Men’s Rights Activists and other warriors against cultural misandry often complain that women accuse them of being creepy, not because they’re genuinely creepy but just because they’re men, men guilty of no crime other than not looking like Brad Pitt.
One of these fellows took to the Men’s Rights subreddit recently with a sad tale of being unfairly profiled as a creeper just because he was lurking in a truck in the parking lot of a pharmacy until after the store closed, hoping he could chat up one of the store employees while she was walking to her car.
I know, totally unfair!
Here’s his sad tale, in his own words:
I was in a small town in NJ, spending the night in my truck waiting for a job in the morning. I park at corner pharmacy lot. I go in once and buy my items. Checkout girl is cute, make up a reason to go back in. We chat for a few seconds at most. I go back to my truck to browse the ol Reddit. Place closes at 10. I’m kinda hoping the checkout girl comes out so we can chat some more.
Yeah, yeah, I know, some of you gals have already decided he’s a creep. Isn’t a guy allowed to buy something from a cute checkout girl, to leave the store to go back to his truck, then return to the store on a pretext to chat with the cute checkout girl, then go back to his truck and just, you know, lurk there until the store closes reading his smart phone? Seriously, who could possibly find any of that suspicious?
At 10:05 pm 3 cops surround my vehicle and demand identification, claiming the employees of pharmacy we’re afraid to go to their vehicles because of a suspicious work truck with a big scary man in it.
GOSH HOW COULD ANYONE BE SUSPICIOUS OF HIM. Clearly there is some big time misandering going on here.
Obviously they want to delay me so the employees can get safely out. That is somewhat understandable, but God damn, I go out of my way to not be creepy around women, as I am a very big person.
And what an amazing job he did this time not being creepy!
What is it like to be a woman? Are you constantly afraid of being raped everywhere you go? Kidnapped? Murdered? I exchanged maybe a dozen words and a friendly smile with a cute cashier and I immediately got the cops called on me. Fuck.
Yeah, it’s not as if you WENT BACK INTO THE STORE ON FALSE PRETENSES SO YOU COULD TRY TO CHAT HER UP and then got into your truck and DIDN’T LEAVE. AT NIGHT. WHEN THE STORE WAS CLOSING.
The cops have been here for 30 minutes parked right next to me as I type this. It seems like all men are guilty until proven innocent…
CREEP RIGHTS NOW!
I can’t help but think of this scene from Tucker and Dale vs Evil.
In Dale’s defense [Spoiler alert!] he doesn’t immediately run to the Men’s Rights subreddit to whine about misandry, and despite taking the bad advice of his friend here he does turn out to be a genuinely good dude who honestly doesn’t want to creep anyone out.
He’s also got a little bit more self-awareness than our friend in the truck. Can Reddit truck dude even be real, or is this actually some kind of masterful trolling?
Most of the Men’s Rights redditors commenting on the story actually do tell him he was acting creepy as hell, so I’ll give them a few points for that.
It must be weird to be Brad Pitt.
Sure, the whole sex symbol thing is a strange mental adjustment, but the most common current pop culture Brad Pitt reference seems to be coming specifically from dudes who consider themselves average-looking, putting him up on a weird-ass pedestal to represent mainstream male beauty – and said dudes are usually bitter towards women, at least partially because of this pedestal that again, they are creating/perpetuating.
Maybe I just have limited cultural exposure but how messed up is that.
Be aware of the effect of your presence on others, dood…. chose a parking lot where there isn’t going to be a question about your intentions… like mebbe a 24/7 TRUCK STOP!?!?!
I dunno, I don’t have a perspective from which to legitimately answer that. I do know what the leading cause of injury for women is… it’s me.* So I make an attempt not to behave in a manner that’s gonna cause others to question my motives and intentions.
* not me, personally, but if I understand the stats correctly, the leading cause of injury to women is actions of men….
What is it like to be a woman? Are you constantly afraid of being raped everywhere you go? Kidnapped? Murdered?
Yes. Next question.
(Maybe not “afraid” so much as “aware in the back of your mind pretty much any time you leave your house that it’s a possibility and constantly doing situational algebra to minimize the chances of it, because we live in a toxic patriarchy full of creeps like this guy who think he’s owed attention by any woman he finds attractive”.)
The way to figure out if you’re being creepy is to think “If I was on the receiving end of this sort of treatment, would it be creepy?”. If the answer is “Yes” or even “Maybe”, then don’t do it!
Although let’s be realistic, I don’t think that the dude quoted in the OP is going to be able to see that. 🙁
I guarantee you that no retail worker wants to chat you up after they ended a shift around 10 pm, even if you look like a supermodell. they just want to get home. Also if you, (from an outsider’s perspective) are acting like a badguy from a” let’s not meet” reddit story , maybe rethink your approach to life in general
What is it like to be a woman? Are you constantly afraid of being raped everywhere you go? Kidnapped? Murdered
So close, dude. A little less disbelieving ‘tude and you’d achieve something close to empathy.
So, you’re a big guy, and I’m guessing that other men don’t mess with you much. Maybe back in grade school there was a time when you were picked on and ridiculed, but not so much these days. And certainly not to a point where you feel threatened.
Picture yourself in the (much smaller) shoes of a person in the 90-120 pound range. You’re working, doing your job, being nice to customers because that’s part of the deal.
An unknown guy comes in and is friendly, seems to want to chat, and you’re nice to him in your capacity as a cashier. So far, so good; lots of semi-awkward guys come in and try to chat with you.
Then he comes back, on some fairly flimsy pretext. And again wants to chat. You’re getting a vibe at this point, and it’s not a good vibe. It’s a “is this dude going to leave me alone?” vibe, which starts in the pit of your stomach if you’re curious.
THEN one of your co-workers notices that the semi-creepy guy who came in twice to chat with you, is still there. Just.. sitting in the parking lot, as far as you can tell. And he remains there for HOURS.
By this time you’re, yes, somewhat freaked out. You’re making contingency plans. Should you call a family member or a friend to come and… what? Ride home with you? Should you even GO home? You don’t want him to follow you and find out where you live. But what if you go to a friend’s house, would that put them in danger?
Besides, you have things to do. You don’t want to be held hostage to fear, dammit. This sucks.
So you do the sensible thing. You call the police and explain the sitch and ask them to have a word with the creepy guy in the parking lot while you make your escape.
And now you get to look forward to jumping every time the door to your work place opens, lest you see a familiar and now angry big dude demanding to know why you avoided him in the parking lot. Of your work place. Where you have to be every day you’re scheduled to work, feeling like a sitting duck.
Thanks, big creepy dude.
This woman was completely justified to be wary of this man. I read the original Reddit thread, and I’m pleased to see the number of commenters who agree.
I’m past a certain age now. I would like to mention that I’ve been stalked and followed, in New Haven, Connecticut, and in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. When the Philadelphia incident occurred, I was 41 years old. So, well past the fabled “Wall”. I was also very modestly dressed, and wore next to no makeup.
I think my Philadelphia stalker simply wanted to exult in his sense of dominance. He knew he was intimidating me, and he enjoyed his feelings of dominance.
I was angry, more than frightened. All I was doing was shopping…who’s he to police my movements?
“Normally I leave messages of heavy breathing and notes where there shouldn’t be everywhere. I thought I was showing restraint.”
Lack of self awareness big guy. In spades. The drugstore could also help their employees here. Haven’t they heard of time restrictions on non – employee parking ?
Oh dear. He never happens to mention how long before 10pm he was just waiting in the truck for his shift the next day.
Even if all went as he hoped:
The idea that someone getting out of their vehicle and approaching me after work – in the dark – should be no cause for wariness or caution astounds me. Even without the 2 prior interactions.
Am I not supposed to be aware of my surroundings? Wanting to get home safely, unbothered and unwatched = misandry? FFS.
A guy did that to me when I was closing up a porno rental place by myself. The owner was a dick of epic proportions, but even he thought that was beyond the pale. The guy was banned from the store (including the parking lot).
After that job, I worked in a skateboard shop in a strip mall, and the handyman got stalkery with me*. He started having a friend come and do all his work so he could spend all his time staring at me through the windows. Of course he was fired. Immediately after getting fired, he walked into the store–and ran out when he saw that my boss was there with me. He then spent hours sitting in his truck just staring at the store door. I had to call and have someone pick me up right at the door. And then–get this–he got his job back.
These things happened when I was still really super-cute. Gaining weight and having to wear thick-lensed, face-distorting glasses instead of contacts have rendered me invisible to creeps.
*The very first moment I laid eyes on him, I started feeling panicky. I just knew.
In my pre-wall days it was a sort of constant low grade hum, that would spike at things like dark alley-ways, groups of men following me, and guys that seemed interested in me hanging around at closing time with an obvious means of abduction ready to hand.
That was the UK, which is generally safer. On the other hand, it was also Leeds when the Yorkshire Ripper was murdering his way through 13 women. I think that had a permanent effect.
I just want to applaud the store manager/supervisor/coworker here. They totally did the right thing to protect the cashier.
That person deserves a bonus.
Also to the guy: what did you think would be the end result of his waiting? It was 22:00. She likely had not eaten dinner yet. She was likely tired as heck and possibly that was her second job of the day or she has other important things still to do. Did you expect her to be so happy that you waited for hours that she will bone you right there in the parking lot?
If you truly had a chance, I assume she would have let you know clearly with her phone number and clear “call me, let’s date” phrasing on the note. *
Her smiling at you is just doing her job.
*Edit: I’ve been out of the dating world for well over a decade. So my info may be old. But I assume that part has not changed. She will let you know she is into you clearly. Nobody but in movies plays or enjoys “hard to get”
@Sheila Crosby
I’ve watched a few BBC documentaries (on YouTube) about the Yorkshire Ripper. I can hardly believe he’s still alive, and kept in a super-duper secure psychiatric institution.
For me, the boogeyman was Ted Bundy…I came of age during the 1980s, when Bundy was on Death Row in Florida. When I read about Bundy’s MO, I felt real fear. I knew he wasn’t unique; he just happened to get caught.
Apparently Cluey McCluelessness hasn’t heard that the FBI said that long haul truck driving is the best choice for those who want to become serial killers.
http://m.fleetowner.com/driver-management-resource-center/truckers-make-ideal-serial-killers-fbi#
Or has heard of Keith Hunter Jesperson.
And, no, I am NOT suggesting that truck drivers are any more dangerous to women than any other profession, but yeah, this shit would have run through my mind if there was some fucking truck, parked and lurking, in the parking lot of my workplace.
Jesus wept. At the point, his social awkwardness takes far, far distant second place to my personal safety.
What is it like to be a woman? Are you constantly afraid of being raped everywhere you go? Kidnapped? Murdered? I exchanged maybe a dozen words and a friendly smile with a cute cashier and I immediately got the cops called on me. Fuck.
So close to enlightenment. If Mr. Trucker had just pushed past his ego, he could have realized that yes, this is how women constantly feel, and come out a better person from this ordeal.
This feeling is ESPECIALLY true for women who work at any kind of retail or service where it’s required to be nice to every rando who is a customer. Sooner or later they’ll have to face that person who equates “professional niceness” with “OMG she totally digs me!”. Just let her do her job. Trust me, it’s not paying her enough to have to put up with sort of BS.
Re: Yorkshire Ripper, Ted Bundy, etc.
Up here, of course, it was Paul Bernardo.
One of the people I used to work with went to high school with him. She said there was a huge amount of no surprise when he was finally caught; he had sent up a lot of red flags with anybody who knew him back then.
When I was a teenager I walked to walmart to pick up some things on my break from my fast food job. Some guy saw me, said hi, and literally the next thing out of his mouth was to ask me to leave with him to go on a date, immediately. When I apologized and said, “sorry, but I’m on my way to work”, he looked at my uniform and then demanded to know when I would get out that night, so that he could pick me up. Dude was so weirdly pushy about it, too.
So, what’s it like to be a woman? Having big men feel that they don’t have to respect normal social boundaries with you. Like boundaries about not being around at closing times, which is historically when many robberies of retail workers occur.
Interestingly enough, I’ve slept in my car in a few perking lots, and I’ve had the cops called on me several times. This includes during the day. Misandrony?
Oddly enough, hanging out in your truck waiting for the store to close so you can hit on the cashier you fancy is not an effective way to prove you aren’t a creep. Just sayin’.
That idea that people in service industries are ‘fair game’ is one of my bugbears. It’s like what happened to poor old Chiomara; but it’s also something that a lot of my friends have had to endure. I really feel for people who are forced to be nice to strangers as part of customer service.
What’s particularly annoying in those comments on reddit is the number of guys who acknowledge the risk staff face; but still go on to say that the woman was over reacting and stick up for the trucker. Like he’s the aggrieved party here.
It’s the old “Men fear women will laugh at them…” again. Clueless wankers and their ‘creep shaming’ crap.
Hope Chio’s doing ok. Kinda worried about her, what with that going on and not seeing her around for a while.
@Alan Robertshaw
Its a really nasty bit of the human psyche, that one. The desire to possess and control people, and to exercise absolute power over underlings. Back in the day, the well-off could help themselves to the lesser servants or slaves, and until recently it’d be just fine to molest a secretary or other subordinate colleague, but nowadays there’s always the minimum wage folk in uniforms, isn’t there? And they serve everyone, not just the rich! Isn’t modern society great for everyone?
I’m late to the party and everyone else mostly said what I would’ve on this. I’d just like to add that isn’t this what the manosphere wants from us? Not just the manosphere, society in general. But especially the manosphere and the alt right. They’re forever wanking about how men should be dominant and women submissive, and how dare feminism have made it so that we don’t have to cater to men’s every whim for fear of being harmed by them. That’s why they hate no fault divorce and single mothers who choose to never marry the father at all. Don’t they think that women are raped because we’re all too slutty and drunk? We were asking for it for not hiding at home afraid. Isn’t that what Roosh’s rape should be legalized on private property thing was all about? “Satire” designed to teach us to be careful of which men we trust. Hell, women are specifically told to be weary of dark parking lots as a rape prevention tip. Often by male law enforcement professionals. Maybe they should also be telling men to not lurk in dark parking lots?
As usual with these guys, we can’t do anything right. We don’t fear a man, we’re asking for him to hurt us, we do fear a man, we’re manhating creep shamers.
This is just an outright lie. You didn’t get the cops called on you for smiling at a cashier and having a brief conversation. You sat in your truck watching the store for hours. You just said so yourself. That’s not immediate! This is why I never believe men who claim they weren’t acting creepy and women are just being mean to them for not looking like Brad Pitt. They always, always downplay or deny their own behavior.
So, the horrors of living in an oppressive gynocentric matriarchy are that men are sometime embarrassed and inconvenienced for stalkerly behavior? He wasn’t arrested, let alone prosecuted and jailed. He wasn’t roughed up at all. He merely had cops watch him to make sure he wasn’t able to harass or harm the employees. Perhaps he was told to cut this behavior out. It’s not like he was thrown in jail without trial or sent to a gulag for displeasing the Katieocracy. Men sure are sensitive snowflakes!
Wanna bet the same guy says women are responsible for not getting raped and if we aren’t careful enough we’re asking for it?
Fuck politeness. Stay sexy. Don’t get murdered.
@ pie
I hadn’t thought of it in that wide a context but I guess you’re right. I was thinking more it’s the taking advantage of someone being ‘trapped’ (in that they can’t extricate themselves from the contact) and the fact service industry staff have to be pleasant to customers. But that probably does stem from the basic premise you identify. And so often there is a ‘control’ element beyond the general inappropriate creeping.