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By David Futrelle
So the fellows over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit are discussing just how much they TOTALLY REFUSE to have sex with women older than 25 — not to worry, fellas, women over 25 don’t want to have sex with you either — and one fellow resorts to an interesting if perhaps imperfect metaphor in order to explain why he at least hypothetically prefers fresh young 18-year-olds to jaded 25-year-old “cock carousel” riders.
![Mikveh 4 points 21 hours ago My logic is such that I imagine a typical girl fucks 12 chads per year, 1 per month, not because she is a slut, just because she knows she has to put out for chad or he will lose interest. So the younger they are, I figure the less cock they've ridden....would you rather have a new pepsi bottle, or one that had taken 12 penises per year since the age of 18? I figure i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it, rather than at the age of 25 say 84 penises(12*7years) permalinkembedunsavereportgive goldreply [–]Onkel_Adolf 10 points 21 hours ago i'd rather drink a pepsi that had 12 penises in it permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ififcanIhaveacoatplz 4 points 20 hours ago It bears repeating](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/penises-e1499389564757.png?ssl=1)
So many questions! Were these 12 penises just dipped in the Pepsi bottle or are they all still stuffed inside of it? How do you squeeze a normal-sized penis through the narrow bottleneck? Would the number of acceptable penises per bottle increase or decrease if the bottle contained Coke or RC Cola or Dr. Pepper instead of Pepsi?
The most important question: How do I get the image of a Pepsi bottle stuffed with penises out of my head?
On a slightly more serious note, I would like to point out that Mikveh’s notion of how many sex partners the typical young women has by the age of 25 is utterly and completely fantastical.
Here’s the actual breakdown of the number of sex partners 25 to 29 year-old American women typically have had, according to a large-scale and widely cited study called the General Social Survey.
As you can see, the number of women that age with 84 sexual partners is more or less zero; it’s literally off the chart. (Presumably sex workers are not included in the survey.) The average number of sexual partners American woman have had by the time they hit their late twenties? Four.
I generated the chart above using a little chart-generator on Slate designed to tell you if “Your Sexual History [Is] As Impressive As You Think.” Try it yourself!
The idea of penises in bottles just made me think of pickled bologna.
The mere concept of pickled bologna disgusts me more than anything else I have ever read on this site.
There’s other brands to consider, David! What about any number of store-brand colas? Jones Soda? Faygo Cola? Also, Dr. Pepper isn’t cola! It’s…something, alright…
Anyway, new topic that isn’t pickled bologna! What’s everyone’s absolute favorite form of soda? I’m primed to go off for a Grape Faygo at any time, though Candy Apple Faygo (tastes precisely like a green apple in caramel) is a lovely thing. And I can’t go wrong with Peach Nehi or good ol’ Sprite. (Sierra Mist just ain’t the same.)
@Kivitar – it’s kind of a regional delicacy. It’s actually pretty good! Well, “good” lol.
Favorite soda for now is Diet Dr. Pepper, but I’m not much of a soda drinker anymore.
Shout out for Faygo Rock n Rye and Vernor’s Ginger Ale. I also like a cream soda now & then.
Dreemr, that is either a thing of beauty or the stuff of nightmares.
I haven’t decided.
Troubelle, my all-time favorite is Sprite.
7Up and Sierra Mist aren’t the same for me, although I will drink 7Up in a pinch.
I’ll pass on Sierra Mist, every time.
And I HATE root beer.
He, um, typed this with a straight face, did he?
I did the Slate thing. It only counts sex partners from the age of 18, which leaves out quite a few from ages 14-17 for me. My count is nevertheless high. This is not a boast, btw – the point is, it’s nowhere near 84 partners by age 25.
I was a ‘busy’ girl, but bloody hell, that would take some dedication!
Also, I don’t drink soft drink (aka soda), but I’m sure as hell never going near Pepsi now.
@Troubelle
I quite like blood orange soda, and Reed’s Extra Ginger Brew. I used to drink deeply unhealthy amounts of a hellishly overcaffienated brew called ‘Afri Cola’, which may not still be available, I’ve not seen it for sale in ages.
@Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
I’m surprised how much I liked Sunkist Grape Soda.
@Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer
Mostly available in Austria, France, Saudi Arabia, Switzerland and the Czech Republic. There should be imports, but uhm I don’t think Germany is going to want to import Cola to the US anymore.
Seconding diet Dr Pepper. I also love peach Fresca and Mexican Coke (AKA Coke with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup).
I believe the answer is time, flaccidity, and a can do attitude
Looked up my ‘score’ on the chart. 4% late 20s virgins. The cool kids club, obvs. We have snacks and an awesome tree fort
@Troubelle
Either Schweppes for personal reasons, or Fanta Orange cos it’s tasty and I’m basic af
@Dali
Sounds badass, must try
Wiki says it’s back as a coastal, hipster, import. Don’t much care for cola, but I can’t not have at least 1 in my life. What kinda name? ?
@Dali
I think I tried blood orange soda once. Wasn’t really my thing, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, either (plus I’m not the biggest fan of default orange, either).
@Troubelle
My favorite soda is Canada Dry. Other ginger ales just can’t compare
Looks like I’m in the 94th percentile. Guess I’ve had too many peni in my Pepsi bottle to attract an MGTOW
@wwth
We can form a club and have regular meetings to celebrate … sorry, commiserate, over our tragic loss.
Or eat, drink, and swap cat stories. Whichever.
Mish,
There’s a bar in my city called the CC Club. We can meet there and pretend it stands for the Cock Carousel Club.
I’m 17 and too smol for this.
Welp, I’ve had more sex than 86% of my peers.
But the last 25 years have been with only 1 partner.
(Yes, I’m fucking OLD.)
How does a Pepsi bottle “take” one penis, let alone twelve? Perhaps the writer means “accommodate.”
And would anyone want a Pepsi bottle that is somewhere between 18 and 25 years old? The soda is going to be stale and flat and awful. Maybe the writer means just the bottle — maybe he collects Pepsi bottles. Dude, those things aren’t rare. Just recycle them. You’re welcome.
so… they have to have sex to keep “Chad” interested… and that’s why they have sex with one “Chad” each month? that’s not much interest…
http://media.giphy.com/media/f8RFORLQeAjOo/source.gif
Hello my ducks. I have missed you all!
I like lime soda.
Oh wait, no. I like a nice ginger soda.
Er, no. Wait. Orange? I do like orange.
Honestly, I just rather like the fizzies.
@wwth,
That sounds poifect 😀
PeeVee, care to join us? xxx
Also,
SCILDFREJA HOORAY HELLO WOW.
Ahem. So nice to see you back!
Scildfreja! Welcome back!
Gotta be Vernors. Reed’s Extra Ginger Brew is tops, too.
I second dreemr’s vote for Vernor’s, the first ginger ale (though it only claims the status of “the original ginger soda”), accidentally invented in Michigan (home state to my branch of Loomises for several generations) by a man who’d just started a batch of ginger beer when his state militia called him up to bring Johnny Reb to heel; by the time he got home, it had acquired what the current makers call “barrel-aged bold taste!”
…on consideration, if its imitators be ginger ale, Vernor’s may in fact be a ginger stout.
@Scild
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/253/164/a36.gif
I literally squealed out loud, like half a dozen times, when I saw the avi. Welcome back, buddyyyyyyy!!1!!
Scildfreja, you’re back! And I see you brought the ponies with you. Nice to see you again.