Pickup artist blows the lid off of Valentine’s day with really, really long sentence

You need to work on your circular breathing. Also swimming I gather is good for improving your lung capacity.

If she’s such a slut, why is he trudging home with full balls?

I don’t mind the ostensible slur as much as the inconsistency of his world view.

Prouder than ever to be a studio-apartment cat-lady slut if it gets these guys so enraged.

What is timetable disorientation?

full aching balls

He may want to see a doctor about that.

Questions:

1) why do those Pua fantasize so often about “cock carousels”?
2) what’s wrong with cat ladies?
3) are there really no cat lords in this world? (I can’t believe it)

I took advantage of the comma between “convenient” and “plausibly”. Does that constitute cheating?

delayed marriage, and late in life marriage.

Aren’t those the same thing?

What is timetable disorientation

I’m guessing that’s what used to be called (and still is in most places) biological clock, wherein a “girl” gets to be all hot and bothered if she reaches the age of 23 or so without having managed to reproduce. Because women are, by nature, baby machines, and these women are violating nature by not having babies, so it will come in an torture them. Serves them right for being unwilling to date (and bang) those PUAs that have been sniffing and panting around them.

Edited to add:

By the way, the above isn’t my own thoughts; I am just trying to get into their heads. (Ugh – need shower)

If she’s such a slut, why is he trudging home with full balls?

Because “slut” means “has sex with someone other than me.”

*sigh* “full aching balls” The good old blue balls hoax is back. Actual soreness is much less likely than “I’m making this up because I want you to think it’s an actual problem and have sex”.

I have so many thoughts about this article

The most important one is how gosh darn adorable those 1950’s chibi postcards can be. Just cute!

Then, like, really? Valentines’ Day was never about the celebration of pure, innocent love. I mean, sure, when you were in kindergarten and stuff, but the actual holiday is a crass commercial ploy to force people to go to restaurants and movies. It’s a ridiculous guilt trip from Corporate America to you.

Then, I mean, what Iseult said, really. The inconsistency is breathtaking. So, the white knight spengler beta mangina cuck (I can never keep up with their terms) is showering sluts with sexless attention, and then sad because he isn’t getting any sex? Uh, duh, dude, if you aren’t giving signals that you want sex, maybe that’s the reason you aren’t getting sex? I mean, heaven forfend that the Trampy McFucksalot might consider a night of “sexless attention” an indication that someone is actually, I dunno, interested in being her friend?

I realize that friendship is an alien concept to you, Mr. Heartiste, but I can tell you on good authority that when two people – regardless of relative genders and sexual orientations – spend an evening chatting with one another, there’s a good chance that they may both consider it a positive experience! ‘Cause – guess what – not every fuckin’ dude is interested in nothing but sex! ‘Cause women are human beings that are worthy of friendship! You goose-stepping howler monkey!

Whew! That was fun. Man, what a clown.

Valentines’ Day was never about the celebration of pure, innocent love. I mean, sure, when you were in kindergarten and stuff, but the actual holiday is a crass commercial ploy to force people to go to restaurants and movies. It’s a ridiculous guilt trip from Corporate America to you.

Both my partner and I agree completely. We prefer to ignore Valentines’ Day.

@PoM: I think “timetable disorientation” is what this howling hunk of manhood is warning about (CW: post contains “harmony with biological and psychological realities” and also praise of Camille Paglia):

Do you hear that soft, slow ticking sound? That’s your biological clock. You’ve probably tried to muffle it with wine and Xanax, fluoxetine, cat fur, and Buzzfeed articles, but everyone else can hear it too, and it’s getting louder…

@Morgaine:
1) Because they’re that sad that everyone else has had more sex than them.
2) Nothing.
3) Plenty, but they escape getting called that because #notallmen.

I present to you…

The Cat Lord

http://i.imgur.com/sZ9Rt.jpg

Let’s get something out of the way: I, as an individual, think that Valentine’s Day is nice. However, I also think that it’s an over-hyped, over commercialized holiday that serves an excuse to do something that you should be doing year-round anyways, which is celebrating the person you love and doing nice things for them.

I fully support the holiday that is February 15th though, which is known as Half-Priced Chocolate Day. Happy Half-Priced Chocolate day, everyone!

Now that that’s been said, let’s get to business:

So V Day has morphed into a convenient, plausibly deniable excuse for these future cat ladies to crassly advertise themselves in the hope they’ll get banged out by cads

TIL that asking to meet a dude for coffee and a chat (her words) is apparently “crassly advertising [yourself] in the hope [you’ll] get banged out by cads”.

It never ceases to amaze me how people like Weidmann will attempt to make money off of a woman’s “sluttiness” and willingness to fuck, and in the same breath deride her and demean her for it.

And then turn around and insist that all those men she’s fucking are the “bad” men. Obviously. They’re the Nice Guys™, don’t’cha know?

Not only that, but they’ll fully project sluttiness onto a woman solely to be an asshole about her. Where did that woman say she was DTF? She said she just wanted coffee and a chat.

Ah, but I forget: Everything a woman does is for sex or (men’s) money, and that’s bad.

So, Weidmann, which is it? Is sluttiness bad because reasons, or is it good because that way your suckers customers get laid?

or showered with sexless sympathy feelz by gullible white knight betas

“Gullible” apparently means that “Lol, that feeemale didn’t want to sex you, you fell for her stupid trap like a stupid beta!”

Nevermind that she explicitly stated in her ad that she just wanted coffee and a chat. Nowhere in her ad did she say she wanted sex.

But, of course, Wiedmann being a PUA, he seems to think that all women want sex. And that’s bad because that makes women slutty-slut-sluts. But good because he can then blame that for anything bad he does to them. But bad because women shouldn’t be slutty-slut-sluts. But good because he can make money off of it. But bad because women shouldn’t want to have sex.

all too willing to drop a bennie on expensive cocktails

She said she wanted coffee.

so that they can trudge homeward with full aching balls

If the pain’s that bad, perhaps you should see a doctor. Or just masturbate. There’s nothing wrong with masturbating.

I don’t see why we need to blame a woman or make a woman feel guilty that a man didn’t get to orgasm. If she didn’t want to fuck him, then that’s something he needs to deal with on his own time.

after doing their last ditch V-date duty and cheering up a studio apartment slut who’s experiencing a bout of regret and timetable disorientation in between cock hops.

TIL: Having a studio apartment makes you a slut.

But, then again, Weidmann thinks everything women do makes them sluts. Breathing around a man and not fucking them makes them a slut. Being nice to a man makes them a slut. Fucking A SINGULAR MAN makes them a slut. Fucking no men makes them a slut. Fucking another woman makes them a slut.

It’s literally impossible to not be a slut to these men, ladies. So, fuck who you want and you just keep doing you. These men will think you’re a slut anyways, and let’s face it, their opinions of you aren’t that important.

@Scild

Catfucius?

@Scildfreja

I thought that was Urist McCatbeard?

extended cock carousel ride

The director’s cut. With 45 minutes of deleted scenes!

V Day

Beale?

future cat ladies to crassly advertise themselves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4zDle1hu7o

banged out by cads

Ruffians and scallawags too, or just cads?

showered with sexless sympathy feelz by gullible white knight betas

Ladies… 😏

full aching balls

K, I’ve been hearing this for like a decade and a half now. This can’t be real, can it? Like, they obviously don’t literally turn blue… Is incel nut pain a serious problem? Is there a cure?

in between cock hops

So, a 1950s dance party where everyone leaves their penes (if they have em) out thru their zipper the whole time. My brain won’t let me read/imagine this any other way

@Morgaine:

3) are there really no cat lords in this world?

I know the answer to this one!
Yes! Yes there are! I know one.

Glad I could help

@PI

However, I also think that it’s an over-hyped, over commercialized holiday that serves an excuse to do something that you should be doing year-round anyways, which is celebrating the person you love and doing nice things for them.

That is essentially our (my partner and I) viewpoint in a nutshell.

I fully support the holiday that is February 15th though, which is known as Half-Priced Chocolate Day. Happy Half-Priced Chocolate day, everyone!

Seconded!

(Sorry for the double post, edit window ran out)

@PI

So, fuck who you want and you just keep doing you.

That’s what toys are for after all 🙂

pump and dumps

http://imgur.com/48iAkMl.jpg

extended cock carousel ride

http://imgur.com/TgEKqXE.jpg

So V Day has morphed into a convenient, plausibly deniable excuse for these future cat ladies to crassly advertise themselves in the hope they’ll get banged out by cads or showered with sexless sympathy feelz by gullible white knight betas all too willing to drop a bennie on expensive cocktails so that they can trudge homeward with full aching balls after doing their last ditch V-date duty and cheering up a studio apartment slut who’s experiencing a bout of regret and timetable disorientation in between cock hops.

http://imgur.com/Ns5ew24.jpg

Honestly, what doesn’t set this asshole off?

@PI:

I fully support the holiday that is February 15th though, which is known as Half-Priced Chocolate Day. Happy Half-Priced Chocolate day, everyone!

And this was the point in the thread I went to the shop. Apparently my shop doesn’t celebrate this day. I was disappointed. So I bought chocolate and beer.

@SFHC, Troubelle, the search for “cat lord” was surprisingly fruitful. This one isn’t related, but I think David needs to borrow it for an article sometime:

http://68.media.tumblr.com/384964e5e4527a7d4fb88393b697e42d/tumblr_noo3f11bMM1rxxex2o1_500.gif

It never ceases to amaze me how people like Weidmann will attempt to make money off of a woman’s “sluttiness” and willingness to fuck, and in the same breath deride her and demean her for it.

And then turn around and insist that all those men she’s fucking are the “bad” men. Obviously. They’re the Nice Guys™, don’t’cha know?

Ain’t that part just fun? It’s absolutely ridiculous. Women want to fuck, but only want men that hate them – men who are nice to them are to be squeezed for their resources (precious, precious manganese…) Meanwhile, all men want to fuck every woman they meet, but all the nice guys get shot down – so these assholes decide to be assholes. And then they complain about women being too stuck up to have sex with them!

Why, it’s almost as if their perspective on the world is completely wrong, or something!

banged out by cads

Every time one of these jerks decides to use the term “banged out”, I think of a blacksmith sinking and planishing a woman’s vagina, like the world’s worst gynecological exam. These labia were forged in the fires of Mt. Doom!

So, a 1950s dance party where everyone leaves their penes (if they have em) out thru their zipper the whole time. My brain won’t let me read/imagine this any other way

That’s got to be the floppiest sock hop I’ve ever seen.

Wow, I’m in a ridiculous mood today.

These labia were forged in the fires of Mt. Doom!

That would look awesome on a cross stitch.

So, a 1950s dance party where everyone leaves their penes (if they have em) out thru their zipper the whole time. My brain won’t let me read/imagine this any other way

This inspired me to poetry:

Flesh, zip and movement,
Not a good plan in theory,
Reality hurts.

I didn’t say anything about good poetry.

@Scildfreja Unnýðnes Stop making me ‘corpse’ at work! 😀

http://i.imgur.com/NvRvACv.png

@mywall
Come on, baby. Let’s do The Twist *cringe*

How do you spend $100 on cocktails? I go to restaurants that serve $10- $12 martinis from time to time. They’re huge and full of booze. I have a high tolerance and can only drink two of those in a sitting. Even two people should not rack up that big a bill on just drinks.

TIL: Having a studio apartment makes you a slut.

Yeah, that studio apartment leapt out at me, too. I guess having the bed right out there in the middle of everything like anyone uses a bed for anything other than cock hopping. So slutty.

And I’m one of those weird people who doesn’t really care for chocolate or sugary sweets, so Valentine’s Day has always been uncomfortable for me. Why do so many people keep pushing after, ‘no, thanks’?

I’ll take your chocolates, Eli!

In fact, I’m going to Godiva after work to check for sale chocolate. I think that’s probably misandry and slutitude even though I’m paying with my own money. I’ll probably get some for my grandmother too. She just sluttily sits around reading mysteries and breathing from an oxygen tank. Oh, the horrors of February 14th!

How do you spend $100 on cocktails? I go to restaurants that serve $10- $12 martinis from time to time. They’re huge and full of booze. I have a high tolerance and can only drink two of those in a sitting. Even two people should not rack up that big a bill on just drinks.

Didn’t you know, @WWTH? All women only go to the high class poshy-posh New York Fifth Street clüb where a glass of water is $15. No other women exist!

And all men are beta mangina cucks who go there to drop hundos on floozies that won’t put out, the tramps.

Except the hero, of course. he goes to the clüb with his stubbly unshaved face and his tattered jeans and leather jacket, and he sneers at the floozies, and they all fall over themselves for this mysterious stranger.

I’m not sure what happens after that, that’s when I fell asleep in the theatre, because jeeby creeby is this movie bad. Fifty Shades of Bleagh.

I’ll take your chocolates, Eli!

Perfect solution! 🙂

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee | February 15, 2017 at 2:06 pm
How do you spend $100 on cocktails? I go to restaurants that serve $10- $12 martinis from time to time. They’re huge and full of booze. I have a high tolerance and can only drink two of those in a sitting. Even two people should not rack up that big a bill on just drinks.

Maybe our Hero, The Beta Mangina, isn’t spending all this money on ONE woman, but rather is going above and beyond the Call of Katie, and is blowing money on multiple money-sucking vaginas, all in the vain hope that someday, one of them might give him (and his poor, neglected peen) a taste of that butter goo.

…I can’t keep doing this, I’m sorry (not sorry).

@Axe, mywall

That’s what button flies are for, sillies.

I know this ground has already been covered, but…

“gullible white knight betas all too willing to drop a bennie on expensive cocktails so that they can trudge homeward”

(etc., etc.)

1. You do realize this was an advertisement for a date for coffee, right? And you do realize that coffee is not booze? And you do realize that coffee has an effect somewhat opposite to the effect booze has, and that everybody knows it? And you do realize that a date like this would naturally be set in a coffeeshop — and that coffeeshops are among the most asexual environments known to humankind, fast-food restaurants aside? So, you do realize that this is a very tentative move on this woman’s part (and that it was meant to be tentative from the start)? Right?

2. And you do realize that the woman, having been the one who placed the ad, would, in this situation, most likely be the person paying for the coffee, and for any of the incidental snacks? Not so?

Glad I could clear that up…

(I know, I know. I’m still naive, in certain ways. I still expect facts to matter.)

If she’s such a slut, why is he trudging home with full balls?

Right?! It’s like calling someone a drunk because they won’t try your craft beer–I know, imperfect analogy but I hope it serves.

Maybe our Hero, The Beta Mangina, isn’t spending all this money on ONE woman, but rather is going above and beyond the Call of Katie, and is blowing money on multiple money-sucking vaginas, all in the vain hope that someday, one of them might give him (and his poor, neglected peen) a taste of that butter goo.

They speak of a legend…

[Coming Summer 2017]

My sweetheart misses the cats. So she’s a *past* cat-lady with a studio apartment.

I’m a cat lord, seven years and counting. One of them is right behind me, sleeping, like she does when I’m working at home. I don’t know where the other one is, probably just sleeping behind the fridge where it’s warm and safe.

I did *not* get my sweetheart (nor my sweet kitties) chocolates and flowers for Valentine’s. Instead, I told my business partner that I was moving, and to prepare to transition me out of the business. Scary.

Paradoxy said

Nevermind that she explicitly stated in her ad that she just wanted coffee and a chat. Nowhere in her ad did she say she wanted sex.

Do people (okay, female-identifying people) do that a lot? I mean, outside of sites that are just for hooking up.

That’s something I would never mention in an ad; I’d want to size the other person up for suitability, compatibility, and willingness before making that decision. Besides, even before I ever found this place, I knew that there are Nice Guys (TM) who would take it as a promise and not a possibility.

Plenty of cat men around!
All hail the rise of cat men, an antidote to toxic masculinity

As for sore balls, from Blue Ball to Intercourse is only a quarter-hour or so, and Paradise follows shortly after:
https://www.google.ca/maps/dir/Blue+Ball,+Pennsylvania,+USA/Intercourse,+Pennsylvania,+USA/Paradise,+PA,+United+States

I’ve never felt any soreness in the balls from *not* ejaculating. Too frequent ejaculation brings on temporary soreness. It’s not something men typically talk about honestly, so I don’t know if mileage varies.

Perhaps the reason I never get the sore single balls is that even if I’m celibate for whatever reason, either masturbation or wet dreams will put an end to dry runs. One of those I don’t even really have to be in the mood.

These particular (PUA) men are definitely not talking honestly about ball soreness. One of the things sex ed classes really need to mention, “blue balls” as used by immature teenagers and other immature people, is not a real problem, nor does it need to be “helped” by immediate sex.

It’s my firm (ha) belief that “sore blue balls” is code for “desperately horny for sex”.

I can definitively say that blueballs (specifically – getting sore balls from getting aroused and not subsequently having an orgasm) is entirely bogus. There’s many ways to get sore balls, and maybe some of them have at some points coincided with the blueballs “circumstance”, but it’s really just not a thing.

I’m going to assume that whenever he says “V Day” he actually means “Vox Day”

@Dali

That’s what button flies are for, sillies

@Paradoxy
Ya know he’s a beta, cos he actually tastes the goo
…
I’ll see myself out