So as the dude behind this blog I get a fairly steady stream of communications from, well, dudes who are not such big fans of the blog. Alongside the veiled threats and not-so-veiled threats and fat jokes and intimations of cuckoldry and predictions of an imminent “beta uprising” I also get emails from guys who profess to be just so confused as to why I even have such a blog, do I hate men or something? I’m not sure if any of them are asking sincerely; most seem to think their little notes will somehow shame me into quitting.
I got one of these notes last night from a fellow who calls himself, alternately, Tom Stanton, Tom Alexander and “Max.”
Do I embrace my masculinity?
“Embracing your masculinity” sounds so much like a euphemism for, well, you know, that I can’t even see it without mentally adding “wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean say no more SAY NO MORE” like in that old Monty Python sketch.
In this case, though, the thing they’re trying to insinuate is that anyone who opposes the sort of shitheads I write about on this blog must not be a REAL MAN but rather some GIANT CUCK who’s WHITE KNIGHTING for PUSSY or something. Or maybe they think I get a discount on cucking equipment at the local Feminist Mart?
But here’s the thing, Max (and his brother Tom and his other brother Tom), if you and your pals identify enough with the shitheads I write about on this blog to get mad that I write about them, you’re not “men who are proud to be men.” You are shitheads. You are an embarrassment to your gender.
I do this blog because I think someone needs to be writing regularly about your brand of shitheads, and, for some strange reason, I kind of enjoy it. Luckily for me there are a decent number of people out there who enjoy reading about you guys and/or feel that this blog provides a public service; enough of these folks donate enough money to keep the blog going that I can, well, keep the blog going. (Thanks, donors! New pledge drive coming soon!)
In other words, one of the biggest rewards to doing this blog is that I can keep doing this blog, tracking and mocking shitty guys like you, and, I hope, doing a little something to limit your baleful influence on society.
Here’s that old Monty Python sketch, because what the hell.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGrvQ1c5khU
“Do you subscribe to my Teeny-Tiny Box of Masculinity™? If not, you’re not a Real Man™!”
It sounds like a pitch, almost.
The thing is, these Shitheads (as David has aptly named them) do “embrace” their masculinity. So does David. But every individual man defines what that is for themselves.
Every man sees “masculinity” differently. The problem arises when two things happen:
1. The man in question refuses to accept that other men have the right to define their masculinity however they see fit, and will openly berate and mock men (if not tell them to kill themselves, as I’m sure David can attest) if they don’t see masculinity in the EXACT same way that they do.
If that man isn’t subscribed to their Teeny-Tiny Box of Masculinity™ (which only comes in gun-metal black and has a Tactical Grip for easy carrying when you’re off HUNTING THE MAMMOTH), then that man is, by their definition, Not A Real Man™.
2. The definition of masculinity in question hinges on hurting people who are Not Masculine (i.e. gay men, trans people, cis and trans women).
A lot of these men view their “masculinity” as being “better” than women (and all those other people I mentioned don’t exist 98% of the time and the other 2% is seething hatred usually), and that means that they get to “own” women or otherwise control them and their actions.
And that is where women and, (thankfully) a lot of men, draw the line.
I think all men should embrace their masculinity, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more. Because… because why not?
I wish they would just embrace their masculinity instead of trying to push their masculinity onto us.
See, the thing is, Thomas Alexander Max Stanton, if you and others like you didn’t think exploring your own masculinity means denigrating women all the goddamned time, there’d be nothing for David to write about. And this blog wouldn’t exist.
But, alas. You do, it does, and here you are.
In other words, you and others just like you impressed others, all right. You are getting noticed.
And mocked for it. So, essentially, you have yourself to thank for the existence of this blog.
So, thank you, Thomas Alexander Max Stanton. Thank you for helping make this blog possible!
(But mostly, thank YOU, David. <3)
Never embrace your masculinity ( or feminity for that matter) before your humanity. We are free and equal people first, than were anything else you might conceive and find important to your identity.
I read this blog basically because these shitheads aren’t real men, but overgrown boy-children with a kindergarten-level “girls have cooties” understanding of what being an adult actually is.
What makes a man from the hand of God?
And children, don’t you find it odd
That the concept that we’re told to expect
Has people hittin’ eject?
The ideas of fem slash masculinity
They’ll say have been around for centuries
But in reality, that simplicity’s gone
They’ve not been like this all that long
While for the most part, the man’s gotten the prize
What made a man then would get sand in your eyes
Male royalty oft wore makeup to excess
And tots in the 1900s oft sported a dress
It’s a little weird, but not terribly strange
That cultural norms are inclined to change
But in the end, there’s always this little bit:
The box just ain’t the place we want to fit
Related, though with some tangential dialogue at first:
The issue is really not whether it’s fine to have a traditionally masculine identity or not. It’s whether you feel entitled to force people to conform to your idea of what gender roles should be.
Nothing says manly like trying to make others conform to your idea of masculinity by calling them weak /s
Yep. Embrace what you are and don’t listen to the haters. That’s what this blog and commenters have taught me time and again. Plus, other great stuff as well.
So, I guess I have to thank tiny man box* Manospherians for something good in my life.
True story: I refused to wear t-shirts for years after catching a glimpse of myself in a glass storefront one day. Why? Because I thought I looked “mannish” and was ashamed** of it. After reading WHTM for a few months and ‘meeting’ some people who were genderqueer, I decided that the way I choose to look outwardly doesn’t actually change who I am and that presenting as feminine wasn’t so important to me anymore.
Now I am building a cool t-shirt wardrobe; I got one last week with an image that looks exactly like Catbeast and I’m just so pleased with it! A couple of years ago, I’d have sighed and passed on it.
*good one, Paradoxy!
**horrified, more like it, if I’m being honest.
For a moment, I read it as “enhance”. Which left me a)giggling and b)confused.
SmilingBob would be heavily featured were that true, jy3.
What’s the pay off? I thought we already had that settled. I thought he was white knighting in order to score sex? Everyone knows that is the only reason a man could ever oppose misogyny! I mean, I’ve never seen David hit on any of us in the comments since I’ve been here, but he’s probably just playing a really long game.
WWTH; Yeah, don’t you know, his white knighting is just a part of the 20-dimensional backgammon that’s required for anybody who isn’t a master of ‘game’ to pick up women. /s
I’m glad for David’s blog because I know for sure I wouldn’t have the patience to wade through the pool of shit that is internet misogyny and mock it week after week
The E-mail might as well read: “How do you feel about your masculinity? because I’m quite insecure in mine.”
Be as masculine as you want, just don’t force other people to conform to your standards or mock them for it annnd maybe if your version of masculinity involves being a fuckhead, maybe don’t do that?
Also, being angry all the time and eating only meat and smoking or whatever the fuck the Ultimate Alphas do, like, maybe take into consideration that isn’t really healthy. Anger and stress can shorten your lifespan, along with having an improper diet and shit. If your brand of masculinity is gonna cut your life short, don’t do it. If people need you to be that to get respect from them, they’re terrible people and don’t deserve you, just saying. Putting that out there. Everyone deserves to be happy and shit.
What’s the payoff?!
Does this Max person not understand that WHTM is a goldmine for David?
Individuals disaffected with the patriarchy are all wealthy people, and they — er, I mean we — like to spread that wealth around.
I have never understood their concept of masculinity anyway.
“I’m very heterosexual, which means I want to bang women but I don’t like them. I hate them, they’re manipulative and evil, they run the world and they’re also weak, stupid and pathetic. Gay men are worse and I’ll project my fears about the worst excesses of my own violent toxic masculinity onto brown and black men. Trans people are freaks. Don’t you admire me and want to be like me? This is how to be a man; the only way”
Ahem, no.
I respect different qualities than the ones MRAs describe. That’s not the masculinity I admire.
Thanks, David, you take a lot of flak, but we appreciate what you do.
This reminds me of my son when he was about 8. A few times he pranced around singing to the tune of Macho Man by Village People:
‘Macho macho man. Don’t want to be a macho man,
Macho macho man. Don’t want to be what I’m not’
My son saw machismo as unattractive, he wanted something else. He has grown to be a man comfortable with both his masculinity and his sexuality.
When all you’ve got going for you is your skin color or your gender, then you cling to that shit like a limpet on a rock. People that are actually secure in themselves, that have interests, contact with people via means other than a computer screen & a sense of achievement don’t need to cling so desperately to what little they have. They don’t spend their whole lives trying to push other people down so they can pretend that their lives have meaning, because hey my life might be shit, but I’m better than “them”.
People that are actually strong, secure, confident people lift other people up, ALL PEOPLE, not just the ones that match the group they identify with. They are not scared of men being masculine in what ever way makes an individual happy, because they have more in their lives than just the claim that they are male.
If all you have going for you is chest thumping and screaming from roof tops that you’re a man, then of course you want to keep the definition of masculinity as narrow as possible.
Having so much of one’s identity in gender roles sounds like an exhausting and empty existence. Much more fun to take the parts you like (comfortable pants, etc) and leave the ones that only serve to make you and everyone around you miserable (treating women like garbage, determining your own value by how much sex you’re having, not wiping your butt, etc).
Elizabeth Regina, I am into your perfect and concise definition of the manosphere man.
David, you might have unintentionally revealed his email address? Or at least a big clue to it? I mean, you say he refers to himself as “Tom Alexander” but that name doesn’t appear anywhere in the screen shot you show… so I’m guessing maybe it’s in the whited out part before gmail.com?
Just wanted to point that out in case I’m correct and you actually are concerned with protecting this guy’s privacy at all.