Sex educator and Philadelphia Weekly columnist Timaree Schmit posted the peculiar document below to Twitter the other day. It was evidently handed to a friend of hers who was innocently making photocopies by some guy who wanted her to know that she had given him a boner and that he felt really really bad about this, because Jesus.
Guys, don’t do this.
Here’s the creeper’s little manifesto; the pic is a little blurry, alas, so I made a slightly less blurry version of the key bits and pasted it below the original.
I already used the nope badger in an earlier post today, so here’s a nope doggo instead.
H/T — @TByrne75 for letting me know about this, thanks!
That’s the kind of guy that should just publicly whip himself on the spot whenever he gets turned on.
actions speak louder than words, after all.
Good lord, that pamplet gets more cringey with each sentence. By “dearest damsel” my skin was crawling.
Possibly the worst fucking thing I’ve ever read. And I say that as someone who’s read at least 3 books and several articles.
Also, isn’t that the Elephant Man’s name?
I’d rather he didn’t tell anybody. Why share that information? No one asked.
;____;
That letter is just so creepy.
I have nothing but ‘wait wat’.
Good thing I haven’t inspired lust in anything lately except my husband but still ‘wait wat’.
Yeah. I’m outta here, I got nothin’. Yuck.
The creepiest thing about this whole thing is that it’s all pre-written and he probably carries with him many copies of this note. I’m gonna guess it’s an extra turn-on for him to make women aware of his boner and deliberately make them uncomfortable by forcing his wank fantasies onto them. Gross gross gross. Dude, just do like the rest of us and shovel ice cream into your mouth until you’re too bloated and tired to even think about sex. That’s the healthy, adult way to deal with rampant bonerism.
Just one more way for a dude to center his boner. Because boner is the most important thing!
So, he’s sexually harassing women and then feeling self-righteous about it.
What an asshole.
And all in gold, cursive writing to increase the eye strain of his creepy as fuck papers.
Dear Michael,
You already had the notes printed up, which means that your lust was premeditated and your apology insincere. FORGIVENESS DENIED!
Yours truly,
God
Is… is that embossed?
I’ll just have to quote for truth because IP and Lea already said what I was going to say
Yep.
If he was merely concerned that he was sinning, he’d pray or talk to his clergy person about it instead of creeping out the women who please his boner.
I feel the same way about fundies who obsess about what women and teenage girls wear because showing a bit of leg or hinting at a female shape turns women from people into stumbling blocks.
Gold lettering, so it’s unlikely he printed these at home (unless he spent a lot of time with Letraset). So he probably had them professionally printed, which somehow makes it even more creepy.
It’s definitely pro printed, no way did he get that nice of a gold covering with home printing (even with a laser printer, toner sensitive gold foil, and an iron.)
IP, the EM’s name was Joseph Merrick.
Also, Judas Peckerwood FTW.
The last 2 names on that leaflet “Joseph Merritt” are spelled like the printing company named “Joseph Merritt & Company“.
{Raises eyebrow} Interesting.
You know, given the fact that he puts his full name on this and that he’s phrased it as such to imply that he’s giving it to strangers, I start to believe that this may actually be an attempt to religiously pick up women. Like, his fantasy is that he gives one to a woman, and she tracks him down later so he can preach the Gospel to her, and then they start a courtship and marry. His boner is not the only thing in there; he’s also included flattery and witnessing.
Anyone want a report on the state of my crotch? I mean, I don’t have gold embossed cards, but I can tailor these reports to the individual.
No takers? Darn.
I’ll be the first to admit Christians can be odd. *waves*
But damn, this is NOT the way to gain pretty converts to any religion, or lack thereof.
Failure to understand metaphor in 3…2…1.
“What’s a metaphor?”
“It’s good for cows”
I feel like I should print up gold embossed calling cards that say “go fuck yourself” in a nice script, just in case our paths ever cross.
I’d get that thing dusted for fingerprints and run through a fingerprint database.
Bears repeating.
Reminds me of a guy who groaned this exaggerated sexual moan at me as I walked past him once, and said something like “you got me SO HARD.” I said, “Yeah, fine, fuck yourself” and kept walking, and he seemed really surprised that I was such a bitch to him, poor baby.
Yeah, my second thought was that, he might be trying to pressure women into going to church and covering up.
Unfortunately, “stumbling block” rhetoric only works on people who already think it’s a thing.
Hey, I found an appropro gif!
@Capra
There was a woman who printed up cards to give to the men who catcalled her while she was walking to work.
You can even download and print them for yourself.
http://www.cardsagainstharassment.com/