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Last week: Outraged by Kathy Griffin. Today: Wants London mayor impaled on a pike

Underneath the mask, the alt-right is still the alt-right

Here’s a little case study in alt-right hypocrisy.

Last week, like a lot of people, the wannabe self-help guru and alt-right opinion-haver who calls himself “DarkTriadMan” professed to be outraged by Kathy Griffin posing for photos with a stylized severed head of Donald Trump.

Given that DarkTriadMan’s whole schtick is based on the idea that men should act more like psychopaths if they want to get ahead in life, you wouldn’t think he’d be much bothered by Griffin’s admittedly dark stunt, but he made quite a show of his outrage, endlessly retweeting alt-right attacks on Griffin and adding his own spin to the news:

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/870652822836195328

He was glad to see Griffin brought to tears by the reaction to her photos:

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/870689717049634816

And fantasized about Barron Trump ultimately taking his revenge:

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/869935774883500033

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/869958745186590720

Today, in the wake of latest London attacks, Mr. Dark Triad seems to have gotten over his squeamishness about Griffin’s supposed call for violence against a sitting politician. Now he’s quite openly calling for the mass slaughter of Muslims.

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/871471460543602688

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/871355215215304704

He’s also talking about how great it would be if the mayor of London — a sitting politician, like Trump, with two children — were to be burned at the stake.

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/871354479593091072

Or impaled:

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/871353175466496000

Or torn apart by horses:

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/871352151846658048

Or blinded and hung:

https://twitter.com/DarkTriadMan/status/871352529262694400

This is more or less what I’ve come to expect from the alt-right; their “moral outrage” is almost always in very bad faith. But it’s still a little surprising to see just how blatant their hypocrisy can be.

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PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago

Wait, Ohlmann, so he said, basically, that men’s hurt feelings are exactly the same as women being sexually assaulted by men?!?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Yeah, that attitude is pretty common in men. It’s not just an incel thing.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
3 years ago

@PeeVee : exactly. And as WWTH, it is pretty common sadly.

The worse part being that my friend just gushed over how she felt secure in the parisian larp scene. (which, to be honest, and from what I have seen, is indeed pretty good on that regard)

He also said that he was aware of how it is to be a female because he spend a lot of time trying to imagine his life as a female. I tried to give him as honorable an exit he could by suggesting his sexual fantasy may get in the way of his objectivity, but of course he doubled down about how serious and non-sexual his representation is.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
3 years ago

“IQ test” … Oh I’d LOVE to see the results of that. We might find out if he’s really playing 4D chess, or if he’s playing checkers on a tic-tac-toe board and always moving first.

I love Colbert’s assertion that Trump is really playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. 😉

Fabe
Fabe
3 years ago

Was going to say WWTH’s points before I was beaten to it. Daenerys is a deconstruction of Mighty Whitey and the Mary Sue heroine, at least in the books. Hearing that they purged her (and most of the other characters) of their extra dimensions in the TV show is one more reason I probably won’t watch it.

I haven’t read the books but I wounder if the lost dimensions is due to a lack of internal monologue that you can have in books but doesn’t translate well to TV.

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago

@Ohlmann, WWTH,

*Shakes head ruefully*

I’m kinda glad I’m old.

Like the song says, “The more I know, the less I understand”

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
3 years ago

@Fabe
That’s definitely one reason. Also the books are about a thousand pages long sometimes more and there’s just so much detail and nuance that would be impossible to fit into 10 hour seasons of TV. They try to focus on the important bits but there are many other important bits in the book that just get no screen time whatsoever. They even cut out a bunch of characters because there are hundreds in the books. I will tell you what I tell everyone. If you like the show, read the books. They are 10 times better

Fabe
Fabe
3 years ago

I should be reading them. I’ve been enjoying the tv series so reading the books in on my to to do list. I’ve also been thinking about the reading the books ‘The Expanse’ is based on as well.

JS
JS
3 years ago

Possible spoiler alert for “The Expanse” and fairly definite spoiler alert for GoT aka A Song of Ice and Fire…

At least the monsters in The Expanse appear monstrous in the first book (that may, or may not, be a spoiler depending on how you read that sentence)… Only real monsters in the first 3 GoT book are the humans.

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

Ok the kitten went through. I wonder why the other post wouldn’t.
Anyway, @Fran, have you heard of 7 cups of tea? It’s a free text based therapy service. It might help while you’re trying to find a therapist your insurance will actually pay for.

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
3 years ago

@Fabe
If you already plan to anyway, seriously you should read the books ASAP. I’ve read over 3000 fantasy novels in the last 20 years, and that series is in my top ten list of fantasy series, maybe even my top five. But I started the first book of the Expanse, and wasn’t thrilled with it. I only read about 200 pgs though, so maybe it just starts off slow.

@JS,
What do you think? How is the Expanse series? Have you read them all? Does it start slow and get better? It was good enough that I plan to give it another try when I have less to read, but does it truly live up to the hype?

@Fran& anyone who may be interested
If anyone is a huge fantasy novel geek like me(Fran, the Jacqueline Carey recommendation is for you in particular, I’m almost positive you’ll love her books)but is lacking books to read, here’s a list of some of the best fantasy out there(this list is by no means comprehensive)

ASOIAF(Game of thrones)-George RR Martin
Kushiel’s Dart saga-Jacqueline Carey(in case it bothers anyone this book contains graphic BDSM scenes, but it’s not porn at all. The plot is excellent. It’s a thousand page book with less than a dozen sex scenes that mostly happen to contain BDSM)
Name of the Wind-Patrick Rothfuss
The lies of Locke Lamora-Scott Lynch
The Way of Kings, Elantris and a bunch more(he’s very prolific)-Brandon Sanderson
Coldfire trilogy-CS Friedman
The Fifth Season-NK Jamison
The Vorkosigan Saga-Lois Mcmaster Bujold
The Emperor’s Blades trilogy-Brian Staveley
Codex Alera saga or Dresden Files-Jim Butcher
Powder Mage trilogy-Brian McClellan
Assassins Apprentice series-Robin Hobb
Red Rising-Pierce Brown

I just threw that up there because I love to read and I know a good number, maybe even the majority of the people on this site love to read and sometimes it can be hard to find a good new book. I really like recommending good books and authors to people because I want people to enjoy reading and I want the authors to get the recognition they deserve. If anyone else has read and enjoyed(or not enjoyed)any of these books or series, make a comment, please. Let me and everyone else know what you thought of the one you read. If anyone else would like to share their favorite fantasy or sci-fi novels or their favorite novels of any genre, I’d be curious to hear. I love to learn about new books I should read

DanHolme
DanHolme
3 years ago

@KatieKitten

The Expanse is the one with the vomit zombies, right? The first two books were great; I’ve only just become aware of the TV show.

I always wanted to see a fight between the vomit zombies and the jazz vampires from the ‘Rivers of London’ series. Because that would be cool.

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
3 years ago

@Dan
I’m honestly not sure. I’ve heard so much about the show but I’m not a big TV person I’m a book person and I only read the first 200 pages of the first book so far far. Are you a fantasy novel fan if so what’s your favorite fantasy series?

DanHolme
DanHolme
3 years ago

@KatieKitten

I’ve never managed to properly engage with any of those multi-volume, 600-page a time fantasy epics like ‘The Wheel of Time’ or the like, which I’m going to suggest is my fault, as I’m too dilettante a reader. Also, I was reading a lot of Pratchett, Tom Holt and Robert Rankin in the late 80s/early 90s, which seemed to be about mocking the tropes of fantasy even while they were using them.

However, I’ve never looked back since I read ‘Perdido Street Station’, so any of the Bas-Lag novels – Armada, the pirate city from ‘The Scar’, is definitely where I intend to retire to.

From that, I started reading a lot of Michael Moorcock novels, even the very slight ones from the 60s/70s, so any of the ‘Eternal Champions’ works for me. (I was absolutely delighted when the Eleventh Doctor and Amy met Captain Cornelius in ‘The Coming of the Terraphiles’).

‘City of Saints and Madmen’ by Jeff Vandermeer is a more recent favourite, as is ‘The Book of Phoenix’ by Nnedi Okorafor.

Oh! One more, then I’d better do some work: the ‘Nightside’ series by Simon R. Green, and the Peter Grant/Folly series beginning in ‘Rivers of London’ by Ben Aaronovitch – he also wrote the amazing novelisation of the TV series ‘Remembrance of the Daleks’, which was substantially better than the show it was based on!

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
3 years ago

@everyone
I’m going to sleep cause I sleep during the day.(Ideally 9-5.)If anyone has read any of the books that I mentioned and has anything to say about them leave a comment and I’ll see it when I wake up I’m curious if anyone has similar fantasy tastes. If no one’s read any of the books I mentioned but is a fantasy novel fan and has some favorites then please mention a few, especially if they’re somewhat obscure. I’d love to hear about a good one I haven’t read cuz I’ve read literally thousands in the last 20 years. I especially love finding out about an awesome author I’ve never happen to hear about who has a bunch of books I can read

Lastly, I hope everyone’s day is lovely, fun and/or useful, and maybe for once when I wake up there will be some good news. I try to be an optimist and you can always hope.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

When it comes to ASOIAF/Got, most people think the books are better. As books are usually better than TV or movie adaptations. But I do have a couple friends who prefer the show. Some people just don’t love long books with detailed world building. If you like the show and like fantasy but don’t like super long books, I’d recommend the Dunk and Egg novellas. They take place in Westeros about a hundred years previous to ASOIAF. They follow the adventures of the adolescent prince Aegon Targaryen and his knight companion Duncan the Tall. It’s not during war time so they’re less dark. There’s still some death and mayhem. Just not quite as much.

I personally like the long length of ASOIAF. I love all the history and mythology in there. Most of it doesn’t make it to the show. I’m always amazed at how 1000 page books full of food porn and heraldry descriptions can still contain so much nail biting suspense. I also like how each character has their own unique voice. I once reread the books one POV character’s chapters at a time. It held up really well like that. They could each be their own novels. So many writers make all their character’s voices sound the same. All their characters have pretty much the same personality and it’s probably much like the author’s (looking at you Stephen King and Dean Koontz) so it’s really nice when there are multiple distinct POV characters.

Okay, now I’m just rambling on. Sorry!

Croquembouche, poorly-dressed vandal
Croquembouche, poorly-dressed vandal
3 years ago

@ KatieKitten,
Well if you like Bujold’s SF-y Vorkosigan saga and haven’t tried her World of 5 Gods / Chalion series yet, I’m sure you’d like that too.
Some other fantasy / SF writers I would read anything by:
Diana Wynne Jones, Tanith Lee, and Sheri S Tepper. All sadly dead now, so nothing new to hope for from them.
Jones mainly wrote for children, with the occasional Young Adult work, maybe that’s why her universes were so unexpected and yet seemed realler than mere reality. The Dalemark Quartet is probably my favourite series of hers.

Tanith Lee wrote epic multitome fantasies, kids and YA adventures, queer erotica, supernatural alternate historical myths and modern urban strangeness of all kinds. I particularly love the Flat Earth series.

Sheri Tepper: the True Game series takes the classic Swords & Sorcery RPG tropes and slowly gently emulsifies them. But I think The Enigma Score, a standalone, is my favourite of hers.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Now I’m just remembering that the third book in the Broken Earth trilogy is due out next month. Whoo hoo!

JS
JS
3 years ago

I only read the first 2 Expanse books, they were fun, but… I couldn’t see any reasonable method of resolution besides “Deus Ex Machina” somewhere towards the end of the series.

Verily Baroque
Verily Baroque
3 years ago

@KatieKitten

Have you read Tea with the Black Dragon by R.A. MacAvoy? It’s admittedly urban fantasy and not sword&sorcery, but it’s well worth a read. It’s essentially a story of an elderly woman trying to solve the mystery of what happened to her daughter and why the daughter invited her to stay in a hotel and then never showed up herself.

Most of the books I think you would like have unfortunately never been translated into English, it seems, so I don’t really have anything else to recommend.

dlouwe
dlouwe
3 years ago

@KatieKitten420

Patrick Rothfuss is such a fantastic writer, though I hope he gets a more aggressive editor for his 3rd book. He’s just so talented with words – he could write a dozen pages about someone writing their taxes and make it feel engaging – but it felt like the last 1/3 of A Wise Man’s Fear got away from him. Probably coulda chopped a good 2-300 pages – at least – off that book for the better.

Have you read any Steven Erickson? Namely, the Malazan series? I’m always hesitant to bring it up with big fantasy nerds, because it’s such a divisive series, and I have a hard time telling people who don’t like it that they are wrong, but it’s hands down my favourite series to date, and I feel that everyone who likes fantasy at least needs to try it. If you haven’t heard of it, let me know, and I’ll do my best to sell you on it.

ETA: I can’t remember who, but I know there’s at least one other Erickson fan here, who can probably vouch that recommending him is weird to do because of the almost “adversarial” relationship that develops between you and his writing that is difficult to explain to people who haven’t read the books.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@Katie
McClellan’s got two more Powder Mage books out now. Also, have you read and of Bujold’s fantasy? Curse of Chalion is good, and the sequel, Paladin of Souls, is excellent. She’s also done The Hallowed Hunt in the same world, and The Spirit Ring, set in a magical Renaissance Italy.
As I said elsewhere, in a lot of ways I like Rivers of London better than Dresden Files, and I’d also recommend the Iron Druid books by Kevin Hearne. Stross’ Laundry files have a lot of nerd jokes, same as Dresden or Grant is prone to making, plus labyrinthine bureaucracy, pointless meetings, and soul-devouring* PowerPoint presentations.
*Not a metaphor; Bob Howard works for the branch of the British government that protects the Home Islands from people who want to summon Nyarlahotep.

If you’re not familiar with Wen Spencer, you should be. Also you’d probably like Elizabeth Moon, Tanya Huff, and Nnedi Okorafor.
@DanHolme
If you like Mieville, I definitely recomment Max Gladstone’s Craft Sequence (First book is either Three Parts Dead (written) or Last First Snow (Series chronology). Kadrey’s Sandman Slim series has a very Nightside feel to it, and you might also take a look at the Iron Druid series.

@Croquembouche

Jones mainly wrote for children, with the occasional Young Adult work, maybe that’s why her universes were so unexpected and yet seemed realler than mere reality. The Dalemark Quartet is probably my favourite series of hers.

In fact, she wrote Howl’s Moving Castle

Robert Walker-Smith
Robert Walker-Smith
3 years ago

Diana Wynne Jones also wrote “The Tough Guide to Fantasyland”, an entertaining piss take on the tropes, cliches and stereotypes of mass market fantasy literature. She then reworked the idea into “Dark Lord of Derkholm”, because she was just that good.

JS
JS
3 years ago

Seconding the recommendation of Stross’s Laundry Files.

The soul-devouring PowerPoint… the RHR security guards. The interesting bit where you find out Bob Howards middle names.

Violin of doom. Oh, so many. He’s not quite as good as Pratchett, but that’s a pretty high bar. His take on unicorns… Start with a large cone snail.

“Missile Gap” about a Cold War on a Lovecraft inspired planet, and “Colder War” about a Cold War that had weaponized Lovecraftian craziness.

Lanariel
Lanariel
3 years ago

I can second dlouwe on the malazan series it’s one of my favorite worlds and my now a days favorite author.

And sometimes I just wanted to throw the books into a wall. It’s complicated.

DanHolme
DanHolme
3 years ago

@Dalillama

They sound like great recommendations, I’ll look them up at the weekend! Cheers.

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
3 years ago

@everyone who answered my comment
Thank you so much for all the recommendations I’ve read at least half of the books listed but there’s a bunch that I haven’t read and a few I haven’t even heard up which is beautiful I will definitely be adding a bunch of them to my list

@Dalillama
Thank you for the info about Brian McClellan. I knew there was one more I didn’t know that the next one came out or was even available for pre-order I must look into that. I really like those books. They weren’t the best ever but that gunpowder magic system is original and clever and he’s a pretty good writer definitely better than average for fantasy there’s so much generic crap in the fantasy genre.

@dlouwe
I tried to read the first Malazan book and I was so confused. I’ve meant to try it again for ages because it looks like the type of series that I love.10 or more books long, tons of characters, convoluted plotting, tons of intrigue and stuff like that, but the first book feels like a second book. It feels like I’m missing something. Does it start to (I don’t know the word I’m looking for, maybe coalesce?)more in the second half of the book? Meaning I loved many aspects of the book but it didn’t make sense as a whole. Does that make sense ? Can you tell me why everyone likes it so much and how I should be thinking when I read the first one again, please? I really appreciate it because I would love to have another dozen thousand page fantasy novels to read, especially since the series is already done.

KatieKitten420
KatieKitten420
3 years ago

@Dalillama
I love Bujold’s fantasy also I just have a thing for the Vorkosigan books in particular cause I read them during my formative years and they meant a lot to me. But I definitely read Curse of Chalion and the other books in that world and the spirit ring and a few others and enjoyed them. I completely forgot to mention Marion Zimmer Bradley though. Mists of Avalon is obviously her best work but the Darkover books are pretty awesome also. The quality varies but some of them are really excellent. I’ve heard her referred to as a feminist author so figured maybe I should mention her now that I remembered her.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@KatieKitten
I no longer read MZB; unfortunately it turns out that there are some very unpleasant skeletons indeed in her closet, and there’s limits to my willingness to separate the creator from the art.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

Oh, I’m wrong; I must have seen a different book and thought it was the second one. Only Gods of Blood and Powder is out from the new trilogy.

I love Bujold’s fantasy also I just have a thing for the Vorkosigan books in particular cause I read them during my formative years and they meant a lot to me.

Oh, same here. Only you said you liked fantasy, I wanted to be sure you’d seen hers since you’d not mentioned it 🙂

DanHolme
DanHolme
3 years ago

On the subject of books… Naomi Alderman’s ‘The Power’ is getting some brilliant reviews today having won the Bailey’s Prize; I’m looking forward to reading it, but it keeps being referred to as her fourth book. It isn’t, she wrote an amazing Dr Who novel called ‘Borrowed Time’ as well, so this is her fifth book.

Don’t ignore the Who, is all. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Croquembouche, poorly-dressed vandal
Croquembouche, poorly-dressed vandal
3 years ago

@ Katiekitten, MZB was the Woody Allen of SFF.

dlouwe
dlouwe
3 years ago

@KatieKitten

I totally agree that Gardens of the Moon is a bit confusing on first read, and definitely feels like a second book rather than a first, and there’s a few exacerbating factors:

1) The book series as a whole is meant to portray a “slice” of a larger history, so GotM just plops you right in the middle of ongoing events.
2) Erickson deliberately avoids hand-holding and expository info-dumps as much as possible. This can be frustrating in the first book before you get a “handle” on the conventions of the world.
3) GotM was written 10 years before the 2nd book, and as such is a fair bit less developed than the rest of the series.

To answer your main question of, “does it start to make sense?” – kinda. Some things will be clarified by the end of the book, but most things will continue to be drip-fed to you over the rest of the series, and this becomes one of its core appeals.

If you do attempt a re-read, a couple things to keep in mind:
-Erickson doesn’t like to waste words, so don’t skim. Treat it like a novel-sized short story. Most important points will be reiterated, but there are a lot of off-hand nuggets that can be used to piece together a greater understanding of events.
-Get comfortable not knowing who/what is being talked about right away. This is just part of how the books are written, and you learn to trust that you’ll get to the important info in due time.
-Don’t try to fathom the magic system too much in GotM. As a mentioned, it’s 10 years before the 2nd book, and the ideas develop a lot in that time. (Though it’ll remain pretty oblique throughout the series)
-At the halfway point of the book you’ll get a whole new cast of characters. Get ready for this before hand to avoid frustration.

Now, on to why I love the series:
-Honestly, a lot of the above points. They are difficult books to digest, but so rewarding. Once it stops being frustrating, it becomes a selling point. It’s a bit of a paradigm shift compared to most other fantasy, but if it works for you, it’s so incredibly worth it.
-The scope of the world is massive. Erickson is an archaeologist, so he things about time and history on a different scale than people generally do. The prequel trilogy he’s currently writing happens ~300,000 years before GotM, and includes some characters that show up in it. The world is old and he is able to very effectively portray that.
-They have some of the most emotionally powerful moments in any media I’ve ever consumed. Like, I don’t really cry at much, and I had to put down one of the books to avoid bawling in a restaurant.

And just, so much more. I could gush for an indefinite amount of time. But I won’t. I will, however, answer any further questions you have. At length. 🙂

Francesca Torpedo, Femoid Special Forces Major
Francesca Torpedo, Femoid Special Forces Major
3 years ago

@Everyone

I am back! I am about to explain my absence in my response to Katie.

I’m so sorry your life is difficult right now. I know being a caretaker is difficult I was my grandma’s caretaker until she passed but she meant to be kind to me. Im not absolutely sure from what you’re saying(I don’t like to assume) but are your parents difficult and mean to you on purpose or just can’t help it because they’re losing their faculties? If the former, I’m deeply sorry, cause firstly, I know how hard being a caretaker is even without that from caring for my grandmother for 2+1/2 years.(I loved her more than anyone but my dad, and we were so cool with each other we smoked weed together😄 but it was still far from easy and she tried her best to make it as pleasant as possible)

It’s a little from column A, and a little from Column B. You’re not entirely wrong on both counts.

My father is just a flat-out abusive bastard. I don’t like to say it, but there it is.

He used to physically abuse me and my mother a long time ago. His justification was that he would bring home money and didn’t divorce my mother, so he was entirely within his rights to physically harm us.

I still have marks on my body from his assault. Also, his reasons were fucking bullshit because my mother used to be the primary breadwinner in the house before he begged her to stop working because he felt embarrassed staying at home taking care of me.

Nowadays he spends his time verbally abusing myself and my mother. He screams, bellows, shouts, tells my mother he wishes she was dead and that he was dead, how she should hurry up and die, etc, and this causes her to burst into tears and cry almost every day.

It’s depressing. Scenes of unimaginable horror. That’s my life. Like, last night I literally spent time listening to my mother cry herself to sleep after his latest bout of abuse.

Now, as for my mother…she is partially forgetful, and partially just abusive in her own small way.

For example, my computer – the primary desktop PC (I hand-built it myself – this is a point of pride for me because I am a PC gaming enthusiast and have been for over a decade, and hand-built all my own custom rigs) is right next to hers (which I also built for her).

She swore to me she can’t read what I type on my monitor.

Seconds later, she will read my own posts back to me, giving her own game away due to her fading mental capability. And if I say, “You know, you didn’t have to lie to me about that,” she will swear to me she never lied about it.

There was no need to lie about this. There was never any need to lie about it. I am not a misanthropic ogre like my father.

If she admitted “Yes, I like to look over your shoulder and snoop on you while you type,” I literally would not care. At all. I wouldn’t start screaming at her to just die, like my father does.

Yet, for some reason, she feels the need to lie to me and make stuff up and it’s really hurtful. Her lies are pathetic, since her mental faculties have dulled greatly, and a child could see through them, but it’s still painful to me that I spend this much time taking care of her and yet she plays these dumb fucking mind games.

She plays a lot of dumb mind games like these, which I effortlessly discern, since she doesn’t have the capability to actually mount any sort of intrigue. It’s like when a three-year-old tries to lie to you or outwit you.

Hey, do any of you have problems with your employees sleeping on the job or being lazy? Hire me! I am really good at staying up and paying attention to you all the time, because of my experience with taking care of my mother: if I take even a five minute nap, it’s clear evidence that I hate her. If I don’t pay attention to every single thing she says, I hate her. She will then go into a long guilt-trip session in which she accuses me of secretly hating her, which is fucking bullshit because I wouldn’t be here, dedicating my every waking hour to taking care of her if that were the case.

I don’t mind taking care of her so much. It’s the lies and the poor treatment that bother me. I feel like I at least deserve to be treated like a fucking human being instead of a robotic machine, you know? I deserve not to be lied to and invalidated and deceived (or at least be the target of attempts to deceive me, since she can’t quite manage the real deal).

There are other things she does, like invalidating my sexuality or misgendering me, but I’m not going to trouble you with all the sordid details of that.

Secondly, I sympathize with you cause I’m back living at my moms house again and we don’t get along so well. She was very disappointed when I stopped being the perfect child(I used to get yelled at for anything less than perfect at school, even a 97% wasn’t good enough, had to be 100%, everytime, or I was in trouble) obviously no one could do that forever so eventually I rebelled very strongly and became kind of a juvenile delinquent. Pretty boys and girls, drugs, partying, raves and punk rock concerts(and books, to be honest)were literally all I cared about for years. Since I felt her love was conditional on me being perfect, and no-one can be perfect, why try. Fast forward to now, and we’re better but I’m still not sure if she loves me. I tend to doubt it.

I was like this when I was a teenager for a while, too. Doubly so because I was already pretty ladylike (people were already ID’ing me as a girl even before I had realized I was trans) and I felt I had to play at being a tough guy for a while, which led to me steep myself in all sorts of toxic masculinity bullshit extreme behavior for a long time.

I’m honestly surprised I’m not dead, sometimes.

I didn’t mean to write a long depressing essay I just go off on tangents and don’t know how to be concise. My point is I like you a lot for someone I just met on the internet. I like a lot of people here because I feel welcome here, I’m very insecure, I rarely feel welcome anywhere so it’s a really good feeling. I particularly like you cuz we seem to have a lot in common so if is if there’s anything I can do for you let me know. If you want to talk about anything at all, I’d be happy to listen. You sound really upset and I have experience with self harm and self-destructive behavior so if you don’t have friends who would understand and want to talk privately to someone I can give me my email if you want.

I’d be happy to. I have a venue where you can contact me outside of here.

Also, you would be right. I am extremely distressed by my circumstances.

I have trouble speaking to people (again). This was never a problem for me since I was about 10 or 11, but my social anxiety has returned with a vengeance since I am basically cloistered in my parent’s house.

Talking to them is impossible for the reasons I outlined. I talk to them, but only very light, easy subjects; the conversational equivalent of baby food. I do not carry on deep, intense conversations of the sort I have with you guys.

And lastly like we said before, you live in Long Island, I take the LIRR from NYC to Long Island occasionally if you ever want to hang. We can discuss fantasy novels and medieval history and pretty clothes and other awesome topics. I’m not trying to be creepy, you genuinely seem like a kind creative intelligent interesting person who’s upset and dealing with a lot who may not have enough people in there mental support system At my old age of 33 it seems I rarely make new friends IRL anymore though I’d like to. I don’t seem to know how anymore. It was so easy when I was young. But don’t forget, we’re awesome unicorns! That’s gotta make you feel least a little better😜 I hope you start to feel better soon.

If you could do this, I would be so happy. Also, I’m sure we’d get along great.

There’s just one problem: I’m not allowed to have anyone over at the house, and the house belong to my parents so obviously I’m not going to fight about it.

They don’t have an explanation for this. I’m just not allowed to have anyone over. This is one of the many dumb little rules I have to play along with or else it’s a shitstorm. I don’t have the spoons to make a fight of it; and this is funny, because my mother always acts as though I’m gonna fight her about something, but I just don’t have the fucking spoons to manage fighting.

It’s difficult enough taking care of myself, her, and my father without expending spoons on stupid shit like arguments, so I mostly just allow my parents to run my life for me.

Someone in the thread asked me why I don’t get in-home care for my parents, and I had actually looked into it, but I had to drop the idea because they both have a horror of letting people in the house.

Secondly, I can’t really leave the house for long periods of time for obvious reasons. This is why I basically have no friends in real life. Nobody wants to only hang out for like a half hour or an hour (and even an hour is stretching it for me).

So we might be forced to only speak through email or Skype or Discord for now.

I’ve been gently raising the subject of moving my mother into an assisted living facility and she doesn’t seem too opposed to it, but that could just be another fucking lie so I don’t know, but perhaps my circumstances might change.

Sorry for taking so long to respond. I had to wait until I could get a private moment to use my computer, because I definitely could not handle having her read this particular post. Nothing is worth that.

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