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Men’s Rights Hero of the Day: The dude suing a woman for $17 for texting during a date

Not all dates go perfectly

UPDATE: The lawsuit has been dropped! Details at the end of the post. 

A brave hero in Austin Texas has taken his fight against the evils of misandry to the courts, filing a suit against a woman who skipped out on a date with him after he criticized what he saw as her excessive texting.

He is asking for S17.31 in damages, the cost of a ticket to a showing of the 3-D version of Guardians of the Galaxy 2: Galactic Boogaloo, or whatever it’s called, I don’t have time for fact checking.

Let’s go to KVUE.com to hear his side of the story:

Brandon Vezmar met the Round Rock woman on Bumble, a dating app. They went on a first date to a movie theater to see “Guardians of the Galaxy.” During the movie, Vezmar claims that she opened her phone between 10 and 20 times to read and send text messages.

This, Vezmar claims, is in “direct violation of the theater’s police” and adversely affected “the viewing experience of Plaintiff and others.”

“I said ‘listen, your texting is driving me a little nuts’ and she said ‘I can’t not text my friend.’ I said ‘maybe you can take it outside to the lobby, I’ve seen people get kicked out movies for this,” Vezmar explained.

The woman took his advice and left the theater, but did not come back.

According to Vezmer, he is less interested in getting his 17 bucks back than he is in the “principle” at stake here, “as Defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society.” He thinks her behavior represented some sort of civilization-threatening abdication of “personal responsibility.”

Needless to say, the woman’s version of events is a little different. She told KVUE she deserted her date because he was creeping her the hell out. And he still is.

I did have a very brief date with Brandon, that I chose to end prematurely. His behavior made me extremely uncomfortable, and I felt I needed to remove myself from the situation for my own safety. He has escalated the situation far past what any mentally healthy person would. I feel sorry that I hurt his feelings badly enough that he felt he needed to commit so much time and effort into seeking revenge. I hope one day he can move past this and find peace in his life.

Somehow I don’t think that will ever happen. Especially since this may be Vezmer’s last date for a very long time.

Check out the video on KVUE.com to see the literally neckbearded (not that there’s anything wrong with that) Vezmer explain his crusade in a little more detail. The odds that he’s a Redditor seem extremely high.

UPDATE: Check out this interview, where he explains how he’s fighting for men who are being “exploited” by women on dates. The article makes even more clear what a creepy stalker he is.

UPDATE 2: The lawsuit has been dropped! She basically paid him off so he’d leave her alone. Here’s the AV Club on how this all shook out:

We’re saved everyone: By Inside Edition, of all things. Apparently as sick of this story as the rest of us, IE set up a meeting between Vezmar and his date, so that she could give him the $17.31 back. In return, she asked for him to please god, “just leave this alone.” Vezmar carefully counted out all the money, and agreed to drop his lawsuit. We’d like to say that this will be the last we hear of this, but we would undoubtedly be wrong.

H/T — @RemingtonWild  and @ami_angelwings on Twitter

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JS
JS
4 years ago

Missed the Edit…
Checked his twitter feed. Apparently he’s got calls from many media outlets, and may be on Jimmy Kimmel? I don’t think that’s going to go the way he hopes. Also, with a name like Brandon Vezmar, it’d be 5 minutes with public records search engines to find his address. No need to text his friends.

Faerie Bard
Faerie Bard
4 years ago

@Rhuu

I am also super curious as to why he was driving HER car. If i owned a car, no first date or acquaintance is ever getting behind the wheel.

Yeah, I know, I wonder how that happened? If it’s true, how did he manage to convince her? Did he INSIST that he be the driver? Was this part of the behavior she was referring to that made her uncomfortable? I know if someone I didn’t know very well or had just met INSISTED on driving my car, that would be a great big NOPE. It would make me call off the date right there and drive off.

And yeah, it’s shameful that the press are treating this like a fluff/cute story. With his Twitter complaints it should be pretty obvious that he’s doing this to publicly harass and shame her. I don’t like movie theater texters either, but they definitely don’t deserve that kind of harassment/shitstorm. I fear for her safety. I hope the judge sees all this, and tosses the case out.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
4 years ago

And yeah, it’s shameful that the press are treating this like a fluff/cute story. With his Twitter complaints it should be pretty obvious that he’s doing this to publicly harass and shame her.

If any of those media outlets tries to run the story with a “women, eh lads? Lol” angle on top, I will lose it.

Wolverine's granddad (formerly Kevin)
Wolverine's granddad (formerly Kevin)
4 years ago

Is there any scope for a counter suit against him based on what looks (to my untrained eye) like his blatant abuse of process ?

AsAboveSoBelow, Male Gaze Harvester
AsAboveSoBelow, Male Gaze Harvester
4 years ago

From the Texas Monthly article:

I think the implicit understanding on her part—in fact, I know—was that this was a date, the ticket was a gift, and she didn’t owe anything. That was an assumption she made, because she believes that those are the rules of the game.

Those ARE the rules, you dipshit! If you want to go Dutch, make that clear at the beginning – you know, like a grown-up man. If he’s demanding money for the ticket and pizza, is he going to give the woman gas money, since they took her car?

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
4 years ago

I’m just glad she had her car keys. He could easily have pocketed them.

When this story first broke I commented to a friend, “well, dragging her into court is one way to make sure she sees you again.” I had no idea how close to the truth that was.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@IBH Ardipithecus:

Her best response right now would be to offer him the 17$.

And strictly speaking, although this guy is obviously a spiteful creep and personally deserves no civilized niceties whatsoever, that is what one is supposed to do anyway if the person who initiated the date is ungracious about their expenditures, for any reason.

If your date acts like you owe them a “return” for what they spent on you or complains about your “exploiting” them for it, just hand them the money (Miss Manners suggests flinging it down on the table before disdainfully exiting the restaurant), and you need never speak to them again.

Yes, inviting somebody on a date does imply a willingness to bear the financial costs of the date if no other arrangement is specified. But a polite person doesn’t tolerate accepting any favor/gift from somebody who’s made it clear that they regret offering it or expect something in exchange for it.

This situation, btw, is reason #42005647 why the whole traditional “dating” custom of expecting the inviter (usually a man) to pay the costs of entertaining the invitee (usually a woman) is sexist, unpleasant, and bad for all parties involved.

If two near-strangers or acquaintances mutually agree they’d like to spend some time socializing to see if they’re interested in a closer acquaintance, they should find an activity that each of them can afford individually. Trying to tempt or impress a potential date by offering them free food/entertainment just distorts what ought to be a purely social activity by overlaying it with an economic transaction. Save the “it’s my treat” occasions for people you genuinely care about and have a mutually generous relationship with.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

Apparently the theater is offering him a $17.31 gift certificate if he’ll knock this bullshit off.

@YV

Really? What’s the story behind that?.

The short of it is that a man whose enslaver (Cotton Mather) called Onesimus (and who I will refer to as such because his actual name is not recorded) was living in Boston in the early 1700s, and noticed that people were dying of smallpox all over the place. He asked Mather why this was so, because where he came from hardly anyone ever died of that. It turned out that they’d been using inoculations for centuries, and Mather got some white people to try it, after which it spread here as well.

JS
JS
4 years ago

@Kimtsu
Not really. This man was clearly a bit disingenuous about what the date was about. From the article and his further comments, he thought this was, or should be, some sort of “contract” he was entering into. He apparently thought this payment for the ticket was some sort of guarantee that he would enjoy it, and that he was entitled to repayment if he didn’t. That’s not how being friendly works.

@Brandon
If you want there to be some sort of “implied contract for dating” that only you (and other red pillers) know about, just go your own way already. It’s fairly clear you didn’t discuss any of this with your “date” beforehand.

JS
JS
4 years ago

And yeah, this was Alamo Drafthouse, a theater well known for kicking people out for using cell phones, though they didn’t in this case. It’s also fairly well known for being good to customers who don’t get kicked out.

Brandon pretends to be “considering” the Drafthouse offer, but I think we all know he’s doing this mainly for the publicity now.

DrHoveiny
DrHoveiny
4 years ago

He’s the same guy who wrote some whiny piece about why he’s leaving Chicago (after not actually living there, but living in like NW Indiana). Good riddance! Hopefully he’ll do the same with Austin.

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

I want to hear the cries of “SJW’s are ouy of control!!1!!11” by the kinds of assholes who complain about people and their “snowflake fee fees” constantly, in regards to this guy, but I suspect I’ll only hear crickets.

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

AHAHAHA!!!

If this was at Alamo Drafthouse, a theatre that is incredibly strict about talking, phone calls, texting, or even looking at your phone, then his whole story is a big fake. A big ole fake.

There’s no fucking way that a person would be able to text 10-20 times without getting kicked out. Alamo prides itself on quiet theatres and they don’t take that shit lightly.

I can’t believe that ANYBODY that has had an Alamo experience in Austin would indulge this fucking guy or give him any kind of platform (which is most austinites). I hope he gets ridiculed by every person he meets.

Viscaria the Cheese Hog
Viscaria the Cheese Hog
4 years ago

@Kimstu

Her best response right now would be to offer him the 17$.

And strictly speaking, although this guy is obviously a spiteful creep and personally deserves no civilized niceties whatsoever, that is what one is supposed to do anyway if the person who initiated the date is ungracious about their expenditures, for any reason.

Nah. Fuck him.

Edit: I mean, that might be the best way to get him out of her life, in which case, sure. But as a matter of principle? Every dude who treats women like toys deserves to get their gifts back? Nah.

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

Im not good at technology

Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
4 years ago

I gave up on dating in the early 90s after four dates through a video dating service. None of the guys were anything like what they tried to depict themselves as. Two were creepy as hell, which coming from me is saying a lot since I’m someone who hasn’t experienced much harassment and doesn’t have her creepdar set past 4 or so, sensitivity-wise.

I’d still be single, probably living with a friend who agreed we should be spinsters together, if I hadn’t met Husbeast after being dragged to the Ren Faire by a co-worker in ’97.

And all that was BEFORE I knew anything at all about the menzers*. I will say that this was all post-military which was SO different and nothing like trying to date in civilian life.

tl;dr – I don’t know how anyone gets together nowadays. :/

*I know they weren’t organized back then, but I know they’ve always existed.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@JS:

This man was clearly a bit disingenuous about what the date was about. From the article and his further comments, he thought this was, or should be, some sort of “contract” he was entering into. He apparently thought this payment for the ticket was some sort of guarantee that he would enjoy it, and that he was entitled to repayment if he didn’t. That’s not how being friendly works.

Oh, I completely agree that this guy is being an absolute and dedicated a-hole about the situation. But the etiquette principle for someone in his date’s position remains the same: If a date expresses regret or resentment over having spent money on you, you immediately repay them the money that they spent (possibly by throwing it right in their nasty face).

Not because there’s any kind of actual “contract” officially entitling the a-hole to “get their money back” if they’re not happy with the date. But simply because no civilized person should tolerate being the beneficiary of favors/gifts from a nasty a-hole. Scoring a free dinner/movie is not worth the price of having a nasty a-hole resenting the money they spent on you.

Some people think you should ignore that etiquette principle and just let the nasty a-hole take the financial hit because serves them right. But I think those people come across looking somewhat greedy and undignified. “Your loss, dude, you already chose to spend the money and I’m not going to refund it” is nowhere near as cutting and disdainful as “It would be beneath me to accept any favors or benefits from the sort of person you’ve now shown yourself to be”.

@Viscaria:

But as a matter of principle? Every dude who treats women like toys deserves to get their gifts back? Nah.

See above. The dude should be repaid, not because he deserves to get his gifts back, but because the woman deserves better than to be indebted for gifts to any dude who treats women like toys. It’s about self-respect, not about being nice to the awful dude.

JS
JS
4 years ago

He also sent screen shots of his oh-so-very-kind “request” to be refunded.

your behavior Saturday was not only rude, but it cost me money. I want to you compensate me for the $17 movie ticket and the $4 pizza. Will you do this or to I have to pursue the money in small claims court? I can file online from my laptop, and I’m willing to do so. Your behavior was wildly out of line, and I’m happy to pursue putting you on the books for it.” (grammar mistakes in original.)

This was apparently the first message he sent her asking for money. If he’d been nicer about it, not threatening court, he might have gotten repaid. He’s doing this purely for publicity, to drum up business for “themessagingcompany.com”

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

Joining in on the local knowledge here:

Yes, Alamo Drafthouse WILL kick you out if you’re being obnoxious with your cell phone (or if you’re obnoxious, period). So I agree that her texting must not have been bad enough for Alamo staff to worry about. A few years back, there was a young woman who was obnoxious about using her phone in the theater. The Alamo staff followed their process, and the end result was her expulsion.

She reacted by leaving a very angry and semi-incoherent voice mail complaining that the Alamo Drafthouse had no right to kick her out.

The Alamo Drafthouse used her voice mail in an ad for their “no cell phone” policy.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@JS: If he’d been nicer about it, not threatening court, he might have gotten repaid.

True, but irrelevant. Generously agreeing to repay somebody for what he spent on you because he asked you nicely is different from repaying somebody because you refuse to remain under any kind of obligation whatsoever to a horrible creep who has clearly shown himself to be completely unworthy of the honor of having you as his guest on a date.

Like I said, the etiquette principle here is not about what is owed to the horrible creep (spoiler alert: nothing), but rather what is owed to one’s own self-respect in refusing to benefit in any way from the actions of the horrible creep.

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

@parasol

Check out my youtube link upthread. NSFW for language

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

@cornychips

Yep, that’s the one. 🙂

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

@ kimstu

Look, she bailed on this guy. Maybe cause he was a fucking creep. Then he continued to bother her. So yeah, a fucking creep. And you’re right, she owes him nothing. But if this were me, my fucking self respect isn’t lowered bc I kept myself away from a potentially dangerous dude by not paying him.

And getting the “benefit” of a movie ain’t a fucking benefit. Dealing with a creep for hours isn’t a benefit.

This feels like “women should be nice no matter what” garbage. I hope it’s not.

JS
JS
4 years ago

The “etiquette principle” here, is really not that she should feel the need to repay him because she wants to get away from him. That’s not etiquette, that’s holding for ransom. From what I can tell, she didn’t really enjoy this date much at all, so having to pay him for the privilege of not being contacted again is ridiculous.

From what I can tell she didn’t “benefit from the actions of a horrible creep” because NO ONE benefits from the actions of a horrible creep except maybe the creep.

The other weird thing about your argument is, she didn’t know he was going to be a creep before she met him, so the idea that she did this to somehow “benefit” from a “horrible creep” doesn’t follow. If you start from the assumption that she did this on purpose, then that’s one of the more common MGTOW arguments that really isn’t worth revisiting again.

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

Some people think you should ignore that etiquette principle and just let the nasty a-hole take the financial hit because serves them right. But I think those people come across looking somewhat greedy and undignified.

Gross.

I understand this is that ‘be the bigger person’ principle, but fuck that if I’m a chick and he’s a creeper. Once again, my safety trumps being the bigger person, no matter how greedy and undignified I look in your eyes.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
4 years ago

Some people think you should ignore that etiquette principle and just let the nasty a-hole take the financial hit because serves them right. But I think those people come across looking somewhat greedy and undignified.

In this case, it isn’t very much money. But what if it was? What if you went to a very fancy dinner and very fancy wine was ordered, and your half of the bill came to much more? Do you still slap down that amount of money on the table, to avoid looking ‘greedy and undignified’?

Nope. To quote My Favourite Murder, Fuck Politeness. Get out of there, protect yourself, and let the creeper take the financial hit.

Etiquette is a great way to control people, and to force them into restrictive societal roles. Just because this was said in the 50s does not mean that it is still relevant or applicable today. Or that it ever was. Where were (presumed white, middle class) women getting all of this money to slap down on the table, back when they didn’t really work?

Freemage
Freemage
4 years ago

Kimstu: What you’re forgetting here is that she did not, in fact, get a free movie out of this experience. Rather, when he demanded she go to the lobby, she did, and immediately followed that up by continuing to walk all the way to her car. She is thus not obligated, even by social convention, to repay him for the date. (If she wanted to point out how petty he was being, she might want to offer to give him the $4 he spent on food [wait, four bucks? You can’t get movie popcorn and a drink for 4 bucks…].)

What I suspect, by the way, given the posters who’ve talked about the Alamo Drafthouse’s policies, is that she was texting BEFORE the movie started, during the pre-preview ads, possibly. In all likelihood, given the unpleasant vibe she said was getting, it was to avoid having to talk to him too much.

So he tells her to put it away as a controlling gesture, and then tells her to go to the lobby until she’s done, like he’s her father putting her in the corner. She just retained her momentum.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

This ettiquette bullshit is bullshit, period

But it does remind me of an amazing scene from A Bronx Tale:

JS
JS
4 years ago

At Alamo Drafthouse (AD), $13 pizza is on the menu, but yeah, $4 is likely “frozen pizza at her place”. $7.50 for “Bottomless Popcorn” (clarified butter free, $1 for parmesan) and $4.50 for “Bottomless Drink”. But damn, if you’re going to AD for popcorn, you’re doing it wrong.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

Exactly, JS. Why get just popcorn at AD when you can get a meal?

ETA: For folks who haven’t heard of Alamo Drafthouse before now, would you rather have just popcorn, or a feast during a mighty movie marathon?

https://drafthouse.com/show/lord-of-the-rings-trilogy-hobbit-feast

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

And 17 bucks for AD is actually kinda cheap too bc of alllllll the food. He should feel lucky that that’s all he spent!

Viscaria the Cheese Hog
Viscaria the Cheese Hog
4 years ago

Getting pretty jealous of this swanky movie theatre, I’m not going to lie.

@Kimstu

Some people think you should ignore that etiquette principle and just let the nasty a-hole take the financial hit because serves them right. But I think those people come across looking somewhat greedy and undignified.

Well, there’s our fundamental disagreement: I am greedy and undignified, so I see no problem with that.

Seriously though, I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t agree that it’s always the best move.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

They’re expanding across the country, Viscaria. Kinda like how Verts is spreading beyond Texas. Some day you, too, could enjoy the awesome.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
4 years ago

Not necessarily…You don’t have to be a member to buy a couple slices and a drink at the Costco food court (those are normally just outside the warehouse entrance and all that’s required is a little money if you want to eat there.)

If he’d eaten frozen pizza at her place wouldn’t have had to know the address to get there/be dropped off at?

He’s an idiot, the legal system – even small claims – isn’t there for people to play like they’re on Judge Judy or the peoples court. Tracking down the address of the person who clearly wasn’t all that into continuing a date if they simply left instead of returning post-texting from the lobby of the movie theaters. And the press shouldn’t be encouraging anyone like this guy, applicable to all humans of course because that’s a fair policy.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
4 years ago

Starting to sound like the ‘VIP Cinemas’ here in Canada:

http://www.cineplex.com/Theatres/VIP

Facilities have liquor licences, big screens (though not IMAX), and full in-seat dining. For $50 on Wednesdays you can get two adult tickets and two meals, though the name is… unfortunate, particularly given the current discussion.

Viscaria the Cheese Hog
Viscaria the Cheese Hog
4 years ago

@Victorious Parasol and Jenora Feuer

Alas, I am in Canada, and alas, there are no Cineplex VIPs in Calgary. (How come Edmonton gets one?? Rude.) I guess it’s just as well, since that’s more money than I ought to be spending these days.

JS
JS
4 years ago

Most AD’s also have liquor licenses. A glass of wine is only 50 cents more than bottomless popcorn. Recent Menu

Anyone purchasing popcorn there will definitely get a movie quote from me if I’m nearby. “He chose poorly”

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
4 years ago

@JS

Anyone purchasing popcorn there will definitely get a movie quote from me if I’m nearby. “He chose poorly”

Speaking as someone who’s genetically predisposed to alcoholism…and a minor…popcorn, please.

*narf arf arf*

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@Vicky P

ETA: For folks who haven’t heard of Alamo Drafthouse before now, would you rather have just popcorn, or a feast during a mighty movie marathon?

Sounds like the McMenamin’s theaters here in Oregon.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@Rhuu:

In this case, it isn’t very much money. But what if it was? What if you went to a very fancy dinner and very fancy wine was ordered, and your half of the bill came to much more? Do you still slap down that amount of money on the table, to avoid looking ‘greedy and undignified’?

Yup. This is yet another reason never to go out on a date where you’re depending on a stranger/acquaintance to cover you financially on something that you can’t afford for yourself. It just gives the stranger/acquaintance too much power in the situation.

Sure, looking somewhat greedy and undignified by not repaying a horrible creep for the money he spent on you is way, WAY better than allowing the horrible creep to pressure you into doing something you don’t want because he spent money on you. That’s not in dispute. But the best way is to look independent and dignified by refusing to accept any kind of financial benefit whatever from someone who turns out to be a horrible creep.

JS
JS
4 years ago

Let’s try and clarify things a bit. Do you really think she should have to pay him for this “date”? Do you think she couldn’t actually afford to go to the theater? Are you saying, “Hey, she should have immediately paid him before she left”?

I’m not sure I understand.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@cornychips:

But if this were me, my fucking self respect isn’t lowered bc I kept myself away from a potentially dangerous dude by not paying him.

In this case, not paying him is not in any way “keeping herself away from” this dude. He knows who she is, he knows how to contact her. Avoiding this repayment isn’t a safety issue.

And getting the “benefit” of a movie ain’t a fucking benefit. Dealing with a creep for hours isn’t a benefit.

Of course not, but it’s also not a job (not in this case, at least). The ticket he bought for her wasn’t payment for her putting up with his creepitude. It was supposed to be a minor financial favor from someone she thought was a decent enough human being to go on a date with.

Now that it’s been made abundantly clear that he’s not a decent human being, she should make it abundantly clear that he doesn’t deserve the honor of her accepting any financial favors at his hands. By refusing to accept his spending any money on her.

This feels like “women should be nice no matter what” garbage. I hope it’s not.

It’s the exact opposite of “woman being nice”. It’s “woman disdainfully making it clear that horrible creep does not deserve the privilege of having paid for her movie ticket”.

A lot of posters here seem to misunderstand the etiquette principle involved. It’s not “if he didn’t enjoy himself then she owes him his money back”. Rather, it’s “if he’s a horrible creep then she should retroactively disqualify him from the category of people who are decent enough to accept even a trivial favor from”, by paying for the expenses of her own entertainment (even though it turned out in the end not to be very entertaining at all).

Letting horrible creeps spend money on you and then complain about the expense isn’t punishing them. It’s punishing you, by making you look like someone who’s willing to accept financial compensation for putting up with horrible creeps.

IgnoreSandra
IgnoreSandra
4 years ago

@Victorious Parasol

Also reminds me a lot of the Cinema Cafe where I live. Which is awesome.

@Kimstu

Yeah, no. If we didn’t agree to go dutch, the only way I’m giving the money back is if I seriously fear stalking and harassment if I don’t. The rules are: The person who asks pays regardless of the date’s outcome. If the person who asks can’t afford it, then the person who asks should pick a date plan they actually can afford – and the person who is asked should be gracious enough not to be classist about the date environment.

If we allow the person who asks to get their money back if they didn’t enjoy the date, we specifically set up the person who is asked as being responsible for showing the asker a good time…even though being the asker is asking for the opportunity to show the asked a good time. That, and it’s normal to have some dates where you just don’t click.

RE: Concept of being indebted to a creep

The concept of debt is more than a little icky, just in general. It’s not something I approve of. If someone needs help, you help them. If you need help, they help you. Stop this “I owe” business.

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@JS: Let’s try and clarify things a bit. Do you really think she should have to pay him for this “date”?

Well, it’s either that or look as though she still thinks he’s good enough to deserve the privilege of having spent some money on her. Personally, I think she should make it totally clear that he definitely isn’t, by paying him back for what he spent.

@JS: Do you think she couldn’t actually afford to go to the theater?

No. You may have mixed up this movie situation, which is what actually happened, with the hypothetical that @Rhuu suggested where the date is at some super-expensive restaurant, which is what I was responding to in that particular post.

@JS: Are you saying, “Hey, she should have immediately paid him before she left”?

Not if he wasn’t being a horrible creep at that time. But as soon as he indicated in any way that he resented having spent money on her for the date? That immediately puts him in Horrible Creep territory, at which point she should have retroactively rejected his taking her out at his expense.

Somebody who’s incapable of appreciating a privilege (e.g., being allowed to pay somebody else’s way on a date), and is crass enough to complain about the expense of that privilege, deserves to lose that privilege, and fast.

Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
Hambeast, disorderly she-tornado and breaker of windows
4 years ago

If it was me, I’d offer him $50 but he’d have to agree to STFU in writing and drop his ‘lawsuit’ and any statement to any media outlet or individual can only consist of “The matter has been settled to the satisfaction of both parties.”

Kimstu
Kimstu
4 years ago

@IgnoreSandra:

If we allow the person who asks to get their money back if they didn’t enjoy the date

But I specifically said that that’s not what this is about. What it’s about is not letting the person have the privilege of providing their date with a financial benefit if the person turns out to be a horrible creep.

@IgnoreSandra:

The rules are: The person who asks pays regardless of the date’s outcome.

The same etiquette system that upholds that rule also upholds the concurrent rule that a person who is rude enough to complain about paying for a date they requested immediately loses the privilege of paying for their date’s expenses. Along with any shred of respect or liking that their date may formerly have had for them, and any chance they may conceivably have had of ever going out with that date again.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Vicky + Dali
Sounds like Movie Tavern. Got one sorta near me (tho not on any bus route, grr). Never had anything but twizzlers and popcorn there, cos I’m not made of money. But a feast does sound lovely. Should try it at least once 🙂

IgnoreSandra
IgnoreSandra
4 years ago

@Hambeast

You are generous. I think at this point I’d insist on restitution from him for being a dick and wasting both mine and the legal system’s time. But then I’m not the woman being harassed by this creep. I think if I was being targeted for internet harassment, my perspective might be different.

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

@Kimstu

Well if you read the update, the scared and creeped out woman paid the guy to leave her alone. That’ll teach him! And thank goodness she doesn’t look “greedy and undignified” in your eyes!

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Oh, goody. Brandon is from my hometown.

Hammond, represent.

Fuck.