By David Futrelle
Professional “pickup artists” tend to have a thing against masturbation, largely because (one suspects) men who are not continually sexually frustrated are less receptive to their nonsense PUA teachings. And so it’s hardly surprising to find an anti-masturbation tirade on Roosh V’s crap site Return of Kings today, filled with cherry-picked science and assorted weird leaps of logic intended to prove that masturbation is very very bad for men.
Overall the post, written by a self-proclaimed “licensed personal trainer, martial artist, musician, writer, and (barely) a video reviewer and cartoonist” named Larsen Halleck, is a pretty standard example of its very particular genre.
But there’s one part of the post that strikes me as original. Seems that one of the reasons masturbation is such a bad idea for manly men is that … it makes their hands unpleasingly soft. You know, because of all the lotion.
“[W]omen are just not attracted to buttery soft, womanly hands,” Halleck declares.
In my personal experience, women love to feel the calluses upon a man’s hands, and just one lotion-soaked fap session a week will take away from the sexy, alligator-like roughness of your palms.
So fellas, forget all you’ve heard about masturbation making hair grow on your palms. Apparently it actually turns your manly man hands into lady hands.
Of course, Halleck’s advice isn’t exactly useful for those dudes whose hands have already turned “buttery soft,” and who don’t have time enough to get them all callousy before their next hot date. Luckily there is another option: stop by the local hardware store to get yourself some sandpaper-coated sanding gloves like, say, these.
Take my word for it, fellas, the ladies love to be sanded down and buffed like an old dresser you found in the alley.
@Kupo
Thanks Kupo. Does anyone else know?
ETA I’ve just watched the trailer which is heavily skewed pro-MRA. Not that this means the film is, but still… and it has a rating of 9.6/10, practically all either 5’s or 1’s.
I was looking for something nice to watch 🙁
Casablanca has been recently added!
And Toni Erdmann!
I’m treating this whole thread as a TMI warning now.
I’ve never had a “refractory period”. I have no idea what people mean when they say that. Well, I know what it means, but I can’t relate at all.
[TMI!]
So, one thing I’ve always wondered about the “1-2 times a week” thing – is that the number of sessions or the number of orgasms? Because those are veeery different things.
Ahem.
>_>
Look, my libido’s through the roof and I have the opposite of a refractory whatever, so sue me.
My feeling is that if the number of sessions greatly exceeds the number of orgasms that’s a sign that something is not quite right. But perhaps others’ experiences differ?
Continuing on the TMI party, I suppose!
Same, really. My refractory period tends to be about ten minutes or so, though things do get, er, sore after long enough, and after two or three times there isn’t usually much left to, uh, get out.
That’s another reason why, as someone mentioned above, P-n-V sex really is not the end-all be-all of things, though. There’s so much other fun to be had.
@Cohen
(TMI)
I don’t like orgasming. Ejaculation feels weird, it’s messy, and the refractory period isn’t fun. I masturbate all the time. I orgasm a few times a year. Mostly for the novelty of it. Can’t speak for anyone else (surely most will disagree), but my sessions have been way better since I realized I didn’t hafta… finish. Maybe it’s an asexual thing, i dunno…
(/TMI)
I watched Fox News recently.
The coverage of the vehicular assault at the Mosque was surprisingly a bit fairer than I expected.
Of course, they made sure to mention that it had been run by that bad imam several times, but each time said that the mosque was one of the best examples of changing towards more inclusive ideas. Fox News is repetitive. Fox News is repetitive.
Of course they were careful also not to say that the driver was a terrorist, instead calling him a perpetrator, suspect, etc. etc.
[More TMI!]
If you meant me, other way around. I usually go ≈ 10 times a session.
…
*hides forever* =P
@SFHC
My record is 20!
TMI Party:
I actually sat down with a friend (via Skype) once and I managed 14 in about two hours by his count.
Though, I think that if I didn’t have to change the batteries on the shitty little vibrator I had at the time, I could have maybe managed more, since as the batteries died, the buzz went down with it.
I’m sure if I used my wall-powered wand, I could really go for it. Doubly so if I made it a team sport. 😉
Funny how different everyone is. I get bored after 2-3.
@Arctic Ape
Can attest that it’s not only possible, it’s inevitable if you ride even occasionally without wearing gloves religiously.
Kupo,
Me too.
Also, whenever I hear about tantric sex I think “who has the patience for that?”
@kupo @paradoxical
I am frankly envious of some of the folks here and their multiple orgasms, but I console myself with the thought that this may be why I have never required lotion…
I’m seconding the ‘who has time for tantric sex.’ My relationship to my Magic Wand is pretty much
http://68.media.tumblr.com/5085efb21c319c376cd4a84256f70352/tumblr_o8228s0WHv1ua2xxgo2_250.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/c08d6f7c4fc514a2bc65c7db986f4af2/tumblr_o8228s0WHv1ua2xxgo6_250.gif
Mmm yes touch me with your ALLIGATOR HANDS *dies laughing*
“Hey, man, where’d you get that loooo-tionnn?”
@ asabovesobelow
Must say, used to think that song was perfect; but love the Prodigy revamp.
About Aulma’s claim of
(and being the kind of person who’ve often uttered the words “I’ve read that” and also “I seem to recall that” I fully understand the impulse of “I have this bit of relevant knowledge rattling in my head that I must share”, but vetting is important if one happens to be this kind of nerd with a head full of free floating knowledge. E.g. I keep a bookmark in my browser to have at the ready when people dispute my claim that abortion rates are independent of it’s legality)
I’d guess that the overlap between “doctors” claiming this and promoting infant circumcision is near absolute.
@Gussie Jives:
A++ reference.
Now, since we’re talking about penises (this is your TMI warning).
@Axecalibur:
That it does. Some people have foreskins that will only cover part of the glans, and I suppose they’d be able to tell you (but if this describes you, you should be aware that this is similar to early stages of phimosis, so if you haven’t spoken to your dick doctor about it you should). Now me, I know the difference between the majority of my glans and the bit below the rim, which is generally covered by the remnants of my foreskin. There’s no ‘gnarly, bloody hellscape’ anywhere, but there is a significant difference. Not only in sensitivity, but there’s also a noticeable difference in texture.
Now (and this is you ICK! warning),
if you were looking to have parts of the head of your dick red, sore and sloughing, I’d recommend showering thrice daily over wanking thrice daily.
\n\n\n\n\n\n
If you took the warnings seriously you can resume reading below this
@ SFHC
“So, one thing I’ve always wondered about the “1-2 times a week” thing – is that the number of sessions or the number of orgasms? Because those are veeery different things.”
I’m kinda assuming that the type of person that assumes that 1-2 times a week is “normal” is also the type of person who assumes that masturbation always leads to orgasm. Because they’re the type of person who assumes that “average” means “normal” and everything else is “abnormal”.
Refractory Period TMI
I’m getting one as I get older, although maybe I always had it and I never noticed before because it was super short. Luckily, I can still have a few orgasms as long as I don’t take a breather. Once I drop out of arousal, it becomes a bear to become aroused again for the next half day or so, depending on where I am in my cycle.
I actually really like having a refactory period. Being horny and up for sex all the time suuuucks.
@Feline
Now now, my doctor’s actually quite nice, and… Oh… ?
Not even being facetious, I’ll def keep that in mind *shudders*
It rubs the lotion on its penis, or else it gets the hose again
OMG, between Pun puniscus, Buzz Aldrin’s travel voucher for the Moon Shot, and the David Byrne lyrics, I am loving this thread tonight.
So much so that I must dig up some fap-music by and for clit-people:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb37Nh_Sg4g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFq4E9XTueY
(Note the number of masturbation-related sight gags in that latter one!)
What if the hose is the penis though
http://s3.media.squarespace.com/production/920827/11462743/_wGr8njEWjtI/SD9s3QAr2zI/AAAAAAAAAD0/A2SDG5IQvVo/s400/china%2Bfireman.jpg