In the midst of all the excitement yesterday, I kind of forgot to do any Valentine’s Day posts. So I’m going to make up for that with a POST-VALENTINE’S DAY 50% OFF SALE ON BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY POSTS.
First up, everyone’s favorite Naziesque pickup artist, the adult human man who actually calls himself Heartiste. Mr. H thinks it’s hilarious that some random single lady on Craigslist posted an ad in hopes of finding a date for Valentine’s Day.
After quoting her fairly innocuous message seeking a fella to “meet for coffee and just talk about life and things,” Heartiste lays into Valentine’s day itself, lamenting that the once-special day has allegedly changed from a celebration of “couples [rejoicing] in their love” into a holiday that
has had to bend to the new reality of pump and dumps, flings, the extended cock carousel ride, delayed marriage, and late in life marriage.
Then he unleashes this sentence, a doozy even by his standards.
So V Day has morphed into a convenient, plausibly deniable excuse for these future cat ladies to crassly advertise themselves in the hope they’ll get banged out by cads or showered with sexless sympathy feelz by gullible white knight betas all too willing to drop a bennie on expensive cocktails so that they can trudge homeward with full aching balls after doing their last ditch V-date duty and cheering up a studio apartment slut who’s experiencing a bout of regret and timetable disorientation in between cock hops.
Here’s a fun game: Try reading it out loud in one breath, and see how far you get!
I only made it up to “showered.”
Now I’m remembering reading about a $50 dollar martini 15 years ago. It real flecks of gold in it.
Guess who owned the restaurant that served it?
Wait for it…
That’s right folks, it was a Trump owned restaurant!
Maybe we should blame the evils of dropping bennies on cocktails on Trump?
We stayed home and marathoned The Americans, and had dinner with ridiculous amounts of mozzarella. You really don’t wanna get on the cock carousel after that much cheese.
I diagrammed that sentence just for fun, but in an unsurprising twist the result was simply a swastika.
Dropping $100-200 on drinks and dinner for two is pretty easy — there’s plenty of places to drop hundreds on dinner. *Affording* that splurge is rather harder.
If you do that without the intention of actually appreciating the drinks, food, and company, that’s really not your date’s problem.
I played with my dogs.
OT:
Does anyone have any idea what to look for in a dentist or whatever? I need a wisdom tooth taken care of and the last dentist I went to not only did a shit job with my fillings but shut down not even two weeks after I went to see them.
I spent way, way, way too much time on this.
@Jack
I get anxiety at the dentist so I go with an office that does sedation. You can call 1-800-dentist and they have questions they’ll ask to find one that works for you, too.
@Anne Lewis, Jib Creatr
<3 <3 <3 !!!!! Very impressive 😀
@Anne Lewis, Jib Creatr,
tee hee :3
@kupo
I forgot about 1-800-Dentist. Hopefully they can help because it seems that all the dentists that are ADA certified are miles away. (Like, it seems the nearest one is, like, 60 miles from my house.) And all the nearer by dentist (that aren’t certified) either don’t have websites or their websites concentrate on how “innovative” and “nice” their offices are and none of them have reviews or have names like “Just Wisdom Teeth” and shit like that and it’s just, like, what do I do???
Like, I just want to go to a place that will help me with my teeth, not cost an arm and a leg and not push teeth whitening and shit like that. And hopefully not a place that will close down almost immediately after I go to them. I just want a decent dentist.
@Jack
Picking dentists is the worst. I happened to recently just pick one more or less at random (my one criteria was “can they do sedation?”), and by pure luck they turned out to be great. But it can be a bit of a crap shoot. Perhaps ask around people you know in the area about their experiences? Word of mouth is probably the most reliable way to find something that isn’t terrible.
And yeah, Dentist websites are the worst. Stop trying to sell me on how awesome you think you are, I just want someone who can take care of my mouthbones.
WTF, you can be a dentist without ADA certification?
The main tell I’ve found is whether the dentist explains what she’s seeing (or what he’s seeing). I had a dentist growing up, he was great; I had a couple others as an adult that were crap; now I have one and she’s exactly the same kind of great as my childhood dentist.
Wisdom teeth you often need a dental surgeon, which is different than a dentist. I have no idea how to choose one; my experience with wisdom teeth doctors has been pretty poor. It was fine in the end, just needlessly traumatic in the moment.
@dlouwe
Yeah, I did that once, that’s why my fillings fell out a month after getting them. Kinda don’t wanna take a chance.
@numerobis
Apparently you can be a licensed dentist and not be board certified. Board certification just means you’ve met a certain standard of ADA, not just the standards of the state. Like, it’s tests and stuff beyond the minimum requirements of dentistry. The tippity top of the crop.
However, it’s not just my wisdom tooth. I also have cavities that need their fillings fixed. And I haven’t been to a dentist in 7 years. And only once in my life.
http://i.imgur.com/vYgPmI8.gif
Figure it’s time to go again.
Blue balls is a phallusy (sic), up there with the teenage boys’ ‘getting a hard on and not coming is dangerous and can cause damage to me so you’ve got to finish the job’.
The cock carousel is a fairground ride on which the riders sit on large, wooden, gaudily painted cockerels.
The cock hop is just dancing to The Birdy Song.
Also, I saw a Valentine’s card the other day that could have come from Heartiste himself.
The front was a captioned 1950’s-era photograph of a man in a florist’s shop, and the captions ran;
Man: I’d like some flowers for my date tonight.
Florist: What is it you’re looking for?
Man: Sex.
He’s just afraid men eager for dates will stop following his terrible advice on getting dates if those men realise that sometimes women will ask men out and all they have to do is accept the invitation, not act like a flaming douche bag and then simply enjoy a warm beverage and some company.
I note that women waiting to be asked out = sign that women are awful
And
Women asking men out = sign that women are awful
Its almost like some men are going to hate us regardless of what we do, so we may as well do whatever makes us happiest and not worry about those men’s opinions ever.
@Jack
Another thing to consider is how willing they are to work out a plan with you. My dentist will work out payment plans and treatment plans. So if you have a lot of work to do but not a lot of money you can get the most important items addressed first and wait until next year for the rest, and if you need to pay monthly instead of all up front they’ll work it out with you. I’m not sure if that’s a concern for you, but something to consider.
Also, if you have insurance, chances are they have in-network and out-of-network providers. Out-of-network can be really crap coverage rates.
@kupo
Thanks, dude. I seriously appreciate the info and stuff a lot, although I am unable to exactly express such gratitude.
Here, enjoy this video.
Hello.
It seems that him and Vox Day compete to the worst word salad sentence award.
And as someone (Axe, if i am not wrong) remarked it before, if V Day is replaced by Vox Day, it adds a new reading meaning. Because maybe some would prefer to have cats rather than a Vox Day at home, or sex with anybody who is not an antipathic asshole ; and others would prefer to be tolerant “beta” person than pathetic “alpha” neo-nazi.
Technically, you can have “blue” balls, but certainly not for the reason invoked in the topic sentence. When younger, i had take several handball ballons (at school, goal keepers do not have a protection like professionals have) and an angry boy santiag kick, and thus hematoma (so it also turns yellow and purple balls, for that matter).
Have a nice day.
I love so much that pic of Cat Lord posted by Scildfreja. Thanks for some awesome art.
Valentines Day is older than Hallmark, they had it in the 1900s, maybe earlier, which I admit I only know because of American Girl (the historic doll/book company). but fertilty festivals are old, the idea of celebrating love, sex, romance…. It makes sense to have such a holiday, a holiday for lovers.
What annoys me is that people assume it bothers me to be single when that’s my preference as a (mostly) asexual aromantic person. Im happy for those who are happy and its ok if it hard for people but Im very happy to be single.
& I garantee you the manosphere would complain about that too, especially since on the rare occasion I do date, it’s usually someone they would mock in all sorts of ways because I date feminist Non-Binary people who are proudly unconventional, & cishet men are a hard pass for me.
They dont want what women to be prudes, they just want men to control women. A woman who tells every man No and is abstinant or lesbian isnt gonna be looked at as a good one.
Actually, a coffee shop is a great place for a first date where you haven’t had the chance to meet or talk to someone yet (or someone you have, but are still cautious about)!
– The coffee shop usually asks you to pay before you get your coffee. So if you get there a little early, order your coffee and pastry or whatever, then you don’t have to wait for the bill if things go south. You can just make up an excuse and leave.
– Local coffee shops are usually staffed by pretty friendly people. If you get to know the staff, they could be willing to be a support. i.e. Watching your drink/food if you step away from your table, etc.
– Coffee is usually kinda on the cheap side, and it’s very easy to buy your own coffee so you don’t have to “owe” your date for your drink.
– Since it’s more of a morning thing, you don’t have to worry as much about someone possibly drugging your drinks. No one is going to accept “Nah, she’s just drunk, that’s all!” at 11AM in a coffee shop as a dude is attempting to drag your unconscious body out the door.
– Coffee shops are usually much more comfortable and quiet than your average bar. Big comfy chairs, soothing music, and they have wifi and such if you need to do work while you wait for your date.
So yeah, there’s lots of good reasons to choose a coffee shop for your first date if you’re a feeeemale.
Sentences are not mini-vans, Hearti-kins.
Dude, that’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works. Have you tried just not being a dickhead yet?
Paradoxy – Sorry, my question was actually more about whether female-identifying people state in online ads that they are looking for sex. I’ve never read dating ads online and only ever skimmed them (lo, these many years ago) in the newspaper.
I gave up looking at the “personal ads” because roughly 75% of them stipulated “petite” or similar as a requirement and I haven’t been petite since being born slightly underweight! I figured dating ads online were probably similar and never bothered with them.
Also, I didn’t mean that you specifically had to answer. I just like to acknowledge whose quote I’m responding to. Actually, no one has to respond, it doesn’t hurt my feelings; although I do get all warm and fuzzy when people do, so thanks!
Finally, I know you’re really busy, but any chance of any more game play videos?