I will say one thing about Return of Kings writer André du Pôle: He doesn’t let his lack of understanding of what words mean get in the way of telling us how he really feels.
In a post titled “6 Leftist Concepts That Pretend To Be Positive But Are Not,” du Pôle attempts to show that many ideas popular on the left — like equality, social justice, and progress, to name just three — are actually super evil and bad. The post is a barely coherent rant full of weird non-sequiturs, so it’s hardly worth arguing with.
Instead, let me present you with the 4 Most Gloriously Incoherent Statements From “6 Leftist Concepts That Pretend To Be Positive But Are Not.”
Let’s start with perhaps the best sentence ever to appear in Return of Kings:
Citizenship today is a mean [sic] to virtue-signal when you are an urban elf.
At no point does he explain what an urban elf is or what elves, urban or rural, have to do with citizenship. Urban Dictionary has a definition for Urban Elf that is less than helpful.
Let’s move on:
In this sense, “social justice” is deeply divisive, defamatory, aggressive, and amounts to a Moloch that eats families, nationhood, and most men.
Run! It’s a family, nationhood, and most men-eating Moloch!
In case you’re wondering if this makes more sense in context, not really! The preceding sentences don’t provide a “sense” in which social justice is a hungry, hungry Moloch.
Du Pôle follows this with his own definition of “justice,” which as far as I can tell is some sort of white-male supremacist thing he’s cooked up in his brain.
Methinks true justice should acknowledge the fact that we are the sons of the Western civilizations, its human substance and legitimate heirs, and that we have a prime right over it. We should have jobs, freedom of speech, protection over violent crowds, a right to fair judgment instead of getting screwed over by HR, “minority” impunity and pussy pass, a right to chances to thick relationships with at least some women instead of clowning our ways through hypergamy…
In case you’re wondering, that bit at the end isn’t an ellipsis. It’s a period so nice he typed it thrice.
Some manipulated the proclivity to empathy to pretend they were “oppressed” and thus entitled to sympathy when they were actually hateful, anti-middle-class Marxist or deviant family-hating lesbians.
I think he means “some leftists” here, though earlier in the paragraph the subject is not leftists but “libertines.”
It’s also charming how he expresses his bigotry towards lesbians in a sentence that explicitly denies that lesbians have any discrimination to worry about.
Is it possible I’m being a little unfair to Mr. du Pôle? I mean, he’s got a French-sounding name, and it seems pretty clear that English is not his first language — though that wouldn’t explain why his editor at Return of Kings, who presumably does know English, didn’t bother to actually edit du Pôle’s words into something that more closely resembles normal English.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m literally the only person who reads Return of Kings posts all the way through.
While you’re probably not the only person to read RotK posts all the way through, you are likely the only one has more than two brain cells to rub together. As well as a better grasp of basic language skills across all the languages spoken on the planet. I have no doubt you could assemble a more coherent sentence in the native language of the Australian aborigines than the native English speaking members of RotK can in their mother tongue.
I prefer to think of myself more as an urban hobbit.
Okay, I’m going to attempt some translations from Nonsense to English here. Bear with me:
Translation: “Look at me! I am virtue-signalling by signalling that my virtue is AGAINST virtue-signalling!”
“I have no idea what actual social justice is, but I know I don’t like it because it robs me of my delusion that I am the lord of all I survey!”
“Look at me! Look at me!! LOOK AT ME!!!…What do you mean I have to be smart, work hard, watch my language, treat others with respect, and not be a complete fucking shithead to women? Give me a female SLAVE, DAMMIT!”
“Look at me some more, dammit, I’m not done babbling yet! What do you mean you don’t want me? Are you gay or something? All women are interchangeable, and all men should be too!”
Phewf. That was…NOT PLEASANT. Being inside their heads is so gross. Monotonous…and gross.
My favorite Moloch is probably the one from “The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear”.
http://de.zamonien.wikia.com/wiki/Datei:Wallpaper_moloch_1920x1200.jpg
Hopefully the link will work this time.
https://goo.gl/images/By2SRi
“Manipulated the proclicity to empathy” someone could use that in a alt-right nazi thrash metal song. Just those three words–Over and over.
And I’m sick of “methinks” from bozos. Cringeworthy–not that all of it isn’t cringeworthy. I just hate Shakespeare abuse from bozos as well.
Ew and “Pussypass”? No.. just..no
Lordy. They think they can’t get laid because [argle bargle nonsense], but the real reason is that they are so. Damn. Tedious. Do they think women will be tempted to have sex with them just to shut them up? Has a man ever successfully bored a woman into bed?
Isn’t that shitstain technically french ?
For once for a frenchman, it’s not really his mastery of the english language the problem. What he say make no sense in any language. He could as well write it in desesperanto, the language that nobody can understand.
“a right to chances to thick relationships with at least some women”
What’s a thick relationship? I’m completely at a loss here.
Urban Elf
Kinda badass actually.
(thank you Shadowrun)
Speculating here, I have the feeling this guy took the book Starship troopers the wrong way.
in as far as I can tell in his incoherent rambling, he seems to want to be part of a ruling elite like Heinlin’s soldier-citizens.
Although to be honest I doubt this guy could handle a fight with a housefly, let alone anything that doesn’t involve ripping bad sexist tropes from Adolf hitler’s playbook.
I thought it was foxes that had been rummaging through my bins, but now I’m worried that I may have an urban elf infestation. I may have to put down some elf traps.
(I’m going to take a guess that “urban elf” is an anti-semitic slur. The only Google that I could find for it was this piece, which I think is comedy.)
@Ohlmann
Heh! That’s brilliant. I guess the English version would be “desperanto”. Perfect description of their rambly ramblings.
I feel a song coming on…
Desperanto
Why don’t you come to your senses
Your prose it so dense is
That lead floats on top
(ugh, sorry, I couldn’t make “osmium” scan)
Is it possible for someone to use the word “methinks” without being instantly slappable?
@ Buttercup
It was originally called ptene (before it was realised it contained two elements). Does that work better?
@ tabby
I sometimes used ‘perchance’ unironically and I’m eminently slappable.
Me too. I would like to be a more rural hobbit, but no car + no driver’s license makes that imposible. (If I had a car I could at least pay someone to drive me.)
@Ohlmann:
Thou sayest. Yea verily.
I wanted to post a Thor pic to that. But maybe Sigurd fits better:
@ Bina
Yaaayyyyyy, Verily!!!!
@ malitia
Cat-Thor!
@Alan – Does “ptene” rhyme with “weenie”? If so, I think I can use it.
@WWTH
I move around from place to place every day and sometimes find myself in weird situations. I think I might be an urban elf on the shelf.
@Alan
@ Buttercup
I don’t know. It’s all Greek to me!
*Badoom-tish*
@ malitia
Yey!
And that is totally in continuity (it was referenced by other titles):
(Also featuring: The most controversial “beard” in Marvel comics)