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Killed by Chivalry: Everything wrong with the Men’s Rights Movement in one Tweet

The Portland heroes: Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche, Ricky John Best and Micah Fletcher

In the wake of the Portland train stabbings that left two men dead and one seriously wounded after they tried to stop a white supremacist from harassing several women, Paul Elam — still probably the best-known Men’s Rights Activist online — posted a tweet that spoke volumes — not about the incident itself, but about the utter moral bankruptcy of the Men’s Rights movement.

https://twitter.com/anearformen/status/868917239143178240

When other Tweeters objected, Elam doubled down and began spewing insults — aimed not just at his critics but at the murdered men themselves.

https://twitter.com/anearformen/status/869066210964631552

https://twitter.com/anearformen/status/869068999577006080

In one tweet, he suggested that the victims themselves were the cause of the violence that left them dead.

https://twitter.com/anearformen/status/869064408252772354

In his capacity as a leader of what is essentially a hate movement, Elam has said many terrible things over the years — from his post suggesting that women who go home with men without wanting to have sex with them are “damn near demanding” to be raped” to a short story offering an apologia for — indeed, a glorification of — domestic abuse. These tweets, I think, rank up there with his most reprehensible writings, for two main reasons.

First, as many observers have noted, it was not “chivalry” that killed these men. It was an angry and hateful man with a knife who was harassing women on a train.

Elam thinks it unfair that the tenets of chivalry call upon men to protect women — why should men have to serve as unpaid bodyguards for women, he has often asked? What he doesn’t like to talk about is that these volunteer bodyguards aren’t protecting women from bears — there aren’t a lot of those in my neighborhood — but in the overwhelming majority of cases from other men.

There are a lot of problematic things about “white knights,” as Elam insists upon calling them, but the plain fact is that the “good men” that Elam castigates as terminally stupid would be out of a job if there weren’t so many bad men around harassing and abusing women.

Second, and perhaps more importantly, Elam is essentially declaring war on the very thing that sets us apart from brute nature — our ability to feel empathy for others, including people unlike ourselves. A man standing up for a woman who’s being harassed may or may not be engaging in an act of chivalry but it is certainly an act of altruism and basic human solidarity. It’s driven by the same empathetic and altruistic impulse that led so many non-Muslims here in the US to rush to their nearest airports to protest Trump’s Muslim ban.

This sort of cross-cultural solidarity is pretty much the only thing that can save our country from the hatred and meanness that is Trumpism. We need more empathy, not less.

Elam would rather we raise our sons not to feel this sort of empathy towards women. That’s bad enough. But he’s not the only MRA with an empathy problem. And it isn’t confined to his feelings about women.

It’s not just that MRAs are indifferent towards, if not actively hostile, towards women; they lack empathy towards boys and men as well. Indeed, in one notorious post (archived here; I wrote about it here), Elam literally told the “troubled men” who have turned to A Voice For Men for help to ““go fucking bother someone else with your problems” if they weren’t donating money to his site, which is to say him, as he keeps the donations for himself.

Even though he seems to have taken in literally hundreds of thousands of dollars in donations over the years, he’s never bothered to even try to set up, say, a hotline for men. Instead, he’s set himself up as a sort of ersatz internet therapist for men — he has no actual training as a therapist — literally charging the “troubled men” he claims to be an advocate for $90 an hour to talk to him on Skype.

But he’s not the only MRA who combines a hatred for women with an utter lack of interest in doing anything altruistic for their fellow men.

In the first few years of second wave feminism in the late 60s and early 70s, feminist activists set up shelters and women’s centers and countless other entities designed to benefit women in desperate need of help. In the seven years I’ve been covering the Men;s Rights movement, MRAs haven’t even set up a single hotline, much less a functional men’s shelter. The only notable MRA, er, victory? Being so obnoxious they’ve convinced numerous media sites to shut down their formerly MRA-infested comments sections.

It’s no wonder MRAs feel such hostility towards real heroes. They’re only heroes in their own minds.

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Wolverine's granddad (formerly Kevin)
Wolverine's granddad (formerly Kevin)
7 years ago

Loved Mayor Adler’s dismissal of the troll back to his bridge. It may also be worth mentioning palaentolgists suspect the sewing needle to be an invention by Ms Cavewoman, thereby greatly widening the habitats available for human use due to having sturdy weather resistant clothes available.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
7 years ago

That letter from Austin’s mayor is brilliant. What a legend.

Here be a lengthy list of “@”s – apologies in advance, but it’s everyone’s fault, ’cause you’ve made me feel that warm inner glow. SFHC, remember when 4ZZZ used to say that? (or am I betraying my ancient age?).

@Kat,
I heard about the people in China going missing, earlier today. I hope they’re found safe – scary stuff.
@NickNameNick,
Your cat’s name is the best – got any pics of her?
@Aulma Frendzar Dèdd,
Thank you for the Mei-Mei love ? – and WWTH too, of course, who’s appreciated Mei right from the start.

@Collateral Thought

Awww, they are absolutely splendid. Mei-Mei is positively regal, and Noodle Crab (I hope I didn’t misidentify the other kitty) is adorable

I nearly spat my wine out in surprised laughter. He’s adorable all right, but his name is Shiro, aka “you’ve-chewed-through-another f#@#$*-phone-charger!!!!!!”
My best friend calls him Justin Trudeau, on account of his good looks.
Noodle Crab is actually quite a good name for him – what made you think of it?

Collateral Thought
Collateral Thought
7 years ago

@ Mish:

Google seems to have misled me. 😉

@wwth, assuming you meant Mei-Mei and not Noodle Crab, here she is more recently, having worked on her floof

https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2016/11/22/white-pride-goeth-before-a-fall-alt-rightists-turn-on-each-other-over-hail-trump-vid/comment-page-4/

I did harbor doubts though, in my defense. 😀

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
7 years ago

@ Alan

If you’re interested, you might like to read his plan for supporting local musicians and the infrastructure needed to ensure they keep making a living:

http://www.adlerforaustin.com/new-way-forward-austin-music-industry/

Cynical Optimist, Vapid Dreck Aggregator
Cynical Optimist, Vapid Dreck Aggregator
7 years ago

So I’ll just leave these here…

Dark Souls 1: Gwyn, Lord of Cinder
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AB6sOhQan9Y

Dark Souls 2: Sir Alonne
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ztPGThfD_GY

Yakuza 0: Two Dragons
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dWpIpyDmJFo

Also, there’s an artist named Alex Roe who did some fantastic remixes of the Souls series music.

dslucia
dslucia
7 years ago

@IP:

That picture of Fingie is positively scandalous.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ Vicky P

If you’re interested, you might like to read his plan for supporting local musicians and the infrastructure needed

Ooh, love him even more now. Yes, those are exactly the kinds of issues that need to be addressed and schemes that need to be implemented in order to build a thriving live music scene. I especially like that he understands some of the detailed problems that need sorting. He obviously knows his stuff rather than must making grand platitudes.

In the circumstances I will just smile politely at his claim as to Austin being the acknowledged live music capital of the world. I know a few other cities might want a word about that.

JS
JS
7 years ago

@Malitia
Thank you for more accurate translations, those translations are from Google Translate, well known for perfect accuracy and correctly translating idioms. (/s)

As somebody mentioned, apparently the musician is Canadian, and released other albums in English, so it’s even more surreal than I thought.

And “Live Music Capital of the World” is meant to refer to the possible “fact” that Austin has more Live Music Venues per person than “anywhere else on the planet”. Not that they’re all wonderful. We’ve got more than one grocery store (!) with a PA system for live music. I don’t know that this “fact” is true though.

Falconer
7 years ago

Oooh, music! I love music! I love … ummm … beats, and notes, and when it gets louder, and when it gets softer and … umm … i love music.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
7 years ago

JS – Ever been to Central Market when they’ve got live music in the cafe?

JS
JS
7 years ago

VP -Yes. Also, reasonably priced refreshments are readily available nearby. I do wish I’d thought about searching the pharmacy section for earplugs for some of the louder bands. Though Central Market is a little bit higher priced than other supermarkets, the coffee is cheaper than “Fivebucks” (Star).

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
7 years ago

JS – I understand completely. I used to shop at Central Market more often, but the parking was getting out of hand, plus we got a new HEB closer to our house that carried a lot of the things we previously could only get at Central Market.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

Sorry to divert from the music, but in relation to the original topic here’s the probable cause warrant. Now obviously this is just based on the initial witness statements and video, but it may be helpful to rebut any suggestions that the attacker was just defending himself against bullies or any of that nonsense.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B55TSEUu1Sn2cFJSdEM2NWl0Q0E/view?usp=drivesdk

Hope that link works. Obvious content warnings etc.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

@Mish:

DILUTE CALIBY KITTY SO FLOOOOOOOFY SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ahem. Must regain composure…Is she a Maine Coon? Because that face…oh gawd, gonna squee again…halp…

@Weird Eddie:

“Troll Man” could be the best thing to happen to trolls since Troll House Cookies. Made with broken chunks of troll and baked to a golden-brown, crispy perfection that tastes even better when dipped in milk…

@Vicky P:

I think the mayor’s page broke the Internets, because it took its sweet time loading here. But dang, what a great response to an absolute idiot (who, thanks to having signed his dumb-ass name, is about to become a wanker on my weekly wankapedia!) That troll is gonna need ointment for those burns!

And that’s me all caught up on this page. On to the next one…daaaamn, Daniel, this thread is still going faaaast.

JS
JS
7 years ago

Those outside Austin might be interested to know that “HEB” and “Central Market” are owned and operated by the same corporation. Then again, maybe not.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Also:

Because I hate Illinois Nazis.

ETA: Uh, why do some YouTubes display properly here and others remain URLs? (scratching head)

Sheila Crosby
Sheila Crosby
7 years ago

@Big Head

How can you be representing a government “for the people” and actively seek to make enemies of said people?

That’s depressingly easy. Anyone who disagrees with you isn’t really an American and possibly not even human. Therefore you don’t have to represent them at all.

dslucia
dslucia
7 years ago

@Falconer:

You just did a spot-on impression of me whenever people are talking about sports. XD

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ dslucia

Same here, but there’s an app for that now…

Falconer
7 years ago

dslucia, Alan Robertshaw:

I saw a thing years ago, and I wish I could remember where, that said basically men and boys were supposed to know the rules to $SPORTSBALL like, innately, and asking about them was actively discouraged with mockery.

Then, in high school band, we had to do pep band for boys’ football and basketball, not to mention pep rallies, and the tribalism got fierce. It totally turned me off. In a zero-sum game like sports, someone’s gotta win and someone’s gotta lose, and it just seemed like the coaches weren’t preparing their players to take knocks in life, but to despair and question their worth after a loss.

Not to mention, fathers berating their sons from the stands for poor performance.

That just didn’t seem fun. I’d much rather get together with friends, roll dice, and pretend to be heroes.

dreemr
dreemr
7 years ago

@Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie

I’m so far behind in this thread but I had to stop and post to shriek with laughter at your “Trollman” song! That’s what I hear every time @Bina calls “Chessman” that! /uncontrollable giggling.

Re: Music – for the record, I like just about all music with the exceptions of nu-country and folk music, although even those I like all right in small doses. Lately I’ve been listening to more electronica and dubstep, but my core loves will probably always be British classic and progressive “rock”.

Kate Bush and Bjork are two of my musical idols, to name but two at random.

Re: how I got to WHtM, I believe I got here through the original Anita Sarkeesian/Feminist Frequency !!!OUTRAGEEE!!111!! when she dared to solicit donations for her “Video Games vs. Women” series, so around 2013, I think? I was following a few anti-feminist informational blogs at the time, one in particular that had terrible examples of women being harrassed in online gaming, and when that news hit I just kind of followed the bread crumbs and We Hunted the Mammoth was really the best site for overall information on (and mocking of) the anti-feminist “manosphere”.

I was primarily interested in how people treated each other online not only for myself but also because my son at the time was about 10 years old and I had not yet permitted him to play online at all. I knew my own experiences as a(n adult) woman online, but not on gaming platforms, so I was researching it to see what I had to be aware of, what rules I would have to set, and what I was going to have to teach in order to allow my son to be a decent citizen on the internet and also how to combat the kind of toxicity he might encounter.

Hello and welcome to all the newish people saying hi!

Apologies to everyone if this is all woefully irrelevant by the time it posts 🙁

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ falconer

Being from Yorkshire I’m expected to have an innate knowledge of the rules of cricket. Personally I can’t stand the game. I mean how can a match last for five days and still end in a draw?!

But what really screws me is you need higher order maths skills; seriously…

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duckworth–Lewis_method

Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
Weird (Encouraged by the RESISTANCE!!!!) Eddie
7 years ago

@ Falconer;

Not to mention, fathers berating their sons from the stands for poor performance.

I coached my son in soccer n basketball age 9-14… and oh, the parents…. the parents…. after the first year we just told the league admin to give us the last kids left, the kids none of the others wanted. We had FUN!!! And, the kids learned a little about the game and a LOT about their own value! These kids’ parents were involved, well, some of them, but they didn’t give a rat’s ass about winning, they just wanted their kids to have fun and feel “a part of”.

ETA: thanx, dreemr!!!

poglodyte
poglodyte
7 years ago

Chiming in on the Austin music thing to confirm that, yes, JS is right, we’re the “Live Music Capital of the World” because of our venue-to-person ratio. That doesn’t mean all of our live music is good, though (just ask me, I’m in a crappy band that plays live!). And it’s mostly a marketing/PR thing, and due partly to the fact that we have a few big festivals come through here (which all the locals seem to hate) every year.

Of course, that title might change, given how fast people are pouring into this city every single day.

Oh yeah, and our mayor is awesome, like everyone else has said. Our sheriff, Sally Hernandez, is pretty great, too; she was one of the first officials to stand up against Trump’s anti-immigration bills and helped declare Austin a sanctuary city, which is key because we have a lot of undocumented folks.

But don’t move here. We wouldn’t want to lose our precious title.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
7 years ago

My husband and I have joked that the “Keep Austin Weird” campaign should be revamped to “Austin Is Full – Visitors Welcome, New Residents Will Go on the Waiting List.”

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