NOTE: This post will make a lot more sense if you read this first.
When it came to petting cats, as a slow-moving human with a soothing voice, I had no problem getting headbutts from Chicago’s most beautiful cats.
I could have any cat I wanted. I met some nice adult cats, but invariably I went for the fluffiest, most adorable kittens I could find.
My life was pretty much this:
I petted as many as three kittens a week, many of them cute enough to be kitten gif models, but eventually I realized that petting the cutest young things had its drawbacks — I found them flighty, silly and vapid.
I mean, look at these ridiculous creatures.
Adorable kittens who get a fair amount of attention get full of themselves. Eventually, I was dreading booping them on their tiny kitten noses because they were constantly being distracted by whatever shiny thing entered their field of vision. Literally.
Looking for a cat with a greater attention span than a gnat, I started petting a couple of cats who aren’t cat calendar models. The two are now living in my apartment with me and occasionally vomiting on things. I met them at a local cat shelter.
People like me who don’t mind talking in a baby voice and who aren’t given to sudden, startling movements have the pickings when it comes to petting cats but eventually I found that I wanted a cat of substance, not a ball of fluff.
The cats I pet now couldn’t be gif models, but they are still pretty kitties aren’t you yes you are!
When people get to a certain age, they realize that it’s important to pet kitties that don’t spend their entire waking life careening around the apartment knocking things over. Just part of their waking life doing that. All right, 80%. But come on, you’ve got to admit that kittens are kind of exhausting.
That was hilarious! When I read the original article, I kept looking for that “satire” label, and couldn’t find it…
Seriously, how is that other article not satire? Especially when I saw the picture of the woman who was “super hot” and her “boy next door” boyfriend and was struck by how cute he was and how not that cute she was.
(Normally I wouldn’t comment on people’s appearance, but that was apparently the whole point of that article)
Thank you for al the kitten gifs. I needed them to cleanse my brain!
Yes, the top 20 of X on IMDB is where I go for properly researched, scientific information.
Right, it’s not like any aspects of their lifes make it harder to keep a stable relationship. MUST be their attractivity.
Plus, it’s clearly their looks that put them in the top20 on that site. Not, you know, their talent…
Oh dear, there’s so much wrong with this, I don’t even know where to start..
Do you really, tim?
Odd choice, but your choice to make.
David Futrelle…. used to ride the Kitty carousel. tsk tsk.
Cat Lover Going his Own way????
I picked the cutest kitten I could find. Now I have an asshole cat. Don’t be like me.
(J/K, I love her anyway. She’s my beloved evil kitty.)
I used to think puppies were the best (kittens too, but I’ve not met as many). But I started puppy sitting for a living and discovered a fundamental issue.
Meeting a puppy for the first time is fine. You’re way bigger, so if you want to cuddle them, cuddling will happen.
But if you’ve met a young puppy a couple of times and had a lovely cuddle, there’s an issue you should be aware of. If the puppy recognises you and is pleased to see you, it is likely to lose control of its bladder. Just as it gets to your shoes (or, if you’ve already picked it up, your top).
Plus, if it’s a boy dog, he may also be showing his excitement (if you know what I mean). No judgment, he’s a baby, but there’s a surprising flash of pink going on.
I bet the OP has never had a “hot woman” do either!
I no longer knit with pretty balls of yarn. You know the ones, that twinkle at you from the shelves and demand to be made into shawls or complicated socks. Now I look for more sedate yarn: solid unobtrusive worsted.
Gone are days of attention-whoring skeins and their flighty, tangled, many-dpn ways! Yep, the watchwords are “reliable” and “modest” in the stash these days. I just don’t have the energy to chase around after ombre mohair anymore–too demanding!
It takes a lot of hard work, time, and money to be beautiful, in the sense of the NY Post article. All the time spent on hair, makeup and exercise…some people would rather be occupied with something else.
Like petting cats.
To the woman who that loser ended up with: RUN!!!
@ bbz;
what do your cats think of your new taste in yarn? do they still bat the yarn ball around, or are THEY shallow and vapid???
@ all;
is the Post article satire or is they serious??? I seriously can’t tell
BRB, throwing up.
Speaking of cats! I’ve agreed to take care of two cats in a neighboring apartment for the next two days. I have never met these cats, and don’t know what to expect! Will update later.
Oh my gosh, the original article is SUCH astonishing garbage. I think it’s incredibly revealing that his current fiancee–who he sees as “not hot”–is conventionally attractive. I’d even say conventionally *gorgeous*. I mean, different people have different tastes and all, but there is nothing about her appearance falls outside of the realm of what society deems beautiful.
To me, that highlights what’s really going on–he wasn’t exclusively dating women he found attractive, but rather, women that he could uphold as a status symbol. If his current fiancee is not “hot”, then his definition of “hot” is extraordinarily narrow. What kind of fantasy-Barbie nonsense checklist was he using before? Perhaps he kept ending up on all these bad dates, not because “hot” women are universally shallow and spoiled, but because his criteria was “Yep, this chick is an HB10” without pausing to discover if he actually likes her? Or if he actually even genuinely likes how she looks?
“When I started looking for women I enjoyed as people instead of women I could brag about to all my bros, my dating life improved!”
YOU DON’T SAY?
Not that I expect even halfway decent science reporting from New York Post, but uh… Correlation isn’t causation!
By “people” he means women, right? If a woman pleases his boner, she is a sex object and to be treated as decorative. There’s no possible way beauty and brains can exist in a piece of decoration. Men, on the other hand, can have beauty and brains because they’re real humans.
The Post is a Rupert Murdoch owned publication, so the answer is self evident.
I kept expecting that Post article to turn into an “advertising feature”. For what, I don’t know, but it had that vapid, superficial feel to it, like the soulless output of someone who used to dream of writing the next great American novel, but is now reduced to banging out 1500-word pieces pushing hair loss remedies.
By the OP’s logic, this YouTube channel shouldn’t exist:
What the fuck did I just read.
The “model look” is just a standard in the advertising industry. It’s not more or less attractive than other looks because people have different tastes. Whether people have awesome sex or not depends much more on sexual chemistry and honest communication anyway, not how people look.
I admit, I didn’t finish the NY Post article. I couldn’t get past that guy’s rictus grin. He looks like he learned how to smile at the dentist’s office.
But kittens! I approve of kittens, although I admit I’ll probably never live with another one. They are SO exhausting, and cats are such good company. But cute. OMG cute.
Kitten biting finger gif makes me rethink… must resist.
Guy who dates women half his age is saying that the women he’s dating are vapid and selfish, more at 11.
Wow, man meets a woman recommended from her mother who runs a matchmaking service! And look! They are engaged! Oh, and the fiancee happens to be vice president of the matchmaking company her mother owns!
SUCH COINCIDENCE.