UPDATE: The lawsuit has been dropped! Details at the end of the post.
A brave hero in Austin Texas has taken his fight against the evils of misandry to the courts, filing a suit against a woman who skipped out on a date with him after he criticized what he saw as her excessive texting.
He is asking for S17.31 in damages, the cost of a ticket to a showing of the 3-D version of Guardians of the Galaxy 2: Galactic Boogaloo, or whatever it’s called, I don’t have time for fact checking.
Let’s go to KVUE.com to hear his side of the story:
Brandon Vezmar met the Round Rock woman on Bumble, a dating app. They went on a first date to a movie theater to see “Guardians of the Galaxy.” During the movie, Vezmar claims that she opened her phone between 10 and 20 times to read and send text messages.
This, Vezmar claims, is in “direct violation of the theater’s police” and adversely affected “the viewing experience of Plaintiff and others.”
“I said ‘listen, your texting is driving me a little nuts’ and she said ‘I can’t not text my friend.’ I said ‘maybe you can take it outside to the lobby, I’ve seen people get kicked out movies for this,” Vezmar explained.
The woman took his advice and left the theater, but did not come back.
According to Vezmer, he is less interested in getting his 17 bucks back than he is in the “principle” at stake here, “as Defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society.” He thinks her behavior represented some sort of civilization-threatening abdication of “personal responsibility.”
Needless to say, the woman’s version of events is a little different. She told KVUE she deserted her date because he was creeping her the hell out. And he still is.
I did have a very brief date with Brandon, that I chose to end prematurely. His behavior made me extremely uncomfortable, and I felt I needed to remove myself from the situation for my own safety. He has escalated the situation far past what any mentally healthy person would. I feel sorry that I hurt his feelings badly enough that he felt he needed to commit so much time and effort into seeking revenge. I hope one day he can move past this and find peace in his life.
Somehow I don’t think that will ever happen. Especially since this may be Vezmer’s last date for a very long time.
Check out the video on KVUE.com to see the literally neckbearded (not that there’s anything wrong with that) Vezmer explain his crusade in a little more detail. The odds that he’s a Redditor seem extremely high.
UPDATE: Check out this interview, where he explains how he’s fighting for men who are being “exploited” by women on dates. The article makes even more clear what a creepy stalker he is.
UPDATE 2: The lawsuit has been dropped! She basically paid him off so he’d leave her alone. Here’s the AV Club on how this all shook out:
We’re saved everyone: By Inside Edition, of all things. Apparently as sick of this story as the rest of us, IE set up a meeting between Vezmar and his date, so that she could give him the $17.31 back. In return, she asked for him to please god, “just leave this alone.” Vezmar carefully counted out all the money, and agreed to drop his lawsuit. We’d like to say that this will be the last we hear of this, but we would undoubtedly be wrong.
H/T — @RemingtonWild and @ami_angelwings on Twitter
@Kimsitu
Because you and the two of them are the only people here. The rest of us, who disagree with you and find your ghoulish crowing over the subversion of this woman’s will at best tasteless and at worst misogynistic are just drones. Don’t even qualify as people, just sheep being led by a different leader than you.
You absolutely are. You are gloating over her doing things your way, calling such things “The” right thing to do. And since she did it because she’s under threat of harassment, doxing, and violence, she was effectively forced to do it that way instead of standing up for herself in the way she had decided was best. Oh, but it’s not standing up for yourself unless it’s your way, is it? How dreadfully disenfranchising of you, as if you can decide that someone else’s choice is invalid just because you wouldn’t do the same in her shoes.
@IgnoreSandra:
I haven’t used her name either, nor do I have any interest in using it. In fact, I don’t think I even know her name; if I read it at some point in the original blog post or somewhere in the discussion, I’ve forgotten it.
Kimstu,
Notice how all your posts about how women are perceived and judged. You’re not commanding that men organize their behavior around how they are viewed. Only women are apparently expected to do this.
Do you not see how that is misogynistic?
As you’ve failed to address when I’ve said it before, etiquette always seems to conveniently require women to watch themselves and to read men’s minds.
Here’s a thought. Who gives a shit if men perceive us as rude, uptight or greedy? Misogynistic men will perceive women as all those things no matter what we do. Or they’ll just us call us sluts. You’re advocating respectability politics here. Misogyny won’t disappear if women stop accepting dinners and movie tickets. In fact, we do that and they complain that they’re being emasculated. There’s no way to win the placate misogynists game. The only way to win is not to play at all.
@Policy of Madness:
Sure, but I haven’t “corrected the etiquette” of the behavior of any of the people on this board. I’ve disagreed with a lot of people here about general rules and principles of etiquette, and their application to the behavior of random strangers in a public news story, but that’s not the same thing.
I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically rude about disagreeing or arguing with people, is there? A lot of people on this board seem to do it.
Good god, Kimstu, is English your first language or not? I’ll cut you slack for not understanding what words mean if you’re ESL, because what I wrote and what you’ve read back to me are not remotely the same.
@Kimstu
…Okay, need to drop a harder hint.
For the love of God, please go to bed. My colleagues have long since eviscerated your posts; don’t go about holding your guts in.
You’re pushing against a solid wall. And like in a 2D Pokemon game, all you will get is a noise meant to signify that you are getting nowhere, and should turn about and get back on track.
So…please. Remove yourself from this situation.
@ peeps
I noticed a couple kimstu posts include a lot of “independence” shtuff. It feels very telling. “Oh ladeez, just be independent and misogyny won’t effect you” or some such shit (I know that comparison is bit of a stretch) but It’s weird. I don’t know how to explain how it tingles my spidey sense.
Well that was a hell of a lesson in upper class politesse. I feel as if I’m practically a Hepburn now.
Re: the update: uuuurgh. I’m glad that she has done what she needs to for her own safety, but damn am I ever mad that this toolshed succeeded in using the legal system to harass and bully a woman for not womaning right.
@weirwoodtreehugger:
Well, except where I keep saying that the guy who broke the etiquette rule about the initiator of a date paying the expenses of the date without expecting anything in return is a horrible creep who betrayed social trust and is undeserving of even minimal social acceptance.
Still, I get that that’s more descriptive than prescriptive, and I’m happy to make some prescriptive “commands” about the behavior of men too to even up the balance. For instance:
Men (#notallmen, sure) should absolutely stop playing bait-and-switch in this way with the social rules of dating and our underlying notions of economic obligation. To ask a woman (or anybody else) on a date for which you pay and then decide retroactively that she “owes” you reimbursement for some reason is HORRIBLY rude. Men (or anybody else) who don’t want to pay for both people on a date should have the guts to make that clear in advance.
And as I said before, I personally think it would save a lot of persistent pervasive sexist bullshit if pay-your-own-way could be made the default cultural expectation in dating. In the meantime, though, people who don’t specify pay-your-own-way in advance sure as shit should not be retroactively invoking it later.
@weirwoodtreehugger:
I don’t think etiquette perceptions are necessarily a gendered thing. I certainly didn’t mean to imply, when I said that certain behavior could “come across as looking” a certain way, that what mattered was how it could “come across as looking” to men in particular.
@weirwoodtreehugger:
Very true, but I don’t think it’s only misogynists who have opinions about the ethics and etiquette of dating rules.
@Policy of Madness:
Yup. What part of what you wrote do you think I misunderstood, or misrepresented?
As far as I could tell, we agree that it’s rude to correct the etiquette of people you’re interacting with. But I don’t know whether you agree with me that it’s not rude to disagree about etiquette with people you’re interacting with, or to criticize the etiquette of strangers in a news story.
http://www.kansascity.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/public-editor/b4bjko/picture790364/alternates/FREE_960/MissManners.jpg
@ Kimstu
Noticing or commenting on other people’s etiquette is rude. Do you see the period at the end of the sentence? That means that is the end of the sentence.
It doesn’t mean that doing it to someone’s face is rude (although it is) but that doing it behind their back or to your friends later or in any way shape or form is incredibly rude and a breach of etiquette.
This is because, as I have said, the purpose of etiquette is to make social interactions go smoothly. That is its only purpose. That is subverted when you decide to pick on someone else’s etiquette. You’re not making social interactions go smoothly here, so you’re doing etiquette wrong and demonstrating with every post that you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You’re not Miss Manners and Miss Manners would never do what you’ve done here.
Just. Fucking. Stop.
Kimstu, trying to continue a conversation in which you aren’t welcome makes you look greedy and demanding, as you clearly care more about the attention you’re getting rather than any point you claim to be making. A truly independent person would exit such a conversation instantly, thus demonstrating that the other people in the conversation Aren’t Worthy of Speaking to You.
So Deprive Us All Of Your August Presence.
Seriously though, am I the only one who has never heard of this Very Important Etiquette Principle about how you’re supposed to return a gift if the giver doesn’t appear to be giving it unreservedly? Because I never have. My mom is quite well mannered. Even prissy. She never hesitated to correct my manners growing up and even though I’ve been an adult for nearly twenty years, she still occasionally does it. I’ve also read countless magazines and consumed a lot of fiction with proper lady type characters in it. I haven’t been to finishing school or anything, but whether I follow proper etiquette or not, I am at least aware of what proper etiquette is in Anglosphere culture. This is the first I’m hearing of this rule though. As far as I’m aware when you receive an offer of a gift, favor or compliment the two proper options – depending on the context – are to either accept or to make a show of politely rejecting and then accepting on the second offer. Returning or altogether refusing to accept would be considered uncouth in most circumstances.
@kimstu
Then you don’t know the first thing about the history, theory, or practice of modern WASP etiquette, and you need to shut the hell up about it until you do.
You may not have meant to imply that, but nevertheless you did so, and continue to do so.
@Kimstu, It’s not etiquette you are talking about, anyway. You’re trying to explain to us how it’s vital that, if someone makes the decision to “ask for money back after a bad date”, that EVERYONE who gets asked that absolutely must pay it back as soon as possible, on pain of feeling greedy and disgusting. I don’t think your explanation is useful. I don’t think it’s even meaningful at this point.
The very idea that I must feel greedy and disgusting because I failed to pay back someone who didn’t like dating me is illogical. The alternate idea that I must feel good about myself because I paid off a creep isn’t any better.
I now have a much better feel for what “Mansplaining” is, so thank you for that much, I guess.
@WWTH
I was taught that it’s proper to accept gifts, pretend to reject gifts before accepting them, or offer reciprocal gifts depending on context. And also that some gifts can be sold or re-gifted, but others must be kept – and should a gift be disposed of, it should not be done in front of the gifter.
I hate the formal rules, though, so my personal policy for gifts is: I give it, I no longer have a say about what happens to it. I receive it, you no longer have a say about what happens to it.
I was also taught a very important exception – “proper” behavior no longer applies if the other person is acting as an opponent, enemy, or threat. You know, as a creep always is. You do what’s necessary to defeat/overcome/escape the threat.
Like you, I was never ever taught to return gifts to people I hate. I have literally never heard of this “rule” kimstu is peddling, and it makes no sense no matter how many words they devote to “explaining” it.
http://www.engineguy.org/pix/pinky-drink.jpg
I, too, was previously ignorant of this crucial practice of polite society. Of course, what could I possibly know about sophisticated behaviour? No man has ever even given me a mink!
All sarcasm aside, what’s funny is that giving a gift back is not necessarily a bad idea in similar circumstances, depending on the message you’re trying to convey. It’s just the one-size-fits-all Miss Manners prescriptiveness that I don’t get. Sometimes something is a good idea in one case… And not a good idea in another case! Would you even believe.
@Policy of Madness:
Sure. But is that the only purpose of discussing etiquette?
@Policy of Madness:
Smooth.
It’s official, we’ve gone meta.
@Kimstu
…
somebody’s takin’ the train to sleepytime junction
Kimstu,
Do you realize that some of us contribute to the upkeep of this blog? That’s right, You have Allowed Us the Social Privilege Of Spending Money on You! You must Immediately Demonstrate Your Scorn by Returning The Money!! I for one will not feel Properly Scorned until You Return $25 to me for Each Comment in This Thread! And if You Do Not Return the Money Right Now, You Will Be Seen As GREEDY, DEMANDING, CLASSLESS, and A Craven Lickspittle Totally Lacking Independence!!
@Hippodameia:
Well, naturally. But if people keep replying to me, and arguing with specific points I bring up, and continuing to address their posts to me, it’s kind of hard to sell that as “a conversation in which I’m not welcome”.
Honestly, folks, if you don’t want me to talk about this to you any more, then just don’t go on talking to me about it. I don’t mind. If you want me to stay out of the conversation while you talk to one another about it, or talk to one another about something else, or complain to one another about me (very etiquette), that’s fine too. But if people go on directly replying to me, I’ll probably go on replying to them.