By David Futrelle
Over on The Daily Stormer, they’re always on the lookout for dire new threats to the white race, and regular DS contributor Michael Byron thinks he’s found one: Pierce Brosnan’s wife.
You see, the 53-year old wife of the 64-year old former James Bond star is, well, fat. And Byron seems to feel this is a terrible injustice not just to Mr. Brosnan but to the white race in general, despite the fact that 1) Mr. Brosnan and his wife seem perfectly happy together and 2) it’s likely that a lot of Daily Stormer readers are themselves fat, given that most white Americans (like most Americans in general) are technically overweight.
As Byron sees it, though, Keely Shaye Smith essentially pulled off a bait-and-switch.
This woman managed to snag a handsome, famous multi-millionaire actor when she was an unknown environmental correspondent for ABC back in the mid-1990s. …
After marrying Brosnan in 2001, there was one thing – one thing – she needed to do to remain attractive and presentable to her husband and the public: not stuff her face with Twinkies every day.
Could she do it?
No; apparently that requires too much self-discipline.
Byron, who seems perplexed that Brosnan hasn’t already divorced “Shamu,” thinks he should have put something in their pre-nup to protect himself against the terrible injustice of his wife gaining weight.
Ideally, Brosnan should have included a clause in his prenuptial agreement stating that if his wife became seven pounds heavier than her ideal weight, the marriage becomes null and void and the woman has no claim to his fortune or their children.
In fact, all White men who want to get married should do this.
It’s essentially a biological version of a stop-loss, and the prospect of getting divorced due to fatness will shame all married women into remaining human-sized.
Naturally, most of the Daily Stormer’s commenters side with Byron on the Fat Wife question, filling the comments with fat jokes and calls for WHITE SHARIA to declare fat white women illegal.
More than a few blamed Brosnan for not forcing his wife to stay slim.
“He shouldn’t have ever let her get that fat,” complained someone calling himself Hierophant14.
It is far easier for a woman to get 15 pounds off than 900 pounds. She benefits from being thin, make sure her stupid ass stays thin. “I love your hot THIN body, babe.” You always use this line while they are thin to keep them this way. It’s not rocket science.
Others questioned Brosnan’s masculinity.
“Her shoulders are wider than his, guess we know who the Alpha in the relationship is,” quipped USMCvet.
But a significant portion of the Daily Stormer commentariat felt that the fat shamers weren’t giving Smith enough credit for being, you know, white. And a producer of white babies.
“She’s white, had white kids,” noted someone called myself.
Yeah she’s a fat whale now, but if he’s fine with it, i don’t really care. He could be married to a n*gger, a jew, having no children and having a porn star life with drugs and hookers, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Imo best case scenario is having a good looking white wife and children, second best is having a not so good looking wife and children. Life isn’t perfect so there’s that.
Zaros similarly gave Brosnan points for not divorcing his wife.
Good on him. A n*gger would walk out in his wife and kids. An honourable white man would never. We all go on about fatherless children and the problems this causes, at least he is doing his job as a father and husband. He obviously needs some help with the white sharia aspect of things and she needs to lay off the sausage rolls
FordHenry appealed to white pride:
LOVE brosnan
Man loves his chubby wife and is faithful.
Same deal man goes bald and she sticks by him
This is how WHITE PEOPLE ACT
Someone called Mencken (presumably not the long-dead American gadfly journalist) warned younger white supremacists that they might make a rude discovery once their own hypothetical wives get a little older.
You’ll cowards are in for a big surprise, no pun intended. Because after your [National Socialist] dream girl becomes your wife and churns out your four or five children, she’s going to find her shape redefined, and you’re going to find her pussy will be like the top of a rubber boot.
Reltihlieh was philosophical about it all.
I like the fact that they are happily married. Feminism and Jewish brainwashing have resulted in countless failed marriages and broken families. Some “couples” file for divorce within a month of two of the nuptials. …
That said, yes, women should look after their weight unless there is some medical condition or something which caused them to become so huge after a certain age.
As Reltihlieh sees it, married white dudes have a duty as well — to have sex as often as possible with their wives before they get old and (probably) fat.
And with that said, men who get married should endeavor to get the maximum sexual mileage out of their wives’ young bodies so that when she does in fact become fat (for whatever reason), he can reminisce and derive quiet satisfaction from having got the most sexual mileage out of her body when it was in its prime!
So on one side, we’ve got a group of mostly-older white supremacists who combine their virulent racism with a certain old-fashioned paternalism towards women of their own race; on the other, a younger group, who came of age on 4chan and in GamerGate rather than Stormfront, who seem to hate white women nearly as much as they hate those of other races and religions.
In whatever battle ultimately ensues between these two groups, I can only hope that everyone loses.
@Ellesar
Someone they capture.
No person with honour would ever say this to their wife even if that day felt like 1000 years. And anyway, so he is the senetor? Long fucking day? No campaign trail as long as the days which everyone else is living and they still manage to love their families…you think men in syrii calling their wife ‘c*nt’ after drone strike? Or you think they hold eachother close and thank that they simply alive?
@Kat There’s a story I heard about Ethel Merman and Ernst Borgnine. Don’t know if it’s true or not but it makes a great tale. Ethel had spent the day filming and came back bragging about the director’s praises.
“He said I had perfect poise.” Merman said, “All he could do was talk about how perfect I was.”
“Did he talk about your old c**t?” Borgnine said.
“No, you didn’t come up at all.”
Hope this doesn’t offend.
This is pretty much OT, but the admins on my Discworld FB group just booted someone for being transphobic, and posted this (below). It has filled me with warm inner glows. This is an international group of over 12,000 people, btw.
I reread the post and noticed one insignificant detail that nonetheless depressed me to no end. One of these guys posts under the name “Zaros” and I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it references. I’m actually playing the game in question right now – I have, on and off, for the last 12 years or so, and got back to it after another long hiatus just two weeks ago. It was a huge part of my teenage years and one of the main reasons I learned English (it compensated very well for those awful language classes in school that taught me almost literally nothing).
I shouldn’t be surprised, and to be fair I’m not. But I kinda hate the daily reminders that nowhere is safe.
That’s… kinda sad. Dude’s literally in the middle of a discussion between white people very much not acting that way, because they’re a bunch of fucking nazi assholes. That’s some serious cognitive dissonance going on right there.
…aaaaand that’s all that’s required to be alpha, folks. Broader shoulders than the person next to you. Nothing else. I’m not quite sure why it is such a big deal, given that fact.
@ pie
So Kenny Everett is sorted then.
@kupo
Gut flora is being blamed/praised for all sorts right now. Its the new hotness.
The link between it and weight is interesting… there’s a medical procedure that occasionally gets called a ‘poop transplant’, which basically involved giving person A some of person B’s gut flora, in order to fix various things (wikipedia link). There’s now a policy in various places to only take poop samples from non-obese donors, after some studies have shown that mice given poop transplants from obese donors gain weight, and there’s been at least one human case that suggests the same thing (linky).
What if you have broad shoulders but low wrist circumference?
Certainly their enthusiasm for violence against women would suggest that that would be acceptable. Once I was on the ROK site (before I realised the toll it can take on one’s mental health) and I left the comment:
‘Next on ROK, how to abduct a 14 year old and keep her chained to a radiator for breeding purposes’.
I can assure you that this response was in no way hyperbolic!
This is a good idea, but goesn’t go far enough. He should also have included a clause stating that if she ages past 25, the marriage becomes null and void. As it stands, he’s just begging to be age-cucked.
Remember: if you stay married to a woman who ages past the wall, then you’re cucking yourself.
(/s, naturally.)
This has been shown to be very effective against C Diff, which is a HORRIBLE condition that is pretty common and I was v worried about it when I was having chemo.
Drinking kefir is considered one of the best ways to increase gut bacteria – I started brewing it 3 months ago. haven’t lost any weight though!
@ ellesar
We had quite the discussion about this a while back. Funnily enough that also featured Nazis.
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2016/09/03/just-some-mgtows-dreaming-of-the-apocalypse-and-how-itll-make-ladies-less-stuck-up/
@Alan
I remember that discussion!
Does it seem to anyone else that none of the men sharing all their vast knowledge of wives and children actually have wives or children?
Just like puas never seem to be the guys who have women lining up to hop in their beds, these guys don’t sound like they’re speaking from experience, but from fantasy, rumour and conjecture.
There’ a lot of interesting work being done on the gut flora and its possible effects. However, it’s a big, complicated data set with tonnes of factors and it’s not at all clear what’s meaningful and what’s noise. It’s going to be a while before we get a definite handle on this.
@Axe
*curtsies*
@Ellesar
Aaaaaand that’s what happened to me AFTER I took the antibiotics as a kid! I was two and don’t remember what happened, but mom and grandma said that I just sort of stared at my second birthday present (a toy piano) and cried. I was fucking miserable, according to ’em.
Also, I had some kefir a few months back while I had an ear infection and was taking antibiotics for THAT. It was store-bought, though…
RE: McCain. I’ve read that, as a young man, some of his peers referred to him as “McNasty”. Sounds like that’s a fitting nickname. His POW experiences in Vietnam probably didn’t improve his disposition any. Cindy should’ve commandeered that bread basket, stuffed her face until she became sick, then tossed her cookies into his lap!
Seriously, I don’t understand how someone who suffered as he did as a POW, can be so hawkish. Remember “Bomb, bomb Iran!” to the tune of the Beach Boys song, “Barbara Ann”?
I’m sorry for anyone who has had C. diff or any other similar upset in gut flora. Today there is a natural strain of yeast called Saccharomyces boulardii (S. boulardii) that can be bought as a probiotic that helps your innards to recover from antibiotic shock. It won’t restore a “skinny” flora balance if you’ve lost it, but it helps stave off C. diff and other similar destructive species. I took it when I was scheduled for surgery recently because I needed strong antibiotics both before and after. I took it both prior to taking the antibiotics and for about a month after. It was the first time I’d taken antibiotics that I didn’t have a massive revolt in my belly. It may help if you’ve got a bad gut in general. The research I saw was inconclusive on this part, but if you’re trying probiotics anyway you might want to give it a look.
I was super skinny before I took antibiotics one time for a lingering cough. I was one of those people who could eat anything and be thin. Then I took those antibiotics and I became one of those people who gets fat just breathing in air. It didn’t make sense to me until I read about the gut flora thing, and now everything makes perfect sense.
Sounds like some idjits are jealous because other people have happy marriages.
I’ve lost over 50 pounds since being in the ICU last year, but not through any great effort on my part. (Not a brag – I find it rather boggling, tbh.) I’d like to exercise as much as I did before the ICU stay, but the stupid post-stroke fatigue gets in the way.
Ah, well. I’m going to make some lovely curry chicken for lunch in a bit, served with naan, and the internet nazis are NOT allowed to have any at all.
They make me so angry – both the people in the OP and John McCain. What business is it of theirs what other people weigh, or how much bread they eat?
But this gave me a chuckle:
First, the writer’s not using the “one thing” meme logically AT ALL, second, I DOUBT he believes that a woman needs to do only one thing to be attractive, and third, I doubt Smith was eating Twinkies, specifically Twinkies, every day. Why Twinkies? Why the specificity?? Why can’t she be eating KFC, or McDonalds, or [insert choice of stereotypically unhealthy food brand or item here]???
@kupo – ugh, yes, stomach/abdominal pain is annoying. It’s become a problem for me, off and on, since I was 24. Usually not so bad, but now and then I get awful cramps for seemingly no reason.
…and today I should go to the clinic to follow up with the doctor I saw before. She won’t be there again for two more weeks. But it’s a holiday, Fête nationale. (Grumble, grumble. Why am I grumbling? At least I’m not the one working today. And the doctor deserves a vacation – working at a clinic seems much more hectic than having a private practice.)
One of the healthiest periods of my life was when I was taking some strong probiotic tablets. I’ve bought some more and am trying to take them regularly but I sometimes forget. Only a few days in so far so too early to give feedback. I might go back on some ginger tablets as well since that’s what I was doing last time.
Digestive system is not my body’s biggest strength but it could be worse. Given how prevailant heart disease is, I’m grateful that mine is healthy.
On the topic at hand: seven pounds? Seriously? And they consider being seven pounds overweight “not a human shape”? It’s SO easy to gain half a stone. I did just that via stress eating last year (because of motherfucking 2016, need I say more). Babies, menopause, stress alone can put that kind of weight on any woman no matter how “self controlled” she is. Oh and of course, they have nothing to say about any potential weight THEY might gain as they age. They could develop a pot belly that’s half of their general body mass but would still expect their wives and all the 18 year olds they gawk at to find them irresistible.
Double standards. Yeesh.
@Policy of Madness
That’s the strain I’m trying out right now, after having done some research. Fermented foods don’t seem to make much of a difference and the probiotics you buy at the grocery store don’t do a damn thing (I’ve read this is because anything sold at room temp is probably not a live culture). I’ve been bad about remembering it, but took some this morning and actually feel a bit better despite last night’s wine. 🙂
My gut issues are likely related to my Hashimoto’s but could also be because I took a lot of antibiotics as a kid due to frequent ear infections. That has improved at least, as I have only had one ear infection as an adult and can’t remember the last time I took any amoxicillin.
Edit: Oh, and I just learned the best new word: broflake.
Seven pounds = slightly less than a gallon of water, so anyone can gain that much in about 30 minutes (more or less depending on stomach capacity and drinking speed).
Welcome to MWHUE (Men Who Have Unreasonable Expectations).