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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: June 2017 Flexicat Edition

We all feel like this sometimes

An open thread for personal stuff. As always, no trolls, no Trump fans, no MRAs, etc.

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Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
3 years ago

Nanny Ogg’s Bosom,

Happy birthday and I really hope you find a place soon! What book is this, may I ask?
I was trying to post a pic of young Nanny Ogg but it’s in the wrong format 🙁

Re: university etc.
Once upon a mythical time, we had free tertiary ed. here. Only for a bit, though. I’m restraining myself as best I can because I tend to rant on these issues – but the whole uni as a profit & production line is very true on several levels.
I was lucky that part of my undergrad degree was very old school Humanities learning-for-the-sake-of-learning type stuff. It was wonderful.
But I (along with many others) survived doctoral study & its years of grinding poverty, only to enter the brave new world of casual academia and its crushing workload, massive job insecurity, and fierce competition for contracts. Less grinding poverty, though, which is nice.

Katz
3 years ago

atropos, what a horrible thing! But how brave of you to be willing to talk about it.

Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
3 years ago

@ Katz

I see your book is Kindle-ized, I’ll be getting that when I get home! The Soviet Union in WW2 has long been a favorite subject, especially the women involved!

Katz
3 years ago

Awesome, I hope you will like it!

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
3 years ago

@Katz:

Congrats on the book!

It’s always nice to get something published – I certainly hope I will again, but I’ve been getting over a Joseph Mitchell-level writer’s block…

@EJ:

I’m sorry to hear about losing your job and hope your search goes well.

I’m still looking for a second one since I haven’t been getting called in enough as a substitute janitor for the past few months and won’t be for Summer break – there’s been very few that have not conflicted with it, where it’s on the weekend or at least in the morning.

There’s a media blaster position available nearby that would probably fit and will look into it tomorrow or Thursday.

Grace of Spades
Grace of Spades
3 years ago

@SFHC

People who conflate goths and emos are my mortal enemies.

Joking aside, yeah, goths still exist* and emos are very different despite the similar clothing. Emos are basically what panicky parents from the ’80s thought goths were, but with a terrible taste in music. =P

*On the Internet, nobody knows you’re wearing badass pancake makeup and listening to The Cure, like, right now. >_> Heh.

THIS. Although my goth friends said I was more of a punk, and my punk friends thought I was more goth.

In other news, I got out of the grip of a several day migraine, but it at least kept me distracted from thinking about Father’s Day. Still missing him.

smokingboudicca
3 years ago

Hi guys, I have a weird problem I just approached dave futrelle about, but I thought I’d throw it out here anyway. I have a great website idea having to do with fetishes and kink, and I have a small team of developers working for me for free. Yay me!! big problem though- we’re all a bunch of white cis males. well, I’m a white cis female but you get the gyst- privilege city. I’m looking for free consultation for myself from GAME DEVELOPERS to see how I can get this website moving in a much more inclusive direction. I know your time is worth money but I am not lying when I say no one is getting any money from this so far- but we have dreams

anyway, my e-mail is smokingboudicca@gmail.com if you are interested in helping or if you know someone who might be.

and if anyone happens to be pals with anita sarkeesian, can you get her to call me, lol!! this site has a looooot of potential to be inclusive and I am not bragging when I say I think there will be a lot of popularity if I do it right. Cheers All!!

smokingboudicca
3 years ago

I am trying this one pest ‘bump’ to see if anyone minds. If it legitimately pisses you off, let me know and I will never, ever do it again. Promise.

Dazed & confused
Dazed & confused
2 years ago

Hi guys
Sorry about random posting of my personal sh*t but I have a problem and thought the mammothears coul help

Awile ago one of my partners friends friends was acused of rape the whole group believes that he is innocent he has given me the creeps for years and has displayed worring behaviours so I am not so sure he is innocent (don’t want to say he is guilty coz I don’t have all the evidence but suspect so)
So obviously I am a complete bi*ch.

Someone has finally agnoliged this out loud to my boyfriend saying that they are not comfortable around me and we can’t keep burying our heads in the sand about this problem any more I don’t want this to affect boyfriends friendships

If anyone is reading and has any advice on how to seal with this situation I would be greatfull

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

If it’s important to you to not disrupt the friend group too much, I’m afraid I don’t have useful advice because I’m bad at this sort of thing.

But I do want to sort of reinforce your instincts. If you get a bad feeling about this guy, it’s probably for good reason. That he was accused of rape is definitely an affirmation of that. You have every right to not feel safe around them.

If it were me, and friends were trying to pressure me into treating a probable rapist like he were falsely accused and the wronged party, I’d say “screw them!” In my personal opinion, you and your boyfriend don’t need them as friends.

I’ll ask two questions

1. Have you told them something along the lines of “I’ve never felt comfortable around this guy, and now I really don’t”

2. Are they indispensable in your life and/or your boyfriends life?

To me, if they don’t respect your feelings here, they aren’t good friends anyway. Avoiding guys who creep us out is a matter of survival for us. If we’re wrong and trust someone who’s throwing out red flags, the result could be sexual assault or even worse. If they care about you, they should let you trust your instincts.

But as an introvert, I’m pretty okay with cutting ties to people if they piss me off enough. I do understand if you want to smooth things over with these people and maybe some of the other Mammotheers will know how to do that.

Hope that helps somewhat.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ dazed and confused

I empathise.

Nearly 30 years ago someone in my circle raped another friend. And it did scishm the group. A small, but still too much, minority sided with the guy’s version that he thought she’d consented/led him on.

Now I hope I’m not virtue signalling here. This wasn’t an ‘SJW’ thing. It was just sticking by a mate who’d been grievously wronged. Sometimes you just have to nail your colours to the mast.

But if this helps – it did cause friction at the time, but I tell you now, at least in the future you’ll be able to fucking live with yourself.

cornychips
cornychips
2 years ago

@dazed

Im pretty sure captainawkward.com has covered this almost exact same situation. She offers AMAZING advice. I recommend going there and perusing the archives.

Dazed & confused
Dazed & confused
2 years ago

Thanks for your replies

Untill last night my boyfriend thought he could have me and them it worked fine as long as we wherr not in the same room it came to breaing point when boyfriend tryed to arrang a double date
I am fine never seeing them again. But I don’t want him to loose friends over our relationship.

Boyfriend and I got back together about 6 months ago (relationship history is complcated) before that his way of dealing with the accusation was to nither believe or disbelief it and pretend evrything is ok.

I told people I wasn’t comfortable around the accused and got called paranoid or ignored the thing that really bothers me is over several years many guys have fallen out with him for getting there girlfriends drunk and trying to take advantage and one guy had to rescue his sisterfrom an Iincounter with him but use the r word and everyone leaps to his defence

Sorry for the long posr I am off to read captinawaqard now

dazed & confused
dazed & confused
2 years ago

thanks for your reply’s

i am perfectly happy never seeing these people again but i don’t want the boyfriend loosing friends because of our relationship.
until last night he was seeing me and them separately but now he feels he has to choose sides (he chose me don’t know if he shares my beliefs on the rape he chose me out of love)

I told them i don’t feel comfortable around him and was ignored the thing that really bothers me is several guys have fallen out with him over the years for getting there girlfriends drunk and trying to take advantage and one guy had to rescue his sister from an encounter with the accused (they all forgave him) but you call this behavior rapey and you are the bad guy.

i can give more info on boyfriend take on this if anyone is interested anyway I am off now to check out captinawkwards blog thanks again xx