An open thread for personal stuff. As always, no trolls, no Trump fans, no MRAs, etc.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: June 2017 Flexicat Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The MammothAn open thread for personal stuff. As always, no trolls, no Trump fans, no MRAs, etc.
@ Misty
Shit that’s all horrible. You in England though? If so I’d be happy to help you with the legal stuff if that takes some of the burden off you.
@Mistyful
Bit of an understatement, I imagine. Jeez. I’m sorry *hugs*
If you wanna new nym, pick a good one and add ‘(formerly Mistyful)’ after it. After enough comments, people will acclimate to the new one. Then you can phase that out. Not for nothing, I like ‘Mistyful’. It’s quite punny ?
Well, I do have 2 of em… 🙂
Normally cooking would win out too but I have an inspection coming up so I have to have things look normal, at least. But I’m awake now and at least it’s raining so the humidity will break.
Oogly & Kupo
I dont think i should ask her directly that i know that she is hurting herself- because then she will know who told me and also who knows from our family and that will make her feel worse. I think i should just say hi and ask what she doing at school and normal stuff? It will make it worse if she know i know what she is doing… and of course i will not tell her what to do – I have no idea what should she do. But i think i am being sent to find out little bit why she doing it but not directly…it is fucking confusing.
Хамбист))) i appreciate your ninja advise anyway ?
My heart goes out to all of my fellow Mammotheers who are hurting.
(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))
And, Mistyful, your name is quite splendid. If you want to change it, that’s fine, but I concur with Axe. (Who had a hand in my own nym.)
School’s ended for Summer, and I’m looking for a second job. Though I already was beforehand since I’ve been called in less and less over the past few months and pinching pennies by the end of them. I’m trying to find something that involves a morning shift or on the weekend – the latter which would probably mean giving up alcohol entirely, but I’d rather do that than barely have $20 in the bank by the 28th.
There was an opening at a gas station that would’ve been perfect, especially since it was only a few streets down from my place, but I didn’t get it and everything else I’ve seen since then would conflict with my other job after Summer ends and – given how well I’ve been treated – I’d rather not lose it.
I’m trying to cut down on my spending, namely by reading more than I have in a while (my shelves are filled with books I haven’t read yet), but I still end up with little to nothing by the time the month is over. I’m probably going to reapply for food stamps – given a good deal of my spending is just feeding myself and my cats.
Thanks for responding, it really is good to feel heard. You all are great, but then I knew that already (been reading for years, yadda yadda).
I live in the U.S., Alan, otherwise I’d take you up on that. And I checked out the do not link link, laughed at “anti-semantic”.
I had thought the name was maybe too “princessy”, not very feminist of me I know. But I do like it. And I really miss my cat, I haven’t seen her in a year now. She used to give the greatest head-butts when she wanted petting.
Valentine, I have a possible suggestion. Talk to your relative and ask her advice, tell her that you know someone else who is going through a hard time. Make this imaginary person have similar issues, but not so similar that she thinks you are talking about *her*. Ask her what she thinks you could do to help this person, and ask her if she knows anyone who’s gone through anything like that.
This would let her know that you take these things seriously and wouldn’t ridicule them, it would introduce the subject in a way that isn’t threatening to her secret, and it would allow her to share as much or as little as she wants.
@Mistyful You are welcome here. Thanks for letting us share the pain a bit. As Spider Robinson wrote several times, shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased.
@ mistyful
Heh, glad somebody got it. They didn’t.
I’m so sorry for all the crap you’re going through, but there’s a nice bunch of folks here. Helping and compassion is sort of this place’s usp. Let people know what’s going on. You’ll get support and often practical advice. Unfortunately so many people know exactly what you’re going through. The key thing is you’re not alone.
Welcome, Ami, and hugs to everyone who needs them.
I’ve been working quite a lot out in therapy (for the last three months or so), and I’m finally just about ready to look at my top-surgery options. (TL;DR version: I’m a pre-op trans guy.) On the other hand, I’m burned out at work–and I was going to apply for something in another part of the company, but all the positions there were part-time.
I’m also looking at a trip to my home state early next year, in order to change my birth certificate. I really want a passport–and I figure that’ll make the process more straight-forward, instead of applying for a passport but having to explain why the name on my driver’s license doesn’t match the one on my birth certificate.
I’m staying busy in the meantime, between a strength-training-and-yoga regimen (this is week five) and some first steps towards doing my first local open-mike comedy act. So I don’t know how often I’ll comment here. I usually lurk, but I’d like to say something once in a while.
Mystiful
Thanks.))) That is interesting and useful. I would not think of that. But she only 11 years – you think maybe she is too young? Because it is a very serious subject about self harm. Would be little bit strange that i asking her for advise on this matter since i am grown and also i did not see her or her mum for one year alreay. But I must get her to talk about what is worrying for her, so that is true. Maybe i can use your method and start with less serious things? If i ask about how is school or her studies and if all is well then this can be good.
@Alan, That post and their responses went about as I expected. “Claim poster is beta”, then decide you moved the goalposts by telling them the posted links didn’t support the point, followed by telling you go back here if you want to get beaten up. And also, they’re better at it (violence) than us. And that’s from the purported author.
Oh, and us male feminists are only in it for the pity sex. Seriously?
Lovely people, aren’t they {/s}
Pr0tocolsrReal for Pr3sident of “Book Club”, eh?
And how dare we not discuss the posted article topic, and instead post about cats! It’s like we’re just not understanding how logical and thorough they are, and not respecting the wonderful text of the righteous.
eta beta pi.
Oh, heck, wrong thread, sorry people.
Welcome, Ami, and all lurking newcomers!
Hugs to everyone who’s hurting. My dad’s had some scary news but it resolved to “very mild, take it easy, watch for these symptoms and get yearly checkups” so that’s a big relief.
I’ve had a cough and crusty eyes for more than a week, and I wish I could say our older fuzzy was cuddlesome. She prefers to sit outside our bedroom door and shout in the middle of the night, though. She’s gotten cranky in the last year or so. Our younger one is and always has been standoffish.
What I wouldn’t give for a cuddlesome one who doesn’t take me lying down in bed with a book as an offer of food in the bowl.
My babies are four now, and swimming like fish. They can count to ten, say their alphabet, and are learning to write it. S. gets enthusiastic about her Es, though, and is never quite sure how many parallel lines they take.
Beloved is publishing e-books and cross-posting her Who fic to Archive of Our Own from Teaspoon and an Open Mind.
@Valentine
I would recommend starting with normal stuff. Maybe tell her you saw a girl that looked like her and it made you want to reach out and see how she was doing. That way she doesn’t get too suspicious. It will probably take time for her to open up to you. Girls are taught to always talk about pleasant things never to bring up things that might upset people. And if her parents and/or school counselor have been trying to ask her about the self harm, she’s probably suspicious of all adults right now.
You could even potentially open up to her about some things that were hard when you were her age, once she starts talking to you. Honestly I think just having someone to talk to could do her a world of good.
@Mistyful
That sounds like way more than anyone could handle on their own. I don’t know what to say other than to offer a shoulder.
@Anyone who cares
I did this to my hair recently:
http://i.imgur.com/VqgQ7Mq.jpg
@Alan: Loved the Daily Stormer thing (so thanks to all your geek squad, too) and I laughed out loud at “anti-semantic”, too. Maybe more of a snort than a laugh, but I was already grinning.
@Valentine: What they said. Also, I find that once I prepare for a conversation like that, like the how-to discussion here, the best thing for me to do is to get a good love going on in my heart for the person I’m talking to, and focus on them, and speak and listen from that place. Forget the performance anxiety, the carefully crafted phrases, what others expect to come of this, and just listen with my full attention. Then I say what comes, although I try to keep my words to a minimum. The fact that I listen, and they get that, is way more important than anything dumb old me might say. I won’t say it’s a perfect method, but it mostly works for me.
OT: I hope this makes you smile. I am doing a daily Ukrainian practice online (okay, every second day) and can actually make my keyboard say things like де тато? on purpose. Baby talk, but it will grow.
ETA: That does say “Where’s dad?” right?
Falconer, I wish I could loan you our orange cat. We got him as an adult tomcat, skinny and hungry but very friendly (he jumped in the car to say hi to my husband). Now his food gets measured to keep him at fourteen pounds, which is a good weight for him. He does not do laps, but he will flop next to you – one motion, it’s very sudden – and purr like badly-adjusted clockwork. And if the area next to me is not clear, he just stands there and purrs at me with an expectant look on his face. He’s an excellent companion in sickness. I took videos of him to the hospital when my husband had his heart attack, since I could not take the cat himself.
@kupo: Nice hair!
@Ledasmom, scritch him under his chinnykins for me and tell him he’s catting good, please and thank you.
@ lysistrata
Glad you liked it. Seemed to go over their heads though. No sense of fun some people. They also didn’t pick up my suggestion that no doubt they’d like to keep everything kosher.
@ kupo
Love the hair!
@kupo
So cool! ?
Apologies in advance for a post filled with “@” signs.
@Ami, welcome and hello!
@Mistyful,
I have nothing constructive and others here have already offered excellent help. But I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. Please feel free to keep talking if it helps. Also, here is a picture of one of my cats; she would love to give you head boops and snuggles in lieu of Misty-cat.
@Victorious Parasol,
I’m extremely glad you’re still with us – happy birthday!
Hugs for everyone who is missing their father, and everyone who has a rocky time with their dad. I’ve just re-established contact with my bio-dad. Slowly, slowly.
@Valentine (can I say Valya?)
Sometimes a family member who is slightly apart (i.e. not part of the immediate family circle) can be perfect for support. You may be just the uncle she needs right now. As others have said, talk to her about everyday stuff for starters.
ETA:
@kupo i am so jealous of your hair it looks amazing
Thanks for the hair compliments. *blushes*
Brilliant!
@Ledasmom: awww! I love ginger kitties! <3
@kupo – that is gorgeous hair.
I'm in the midst of going through 19 (no joke) boxes of unsorted family photographs and papers that I inherited after my mother's death in April. It's bringing up an awful lot of pain and unresolved childhood stuff. I'm…not in a lot of the photos. My brothers are. Boys mattered in our family, girls didn't. I had some issues that never got acknowledged or addressed as a kid; my role was to just shut up and not bother anybody. I still struggle with feeling invisible and unloved/unloveable. It's a constant, low-level ache. It sucks. I was really close to my mom, but I have a "Cat's In The Cradle" relationship with my dad.
Lessons I've learned from this project: while you're alive, get your shit in order. Figure out what's important to keep, throw out unnecessary/incriminating stuff, and label things. Get stories written down. When you travel places, take photos with you in them. My mom must have had about 40 rolls of film from her archaeology trips to England, and she's in maybe three of the photos. The rest are landscapes, chickens, and unidentified buildings.
@Mish
Oh yeah, I remember you mentioning that. Grats on taking that step. I don’t mean to pry, but, if I might ask, how’s it been going on that front? Hope the experience is treating you well thus far 🙂