Today, some important information about human female sexuality, straight from human female sexuality expert Zombocom1911 in the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit.
Despite Mr. Zombocom1911’s fearsome reputation in the field of Dudes Making Pronouncements About Female Sexuality Based Only On Their Own Dudely Resentments, I’m not sure that I agree with him a hundred percent on his policework here.
Oh, ok, here’s the relevant scene from Fargo.
@LindsayIrene: I had the exact same problem in 2013. After some research, I eventually went to a chiropractor, found out (from X-rays) that I had a very weirdly straight-vertical neck alignment in my spine, and after a few sessions, the problem went away. I stand by it, though if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t have signed up for a full year of sessions in a stupid panic, especially since the place was stuffed to the gills with anti-vaxxer propaganda that I slowly noticed. Still, I highly recommend chiropractory for cases that actually have to deal directly with the spine, as I’m sure my case was. There’s a very high chance you’re experiencing “coital headaches” from the same root cause.
Its hardly worth disagreeing with this one – we don’t want to encourage them after all.
Ugh, “frigid.” It’s so nice to hear people talk about my non-interest in sex like it makes me a lifeless freak or an emotionless robot. (Not y’all, obviously.) But clearly my lack of sexual desire makes me subhuman.
Bleah. This guy kinda reminds me of the time I read the comments of some article that mentioned asexuality, and a ton of them were about how if ace people wanted to keep their romantic partners, we should either a) only date other ace people, or b) we should have sex with our partners even if it makes us uncomfortable, because no one would ever stay with someone who wouldn’t sleep with them on the regular. I think the phrase that stuck with me was “Why should the mountain move for you?” or something similar.
I’m sorry, that’s kind of a tangent. Metaphorically fuck this goon in the ear, is what I’m saying here.
*Runs far away*
@Lindsay
Been kinda having a similar problem, between spells of no libido whatsoever.
In other words, I’m too distracted and distressed by my circumstances to fully enjoy such a thing right now.
@DMW
Why should the mountain move for you? Because the mountain professes to love you, and it shouldn’t force you to climb it if you don’t want to.
Note: The analogy here is that sex is like mountain climbing. You should only have to do it if you want to. The mountain might like being climbed, but you can certainly have a meaningful relationship with the mountain without climbing it.
I was pretty hot to trot back in the day, too. This is a story of one of the few I said no to:
I think it was a proto PUA that I went out with back when I was stationed in Italy. He was TDY and said he wanted to check out some clubs he’d heard about from friends, so off we went to three or so places. I wasn’t wowed; the music was too loud, the drinks were expensive and he wasn’t that interesting a date (he didn’t want to dance.) But I still hadn’t ruled him out for sexy funtimes until he asked if I wanted to go back to my place because he was staying in the VAQ and had a roomate. I got a vibe off him at that point, and not a good one so I said I’d rather to back to the NCO/EM club for a while*.
That’s when he “proto-negged” me, tauntingly saying that he “thought I was a modern woman who could say yes to sex if I wanted to.” I said I was, and I could, but I could also say no, too. He at least brought me back to the NCO/EM club and left**. His proto-neg turned me off instantaneously and completely, like being doused with ice-water. Being manipulated is so NOT SEXY!!
tl;dr I was as close to a ‘sure thing’ he could’ve run into and he blew it by being all PUA at me. In 1981, yet!
*at this point, all he had to do was hang out at the club and act like he had some interest in me as a person (which he hadn’t really done at the clubs) because I was always down for one night stands as long as I felt like the other person was in it for *mutual* pleasure and not just a selfish pump n dump or notch on the bedpost.
**Now it occurs to me that I don’t know why he even had a car at his disposal if he was some airman on TDY… Suppose he could’ve been an officer, but they tend to let you know that. And how!
I think there’s a bit of Spinal Tap logic going on:
“The support band was so bad the audience was still booing them when we were on.”
@Alan – I make no apologies for my 17-year-old self’s taste in music. If it mitigates the horror, I also had a lot of Pink Floyd, Clash, and U2 at the time, as well as quite a lot of Motown ?. But I certainly wasn’t at all above some good ol’ pop music!
@ dreemr
Oh I love AFOS too; did you get the reference?
Driving music is very important. I have a selection of CDs I’ve made for various situations. Motorway driving, 3am driving, Sunday afternoon round the hedgerows etc.
For some reason though it always ends up being Golden Earring 🙂
@ Sandra
That’s the way I feel about it, honestly, and I know there are a lot of people who think that too. It’s really reassuring to hear it now and then, though, especially since I’m not really comfortable talking to people face-to-face about it. Thank you. c:
@DMW
Why are aces being treated as the only sentient, active agent here? It’s literally impossible for a mountain to move, cos it’s an inanimate object. Allo and asexual people both are capable of making choices in these situations
Like, this is basically some rapey shit, repackaged against acespec folks. The mountain is a mountain, it can only be a mountain. Why are you being so unreasonable by denying the mountain’s inherent nature. It’s just bio… I mean, geotrooofs! So, whatever happens is your own fault. What’d you expect? Blergh!
Earfucked indeed. Metaphorically…
@Hambeast
I should think he hired one.
And, since we’re now discussing troops getting nookie on remote deployments, and also American sports cars, I feel compelled to post a song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyPHiAp1LRA
(Alan, you’ll probably like this one)
Yeah, that’s why I never got in trouble at age 11 for having a history full of drawn pornography and am currently totally not biding my time to get a lovely young woman out of a shitty situation. /s
(Yes, I was a weird kid.)
And while online dating is indeed quite shit, it works now and again–like for my dad. And the reason it’s shit mostly has to do with disrespectful dudes…and chatbots only made to look female. [Hardly women’s fault.]
Did somebody mention AFOS???
And I’ll gladly take a seagull (even the actual avian kind that shits all over everything) over* a migtoe anyday.
*corrected from “to”, which I suppose also works, in the sense that I’d set a seagull on a migtoe and tell it to shit all over him!
@ dalillama
Says not available but is it the Lonnie Donegon one? (in which case, yes I probably would)
@Troubelle
I used to draw breasts at age 7.
I stopped for similar reasons. Damn shame.
Little did I know people on the Internet would pay you to do that.
ETA:
Also, like you, I began looking at naked people early. I think it did wonders for my sexual health.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling like you need an active sex life to find a relationship fulfilling. However, if that’s the case, they need to leave a relationship once they find out their partner is mostly or totally asexual instead of staying and then pressuring their partner into sex. But really, there’s nothing wrong with breaking up with someone over sexual incompatibility.
I agree with everything WWTH said.
@Fran
Yeah. Minors do have sex drives and curiosity on the topic…but they don’t know what to do with the former, and responses to the latter in America are often quite negative.
Thankfully, I had Wikipedia.
@Alan
Joe Hickerson’s, actually.
Troubelle,
You’ve dredged up a forgotten memory of mine! I used to love clothing catalogs as a kid and would spend hours looking at them. I also liked to draw my own catalogs. One time I drew a Frederick’s of Hollywood type catalog of sex clothes and my parents found it. I didn’t exactly get in trouble but I think they were kind of freaked out. It was really embarassing.
@WWTH
Or discuss the possibility of continuing the relationship on a basis which allows the allosexual partner to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
@WWTH
Absolutely! If 2 (or more) people don’t click, they don’t click. The fact that said lack of click is nobody’s fault is the point the commenter DMW brought up seemed to miss is all…
I’ve had a breakup with someone with whom I worked extremely well in every way except sexually. It was the right thing to do; she’s now married and we’re still great friends.
Once people get away from the whole “your first crush has to be your lifetime monogamous partner” toxic assumption, a lot of stuff becomes much easier.