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By David Futrelle
So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.
![Mikveh 4 points 21 hours ago My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month, not because she is a slut, just because she knows she has to put out for chad or he will lose interest. So the younger they are, I figure the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it, rather than at the age of 25 say 84 penises(12*7years) permalinkembedunsavereportgive goldreply [–]Onkel_Adolf 10 points 21 hours ago i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ififcanIhaveacoatplz 4 points 20 hours ago It bears repeating](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/penises-e1499389564757.png?ssl=1)
So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?
The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?
On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.
Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.
As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.
I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!
I must say, if i found out there had been flesh pogo sticks in my Pepsi, “how many?” would not be my first question.
I don’t want to go to whatever grocery store this guy goes to. The merchandise expired over a decade ago and the clerks are peeing in the soda.
As far as the question of how does a penis fit in a Pepsi bottle, maybe you should ask Hawaiian Ryan.
SCILDFREJAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You’ve returned! How’ve you been?!
Much love and hugs for you all, I’ve missed you so. Life’s been weird! Always is. New chapter for me, though the new chapter is the sort that just sort of picks up exactly where the last one left off, [i]in media res[/i]. The great wheel turns upon itself again.
I hear there’s still a big ole Trump Dump goin on down there. We’re having our own dummies up here too, jerkbutts who think they’re the new hotness with their fascisms and their goofy airsoft tactical webbing and their dumb matching jackets that aren’t even stylish. I mean gosh darn it who embroiders on leather with that sort of thread? It’s a travesty. But they think they’re the new cool doods for some reason. But they’re [i]wrong[/i], cause the new cool doods is [i]me[/i].
http://37.media.tumblr.com/1f66cffcae250919ebd379b0bada7940/tumblr_n8cryt6a6R1tgvvddo1_400.gif
They can’t even handle my styles
@scildfreja, Welcome back! I have missed your pony gifs, and your insight into all sorts of other cool things.
I am okay! I am also apparently deeply forgetful, because here I am using hard brackets for my post markup when it ain’t even hard brackets what you’re supposed to use!
I’ve got some fun stuff lined up in a few directions right now. Work is doing some super ridiculous sensors/Arduino nonsense, like, let’s make a magnetometric mapping system for precision positioning of stuff sort of silliness. And I’m considering starting a kickstarter for a board game, though it’ll probably be a bored game cause wow am I a dork. I mean, really, I think lame homophone puns are high quality entertainment, what’s that all about?
How are all of you, my ducks?
Naturally, a “mikveh” is the ritualistic bath that orthodox Jewish women are supposed to take every month (to “achieve purity”) after their period such that their husband can touch them again. Nice touch, creep-o!
Honestly, I’d rather be with someone who has had experience than to be with a virgin… If that doesn’t sound to weird to say here.
As for soda though… I prefer Vanilla Coke and Baja-Blast Mountain Dew…
Black Cherry Wishniak represent! (It’s a Philly thing, yo.)
Vernor’s ginger ale is a lovely creamy tingly delight. Also, strawberry Crush if you can find it, which I occasionally have done in Québec. And cream soda is my go-to if it’s available.
Of all the colas, I prefer RC.
I sound as though I drink a lot of the stuff, but in fact I only indulge in maybe a half-dozen soft drinks a year. If they should begin to feature priapic swizzle sticks, that number would abruptly approach zero.
Pickled bologna seems grotesque mainly because it is presented in jars, in a clear colorless fluid, like some monstrous mutant Vienna sausage. Were it in a rustic barrel, properly brined with some zesty herbs and seeds adding visual appeal, and perhaps offered alongside some cheese and a crusty pumpernickel loaf and a pint, and maybe even a gherkin or two, I could be intrigued.
Funny how they don’t apply their reasoning to men and penises. If having sex with too many guys and being too old make a woman “lose her freshness,” or whatever the hell they think, then doesn’t the same apply to penises? Won’t you wear out your penis if you have sex with too many women?
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
Me too – but even older. Turned 70 a couple of weeks ago and been with my one partner/ husband for 40+ years. 40th wedding anniversary next year. Party time!
@mish, with ya, 14-17 was my “busy” period, and amounted to maybe 10. After 18, 3. The last of those for the past 30 years.
(sarcasm ahead)
well gosh, @tim, can’t you see the difference? Ding dongs are all rugged and manly and tough. They don’t wear out, unlike womanly things, cause those are all weak and squidgey and all that gross stuff. Clearly women are a depleting resource, whereas manly mans are – well, they aren’t a resource at all, they’re people. How very dare you dehumanize a man like that, comparing him to a womz, it’s just unthin-
ahem
Gosh, that came out of nowhere! Very sorry
Scildfreja!
My favorite soda is root beer. A&W is my favorite, but most places have Barqs or Mug, and those are fine, too.
Just 1 sexual partner, and 1 it shall remain, although I sometimes exaggerate that number to make myself seem like a super alpha Chad.
OT: Need some (not sure how serious) advice. My name is one letter away from a moderately well-known media personality, and I occasionally get email meant for them. Today I got my first mis-addressed hate mail, with the subject line “RIP bitch” as the subject line and “YOU” as the entire message. I politely inquired what I had done, assuming it was a new lead in for a 419 scam, in which case I enjoy trying to string along the scammer. So when they responded about the anti-trump bias of “my” media network, I realized this was meant for my more famous almost-namesake.
1. Do you think I should try to alert either the authorities or the actual person? (I have never corresponded with the celebrity, but I have sometimes told senders that they have the wrong person) “RIP bitch” seems like a threat, but very non-specific. I also don’t want the target or someone at the media outlet to quickly scan my message (or tweet) and think I am making the threat.
2. To what kind of porno or other email list should I sign the up the sender?
@Mish,
I’d be deeeeeelighted to! ?
@mildlymagnificent,
Oh, congratulations!! That’s not mildly, that’s completely magnificent!
@Scildfreja Unnyðnes,
Still doing the happy dance! ?
ETA, Ding Dings are OK, but Ho-Hos are better. ?
Hi, there, young lady mildlymagnificent. (Well, I turned 70 five whole weeks ago.) But I’ve only been married 34 years now, so you win that one.
Re soda: do not overlook the glory that is Reed’s Spiced Apple Brew. With a scoop of good vanilla ice cream in it you get a pie a la mode float.
My favorite sodas are Dr Pepper, and two of its imitators. Wal-Mart’s Dr Thunder and Kroger’s The Fizzicist are excellent imitations; I actually like them slightly better than Dr Pepper itself. The Fizzicist is even made with real sugar.
A pair of sites about Dr Pepper imitators. There used to be a splendid one which has vanished.
***********
Not Quite What the Doctor Ordered:
https://fakedrpepper.wordpress.com/
***********
Kibo’s Fake Dr Pepper Roundup:
http://www.kibo.com/kibofood/dr_pepper.html
@BS,
You might email David and ask him; I wiuld imagine he’s gotten a few…ahem…fan letters over the years.
@IvoryBill,
I cannot tell you how much the name The Fizzicist delights me.
Great, now I have to figure out where the nearest Krogers is that also has this. What a wonderful name for a soda!
ETA: 90 miles away. Maybe they’ll ship it.
@Scildfreja
Welcome back! I’m sure you can tell we all missed you.
@Patty Thinkerer
Seconded. I drank a ginger ale today that was not Canada Dry, and I regret my choice from the first sip.
@PeeVee thank you! Good idea.