By David Futrelle
Truly, there is nothing that the alt-right won’t declare a victory. Like, for example, the profile of me that ran this week in the New York Times, which Daily Stormer writer Eric Striker insists is a sign that he and his Nazi pals are “winning the culture war.”
In a post with the thoughtful headline “Jew York Times Writes Fluff Piece Promoting Professional Cuckold David Futrelle,” Striker complains that the NYT, er JYT
gave David Futrelle his first ever blowjob yesterday.
That’s the only word that could describe the promotional profile, which presented Futrelle as some sort of sardonic internet vigilante holding back the Nazi night.
He sounds a little mad.
In reality, all this fink does is copy and paste young men blowing off steam about women in their own spaces online. The entries are followed by feline Comic Book Guy style “Worst. Post. Ever…” snark.
Definitely mad.
Striker concludes his devastating critique of this little blog by calling me a “cuck.”
Being a man nowadays is hard, Futrelle takes the easy route. He is celebrated by elites at the Gray Yenta because he proudly accepts his status as a eunuch – what feminist women themselves deride as “Cuck Bois.”
Then, after cutting and pasting nearly the entire NYT piece, he declares FLAWLESS VICTORY.
[T]he system is giving Futrelle’s corporate product free promotion because the liberal bench is shallow and we’re winning the culture war.
WINNING!
This is a good sign, it means they can’t find the young Woody Guthrie or Rage Against The Machine so they have to settle for Man Boobz the internet blogger.
Huh? I’m not quite sure how I ended up in some sort of contest with the ghost of Woody Guthrie, but this did give me an excuse to post my little “this machine kills fascists” pic at the top of the post.
The “rules” Futrelle is so upset about people breaking are that feminism and the sexual revolution can never be challenged. Not even among teenage boys playing computer games.
That’s because the whole house is built on sand. One puff from the big bad Fascist wolf and Futrelle is blown the fuck out along with his wall of framed cat pictures.
Ok, first off, the houses that the big bad wolf blew away were made of straw and sticks, respectively, not sand. Seriously, dude. Preschoolers know this.
Second, I’m really not quite sure why my fondness for cats gets these dudes so mad, but let’s see if I can give a few of them heart attacks with this lil picture I made with the help of Dreamscopeapp.com.
Striker ends his post, somewhat unexpectedly, by asking you ladies reading this for a date:
And by the way David, since I know you’re reading this, just know that all the women who comment on your website would rather sleep with a misogynistic, muscular and dominant “Neo-Nazi” who berates them over you.
Ok, ladies, form a line on the (far) right!
Tom G would be a lot more convincing if he explained exactly what the “some things” are that he agrees with.
Because without spelling them out, we’re entitled to assume anything we like – and when it comes to out-and-out Nazism, you don’t really want to leave those options open.
I’d also be curious as to what these “some things” are that apparently unique to Nazism, since Tom presumably can’t find them being discussed elsewhere.
More Daily Stormer writer pseudonym suggestions:
Umlaut Studwell
Biff Thunderhead
Pepe Bearwrestler
Leo Bladesmith
Athelstan Edelweiss
Interesting, no one mentioned the best Daily Stormer writer, Chad Thundercock.
@Dalil
/ hugs
Here’s to hoping that they’ll be alright.
@Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Oh this a million times. The rats scene in Skyfall has all the marking of a lewd asmr experience and the entirety of the Casino Royald scenes had everyone stare deeply into each others’ souls, searching for meaning and understanding. Oh and the ball whipping thing with a completely naked Bond.
@ nikki & ooglyboggles
In the original Fleming books, Bond reassures himself that he can’t be gay because he can whistle (despite being sceptical about M’s theory in that regard)
Tom G’s arguments are as convincing to me as my grandkid’s excuses as to why she actually didn’t eat the candy when she has chocolate smeared around her mouth.
OT and a bit sad. Really sad.
I’m so tired I’m practically asleep writing this. Spent today running around selecting-organising photos with my sister, eulogies and recordings with my daughters for mum’s funeral on Monday. She died in the early hours of Thursday. Not really a surprise. She’s 92 and had been feeling really, profoundly tired.
Went into hospital a week and a bit ago and they, predictably, checked out her heart and lungs which were perfectly fine. The only other problem she had was difficulty swallowing tablets. Then they did a scan and found lots and lots of little white spots all through her upper torso and around the collarbones. Two of the largest dots-spots were either side of her oesophagus. By Tuesday, tablets were out of the question, she couldn’t even swallow water properly.
When I saw her on Wednesday, she slept the whole time mainly because of the drugs she was on. I left at 6 pm and she died 8 hours later. It was all fairly quick and pretty easy on her – at least she avoided all the things that gave her the horrors. She never had a single sign of dementia, she didn’t die all tied up in tubes and machines _and_ she never set foot in a nursing home.
The funeral’s a bit rushed because my nephew’s booked on a flight to leave the country Monday night. So we basically had one and a bit business days to organise everything. (All to the good eventually from my point of view. We had dad’s funeral on my wedding anniversary and I _really_ didn’t want to have mum’s funeral on my birthday on Wednesday.)
So I’m tired and sad and I still have to spot clean mr’s suit jacket – didn’t think to take it to the dry cleaners on Friday. I’ll probably doze off during a hymn or a reading on Monday.
Extremists usually try to find something that’s a faddish opinion, especially in contemporary politics or popular science writing, and work their views into that. That way maybe half of the population already agrees with them about something.
For example, I agree that NAFTA and TPP are bad, so Trump and I presumably both agree on that. But Trump is so bad that being right twice a day on something few people are right on isn’t good enough for me to support him.
By the way, extremists are good at exploiting problems with capitalism. Look at how violent Islamists gain political support.
@Alan Robertshaw
Holy moly imagine if the new bond films come out and say that Bond’s into men.
@mildlymagnificent
My deepest sympathies, I went through something similar with my grandmother on Christmas. Hope you get a good night’s sleep.
@mm
*hugs* aplenty
@Oogly
… and played by Idris Elba
@ mildlymagnificent
Oh so sorry to hear that. Condolences and sympathy at what must be a horrendous time. 🙁
@mildlymagnificent
I’m so sorry for your loss.
@ ooglyboggles & axe
I love the original Bond books. One thing the Craig films really capture from them, especially in that introductory scene with Vesper, is that Bond’s arrogance and faux cynicism is a defence mechanism because underneath he’s a complete insecure mess.
(He’s very much not the hyper competent superspy in the books. One reason he gets the very dangerous but speculative missions is he’s the one agent M can afford to lose. Skyfall channelled that nicely.)
Is there a way to get a personal thread up for the weekend? Has anybody asked David? It seems like it would be a good time for regulars to chat and vent and maybe some newbies will come say hi.
@Mildly
Funerals are hard. Death is hard…no matter how “easy” is seemed. Life gets hard. It sucks and I’m sorry. I hope you are able to get some deep, healing rest soon.
@Nikki Holy YES!!! Let’s not forget than in Skyfall Silva tries to touch him inappropriately. So much sexyness in that scene. The chemistry with the Bond girl in that movie was non-existent.
@mildlymagnificent You have my condolences. I hope you get your much deserved sleep. ?
Mildly,
My deepest sympathy. I know how very hard the first few days are. ((((((Hugs))))))
Look, Mr Fakename McNazi-Twit, There’s no way in this or any of the other six worlds, or any of the multiverses, that we’d choose you over David. The fact that we read and comment on THIS website instead of yours might be a clue to that.
@MildlyMagnificent
My condolences for your loss.
And now I’m in moderation for changing my email address. Oops.
@mildlymagnificent
All the hugs. Hope you get some rest soon.
Daily storm writer Bob Johnson! no wait,
@mildlymagnificent, all my sympathies. I remember having to go through this, and I wish you support and help with family and friends around you, and with all the internetstrangerhugs I can prevail upon you to accept. {{{hugs}}}
Tom G:
Please tell us about female psychology and biological drives! I, for one, would love to hear your thoughts.
@mildlymagnificent – so sorry about your mother. I hope you have people you can talk to and who can help, so that you’re not left planning too many things alone. We’re also here if you want to talk. Take care.
@Dalillama – sorry about what happened – hope everything turns out as best as it can for you and your bosses.
Also, to David, congratulations on the profile! It’s always nice to see your work acknowledged. Well, maybe not by Nazis (although the “sardonic internet vigilante” label is kinda cool). So yeah, all the best with the corporately-produced feline snark and shallow liberal bench-sitting (“shallow”, though? Don’t they mean “narrow” or something?). 🙂
ETA: Oh, the actual profile was earlier this week. I didn’t see that post. But yes!
Alan Robertshaw – I read Casino Royale several years ago. It was a while before I realized that Bond wasn’t actually doing any intelligence work; he was a bullyboy stuffed into a tuxedo so he could play cards with a Soviet asset. A task he would have failed at, if not for Felix Leiter and his CIA funds. Take away the set dressing and it’s almost as bleak as something by Le Carre.
And then I watched the Woody Allen version of Casino Royale.