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Harry Potter pushes “willing cuckoldry as a moral imperative,” weirdo Nazoid pickup artist explains

Snape, what a beta!

The (alleged) pickup artist who calls himself “Heartiste” is a lot of things — a misogynist, a homophobe, a racist, a bizarrely overwrought prose stylist, to name just a few of his more charming features. But one thing I never would have pegged him for? A Harry Potter fan.

Or if not necessarily a fan, per se, at least someone familiar with the basic plot of the Harry Potter series. But that he is.

In a blog post today (archived here) about the alleged omnipresence of cuckoldry in “popular (read: single White female and gay homosexual) culture,” Heartiste (real name James Weidmann) drops this bit of Harry Potter knowledge:

Harry Potter was perhaps the first major shitlib touchstone to vault willing cuckoldry into the wider culture as some kind of moral imperative; it was beta orbiter Snape, a man with the worst case of oneitis imaginable because he was in love with a dead woman who when alive wanted nothing to do with him, who vowed to look after Harry, (the child of his oneitis by another man Snape hated), out of a misplaced sense of loyalty and maybe hope for an afterlife consummation.

Literally “alpha fux and beta bux” from beyond the grave. What independent, empowered modern woman wouldn’t love that?

Well, the ladies do love them some Harry Potter, I’ll give Heartiste that, but I’m not sure “cuckoldry”has much to do with it.

It’s not that surprising that Heartiste looks at Snape and sees a cuck, because pretty much everywhere he looks he sees cucks. Indeed, the basic thesis of his post today can be pretty much summed up as “cuck, cuck, everywhere a cuck, blockin’ out the scenery, makin’ me cluck.”

As Heartiste sees it, “popular (read: single White female and gay homosexual) culture” is awash in cuckoldry because the ladies can’t get enough of this rampant glorification of “alpha fux and beta bux”– that is, the allegedly widespread female human mating strategy of having sex and making babies with hot, arrogant alpha dudes and then, when the alphas stop answering their texts, conning wimpy beta workadaddies to marry them up and pay the expenses of the bouncing baby alpha spawn.

As a result, Heartiste alleges, television today has become

a feminist wish fulfillment wasteland … There are shows that have blatantly pro-cuck plot lines in which a pregnant slut or single slut mommy has beta phagg suitors lining up to swear their loyalty to the bastard spawn, while the alpha cads that knocked these hos up are either nowhere found onscreen or they come and go continuing to service the sprog-saddled skanks with the least investment possible.

Hmm. The last TV show I binge-watched involved a guy with telekinetic powers trying, with the help of a mutant super-team, to fight off a secret government army while simultaneously defending his brain (and the world) from a devious mind parasite that sometimes takes the form of Aubrey Plaza. But maybe Heartiste has different TV tastes than I do.

So why do women “cheer Cuck Nation,” Heartiste asks, then quickly manswers his own question:

They know that good men, on a gut level that is impossible to sway with sophistic shaming appeals to the contrary, don’t want to raise the bastards of other men. No man wants to be duped into 18 years of servitude to a child that’s not his own. For the few men who walk into cuckoldry with eyes wide open, they never shake the resentment that ceaselessly thrums from knowing they willingly chose to be cuckolds for the chance at regular sex with a single mom.

Women cheer because the fantasy of the willing cuckold saving women from their big mistakes is a repudiation of the intractable laws of Biomechanics .. TV tells them, hey ladies, you can have that happiness without those cumbersome rules. Magic is real!

Men have their own version of this fantasy, Heartiste argues, in the form of

the trope of the nebbishy omega male with a hot blonde shiksa, or nerds exacting revenge on their jock tormentors. Rarely happens outside TVland, unless you count supreme gentleman Eliot Rodger.

Like the murderous Rodger, Heartiste has convinced himself that none of us ever escape the primal high school rivalry between jocks and nerds. And nothing (outside of “race mixing”) seems to evoke so much primal terror in him as the thought of men marrying single moms and (gasp!) caring for children that contain some other man’s DNA. This sort of “voluntary cucking,” he declares,

is in a way more loathsome than unwilling cuckoldry, because it’s harder to fathom the depth of depravity to which a man must have sunk if bartering his cuckoldry seems to him like the only way he can buy sex and love, and with damaged goods no less.

I can only wonder what Heartiste made of The Brady Bunch, that classic TV ode to the blended family. Were Mike and Carol Brady each simultaneously cucking the other?

But I digress. Let’s return to Heartiste, who is currently working himself into a frothy fit:

We can say then that Cuck Nation is nothing less than the total surrender of masculinity and any male prerogatives to runaway androgyny and sexual polarity-inverting feminism. It’s the metaphorical equivalent of lopping off a nation’s balls and importing a few foreign stud horses to do all the seeding. And the saddest facet of this DNA-denying degeneracy is that there are more than a few self-flagellating manginas who lap this shit up and hi-five bitterbitches under the false impression that this will earn them a pity handjob.

What the hell is going on in the heads of guys who think like Heartiste? Seriously, outside of literal cuckold fetishists, no one thinks about cuckolding more, and more obsessively, than alt-righters like him. And to what end? At least the cuckold fetishists are enjoying themselves.

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dslucia
dslucia
3 years ago

I can’t imagine an Alt-Right critic getting beyond the very first line of Pride and Prejudice, TBH.

I think they’d misread it and then go into a spiral of contradictions as soon as they realized that the novel wasn’t actually saying that rich men deserve everything.

RE: Harry Potter

I’m not sure it’s really fair to sully any of the Houses by associating them with the alt-right. They’re not courageous enough for Gryffindor, they’re not wise enough for Ravenclaw, they’re not loyal or caring enough for Hufflepuff, they’re not clever or cunning enough for Slytherin; I doubt even Durmstrang would take them. I think they’d make even the Dursleys blush.

Nanny Ogg's Bosom (formerly LostInLindsey)
Nanny Ogg's Bosom (formerly LostInLindsey)
3 years ago

None of this makes any sense. Is Fartiste just throwing syllables together hoping coherent sentences form?

Gert
3 years ago
Shadowplay
Shadowplay
3 years ago

@Lea

“Even the Dursleys wouldn’t sit with him.”

Don’t hassle the Dursleys. How would you behave after 11+ years of daily exposure to a horcrux?

Handsome :Punkle Stan: Jack

@Shadowplay

The Dursley’s were terrible before Harry, and Vernon was still a fuckhead during the last book. Besides, what about everyone Harry was around during his school days? They seemed unaffected.

There’s also the fact that Harry is the only living horcrux and it affected him differently from objects. He had the smallest soul chunk PLUS he had a will and crap to fight against Voldemort, unlike inanimate objects.

Sseba
3 years ago

I can’t imagine an Alt-Right critic getting beyond the very first line of Pride and Prejudice, TBH.

There certainly is enough in that first sentence to enrage them:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

“Says who? What kind of beta cuck wrote this shit… Oh, JANE Austen? A Female? Probaby a bitter fat cunt in search of a rich alpha! This is the proof that the patriarchy has never existed: a few centurys ago men where considered the PROPERTY of FEMALES!!! Literature is MISANDRY!!! Cuuuckcuckcuckcuck!!”

zesty
zesty
3 years ago

This kind of thing is not new. I already saw a totally serious post on an unrelated site a few years ago saying that Snape was Too Nice and didn’t get Lily because (wait for it) girls like assholes. And from even further back, I remember lots of angry posts about how Ginny wasn’t good enough for Harry because she kissed two boys before him.

Ray of Rays
Ray of Rays
3 years ago

@ Handsome :Punkle Stan: Jack

Listen, all I’m saying in is that the threshold for getting expelled at Hogwarts is really weird and Hagrid got the short end of the stick.

Oh, then I agree with that. Not sure Hagrid’s the best example, since he wasn’t a commentary on school policy so much as on blatant scapegoating, but again, nitpicking.

No, he taught them, he just required that the students get an O in the O.W.L.s to take it and mostly Slytherins got in. I think it’s just Snape was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in Harry’s 6th year, which is when Harry took Slughorn’s advanced potions class. (He was much more laxed about O.W.L. scores.)

Oh, I thought you were talking about him teaching the Half-Blood Prince’s recipes. He didn’t teach those to others.

I always kind of assumed Snape required such high O.W.L. scores because he was a deliberately unpleasable jerkass. Of course, I think McGonagall required similar grades…

Wow, I never thought about it before, but what’s HP Wizarding adult education like? There doesn’t seem to be any class makeup available at Hogwarts, so not meeting the teachers’ arbitrary requirements for the advanced classes can lock you out of the N.E.W.T.s.

Brony, Social Justice Cenobite

That’s a summation of my point Gert, the preceeding was support and you appear to have ignored it. Avoiding ablism gives a person a more accurate view of human behavior. I strategically benefit if you understand and if you don’t so do what you will.

In a public context when people reference mental illness in arguments or opinions I tend to look for non-literal use because such a use is literally not reality. Not a representation of what they are actually bothered by, and therefore it’s reasonable to demand the real thing. If such people can’t describe what they are bothered by that is a vulnerability*.

They literally can’t convey what they are bothered by. A good example on the intense end would be the people who needed for mental illness to be a relavent factor in Elliot Rodger’s Isla Vista misogynistic killings. On the less intense end we have people saying “OCD” instead of peeve, comparing political views to schizophrenia, referencing “autism” when they are name-calling something social they don’t like. All share the quality of conveying a feeling and not the patterns that made them choose to appeal to the illness.

If a person decides to stop relying on these things in social expressions they will be forced to rely on the actual things they are bothered by. In the long run that is a strength because it forces you to be able to be explicit and effective when invoking feelings like disgust and anger at bigoted beliefs, ways of thinking, actions and communications.

*Most people concerned about ablism rightly focus on the fact that it’s nice to avoid bigotry against people with different mental ability. Since I have predatory instincts I also like to look at how bigotry damages a person’s ability to interact with people and describe what they are upset by.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
3 years ago

@Hairt’s back. Cos why the fuck not

Robustly post-modern, post-Brexit, post-BS, Trump-era, alt-left, anti-Imperialist, anti-Neoliberalist, anti-Zionist, pro-peeps worldwide. Fierce irreverance from an Old Leftist and all the Fake News that’s not fit to print. No Zionist wankers, no alt-right and no snowflakes, please!

Lotta words for ‘twitter egg: the blog’

@Joe B
Willie Mays cat is best cat 😀

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Wait. Gert came back to beg us to visit his blog?

comment image

Handsome :Punkle Stan: Jack

Wow, I never thought about it before, but what’s HP Wizarding adult education like? There doesn’t seem to be any class makeup available at Hogwarts, so not meeting the teachers’ arbitrary requirements for the advanced classes can lock you out of the N.E.W.T.s.

They don’t seem to have any sort of college. It’s just several years of wizarding school until you’re “of age” at 17.Then you go get a job right out of school pretty much and shit. There’s books for stuff you can buy or maybe classes provided by bookstores and stuff but other than that it doesn’t seem there’s not much adult education out there or anything.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Or you go on to Brakebills (from The Magicians) and learn to drink, have sex and swear a whole lot.

PeeVee the (Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago

Fuck off, Gert.

Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

@Gert
A lame posting shill,
not worth the code your blog site
is written upon.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

Gert, I’m not sure you can have “no alt-right” AND “no snowflakes”. You’re either alt-right or snowflake. Keep up with the times, you fucking asshat. :p

EDIT: Wait, I just realized that would mean nobody reads your blog. Which seems to be true.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
3 years ago

@Mr Al

Fuck’s sake. You’ve been trolling us for what, six bloody years now? You’re past your prime, you’ve hit the wall, you’ve aged like milk – shoo.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

you’ve aged like milk

And not the lactose free kind, I might add!

Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

@Imaginary Petal
There’s lactose free milk?

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

@Ooglyboggles

Yes! Well, from what I can understand it’s not truly free of lactose, but it’s been chemically engineered so that lactose intolerant people can drink it without problem. It’s marketed as lactose free here, and in the US too, to the best of my knowledge. To me it tastes exactly like regular milk, but it has a longer shelflife.

Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

@Imaginary Petal
http://24.media.tumblr.com/dbad5b433972a09df3f7924dea0644e4/tumblr_mofz5daEPJ1qixfalo1_500.gif
Where has this been all my life? Before I had to settle with either having the cramps or tasting bland soy as my options.

PeeVee the (Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago

Ooglyboggles, Lactaid is my go-to brand.

https://www.lactaid.com/products

(I feel your pain. Literally in the same manner.)

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

@Oogly

You can deffo get other dairy products in lactose free versions as well. Now that I have saved your life, I will let you know when I want you to do something for me in return. 🙂

Handsome :Punkle Stan: Jack

…I like soy…

dslucia
dslucia
3 years ago

I never enjoyed soy milk, but I started having almond milk about a year and a half ago, really liked it, and now regular milk is just too sour for me.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
3 years ago

There should be a furry sorta-kinda-like top hat of the style PUA ‘Mystery’ wore that decides which house a PUA is sent to for learning the PUA ways.

The houses would be:
House of Delusionals
House of Dumb Assholes
House of LITERALLY WTF’s
House of Do not pass, go directly to JAIL

EJ (Marxist Jazz Weasel)

I’m with dsluci. Almond milk is delicious. It’s also sweet enough that you don’t need to put sugar in anything that it’s in.

Neurite
Neurite
3 years ago

@Imaginary Petal/@Ooglyboogles:

Lactose-free milk is, indeed, truly free of lactose (or at least nearly completely so). That’s because it’s treated with lactase (the enzyme that lactose-intolerant people lack), which breaks down the lactose.

Lactose is a disaccharide, i.e. a sugar made out of two “building blocks”. In order to digest lactose, an enzyme called lactase is needed; it breaks down lactose into its two building blocks, glucose and galactose (both simple sugars or monosaccharides).

Lactose intolerant people don’t produce lactase, so they can’t break down lactose. They can digest glucose and galactose just fine, though! So to make lactose-free milk, a little bit of lactase is simply added to the milk, so it can break down the lactose. (So yeah, in a way, the milk is “pre-digested” for that one step, which may sound icky, but it’s not like it was done inside a stomach or anything.) I guess because even enzyme-catalyzed reactions don’t 100% go to completion, there may be a minuscule residual bit of lactose left, but it should be negligible.

I personally find that, due to containing glucose and galactose instead of lactose, lactose-free milk taste ever-so-slightly sweeter than the regular stuff, but it’s super subtle. My Beloved is lactose-intolerant, and I’ve started just buying the lactose-free stuff for both of us bc I don’t miss the regular.

Oh, and they make lactose-free ice cream, cottage cheese, egg nog, etc. also!

Neurite
Neurite
3 years ago

Also, if you don’t like soy (or need to avoid it for other reasons), there’s now a TON of non-dairy milk options (though not all may be available depending on where you are). Kidlet has a milk protein sensitivity, so not even lactose-free milk will work (our family just has… issues with milk), and the pediatrician wants to not rely too much on soy bc of phytoestrogen concerns, so we’ve become pretty versed in other milk alternatives.

Almond milk has been mentioned before, but there’s now also cashew milk, hemp milk, coconut milk (not the sweet canned stuff, actual milk-like beverage made from coconuts), rice milk… I’ve seen hazelnut milk lately, even! Also blends of several of the above, plus some that add pea protein to make up for the fact that many non-soy milk alternatives have less protein than dairy milk.

Sorry to ramble on about milk. I would just hate to have Oogly feel stuck with cramps or soy!

Ellesar
Ellesar
3 years ago

Well of course a idiot like Heartiste would believe that Snape is a ‘cuck’. He would hardly want to accept that Lily went off him because he went over to the Death Eaters, the magic world’s equivalent of neo Nazism.

I see Snape’s devotion as beautiful and moving, as well as sad and creepy. He redeems himself by renouncing the Darkside and ultimately giving his life.

Pie
Pie
3 years ago

I was on almond milk for a while (in the hopes that replacing the dairy in my diet might help with my eczema; it didn’t) and decided I liked it more than cow juice (and much more than soy milk). Problem is, a fair amount of almonds for almond milk are grown in california are are extremely ecologicall unsound as a result. I ended up back on the cow juice.

Lots of other alternatives though. I thought hemp milk was a bit watery and disappointing, rice milk was a bit sweet, hazelnut milk was nice but was more like a milkshake than milk. Oat milk is ok though, and the source crop a wee bit more ecological and easier to produce than nuts.

Jimbtho
Jimbtho
3 years ago

Maybe where I live is an anomaly, but Heartiste seems not to have met many, you know, actual people. I can think of four women who have been single mums and have then met a guy willing to raise ‘another man’s bastard’ (charming). All these guys have then had their own kid or kids with the former-single-mums. Two of these guys are tough, working class builders, and one is a cop – I’d love to see Heartiste walk up and call any one of them a ‘cuck’. So much for his claim that ‘real’ or ‘good’ men don’t knowingly raise other men’s children.

Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

@Neurite
All this variety of milk substitutes that I didn’t even know existed.

Neurite
Neurite
3 years ago

@Pie:
Ooooh, I haven’t tried oat milk yet, gonna have to look into that! Any idea about the ecological soundness or lack thereof of the cashew/coconut blends? I like those as much as almond milk, so if they’re less water-unwise or otherwise problematic, that’d be lovely.

@Ooglyboogles:
YAY!! 🙂

Kevin
Kevin
3 years ago

Re HP adult/higher education: From context I get the impression that more advanced courses in the Potterverse are vocational, and taught ‘on the job.’ Some experts (Newt Scamander for example) appear to be self – taught, and/or pioneers in their field.

TheKND
TheKND
3 years ago

Do those people realize that Snape is not a character that the audience should emulate? For goodness sake! Snape is an obsessed creeper. He is the object of pity and sympathy, not a role model! The author knows that, the audience knows it, god damn it, even when those dolts actually read books, they don’t get it.

And speaking as someone from a patchwork family, I can say that I have more emotional connection to my step-father than to the guy who gave me my slight overbite with his genes, thank you very much.