Men Going Their Own Way go to the stock market, do a business

CORRECTION: In the original version of this post, I misstated the number of children who comprise Vincent Adultman. It is three. I have corrected the mistake below.

Today’s weird and inappropriate MGTOW metaphor for women comes to us from the world of finance. Well, sort of.

In a post on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, one of my favorite providers of inadvertent misogynist comedy, a fellow calling himself “enlightenedmgtow” informs the world that “women are like a hyped-up pennystock.”

How so, you ask?

Think about it: A pennystock is a company that’s usually bankrupt, where shares trend under a dollar. Say they hype up the company to increase the sale of that stock. This is the equivalent to a girl hitting her early 20s and going to the club with full blown makeup on. She get’s hyped up, her worth increases x4+. Her stock is suddenly worth $20. She hits the wall, and suddenly men realize the hype is false, and sell their asset. The poor white knight is like the guy who bought too much of the stock and is now stuck with a depreciating asset.

Ok, obviously that’s not how women work. It’s not even how stocks work. For one thing, stocks by definition aren’t by definition “depreciating assets.” Stocks can be hyped-up garbage, sure, and most penny stocks are, but people buy them because they think they’re going to go up. A depreciating asset is something that’s useful but that you know is going to drop in value as it gets old, wears out, and so forth. People, meanwhile, are neither stocks nor assets. Though some are certainly asses.

Enlightenedmgtow’s foray into finance makes me think of Vincent Adultman on Bojack Horseman, who peppers his conversation with completely clueless references to the world of business in an attempt to sound like an adult and keep people from figuring out what he really is, which is (spoiler alert!) three kids in a trenchcoat.

But it’s a bit unfair to compare MGTOWs to Vincent Adultman. For one thing, Vincent doesn’t spend his every waking moment stewing in his own bitterness. Aside from the whole deceiving-everyone-including-his-girlfriend-by-pretending-to-be-an-adult thing, he’s not really a bad fellow. Well, technically, three fellows, a trenchcoat, a hat, a mannequin hand, and a broom.

But I digress. Back in the MGTOW subreddit, the regulars are amused by enlightenedmgtow’s not-so-apt metaphor.

“[S]eriously,” someone called Ximkai writes,

women are just about the worst investment a man could make. Not only that, but they are a compound investment. It doesn’t just take money to “purchase stock” into any given female, it also requires time and attention.

Furthermore, it’s stock bought on credit. The longer you keep a woman THE MORE YOU HAVE TO INVEST IN HER. It’d be one thing if you just had to invest a couple grand and you’re given “stock” to hold onto until you sell. But that’s not how women work! You have to continue throwing assets at her from day one to day done.

All of this, and your returns are marginal at best. She may pack your work lunch for you, but you better accept it on bended knee with a “Thank you, M’lady”.

Ok, that’s not how relationships work. That’s not how investment works. That’s not how any of this works. 

A fellow called lonewolf-chicago, meanwhile, agrees that

Pennystock is a great metaphor. I know someone named Penny – and she’s a whore. A bad one. LOL

Well, I’m glad you’re able to amuse yourself, dude.

Somehow I suspect that MGTOWs would actually be perfect marks for con artists selling hyped-up penny stocks.