And if you’re not, happy Sunday, and happy any other holidays you celebrate around this time of year.
A good day to forget about all the bullshit this year has brought us.
Here are some more cats and dogs celebrating in their own peculiar ways.
Happy day!
I made arancini and they came out well despite being served at room temperature because it was too difficult to coordinate getting them ready at the same time people were ready to eat. Can’t wait to try them sometime fresh from the fryer.
So, I also managed to do some adulting today and finally got around to ordering some much-needed bookshelves and a nightstand for my bedroom.
And I’m going to make slow-cooker beef stew with dumplings tomorrow as a late Yule celebration. : 3
I’m really upset and don’t know who I can talk to. Just got back from my Christmas dinner with my mom and step-dad. He’s been out of work for a few years, his entire IT dept got dumped and at 60 he’s had a lot of trouble finding something else. He’s spiralled down the alt-right rabbithole of late, and is watching a lot of Youtube videos. Today at dinner he decided it was appropriate to start discussing feminists, how they are taking over society, how men are discriminated against, and also how most rape is a lie.
My parents don’t know I was assaulted as a child. I was so ready to throw it in his face but I couldn’t hurt my mother by throwing it out there so callously. I was abused by my daycare provider. I never told her because I know she would blame herself. But I’m sitting there listening to this man who supposedly loves me tell me that I’m a whiner and a liar, apparently without stopping to even consider that maybe the women in his life have had things happen to them. And I couldn’t get any words out in response. I’m not good at knowing what to say in the moment. So I said nothing.
He kept telling me to “not take it personally.” But now I’m home by myself and can’t stop crying. I know I shouldn’t be this upset but it hurts me to think that he has so dehumanized women that he didn’t even consider the way his words could hurt an actual woman sitting in front of him.
I was able to say that I didn’t think it was appropriate Christmas dinner conversation and I would not be discussing this topic with him in the future. (He waved dismissively at me and said, “Whatever.”) To him, this is an intellectual exercise. To me, it’s deeply personal. What do you guys do when you have family members who say these things? What should I say when he brings it up again?
@Chie
However upset you are is the right amount/kind of upset for you to be <3
Wish I could help you beyond that platitude. Sorry…
Chie, jedi hugs to you if you want them. I’m so sorry your step dad has chosen this path.
That’s a goddamn cop out and has been since that phrase was first invented. He rants about women and tells you not to take it personally, yet the source of this rant is his belief that feminists are “discriminating against men” – which he is clearly taking personally. Point this out to him. Ask him why it’s okay for him to be offended at feminists he doesn’t even know but not for you to be upset at his rants against women. If he comes back with “I have no problem with women, just feminists” which is the classic meninist bullshit, ask him how many women does he think are feminists. Remember that MRAs believe feminism is “pandemic.” They tend to assume that any lady who doesn’t agree with their mindset has fallen to the “feminazi liberal agenda” – and that this applies to most women. He will likely start spouting off with similar rhetoric to what I’ve just said. Ask him how he could possibly think that ranting against so much of the “feminist” female population isn’t going to upset you like he gets upset at “male discrimination.” Even if he’s “only angry at feminists” he thinks that it’s enough of a “problem” that most women subscribe to it, and are thus The Enemy. Tell him clearly that this personally and negatively affects you and you don’t appreciate his rants.
He’s going to want to pretend for the sake of the relationship that he doesn’t see you as The Enemy like he does with feminists, that he sees you as “not like them.” But you and I know his problem runs deeper than that. Next time he brings it up you’re going to have to tell him in bold terms that you do not want that kind of talk in your presence. Then enforce some boundaries, then and ever after. Change the subject. Repeatedly. Be prepared to leave the room, even.
Things get more complicated with the fact that he’s in a relationship with your mum. How does she feel about this? This is kind of where I run out of advice ideas: Mammotheers, can you pick up the slack? Also if I’ve said anything above that would actually be unhelpful please correct me. Ta.
My mom kept pointing out that he was the only one “whining” every time he claimed that “all feminists do is whine.” She sets her own boundary of not wanting to talk about it and then simply stops listening. That’s why he started in on me today – I was a “new” audience to his conversation because she simply won’t put up with it.
I think refusing to engage is the answer with him. I can’t try to counter with any sort of facts or counterpoints because he takes that as tacit approval of our “debate.” Continue to declare that it is not a topic I will be discussing with him. Change the subject. I am happy to leave the room – I was hiding in the kitchen today when I couldn’t take it anymore.
I’m so sorry, Chie. What a dreadful thing to have happened.
Get happier about leaving the room. Don’t wait to be upset.
1. Get up at the first sign of shitty conversation. Walk out. Stay out for a few mins. Come back if he seems amenable.
2. Repeat step 1 but stay out of the room for 10 or more minutes before checking that he’s willing to behave.
3. Make your own choice of how many repeats you’re willing to go through with increasingly extended absences, until …
Step 4.
Leave the room. Leave the house. It’ll be awkward beyond belief. Let it be awkward.
You might feel as though you’re hard on your mum. She’s letting him refocus his shitty behaviour on you rather than her for the while. It might be a nice gift/ relief for her, but it’s a pretty shitty non-gift/ stress to you. She’s not making your life any easier.
As for your own history. You don’t have to tell them. (I’d say telling him at the moment would be handing him a potential weapon for later use against you/ mum/ either or both of you even if he seems sympathetic at first hearing.) You, I, anyone and everyone, we are all entitled to be free of this kind of conversational attack regardless of our own personal direct experience of rape, violence or other assaults or attacks.
We don’t have to suffer violation nor violence, nor do we have to tell anyone about it, in order to be issued with our protected from shitty conversation badge.
So, I’ve been gone for a bit. Who’s this new asshole? I’m assuming somebody watched an episode of a cartoon, it blew their fuckin mind, and now they see everything and everyone as PC Principal. Guess I’m asking if this particular troll is interesting enough to bother with. Immediate reckoning seems to a glaring ‘not even remotely’, but I’ll ask anyway
Happy happy
Merry merry!
@Chie, that’s terrible, internet hugs if you want any.
@Cartman
何だと？Got anything interesting to say?
@Axe
Looks like Cartman was stuck in moderation, so it’s hard to say which troll he’s a sock of. We’ve been dealing with the same boring Mick Dash and Miggy socks lately. Maybe Mark, and that one obnoxious one who tries to talk Victorian but gets it wrong dropped by briefly. Mostly they try to be civil in their initial posts, but Cartman apparently has no time for that.
One test of which troll would be to start talking menstruation and see if he starts spouting incoherent insults at us.
Um, I thought Cartman was just voicing the animals in the photos David posted.
You know, the cats and dogs are all like ‘screw humans and your xmas trees’ ?
Have I missed something?
Yeah that’s what I thought Cartman meant too.
@Cartman, if you’re still around
Could you please clarify your statement? People seem to be confused as to your motives. (We’ve had a rash of…less than desirable posters long before I joined, and people can be wary.)
That was my take too. Or maybe Cartman is one of the animals on the photos. In which case I for one welcome our new furry overlords. (Hey, if they’ve learned to use computers it’s game over for us)
Thank you for this blog. It is important to me, makes me feel less alone in my thoughts and opinions. Thanks to all the mammotheers who comment and commiserate. You are people I’m glad exist in this world. Happy holidays!
@Mish
Ah! In such case, vociferous apologies, Cartman! Saw the nym, connected it with this random thing from a while back, made the leap. My B. Carry on…
Mare-y Chrismoose to those who celebrate it; Hoppy Howlidays to all! XD
I spent the early parts of my day at work at my fast-food job. From roughly 8:30am-ish to about 2:30pm-ish it was swamped. Bleh.
Right now I’m at my SiL’s house with her bunch. Once I get my phone charged up, I’m going back to my place to sleep, since I need to get up early again for my job tomorrow. More bleh (on the job stuff, not the family).
On the plus side, I managed to clear enough pidgies to be able to start catching more Pokémon again. (Did the ‘evolve then transfer’ thing with the lucky egg active to get double experience points. Make the transferring stuff slightly less painful to do, at least to me.) (I’m weird; what can I say?)
On the minus side, I was hoping to meet my new grand-nephew, who decided he wanted to be born on this year’s winter solstice than wait till he was supposed to be born in three weeks. Unfortunately he came down with jaundice and is in the hospital, last I heard. He’s expected to pull through and everything, but still it would’ve been nice to see him (and my niece) today too.
Hope everyone has a good holiday, and (air) hugs to those who need them right now.
@Axe,
*Axecalibur triumphantly returns to WHTM* 😀
Srsly, good to hear from you, lovely boy xx
Carry on, you say? Oki. So we only do the xmas thing for presents (what more reason do you need?). Us three humans and the three cats spent the day at home (it rained and it was actually not disgustingly hot – ermergerd). We played our brand new game of Cards Against Humanity (Australian edition) for hours, and laughed way more than we should have, which is the whole point.
Then the kid and I had a Terraria marathon that lasted until bedtime.
Meanwhile the kittehs had endless fun with the wrapping paper and boxes. Happy times 🙂
@Alan,
The furry overlords do know how to use computers. They invented the internet and are basically running the whole show now. It’s in our interests to regularly exclaim over what a great job they’re doing.
Chie, so sorry to hear about your step-dad and his rants; sounds like non-engagement and/or leaving the room is the best response.
Happy holidays, everyone!
And on Cartman, I was assuming he was a cat joking about the christmas trees he’s destroyed, not a troll.
http://i.imgur.com/tUEttwt.jpg
(Santa GLaDOS shamelessly stolen from here.)
Merry Christmas everyone!
@Mish
Good to be heard from, my sweet oo
There are other reasons?
72F high around these parts. Ol Dixie may have stole some of your heat. We’ll give it back soon. Promise
Also, this is random, but anyone else hating the new Google Keyboard => Gboard update. Just got it last night. Doesn’t even have custom themes. And text suggestions are set in stone apparently. Ooh, but there’s a search feature I’ll never use, big whoop