The (alleged) pickup artist who calls himself “Heartiste” is a lot of things — a misogynist, a homophobe, a racist, a bizarrely overwrought prose stylist, to name just a few of his more charming features. But one thing I never would have pegged him for? A Harry Potter fan.
Or if not necessarily a fan, per se, at least someone familiar with the basic plot of the Harry Potter series. But that he is.
In a blog post today (archived here) about the alleged omnipresence of cuckoldry in “popular (read: single White female and gay homosexual) culture,” Heartiste (real name James Weidmann) drops this bit of Harry Potter knowledge:
Harry Potter was perhaps the first major shitlib touchstone to vault willing cuckoldry into the wider culture as some kind of moral imperative; it was beta orbiter Snape, a man with the worst case of oneitis imaginable because he was in love with a dead woman who when alive wanted nothing to do with him, who vowed to look after Harry, (the child of his oneitis by another man Snape hated), out of a misplaced sense of loyalty and maybe hope for an afterlife consummation.
Literally “alpha fux and beta bux” from beyond the grave. What independent, empowered modern woman wouldn’t love that?
Well, the ladies do love them some Harry Potter, I’ll give Heartiste that, but I’m not sure “cuckoldry”has much to do with it.
It’s not that surprising that Heartiste looks at Snape and sees a cuck, because pretty much everywhere he looks he sees cucks. Indeed, the basic thesis of his post today can be pretty much summed up as “cuck, cuck, everywhere a cuck, blockin’ out the scenery, makin’ me cluck.”
As Heartiste sees it, “popular (read: single White female and gay homosexual) culture” is awash in cuckoldry because the ladies can’t get enough of this rampant glorification of “alpha fux and beta bux”– that is, the allegedly widespread female human mating strategy of having sex and making babies with hot, arrogant alpha dudes and then, when the alphas stop answering their texts, conning wimpy beta workadaddies to marry them up and pay the expenses of the bouncing baby alpha spawn.
As a result, Heartiste alleges, television today has become
a feminist wish fulfillment wasteland … There are shows that have blatantly pro-cuck plot lines in which a pregnant slut or single slut mommy has beta phagg suitors lining up to swear their loyalty to the bastard spawn, while the alpha cads that knocked these hos up are either nowhere found onscreen or they come and go continuing to service the sprog-saddled skanks with the least investment possible.
Hmm. The last TV show I binge-watched involved a guy with telekinetic powers trying, with the help of a mutant super-team, to fight off a secret government army while simultaneously defending his brain (and the world) from a devious mind parasite that sometimes takes the form of Aubrey Plaza. But maybe Heartiste has different TV tastes than I do.
So why do women “cheer Cuck Nation,” Heartiste asks, then quickly manswers his own question:
They know that good men, on a gut level that is impossible to sway with sophistic shaming appeals to the contrary, don’t want to raise the bastards of other men. No man wants to be duped into 18 years of servitude to a child that’s not his own. For the few men who walk into cuckoldry with eyes wide open, they never shake the resentment that ceaselessly thrums from knowing they willingly chose to be cuckolds for the chance at regular sex with a single mom.
Women cheer because the fantasy of the willing cuckold saving women from their big mistakes is a repudiation of the intractable laws of Biomechanics .. TV tells them, hey ladies, you can have that happiness without those cumbersome rules. Magic is real!
Men have their own version of this fantasy, Heartiste argues, in the form of
the trope of the nebbishy omega male with a hot blonde shiksa, or nerds exacting revenge on their jock tormentors. Rarely happens outside TVland, unless you count supreme gentleman Eliot Rodger.
Like the murderous Rodger, Heartiste has convinced himself that none of us ever escape the primal high school rivalry between jocks and nerds. And nothing (outside of “race mixing”) seems to evoke so much primal terror in him as the thought of men marrying single moms and (gasp!) caring for children that contain some other man’s DNA. This sort of “voluntary cucking,” he declares,
is in a way more loathsome than unwilling cuckoldry, because it’s harder to fathom the depth of depravity to which a man must have sunk if bartering his cuckoldry seems to him like the only way he can buy sex and love, and with damaged goods no less.
I can only wonder what Heartiste made of The Brady Bunch, that classic TV ode to the blended family. Were Mike and Carol Brady each simultaneously cucking the other?
But I digress. Let’s return to Heartiste, who is currently working himself into a frothy fit:
We can say then that Cuck Nation is nothing less than the total surrender of masculinity and any male prerogatives to runaway androgyny and sexual polarity-inverting feminism. It’s the metaphorical equivalent of lopping off a nation’s balls and importing a few foreign stud horses to do all the seeding. And the saddest facet of this DNA-denying degeneracy is that there are more than a few self-flagellating manginas who lap this shit up and hi-five bitterbitches under the false impression that this will earn them a pity handjob.
What the hell is going on in the heads of guys who think like Heartiste? Seriously, outside of literal cuckold fetishists, no one thinks about cuckolding more, and more obsessively, than alt-righters like him. And to what end? At least the cuckold fetishists are enjoying themselves.
@Viscaria
Hah! I hadn’t. I will watch it now!
I’ve been watching the use and evolution of “cuck” as an insult. Insults are non-literalisms by category, and that category has a basic structure. The real world object and the non-literal object have points of similarity and points of difference.
The most common point of similarity with cuck in my experience is the idea of the other person being socially defeated and subordinate. The original meaning and all of it’s characteristics are there to transmit the feeling and people on the left mostly seem the find the usage bizarre and ridiculous. The sexism and racism matter, but the current use is still the strategic target. (I tend to think that “Fuck” is like a kind of “endpoint” to a felt spectrum, it’s one of the “worst things to say” because we need something to be at that position in order for the social feelings to work).
I see it as evolving into other social and political uses, and it’s effectiveness at the national level remains to be seen now that it’s popping up more often and at higher levels of the right-wing conservative social structure. To me it basically feels like “loser” which I basically ignore, and I often enjoy getting a person using it to point out the location of the “cuck like characteristics” (otherwise I start pointing them out and offering them the chance to show me where I am wrong).
For the record I was always amused by SJW and treated it in similar fashion as I overtly and passively disrespected it’s use in my name. This is something of a social obsession of mine and it helps keep the insult-related urges under control.
You would think so, but there’s no room for honor when your boner is the center of the universe. Fartiste reads like self-parody. Here a cuck, there a cuck, everywhere a cuck-cuck.
OT: Sean Spicer says Hitler, unlike Assad, didn’t use chemical weapons against his own people. Just in time for Passover, too. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/11/us/politics/sean-spicer-hitler-gas-holocaust-center.html
Defending my House – Hufflepuffs wouldn’t have Heartiste because he violates our traditions of fair play, hard work, dedication, patience, and loyalty.
(and coincidentally, I am wearing my Hufflepuff t-shirt today)
So, while we’re talking Hogwarts houses… and I’m no expert, so correct me if I’m wrong… but surely several of the villains could have been distributed among houses other than Slytherin? Especially when Dumbledore is so clearly an Evil Gryffindor. Could Snape have worked just as well as an Evil Ravenclaw? And Umbridge seems like a textbook Evil Hufflepuff. But, hey, don’t mind me. Half the time I like to pretend that Hogwarts is divided into the Factualists, the Divisionists, the Liquefactionists and the Senders.
…I’m ashamed to admit that I only ever read the first two books of Harry Potter back in the second grade. I don’t think my knowledge adds up to decent song material.
Nevertheless, I’d still do better than Heartiste if I bothered. (TV Tropes, folks.)
I always thought the Houses of Hogwarts were Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Top, and Bottom.
Sperm worship. His entire world revolves around sperm.
Only sperm matter.
@Diptych
I think that may have been a point that got lost. Like, it began with all these wizards and witches that were bad were from Slytherin with some exception like Quirrell (who was Ravenclaw) and Pettigrew (who was Griffindor) but the only known “good” Slytherin for a while was Merlin. Near the end, more good wizards came from Slytherin, like Slughorn, Andromeda Tonks, Regulus Black and such but still overwhelmingly all the bad dudes were Slytherin connected. People like to write it off as the books being from Harry’s perspective, which is true but you can tell J.K. Rowling isn’t that fond of Slytherins herself.
The only house she seems to have more contempt for is Hufflepuff, which isn’t outright contempt for, like she did with Slytherin, but more like “not caring to develop the house at all” contempt. I don’t believe I can name any big named wizards from it myself, either good or bad. She clearly favors Griffindor the most, with Ravenclaw second since they have the most positive effort put into them to have a good range of characters from them, not just evil, not just good, and fleshed out characters, even in the supplementary materials.
Both Slytherin and Hufflepuff get shit on a lot but at least Slytherin has merchandise and some sort of development.
His point would be slightly better – only slightly! – if he used City of Bones (the first book in Cassandra Clare’s The Mortal Instruments series) as his example of a book that glorifies a man helping a woman raise a child she had with another man because of his unrequited love for her. (FWIW, I found that part really creepy and off-putting, and it’s part of the reason I decided not to continue with that series.) But The Mortal Instruments, while kind of a big deal in the YA world, isn’t anywhere near as popular as Harry Potter – the film adaptation of the first book flopped so hard the sequel’s been in Development Hell for years, and the TV show adaptation is only on streaming.
… Uhm, I was just making a silly joke calling Fartiste an idiot. Didn’t mean to start a house war. o~o;
@SFHC
There’s no such thing as mentioning Harry Potter without starting a house war. :p
I can imagine the Sorting Hat checking Heartiste’s mind and declaring, “False alarm, this is a squib!”
I’ve long thought that, while I may present as Ravenclaw, my heart is with Hufflepuff. It was only recently that I realized Rowling’s scheme with the Big Three:
Ron is Hufflepuff plus hero
Hermione is Ravenclaw plus hero
Harry is Slytherin plus hero.
Thus, they’re all in Gryffindor.
Yeah, Rowling, we see where your sympathies lie.
You know, to be more on point, Snape decided that hanging out with his
naziDeath Eater buddies was more important than his friendship with Lily, and in fact likely if he hadn’t hung around them so much, he wouldn’t have called her a mudblood the day their friendship ended. Forever. He tries to apologize to her in private while not in front of hiswhite supremacistDeath Eater friends since they know Lily isn’t a pure blood, but, you know, Lily isn’t into assholes who call herracial slursmudblood.Only thing is that Snape is trying to atone for it and now associates with Death Eaters to be a mole for Dumbledore because while he may be a complete fucking assholes 97% of the time, he’s trying to do good, trying to make the world better, perhaps motivated by selfish means through his regret and love of Lily but still.
EDIT: IDK what point I’m trying to make, someone do it better.
Don’t be mean to Squibs.
Uh, what house war.
I thought Neville was the Hufflepuff plus hero? Ron is just…Ron, honestly.
Guys, guys, guys! Let’s all just agree that Star Wars Episode V is the best one, okay?
WHO DARES BESMIRCH THE GOOD NAME OF HELGA HUFFLEPUFF WITH THIS BULLSHITTERY?
Helga Hufflepuff was a wonderful witch who believed that everyone, regardless of their blood, courage, cunning, or intelligence, deserved an education. She treated all her students the very same, and believed in and nurtured every one of their talents, even if they weren’t the most favored in the eyes of the world.
These assholes think they, and only they, deserve the world on a silver platter balanced on the backs of everyone they hate.
Hufflepuffs aren’t afraid of hard work, or getting their hands dirty, which is the exact opposite of these shitspittles.
Hufflepuffs are also extremely loyal, and will stick with one another no matter what. The alt-right would eat each other alive over whether the earth is flat.
In other words: No, these assholes are NOT Hufflepuffs, and I’m really tired of hearing my damn house being used as a catch-all for the worst the world has to offer, or as a synonym for “stupid, cowardly, and unmotivated”. Stop that shit.
Another thing we need to stop doing: assuming that everyone in Slytherin is a bad person. Not everyone in Slytherin is a bad person. Cunning and ambition do not a bad person make. Just because every bad person was supposedly a Slytherin, it doesn’t mean every Slytherin is a bad person. That’s some bullshit stereotyping there.
I mean, shit, Jackie’s a Slytherin. And Jackie’s not a bad person.
It’s just that the books revolve around Harry, and we see things through Harry’s perspective. So, Hufflepuff (and on occasion Ravenclaw) doesn’t exist, and Slytherins are all bad people from his perspective. It doesn’t mean that’s how it is.
With that off my chest:
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4gjg4P1nl1rn95k2o1_500.gif
Oh, I meant the “put Heartsie in Slytherin, we’re no longer friends” thing as sarcastic. I apologize for not coming off jokingly enough. Probably should have made it clearer since, well, people…people have been known to end friendships over stupid fandom stuff. My bad.
Oh, yes, definitely not a bad person.
This is slightly addictive.
http://i.imgur.com/ZgZeG6F.png
Oh dear.
I’ve read all the books and seen all the films (original canon – not yet got to FBAWTFT, but only read the script for HPATCC) and I have to say there are things I find problematic in the Potterverse, but the alleged cucking of Snape wasn’t amongst them.
When I saw David’s title, my immediate thought was “Oh God, what are they saying Hermione has done now?”. So I’m slightly relieved it’s even more obscure than that. He does know Lily is a Muggle?
Loving a person and so looking after those they hold dear, no matter how you dislike them, is a virtue everywhere but alt-rightland, it seems.
[80’s business man voice]: My only regret… is that I have… oneitis.
@MrsObedMarsh
I completely agree regarding Mortal Instruments. I was just about OK with the books. But the film was dire. And the tv series – unless I’ve muddled it up with another franchise, which is easy to do – was even worse (I think it was called Shadow Hunters).
I’m sticking with Patricia Briggs.
@Nicki
Top notch reference!
“Dislikes diahrrea meds.”
ROTFLMFAO
Fartise is one bitter, lonely, dull, shitty, shitty man. The rest of the world are munching on sour grapes of family, friendship, love, affection, compassion, companionship and joy that he will never know. I doubt his rants give him much comfort, but he keeps trying. What else is he going to do? Become remotely bearable? That’s too much work.
He’s no Hufflepuff. Bite your tongue. He’d have to be loyal and hard working. He’s definitely a muggle devoid of any redeeming qualities or interesting attributes. Even the Dursleys wouldn’t sit with him.
Come on, we all know the house Heartiste really belongs in…
an empty one