Categories
alpha asshole cock carousel alpha males chad thundercock entitled babies evil sexy ladies men who should not ever be with women ever MGTOW MGTOW of the Day misogyny penis-shaped things penises reddit slut shaming

Penises and Pepsi bottles: MGTOWs continue to have trouble with metaphors

Wait … 25% more of what, exactly?

Today is the start of the Summer 2017 WHTM pledge drive. Donate! Donate Donate Donate! Thanks! 

By David Futrelle

So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.

Mikveh 4 points 21 hours ago My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month, not because she is a slut, just because she knows she has to put out for chad or he will lose interest. So the younger they are, I figure the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it, rather than at the age of 25 say 84 penises(12*7years) permalinkembedunsavereportgive goldreply [–]Onkel_Adolf 10 points 21 hours ago i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ififcanIhaveacoatplz 4 points 20 hours ago It bears repeating

So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?

The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?

On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.

Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.

As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.

I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

214 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ guest

But he said “QED” so he must be a proper scientician! And who needs peer review when “It seems to me…”?

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
3 years ago

In the unrelated but happy event : I have been selected to betatest the new version of one my favorite game.

guest
guest
3 years ago

@Alan well that was interesting…not sure why it’s played as comedy, or as a period piece, since a) I experienced that very thing the other night (at a public venue; a hopefully productive email exchange was had the following day) and b) that is the exact expression one sees on men’s faces when women attempt to take the talking time that rightfully belongs to men.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
3 years ago

The legal history and significance of ginger beer … who could resist! Yup, come for the mammoth-hunting, stay for the serendipity and unstalable, infinite variety of recondite knowledge. And the mammoth-hunting. 🙂

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
3 years ago

Another welcome home to Scildfreja!

Sodas… I don’t drink much soda, but I do like Vernor’s ginger ale, which I swore for years was a ginger ale/cream soda mix.

Reed’s is good, and there’s a company called Bruce Cost that makes ginger ale with actual ginger in it. VERY strong ginger flavor.

Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
3 years ago

@ Scildfreja Unnyðnes;

MISSED YOU…missed your pony .gifs, too. Welcome back!!

bluecat
bluecat
3 years ago

Scildfreja Unnyðnes – great to see you and your bouncing dancing singing ponies and unicorns for a better world again.

Re: the coke carousel – I like the wonderfully named Pocari Sweat, as in “you don’t sweat much for a Pocari”, whatever that is.

As regards the scoring system: at 24 I was a nice round Roman Catholic zero – but who’s counting?

By 26, 50/50 men and women (ie, a grand total of 2) but I’m sure chummy here isn’t imagining women with women.

I think in my busiest years – when I was over 35, go figure – it was never more than 4 in a year, some with and some without penes.

But many of those would be repeats from previous years, so, oh dear, how to score?

Could it be the OP has not fully thought that one through?

Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
3 years ago

Could it be the OP has not fully thought that one through?

A miggy?!?!? Not thinking their comments through??? In the immortal words of Spock, “I would accept that as an axiom”

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ guest

not sure why it’s played as comedy

One thing I keep noticing with David’s posts is how many theories and ‘insights’ seriously put forward by the manosphere lot were previously the stuff of comedy sketches. For example I had to look up ‘negging’. The PUA community have a formula. It’s basically “Seeming compliment…(beat)…twist that imports negative spin”. That supposedly makes you irresistable to women. But that’s literally the shtick of those “Check please” sketches on Goodness Gracious Me. But at least there the guy is putting his foot in it by accident (and they’re funny).

But nearly everything MRAs come out with has an analogue in comedy, with the maker of the statement being the butt of the joke. There’s probably an article there.

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
3 years ago

@kupo – this probably doesn’t help, but it is very common for counseling to make things feel worse for a while. But it sounds like you have coping strategies.

@bluecat – of course they haven’t considered repeat partners and non-hetero relationships. Repeat partners are a myth in their world, and non-piv isn’t real sex, as I’m sure they’d explain if only they weren’t going their own way.

DerangedDan
DerangedDan
3 years ago

Naturally, a “mikveh” is the ritualistic bath that orthodox Jewish women are supposed to take every month (to “achieve purity”) after their period such that their husband can touch them again. Nice touch, creep-o!

Oh dear, I hope Onkel_Adolf who’s replying to him there doesn’t catch on. I have a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn’t approve.

It looks like I’m going to have to renounce soda entirely, sadly. I’m having what seems to be a flare up of gout, and tasty drinks just aren’t worth debilitating pain. My favorite was probably Materva, a strange but very good yerba mate soda.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

@Scildgfreja

It’s nice to have you back.

@Troubelle

I don’t drink soda too much anymore, but my favorite is probably ginger ale.

@Axecalibur

Fanta brand soda. I haven’t seen it in nearly 40 years, since I was a preteen living in western Pennsylvania. In fact, I wondered if it was still on the market. Maybe it’s a regional thing, now. Fanta was even in the vending machines, including the orange flavor, which I just don’t see anymore. BTW, a 12 oz. can of soda from a vending machine cost 25 cents. And, a huge scoop of excellent ice cream at the local ice cream parlor cost 15 cents. Of course, this was in the sticks.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ derangeddan

I’m having what seems to be a flare up of gout

Ouch. You have my sympathies.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1576768/thumbs/o-GOUT-570.jpg

If it makes you feel any better though, you’re in very cool company:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/t-rexs-bite-made-worse-by-his-gout-1262772.html

Sailor LeadDragonite
Sailor LeadDragonite
3 years ago

@Dormousing_it
Fanta’s still a thing in the UK. Don’t know about other countries though

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
3 years ago

So…have to ask again – how many dicks do you want in your pepsi?

“Twelve dicks. I want twelve dicks in my pepsi.” (I’m wondering if any of them stop and actually consider this reply before they hit “post”)

Right then. That’s a lot of dicks man….Maybe…that’s what MGTOWs and their obsession with Chads and dicks in their pepsi and the cock carousel is actually about? Could they not just admit they like Chads? And cock carousels? And 12 dicks in their pepsi? Liking those things isn’t BAD miggies! People have been doing a lot of work to make the world a more accepting place and it’s ok to love the cock, the ladyruffles, both, or neither! You might have to quit going on ROK, The Daily White Dude With Complaints, and such – but really you won’t be losing much there.

– Coca Cola classic.

– Have none of them ever thought – hey, soda bottle = reaaally a bit ouch. But a canning jar? A whole lot easier to stick 12 dicks into one of those! Not necessarily one at a time or 12 at a time or anything…

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

OK, more minutia about soda…what is it with rural white people, and Mountain Dew? I try not to use a certain 7 letter word beginning with r and ending in k, but if you’re murican, you know what I mean.

My husband calls Mountain Dew “Appalachian Pisswater”, and empty Mountain Dew cans and bottles are strewn beside the roads everywhere here. Especially since, we have no municipal garbage pickup.

guest
guest
3 years ago

@Dormousing-it Back in the day among my crowd of well-educated California computer geeks/gamers Mountain Dew was the drink of choice because apparently it had the most caffeine. Though the guy I dated went one better, and filled his workspace with crates of Jolt Cola–‘all the sugar and twice the caffeine’.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
3 years ago

I think it’s supposed to be high in caffeine? I hate that stuff because the carbonation goes quick the second you open the bottle/can/whatever.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

When I was a kid there was a rumor that Mountain Dew kills sperm cells. I’m not sure where that came from or if it was a widespread rumor at all.

DerangedDan
DerangedDan
3 years ago

@Alan
That little gout demon is fantastic, thank you. Illustrates quite well how I’m feeling right now.

And now my cat has decided to lay on the affected foot. I’m not sure this is helping, but I don’t have the heart to kick her off.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
3 years ago

Coca-Cola also has a rep as a spermicide, but it’s not that strong a rep:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3679247

kupo
kupo
3 years ago

@Iseult
It doesn’t help when one was pushing his religious beliefs on me and another was really misogynistic. If I’m bad enough to go ask for help, I’m not in a state where I can assert myself or cope well with this stuff. I do better on my own.

guest
guest
3 years ago

@Alan You make a good point. It wasn’t MRAs etc. who treated me and other women badly at the event I was at the other night…but I guess 20-30 years ago we were still pretending that (middle class white) men treating (middle class white) women so blatantly disrespectfully was a quaint custom of the distant past, and thus a fit subject for a comedy sketch. Of COURSE we’d never treat women that way now, how amusing! It’s certainly paralleled my own understanding of sexism, from believing it was ‘almost gone’ in the ’90s to getting a glimpse of its full effects now, and it’s analogous to our (I.e. people not subject to particular forms of oppression) growing awareness of how bad it is and continues to be for people who, in various ways, are not like us.

Ellesar
Ellesar
3 years ago

My logic is such that…

I do hope that this is a young young man – the Pepsi metaphor is tortured and very very odd.

(Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.)

I would say it is much more likely that sex workers do not think of clients/ punters/ johns as sexual partners. It’s work.

Don’t know why the above sentence is coming up as a quote – it is my original words!

Nanny Ogg's Bosum
3 years ago

I was wondering if anyone else was going to mention Fentimens. I love their Rose Lemonade, and Dandelion and Burdock. I’m pretty certain a penis wouldn’t fit in their bottles though, the necks are extremely narrow and they are made of glass.

Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
3 years ago

@ dormousing, et. al.;

Can’t help you with the Mountain Dew question, but the r*****k[s] were originally on our side! … Well, if not specifically on our side, they were originally an anti-capitalist force, anyway! … All right, maybe that’s a bit optimistic, too, but they WERE engaged in armed conflict with the Plutocracy!!

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

@guest, msexceptiontotherule, wwth, Victorious Parasol

Yes, I know Mountain Dew is high in caffeine. I used to drink it when I was a kid, before people were concerned about children using caffeine. At least, not as concerned as they are today.

Heh…soda as spermicide. My sister and I once spilled some cola on the rug in the back seat of our parent’s car. The soda actually began to dissolve the carpeting! If it could do that, then imagine what it’s doing to our bodies. Formulas have probably been changed since then, but still…

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

Re: Soda (or Pop as we’d say here)

If you shine a UV light on decent quality Tonic Water you can pretend you’ve had a nuclear reactor radiation leak.

dreemr
dreemr
3 years ago

I haven’t read the entire thread yet but I had to stop to echo @Axe’s SQUEEEEEEEEE

Welcome back Scildfreja Unnyðnes!! You were missed!!!

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
3 years ago

oh gosh there are so many people

@kupo, counseling is so hit or miss. It’s usually a good thing, but it really depends on the counselor you get. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with it. Not your fault! Humans are terrible, I mean really 😐

Keep working on that portfolio! I need to do the same. Most of my work is under NDA, so I can’t share it :s womp womp.

and – gosh – going into a problem happy is never a mistake! It’s always the right thing! You were just unprepared. And those work-at-home problems are tailored for bulldozing people. Keep at it!

@bananan, yay! *flail!*

@AngryWarthogBreath, I am always confused by people and would in general prefer to hide under the bed. That’s just me. I’m sure you’re totes a hotboi tho, I mean – you like homophones and puns and board games! Dreamy…

@Ooglyboggles, hiii! I’m so glad you’re doing good! Please keep us up to date on how you feel now that your Wellbutrin is spinning up to speed. And remember, you aren’t cheating! Your feelings are what they should be right now. Go get that math and that FAFSA! I don’t know what FAFSA is, but go get it!

Hello @occasional reader, thank you! Don’t worry, originality is over-rated. Consistency is more important usually!

@Sailor LeadDragonite, thank you too! I will redouble your daily dose of marshmallow ponies.
comment image

@EJ! You scheming liberal race-traitor! I’m glad you’re on your way out of academia. You’ve done your time contributing to knowledge and the world at large. Time to contribute to your bank account! You deserve it! As for me – am I in a better place? I don’t know really. I’m sort of in a positive and negative state simultaneously. I’m a bit of a Higgs-Bozo, if you will. Summer’s okay, though!

@kootiepatra, hi!

@opposablethumbs,comment image

@Ohlmann, oooh, that sounds fun; what game? Or is that super secret?

@Iseult, thank you!

@Weird Eddie, I missed you too! You are the best Eddie I know!

@bluecat, I’m happy to be back, thank you very much! And yes, I do suspect that the OP sort of rather perhaps hasn’t thought things through very deeply. I would accept that axiom!

#Fanta is around up here. It disappeared for awhile, I believe, and was then brought back as part of a marketing push a few years ago. I always found it sort of bland sugar-water, myself.

@Dan, I hope your gout clears up! If not, please try to train the demon to be helpful. A little guy like that might be good for cleaning under tables and low shelves.

@dreemr!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I’m sure I’ve missed some of you lovely peeps, I apologize! Hello everyone <3

PreuxFox
PreuxFox
3 years ago

Speaking of Fanta – I can’t find orange Fanta anywhere around here (New England). It’s a tragedy. There is strawberry and grape Fanta at the grocery store now, and a blue one (blue raspberry? I don’t think it’s blueberry.)

Even worse, I visited Florida and they have Mango Fanta down there! It was really tasty! Why don’t we have it up here?

Also, sticking one’s penis into a Pepsi bottle sounds painful. Not just the size aspect (for many penises) but the acidity and carbonation. I can’t imagine the sugar would be very good for it either.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ preuxfox

I can’t find orange Fanta anywhere

I can only send you a virtual Fanta I’m afraid. But if there’s anything to sympathetic magic it might work if I vicariously drink it for you?

http://i.imgur.com/qdn62MI.jpg

Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
3 years ago

@ PreuxFox;

orange Fanta anywhere around here (New England). It’s a tragedy. There is strawberry and grape Fanta at the grocery store now, and a blue one (blue raspberry? I don’t think it’s blueberry.)

… umm, those aren’t actually fruit flavored in there….

O_o

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

@Weird Eddie

Yeah, I know, not so long ago, the r*****ks were on our side. Hell, even this past presidential election, there was a group of Democrats near where I live who called themselves “Hillbillies for Hillary”.

RE: Penises in soda bottles. I’ve heard an urban legend where a young guy got his penis stuck in a Coke bottle, and had to ask his mom for help. Apparently, he’d been masturbating with it. I suppose the neck of the bottle acted the same way a cock ring would…it kept the blood from flowing back out. Anyway, I don’t believe the story, but it is amusing to think about how very EMBARRASSING that would be.

@PreuxFox

Mango soda does sound very good. I love all kinds of tropical fruit. Don’t hold your breath for it to ever be available in New England, tho’.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@Dormousing_It
I suspect it has to do with regional history, Mountain Dew having started as a local brand in Knoxville TN. Also there’s a strong association with moonshine; ‘mountain dew’ originally meant whiskey, especially moonshine, and the soda was invented as a mixer for same.

@WWTH

When I was a kid there was a rumor that Mountain Dew kills sperm cells. I’m not sure where that came from or if it was a widespread rumor at all.

Very widespread, not sure of the origin.

@Scildfreja

I don’t know what FAFSA is, but go get it!

Federal student aid in the States.

@Weird Eddie

Can’t help you with the Mountain Dew question, but the r*****k[s] were originally on our side! … Well, if not specifically on our side, they were originally an anti-capitalist force, anyway! … All right, maybe that’s a bit optimistic, too, but they WERE engaged in armed conflict with the Plutocracy!!

It’s a cute story, but the part about the word origin is entirely made up. (The rest of the article is factual, however); the term in question predates the Matewan incident by some decades, having apparently been imported from South Africa, where it was already current. It refers to the appearance of a white person who works on a farm in a sunny clime; the back of the neck will get sunburned and turn red.

Wolverine's granddad (formerly Kevin)
Wolverine's granddad (formerly Kevin)
3 years ago

My two penn’orth on pop. Tommyknocker root beer (nothing to do with Steven King) is, I understand, deliberately formulated to glow in the dark. Presumably bioluminescent ingredients have something to do with this.

On a lighter note, does anyone want to quantify a ‘lashing’ of ginger beer ? (Readers of Enid Blyton have the advantage here.)

Tov01
Tov01
3 years ago

I gave up soda a long time ago (and would have done it sooner if I knew it contained penises).

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
3 years ago

Thanks, @Dalillama! Student loans in the USA are sort of scary :s

and as for soda, I really gotta say, weiner flavour sounds like the worst

Nequam
Nequam
3 years ago

Probably still better than that ranch dressing novelty soda I saw once.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I gave up soda a long time ago (and would have done it sooner if I knew it contained penises).

You have something against drinking cool refreshing peni? Misandry!

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
3 years ago

@guest Ahhhhh, Jolt Cola. Brings me back to my university days. 🙂

On the sex scale I’m apparently in the 88th percentile for my age. *shrug* I still feel like I haven’t had enough. LOL!

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
3 years ago

And to echo everyone else – welcome back, Scildfreja Unnyðnes! 🙂

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
3 years ago

thank you! You are my favourite capricorn

EJ (the Scheming Liberal Race-Traitor)

@Dalillama:
In South Africa, “redneck” (rooinek) specifically refers to a white person of English-speaking ancestry, as opposed to of Afrikaans-speaking ancestry.

Afrikaners were (and still are today) a magnificently hatted ethnic group, and thus (supposedly) our necks were spared from the sunburn that plagued other white immigrants.

I suspect that this meaning either got lost when the word transferred to the US, or else all Americans were deemed to be British and thus to fall in that category.

(Is “redneck” considered an *able slur in the US?)

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
3 years ago

@kupo – ACK! no, I can see where that wouldn’t work. I’m sorry for your troubles.

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
3 years ago

@Dormousing_It, re:Fanta

Pardon my lateness, here.

In Kentucky, I’ve hardly seen a gas station that doesn’t carry some kind of Fanta. We haven’t that mango flavor (and I’m jealous) nor the Icy Lemon flavor that I picked up on my trip to Ireland (which is absolutely GODLY); but we do have the traditional grape and orange, alongside berry mix, peach, red berry, and pineapple. They have a different sort of grapeness compared to other grape sodas, at least to me (having tried Grape Big K, Grape Crush, Grape Sunkist, Grape Faygo, and the anachronistic NuGrape in contrast).

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
3 years ago

They lost me at “Pepsi”. How you would even want that drink, regardless of how many dicks have been dipped in it, is entirely beyond me.

Thiazin red
Thiazin red
3 years ago

I know that trying to apply real logic instead of superior man logic to their arguments is futile, but there is a serious flaw here. If I’ve had one boyfriend who I have sex with several times a week for years, why does that somehow count less than if I had sex with several men one time each?

In the one boyfriend scenario, I’ve had an order of magnitude more sex than their once with a new guy each month scenario. Why is my vagina not ruined by case A, but it is by case B?

I know this is a silly question, because the idea itself is ridiculous, but part of me wonders what they’re reasoning is on this.

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
3 years ago

Iseult:

Sodas… I don’t drink much soda, but I do like Vernor’s ginger ale, which I swore for years was a ginger ale/cream soda mix.

Try mixing Vernor’s with vanilla ice cream for a confection called a Boston cooler. No one seems to know why it’s called that, but it seems that, like the Coney Island hot dog (another Detroit culinary institution), it wasn’t invented in Boston, nor even on Boston Avenue.

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
3 years ago

I know this is a silly question, because the idea itself is ridiculous, but part of me wonders what they’re reasoning is on this.

I would take some serious abstraction to reach such levels of stupidity, but let’s attempt this.

Going by their logic, women are meant to be property. Thus if a woman had slept with the same person for several years, as opposed to a woman with several partners, she would still be more desirable because she would be viewed as a “secondhand item” rather than a “good for common use”.

I think I gave myself brain cancer thinking that up.