who’ve had fewer partners are obviously too ugly for their standards, or they would have had more sex.
I prefer Pepsi to Coke. Coke’s always left a weird film in my mouth… Like, of the non-sex variety, I mean.
I have nothing to contribute to the Coke Carousel discussion; but in unrelated news this book might be of interest to peeps. Has Bonobos in it for one thing, and everyone seems to love them (and also science and women etc.)
https://www.economist.com/news/books-and-arts/21724375-why-view-women-are-gentle-caring-and-empathetic-whereas-men-are-strong?fsrc=scn/fb/te/bl/ed/howsciencegotwomenwrong
Wait, what do these guys do to their soda again?
Fentiman’s ginger beer is the only one (or at least the only one available here). It has at least a bit of proper gingery bite to it. Ginger (plus more ginger) makes almost everything better. Irn Bru is much too sweet, which saddens me because I like the idea of it so much.
I am still bouncing from having first seen you back on the screen in the previous thread, Scildfreja! It’s like the mammotheers Snoopy dance around here 🙂
Also I am confused why twelve chads in a year would use a girl up faster than one dedicated chad in the same 12 months.
They do know that people in long term relationships have more sex on average than people in casual hookups, right?
Oh wait no, because that would mean knowing a single fact about women or sex that wasn’t invented in their own imagination…
@ opposablethumbs
Ooh, I love Fentimans; especially their Curiosty Cola (although that ‘curiosity’ is a bit worrying). But as to ginger beer generally, it plays a surprisingly large role in the history of English law. It’s literally the foundation of our entire tort of negligence, personal injury law, consumer law etc.
http://www.wildy.com/static/wildy_simmonds_and_hill/2009/9780854900497.jpg
@everyone hi! Is it too cliche to say long time reader; first time commenter?
@Latte Cat
This guy has *definitely* tried to put his penis into a Pepsi bottle.
@Susan
That’s right. It’s so absurd how these men speculate that women are having so MUCH sex with everyone but them and then to make themselves feel better about all this sex shenanigans going on, tell themselves that the only reason they’re not having sex is because they’re too selective.
@Alan thanks for the book rec; I’d had it on my radar and went to look at the article. But OMG the comments…I tend to think of The Economist as attracting a slightly more intellectual crowd, but guess I should have remembered that men who fancy themselves ‘economists’ are as bad as the gamerbros and techbros.
re Irn Bru–I’ve had it a few times, and it’s not as bad as it looks! I’m not actually a big fan of fizzy drinks in general, but with the weather we’ve been having I’ve been craving ginger beer. My local grocery store doesn’t carry it, and the foodie place near me didn’t have it on the shelves, but I was able to score a few cans in their café.
The problem with this idea is that most of these white supremacist types belive that women retain sperm and / or genetic material from former partners, so if you sire offspring with them you are getting ‘cucked’ into raiding kids with DNA from other men. It’s pretty fucked up, and not ‘science’. In fact, it’s impossible.
Pepsi is a source of outrage to these alt right guys, who still believe there is a plot by the dastardly Planned Parenthood to sell aborted foetuses to PepsiCo to brew in their vast cauldron of witchery into fizzy beverages.
I am currently drinking an over sized can of blueberry Soda Shaq, hope he didn’t put his you know what in it, because that would be disgusting.
That’s your problem right there.
@ guest
Yeah, I think I might steal this one for future use though:
‘A study (conducted by me and not yet published)…’ shows that men are innately amazing and women are innately stooped. QED!