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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: June 2017 Flexicat Edition

We all feel like this sometimes

An open thread for personal stuff. As always, no trolls, no Trump fans, no MRAs, etc.

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Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ Misty

Shit that’s all horrible. You in England though? If so I’d be happy to help you with the legal stuff if that takes some of the burden off you.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Mistyful

Kind of having a hard time lately

Bit of an understatement, I imagine. Jeez. I’m sorry *hugs*

maybe it’s time to change my name, but then how will you all remember me?

If you wanna new nym, pick a good one and add ‘(formerly Mistyful)’ after it. After enough comments, people will acclimate to the new one. Then you can phase that out. Not for nothing, I like ‘Mistyful’. It’s quite punny 😁

I’m not okay right now and could use a shoulder

Well, I do have 2 of em… 🙂

Godzilla Roberts
Godzilla Roberts
4 years ago

Normally cooking would win out too but I have an inspection coming up so I have to have things look normal, at least. But I’m awake now and at least it’s raining so the humidity will break.

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

Oogly & Kupo

I dont think i should ask her directly that i know that she is hurting herself- because then she will know who told me and also who knows from our family and that will make her feel worse. I think i should just say hi and ask what she doing at school and normal stuff? It will make it worse if she know i know what she is doing… and of course i will not tell her what to do – I have no idea what should she do. But i think i am being sent to find out little bit why she doing it but not directly…it is fucking confusing.

Хамбист))) i appreciate your ninja advise anyway 🤗

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

My heart goes out to all of my fellow Mammotheers who are hurting.

(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

And, Mistyful, your name is quite splendid. If you want to change it, that’s fine, but I concur with Axe. (Who had a hand in my own nym.)

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
4 years ago

School’s ended for Summer, and I’m looking for a second job. Though I already was beforehand since I’ve been called in less and less over the past few months and pinching pennies by the end of them. I’m trying to find something that involves a morning shift or on the weekend – the latter which would probably mean giving up alcohol entirely, but I’d rather do that than barely have $20 in the bank by the 28th.

There was an opening at a gas station that would’ve been perfect, especially since it was only a few streets down from my place, but I didn’t get it and everything else I’ve seen since then would conflict with my other job after Summer ends and – given how well I’ve been treated – I’d rather not lose it.

I’m trying to cut down on my spending, namely by reading more than I have in a while (my shelves are filled with books I haven’t read yet), but I still end up with little to nothing by the time the month is over. I’m probably going to reapply for food stamps – given a good deal of my spending is just feeding myself and my cats.

Mistyful
Mistyful
4 years ago

Thanks for responding, it really is good to feel heard. You all are great, but then I knew that already (been reading for years, yadda yadda).

I live in the U.S., Alan, otherwise I’d take you up on that. And I checked out the do not link link, laughed at “anti-semantic”.

I had thought the name was maybe too “princessy”, not very feminist of me I know. But I do like it. And I really miss my cat, I haven’t seen her in a year now. She used to give the greatest head-butts when she wanted petting.

Valentine, I have a possible suggestion. Talk to your relative and ask her advice, tell her that you know someone else who is going through a hard time. Make this imaginary person have similar issues, but not so similar that she thinks you are talking about *her*. Ask her what she thinks you could do to help this person, and ask her if she knows anyone who’s gone through anything like that.

This would let her know that you take these things seriously and wouldn’t ridicule them, it would introduce the subject in a way that isn’t threatening to her secret, and it would allow her to share as much or as little as she wants.

JS
JS
4 years ago

@Mistyful You are welcome here. Thanks for letting us share the pain a bit. As Spider Robinson wrote several times, shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ mistyful

laughed at “anti-semantic”

Heh, glad somebody got it. They didn’t.

I’m so sorry for all the crap you’re going through, but there’s a nice bunch of folks here. Helping and compassion is sort of this place’s usp. Let people know what’s going on. You’ll get support and often practical advice. Unfortunately so many people know exactly what you’re going through. The key thing is you’re not alone.

rogue angel
rogue angel
4 years ago

Welcome, Ami, and hugs to everyone who needs them.

I’ve been working quite a lot out in therapy (for the last three months or so), and I’m finally just about ready to look at my top-surgery options. (TL;DR version: I’m a pre-op trans guy.) On the other hand, I’m burned out at work–and I was going to apply for something in another part of the company, but all the positions there were part-time.

I’m also looking at a trip to my home state early next year, in order to change my birth certificate. I really want a passport–and I figure that’ll make the process more straight-forward, instead of applying for a passport but having to explain why the name on my driver’s license doesn’t match the one on my birth certificate.

I’m staying busy in the meantime, between a strength-training-and-yoga regimen (this is week five) and some first steps towards doing my first local open-mike comedy act. So I don’t know how often I’ll comment here. I usually lurk, but I’d like to say something once in a while.

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

Mystiful

Thanks.))) That is interesting and useful. I would not think of that. But she only 11 years – you think maybe she is too young? Because it is a very serious subject about self harm. Would be little bit strange that i asking her for advise on this matter since i am grown and also i did not see her or her mum for one year alreay. But I must get her to talk about what is worrying for her, so that is true. Maybe i can use your method and start with less serious things? If i ask about how is school or her studies and if all is well then this can be good.

JS
JS
4 years ago

@Alan, That post and their responses went about as I expected. “Claim poster is beta”, then decide you moved the goalposts by telling them the posted links didn’t support the point, followed by telling you go back here if you want to get beaten up. And also, they’re better at it (violence) than us. And that’s from the purported author.

Oh, and us male feminists are only in it for the pity sex. Seriously?

Lovely people, aren’t they {/s}

Pr0tocolsrReal for Pr3sident of “Book Club”, eh?

And how dare we not discuss the posted article topic, and instead post about cats! It’s like we’re just not understanding how logical and thorough they are, and not respecting the wonderful text of the righteous.

eta beta pi.

JS
JS
4 years ago

Oh, heck, wrong thread, sorry people.

Falconer
Falconer
4 years ago

Welcome, Ami, and all lurking newcomers!

Hugs to everyone who’s hurting. My dad’s had some scary news but it resolved to “very mild, take it easy, watch for these symptoms and get yearly checkups” so that’s a big relief.

I’ve had a cough and crusty eyes for more than a week, and I wish I could say our older fuzzy was cuddlesome. She prefers to sit outside our bedroom door and shout in the middle of the night, though. She’s gotten cranky in the last year or so. Our younger one is and always has been standoffish.

What I wouldn’t give for a cuddlesome one who doesn’t take me lying down in bed with a book as an offer of food in the bowl.

My babies are four now, and swimming like fish. They can count to ten, say their alphabet, and are learning to write it. S. gets enthusiastic about her Es, though, and is never quite sure how many parallel lines they take.

Beloved is publishing e-books and cross-posting her Who fic to Archive of Our Own from Teaspoon and an Open Mind.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@Valentine
I would recommend starting with normal stuff. Maybe tell her you saw a girl that looked like her and it made you want to reach out and see how she was doing. That way she doesn’t get too suspicious. It will probably take time for her to open up to you. Girls are taught to always talk about pleasant things never to bring up things that might upset people. And if her parents and/or school counselor have been trying to ask her about the self harm, she’s probably suspicious of all adults right now.

You could even potentially open up to her about some things that were hard when you were her age, once she starts talking to you. Honestly I think just having someone to talk to could do her a world of good.

@Mistyful
That sounds like way more than anyone could handle on their own. I don’t know what to say other than to offer a shoulder.

@Anyone who cares
I did this to my hair recently:
http://i.imgur.com/VqgQ7Mq.jpg

Lysistrata
Lysistrata
4 years ago

@Alan: Loved the Daily Stormer thing (so thanks to all your geek squad, too) and I laughed out loud at “anti-semantic”, too. Maybe more of a snort than a laugh, but I was already grinning.

@Valentine: What they said. Also, I find that once I prepare for a conversation like that, like the how-to discussion here, the best thing for me to do is to get a good love going on in my heart for the person I’m talking to, and focus on them, and speak and listen from that place. Forget the performance anxiety, the carefully crafted phrases, what others expect to come of this, and just listen with my full attention. Then I say what comes, although I try to keep my words to a minimum. The fact that I listen, and they get that, is way more important than anything dumb old me might say. I won’t say it’s a perfect method, but it mostly works for me.

OT: I hope this makes you smile. I am doing a daily Ukrainian practice online (okay, every second day) and can actually make my keyboard say things like де тато? on purpose. Baby talk, but it will grow.

ETA: That does say “Where’s dad?” right?

Ledasmom
Ledasmom
4 years ago

Falconer, I wish I could loan you our orange cat. We got him as an adult tomcat, skinny and hungry but very friendly (he jumped in the car to say hi to my husband). Now his food gets measured to keep him at fourteen pounds, which is a good weight for him. He does not do laps, but he will flop next to you – one motion, it’s very sudden – and purr like badly-adjusted clockwork. And if the area next to me is not clear, he just stands there and purrs at me with an expectant look on his face. He’s an excellent companion in sickness. I took videos of him to the hospital when my husband had his heart attack, since I could not take the cat himself.

Lysistrata
Lysistrata
4 years ago

@kupo: Nice hair!

Falconer
Falconer
4 years ago

@Ledasmom, scritch him under his chinnykins for me and tell him he’s catting good, please and thank you.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ lysistrata

“anti-semantic”

Glad you liked it. Seemed to go over their heads though. No sense of fun some people. They also didn’t pick up my suggestion that no doubt they’d like to keep everything kosher.

@ kupo

Love the hair!

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@kupo

Anyone who cares
I did this to my hair recently

So cool! 😍

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

Apologies in advance for a post filled with “@” signs.

@Ami, welcome and hello!

@Mistyful,
I have nothing constructive and others here have already offered excellent help. But I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. Please feel free to keep talking if it helps. Also, here is a picture of one of my cats; she would love to give you head boops and snuggles in lieu of Misty-cat.
comment image

@Victorious Parasol,
I’m extremely glad you’re still with us – happy birthday!

Hugs for everyone who is missing their father, and everyone who has a rocky time with their dad. I’ve just re-established contact with my bio-dad. Slowly, slowly.

@Valentine (can I say Valya?)
Sometimes a family member who is slightly apart (i.e. not part of the immediate family circle) can be perfect for support. You may be just the uncle she needs right now. As others have said, talk to her about everyday stuff for starters.

ETA:
@kupo i am so jealous of your hair it looks amazing

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

Thanks for the hair compliments. *blushes*

They also didn’t pick up my suggestion that no doubt they’d like to keep everything kosher.

Brilliant!

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Ledasmom: awww! I love ginger kitties! <3

@kupo – that is gorgeous hair.

I'm in the midst of going through 19 (no joke) boxes of unsorted family photographs and papers that I inherited after my mother's death in April. It's bringing up an awful lot of pain and unresolved childhood stuff. I'm…not in a lot of the photos. My brothers are. Boys mattered in our family, girls didn't. I had some issues that never got acknowledged or addressed as a kid; my role was to just shut up and not bother anybody. I still struggle with feeling invisible and unloved/unloveable. It's a constant, low-level ache. It sucks. I was really close to my mom, but I have a "Cat's In The Cradle" relationship with my dad.

Lessons I've learned from this project: while you're alive, get your shit in order. Figure out what's important to keep, throw out unnecessary/incriminating stuff, and label things. Get stories written down. When you travel places, take photos with you in them. My mom must have had about 40 rolls of film from her archaeology trips to England, and she's in maybe three of the photos. The rest are landscapes, chickens, and unidentified buildings.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Mish

I’ve just re-established contact with my bio-dad. Slowly, slowly

Oh yeah, I remember you mentioning that. Grats on taking that step. I don’t mean to pry, but, if I might ask, how’s it been going on that front? Hope the experience is treating you well thus far 🙂

Mistyful
Mistyful
4 years ago

@kupo I love your hair, the blend is gorgeous! Also, shoulders are welcome.

@Mish, she is such a fluffy cat. I would definitely take snuggles.

@Valentine, I agree with what kupo and Lysistrata said. Also, if she is self-harming at 11 years old, she is not too young to talk about it. Kids think about a lot of stuff that is “too mature” for them to think about, often because they’re being bullied or abused. Better to give them a safe person to confide in, especially if you know there’s already something going on.

Man, I think I’m going to talk to my landlord and try to renegotiate the whole “no pets” thing. I’ve been here a year and have been an awesome tenant, and actually fixed up the place to where it’s in better shape now than it was when I moved in. And I really, really miss the companionship of a cat, especially when my kids are with their dad.

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Gotta catch up with this thread, but

OMG, KUPO, YOUR HAIR LOOKS AWESOME!!! It’s so PRETTY!!!

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Alan, I noticed those references, and yeah. You are a sly man, as I said yesterday.

Mua ha ha!

Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
4 years ago

@Victorious Parasol
Happy birthday and condolences.
@Alan
I love that you took the Nazis on and that you appear to have thoroughly confused them!
@Valentine
Good luck with your niece. I’m sure she’ll appreciate having an adult in her support system who won’t jump down her throat to judge her.
@kupo
Echoing that your hair looks great!
@Everyone
I’m sorry about your problems and I hope they get better.

Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
4 years ago

Hugs/ condolences/ commiserations to everybody that needs them. Or sympathetic looks. Or something. Not much a hugger but I try. 🙁

I’m off from work, and I feel like glazed shit. I’ve had a low-grade, nasty, insidious headache for the past few days, and as expected (snort) the aches and the sandblasted feeling in the Region Formerly Known As My Uterus ™ and pretty much the entire inside of my skin have kicked in as is the simultaneous hunger and low-grade nausea. (Yep, this is a thing, go figure.) I haven’t had the energy or interest to be arsed about anything for two or three days or if I do it’s in the WRONG way, culminating in this lovely day. I didn’t want to call in as I have an evening shift and I like the head cashier I’d be having that night, but the way I was feeling earlier this afternoon put the kibosh on it. Being an introvert and working with customers is bad enough; trying to do it while feeling like this would be in the DMV queue section of Hell.

I do feel kind of guilty as it’s not enough to actually interfere with my functioning, but me functioning well is another matter. And since I had the sick time… There I’ve been in bed for most of the past couple days, reading stupid stuff on an iPad. :/

I’m 90 positive by this point of my life it’s got a hormonal component to it because I still have my ovaries, but there isn’t much doctors can do about it because my clotting disorder don’t play nice with hormonal therapy. mrgh. My counselor wondered if I could perhaps negotiate a set sick day off at work but I’m not so sure, given my erratic schedule both at work and with my damned ovaries.

In fuzzier and cuter news, the seventeen year old Plush Dominator running this place was terribly interested in my Dickey’s beef brisket and doing her Whine Torture of a Thousand Cuts in the hope that the the Treat Provider (me) would soon be there. She’s now asleep on a brown cushion that coordinates with her by my computer. Obviously she’s terribly fragile and geriatric and about to die of starvation at any time now. /s The hushuman has been playing Evil Genius on his machine and been quite supportive. I just wish I wasn’t a drag at the moment.

tl;dr My hormones suck ass, the cat sucks treats and pettings, the spouse is very non-suck, and I just suck.

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

http://www.cutecatgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/boop.gifcomment image
∆for anyone who needs a hug∆
@kupo
I love what you did with your hair
@Ledasmom
Your kitty sounds so cute
@Mish
Your kitty is adorable. Please give zir a kiss from me.
@Mistyful
I’m so sorry about everything you’re going through

Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
4 years ago

@PaganReader

Kittens help. <3

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@Pagan Reader,

Are you the queen of adorable kitties? I think that is who you are, yes 😀
Thanks for appreciating my baby girl. That’s Mei-Mei, the youngest of my three. I also call her Hearts-Ease, as she has helped heal sadness and hurt <3

@Axecalibur,

It's ok so far, thanks for asking. He won me over by doing A Nice Thing for my brother (bro and I share the same dad). Biodad is a blues musician; he calls my insomniac brother late at night and plays guitar for him. Seeing him do something apparently selfless was the clincher for me. We'll see.

Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
4 years ago

I will also provide bonks from Her Plushness for any as wants them. She does good bonk work and has a wide head suited for bonkings.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Mish

It’s ok so far, thanks for asking

Then I’m very happy for you 🙂

Biodad is a blues musician; he calls my insomniac brother late at night and plays guitar for him

I’ve just got something in my eye, honest…

We’ll see

Good luck! Nice to hear it works out sometimes 😀

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

Hi ))) sorry i slept.

@lysistrata
Молодец! Yes you correctly ))) soon you will learn very fast. So what you mean is i should simply think about her and about that i worry for her and care for her, and naturally i will find what i should say? Supposed to be after new year & christmas i should talk to her more because she recieved iPad (from grandparents) and she has email now. But i didnt because i just lazy and busy and selfish. Now i feel guilty for that.

@kupo
Your hair looks like candy )) really cool.

And if her parents and/or school counselor have been trying to ask her about the self harm, she’s probably suspicious of all adults right now.

Yes she must definately be suspicius now. But i dont want to say too much personal- but doctors really not that good in this area that she is living. Not trustable. So i will try to do like you say. If it because of school or parents then maybe it will be okay that i can talk and she know i am far away and will not tell.

@mish
Thank you also. )) i think i am almost ready to begin my message for her. Before i just scared, i didnt know what i can say that will make it better. But now i have some idea. Tonight i will make the email for her. ( and yes of course! You can say whatever you like )) )

@Nikki
Thank you)) i really hope i can to help her with this. Honestly, it is scarey for me, i cant think how scared she is….

So now i go to write my email for her! Thank you so much everyone!

Francesca Torpedo, Femoid Special Forces Major
Francesca Torpedo, Femoid Special Forces Major
4 years ago

@Kupo

I’m so totally jealous!

I used to dye my hair purple as a teen. I should do it again.

Black hair is notoriously difficult to dye, though.

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

Mystiful

O sorry i miss your post. I agree that you are correct – she is already mature if she is doing this. I think it is natural that i feel i dont want to talk with her because i think it too serious and she is child and needs protection – but now that is not important because she already understand much better than me. Or can be she not think it that serious and if i dont talk to her it will be worse because she think that it is healthy to continue…

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
4 years ago

@Fran

Okay now we’re starting to have so much in common it’s starting to get disturbing. All through high school and college(as a teen the subcultures I identified with were first skater, then punk, then raver, then Goth. I ended up a strange mixture of the four by college)I also dyed my hair purple and a few other colors and a few times a rainbow blend like Kupo’s(which is gorgeous, Kupo, BTW)but always with more purple than anything else because purple is my favorite color by far.(And you’re totally on point about black hair, bleaching it light enough to actually saturate it with color took hours, for me at least.)My exact favorite color is an iridescent sort of violet. Purple is the color of royalty as I’m sure you know, so it suits us.😜

Lastly, out of curiosity does anyone know if the goth subculture still exists or is it now just called emo? To me the words mean two different things but I’ve heard people conflate them.

Francesca Torpedo, Femoid Special Forces Major
Francesca Torpedo, Femoid Special Forces Major
4 years ago

@Katie

I’m about to blow your mind wide open: back in 2003 I, too, was with the Goth subculture and used to wear awesome long black trenchcoats and tight leather clothes and boots and whatnot. It was fucking spectacular.

I also had all the obscure interests that were popular amongst Goth kids at that time: I was fascinated with Medieval Europe and wanted to live in an actual castle with ravens in the tower and whatnot, and collected swords and knives and so on.

I only stopped because I had very little other friends who were also in the same subculture in my area. Also, at the time, there weren’t many other black people who were also in the Goth scene, or so it seemed to me.

I realize now that this was a dumb idea to have. Youtube showed me so many black gothy individuals that I would have loved to hang out with back in my goth days.

I still want to outfit my wardrobe with awesome, gothy clothes of various types. If I had a choice I’d definitely do the Victorian era style that used to be really popular back in my day.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@Fran
Yeah, you can lighten first and then the dye will take better, but you can only realistically go up a couple of shades before it just gets too damaged and starts to break, so the tones are still going to be on the darker side. If you do decide to color, when I do single color I use overtone conditioner to keep the color from fading too fast. It works well.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

Lastly, out of curiosity does anyone know if the goth subculture still exists or is it now just called emo? To me the words mean two different things but I’ve heard people conflate them.

People who conflate goths and emos are my mortal enemies.

Joking aside, yeah, goths still exist* and emos are very different despite the similar clothing. Emos are basically what panicky parents from the ’80s thought goths were, but with a terrible taste in music. =P

*On the Internet, nobody knows you’re wearing badass pancake makeup and listening to The Cure, like, right now. >_> Heh.

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
4 years ago

@Valentine
I just now read the full thread and saw you ask for help with your 11 year old niece. I used to harm myself in almost every way possible. I started cutting myself a little older than her, I was 13. From my personal experience, the most important thing is to make sure she feels you aren’t judging her and you don’t think she’s “crazy”(having mental health issues is not the same thing and she’s too young for most diagnoses anyway)
If possible, you should maybe try to find out if she’s harming herself in any other ways.(I say that because I started cutting myself, starving myself and using drugs(weed+psychedelics)all at 13. I’m not assuming she is, but just in case.( I have no idea how common any of these things are in Russia so I can’t guess how likely it would be. I just know in the US harming yourself can take many forms especially for adolescent girls. I’m trying to help, not be scary)but for me and a few other female friends who harmed themselves not being judged and not being thought bad or crazy was the most important thing.
I hope that helps because I know I’m not concise or very clear most of the time when I write. I’m a better talker. If it doesn’t help, just ignore me and I apologize for wasting your time.

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

@katie

You not wasting my time at all! Please dont speak like that))) well i say before i dont want to share too much of details because i little bit paranoid somehow anyone who know me can find their way in this website. I think very unlikely but i just want to be sure. Also it little bit disrespectful to her to share all which i know.

But.

I will have to say one thing to be clear – it not cutting. Who described it to me call what she doing ‘brutal’. And also she did once infront of people. I dont know how many times it happen already, if it only just start or if it going on for some time. So it not like she keeping secret, or it was secret before and once infront of people she just become very distressed and then make some harm to herself there.

I trust those who there with her, i just really need to do something from here. I very far away in Pacific ocean right now and feels even more far at this moment. I still cant find her email adress on my email right now – too slow to load. So i just waiting now for who said they will send me. I thinking i can invite her and her mum to stay with me in my apartment for holiday when i home again. So she can be somewhere different and fun.

Thank you for your experiences – seems like you are adjusted well now? And make some recovery? It is not fair anyone should feel like this ((

EJ (the Scheming Liberal Race-Traitor)

I’m leaving academia.

The job insecurity was okay when I was in my 20s, but nowadays I want to be able to plan forwards to some extent, and I’m in the wrong industry for that. Brexit is aggravating the whole thing, too; like a lot of people in astro, I get paid via the EU, which means that if I wanted to continue working I might have to look into leaving all my friends behind and going to Germany.

This feels awful. It feels not only like failure, but like betrayal: as soon as things got hard I bailed on my brothers and sisters in the trade. I keep telling myself that have to exercise self care rather than martyring myself for the research, but bleh.

I’ve got an interview lined up with a data science company. Wish me luck, please?

EJ (the Scheming Liberal Race-Traitor)

Lastly, out of curiosity does anyone know if the goth subculture still exists or is it now just called emo? To me the words mean two different things but I’ve heard people conflate them.

Goths certainly still exist here in London, although the average age the goth clubs is perhaps higher than that in other subcultures. A lot of people have jobs and kids now and so don’t go to clubs as often, but when a band like VNV Nation or Combichrist plays then the tickets still sell out quickly.

Nowadays, there’s basically no difference between the goth and industrial scenes. Emo however, as SFHC says, is a different scene entirely. They also wear black, but beyond that there’s little similarity between them and us. Given the age difference between the two scenes, it may be a generational thing.

Emo’s not a bad musical genre and I’m sure the scene is great for the people in it, though. Do we have any emo Mammotheers?

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@EJ

I’ve got an interview lined up with a data science company. Wish me luck, please?

The best of!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/good-luck.gif

Ooglyboggles
4 years ago

@EJ (the Scheming Liberal Race-Traitor)
Best of luck to you. Don’t feel too bad about it, it’s your livelihood & it’s just the best option for you. Have you talked to your peers already about this decision? It’d give you some closure when it comes to a situation as serious as yours.

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

EJ – good luck with your interveiw. ))) my mum also doing reaserch before, in geology, so i know it must be hard for you to leave that because she also has many close friends from that time. But if it helps she found even more happiness after she change her job (and her country too!) So maybe even Germany could be one option for you too…if you think you can change your mind 🙂