Do you like riddles? I do. Here’s my favorite:
What goes around a button?
You might think the answer is “a buttonhole.” But you would be WRONG!
Well, technically, you would be right, but the correct answer to this riddle is “a goat.”
Because goats go around a-buttin.’ You know, like butting things.
Ok, that joke only works when you say it out loud, and it’s a bit of an open question as to whether it works at all. It’s from a very old and very bad book of jokes and riddles I encountered as a child.
Look, I didn’t say I liked GOOD riddles. I sort of prefer the terrible ones.
And I’m in luck! A few days ago a drive-by commenter left a giant angry dump of a comment in response to one of my posts from way back in 2011. I didn’t let the comment through moderation, but it contained a riddle, of sorts, that I would like to share with you all.
What “is similar to a man wearing small tight thongs and having an erection?”
Set aside the issue of why this fellow is wearing more than one thong, and see what you can come up with.
A banana in a bikini?
A sausage in a small hammock?
A roll of quarters in a diaper?
I’m running out of ideas here.
One of those long balloons that they make balloon animals out of, inside a bag that’s too small for it?
Nope!
The answer is: “Women wearing provocative clothes.”
Let’s let Jon explain it:
Women wearing provocative clothes is similar to a man wearing small tight thongs and having an erection. HOw would you feel men hanging out like that? WOuld you invite them to meet your wife/daughter?
First of all, I don’t have a “wife/daughter.” And I am troubled by Jon’s assumption that I am anti-thong, when it comes to men. I’m not. Dude thongs are fine, in moderation. I’m wearing one right now. I require visitors to put on thongs before entering my apartment. I put them on my cats, when I can catch them.
NOTE TO EXTREMELY LITERAL-MINDED READERS: I’m not really wearing a thong. I don’t actually require visitors to put on thongs before entering my apartment. I don’t put them on my cats. I was making some little jokes. That said, I don’t really care if guys wear thongs to the beach, though they should really cover up (and try to think of very unsexy things) if they get erections. As should anyone who gets an erection in public.
In the post that Jon is responding to, I took issue with a fellow who suggested that women who “dress … provocatively and leav[e] a man in an unfinished state of excitement” are essentially assaulting men. Things that this fellow regarded as “provocative” included jeans, high heels, exposed hair. Some of his other arguments were even more, er, provocative.
But let’s get back to Jon, who had many further thoughts and theories he wanted to share with me and my readers, most of which involved explaining how totally wrong he thinks I am, and most of which have nothing to do with my post.
Here are his thoughts on non-verbal communication,
Most human communication is non verbal. For example, if I wink at your wife, are you ok with that? I am just winking right? No David (author) don’t be judgmental! Well that’s called “hitting a girl!”. So provocative outfits create the same sense as sexual organs on a man’s face. It sends non verbal sexual messages.
Er, sexual organs on a man’s face? How exactly did we get from winking to sexual organs on a man’s face?
Women are not a minority – they form 51% of the population and are a MAJORITY.
Thanks for the tip!
Women failures in mathematics, sciences, sports, jobs are not a man’s fault.
How about grammatical errors made by men? Whose fault are they?
In fact most men are not anti-female. At the very least they usually love their mothers, grand mothers, daughters and maybe wives.
‘Maybe wives?” I’m sensing some bitterness here.
Women have failed in these areas as they are just not good enough and lack that white matter in brain that is created by 20,000 evolution and male testosterone. These are biological facts.
Would any biologists care to comment on these, er, facts?
Women do better than men in fields that require caring and nurturing such as certain medical fields (nursing, gynecology), giving birth to babies and raising them.
I will concede that having a uterus does give someone a bit of an advantage when it comes to giving birth to babies.
That said, I am not suggesting preventing women from pursuing their dreams but dont expect 50% of Einsteins and newtons to be women. In fact there has never been a great female scientist of the rank of newton, gauss, euler etc. All major scientific inventions (even minor ones actually) are all male.
WE INVENTED THE MAMMOTH TO FEED YOU.
Nature has designed the human female body to carry babies and be sexually attractive to a man. If this was not the case, human species would not have made it this far. It is the very reason that men have hair on their faces and a muscular body. Its called evolution and you cant (and there is no need to) challenge 20,000 years of human evolution.
Men have hair on their faces so … women can be sexy to them?
I’m thinking Jon might have mixed up some of his notes from Biology 101.
But speaking of sexy, let me just end this post with a dude in what appears to be a Speedo or Speedo equivalent.
I don’t know why, biologically speaking, he’s holding a nailgun, but then again I wasn’t paying careful attention in Biology 101 either.
Also it kind of looks like someone else’s face has been photoshopped over the original Speeo-wearer’s face. I have no idea why. Let’s just call that another riddle.
@Boogerghost: thanks! I’m glad I’m not the only one who got the quivering fantods from that. I sent a quick, forthright note to their social media person about how vulnerable this makes the companies following these guidelines, myself.
Sorry about rubbing against you like that and the crude graffiti. I saw a picture of an unsmiling woman wearing dangling earrings, and I couldn’t help myself. Also, you were within 2600 feet of a hotel, so I assumed I didn’t have to adhere to basic social decencies.
I was born breech, and my mom won’t let me forget it. Just good enough is still good enough as far as nature’s ‘concerned’
This is Jon and your replies seem to be some sort of attempted rebuffs – not logical answers. Here is one of your replies:
First of all, I don’t have a “wife/daughter.” And I am troubled by Jon’s assumption that I am anti-thong, when it comes to men. I’m not. Dude thongs are fine, in moderation. I’m wearing one right now. I require visitors to put on thongs before entering my apartment. I put them on my cats, when I can catch them.
Answer: Many people do have a wife/daughter! You just used the word “moderation”. This alone negates your whole viewoiint which is based on “women can wear whatever they want” – NO MODERATION!. If you believe in moderation then you are supporting my viewpoint that women are bound by moderation in their clothing choices. Most human communication is non verbal and just like you dont like nude people in your apartment, people dont like to see nude women on the street either.
And women’s boob is not the same as a man’s chest. Women’s bodies have a far greater sex appeal to a man than vice versa. This is biology 101 and you don’t need to go to college for that. Its called common sense. If you are gay then ask an average man. If that does not work, then read statistics: almost all strip clubs cater to men, almost all sex offenders are men, almost all commercials bare women (and not men) to sell things. GET IT?
Women and men are not equal. They are very different. In many fields, women are simply unable to do a man’s job. In other cases they just dont do well. Simply shoving them into jobs creates nuisance and brings standards down. This is not fair to the person who can do a better job for the same pay. Its called socialism and it fails every time.
This is Jon and thanks for the lot of replies. At least “CPphazor” is smart enough to think about this issue. Let me illustrate this with some examples:
1. Most human communication is non verbal. So the clothes a woman wears has a massive impact on how people interact with her. An example would be someone that goes into red light area every night with 100 dollars bills sticking out and gets mugged. This was avoidable. On the other hand if someone is going there by mistake and gets mugged that is totally a different story. The person mugging them is wrong but in the first case, the victim is part of the crime and partly at fault. Women going with provocative outfits, especially couples with drunkenness, late at night in people’s apartments are “asking for trouble”. Unless they have evidence of physical violence, there is no justification of rape as they have implicit adult consent. I refuse to accept that women are stupid and dainty creatures. They know the consequences and engage in this activity to have “fun”.
2. Woman’s mind and body is designed by nature to have babies. Her hormonal system and biological apparatus is setup to do so. She has less of white matter, physical muscle strength, split second decision making ability, predatory skills (such as mathematical abilities). That does not mean that women cannot do math – just not as well as men. Women can lift also – just not as well as men. Women can play sports but no women will ever be a mike tyson or Michael jordan. No woman is a gauss, euler, newton, einstein etc. All major (even minor) mathematical inventions are male. We live in a MAN’s world. However men are not superior to women as without a woman there is no man or human species. Each of them are unique and special. Women bring a nurturing, caring perspective to the world. As a cultured society, we should let women play sports, learn math etc but dont expect them to complete one one one with men most of the time. If you force it, this will dilute the system to nothing. Its called socialism and it fails.
3. There are a very large % of people (incl women) that agree that women wearing provocative outfits do so to attract sexual attention. Indecent outfits lead to bad consequences – both for men and women.
4. Men that support these “liberal” ideas are generally divorced and disrespected by these very women (see Hollywood couples). They do this to sleep with them and don’t mind being disrespected. However it does not mean that rest of the world needs to support with vulgar view of “modern liberated female”. We like respecting our women and they demand respect from men. We refuse to treat women as sex objects and they should cover up their private parts so people treat them as intelligent human being rather than objects of sexual pleasure. A woman should be more than a meat dump.
Are you serious ?
Dude there is so much wrong in there I just can’t figure out which part to adress specifically. You got me literally baffled with bullshit.
I really need to make a gif of that Jon Stewart “crystal duh” quote.
Dude, wat?
Read a book
Quick, to the Kinsey stats!
That’s new…
B=/=A
Read another book
Incorrect
Fractally incorrect
Algebra helps you Hunt the Mammoth
Mmhmm…
Demonstrably not
Demonstrably not
Who’s adding this to their nym?
@Axe
What about “Moderated Meat Dump” ?
@John
Sounds like something a food inspector says about a McDonald’s that’s just barely up to code ?
Speaking of which, remember when some asshole described a vagina as a meat dispensary? At least Jonny here makes more sense than that
@Axe
Barely.
But hey, merry First-Troll-Of-The-Year day.
@Aunt Podger and @Boogerghost: You should check out that article again! They’ve taken out nearly all the text, I think. The last time it was updated was the 24th of December.
The link again, for anyone else who wants to read.
All of their points are still bad, though. Talking about your sex life at work isn’t something I would do, but doing so doesn’t mean someone now has free reign to harass you.
Pretty obviously not true, most people ARE fair and courteous at all times, especially women who are usually socialised to minimise conflict. Also, even if you are not perfect, that doesn’t give someone leave to harass you.
Once again, it is your fault if you are also interested in unwinding by ‘getting drunk’. How dare you like drinking! Don’t know you know that good women don’t drink at all? And if they do, it’s only a little? I throw my hands up! Anything that happens is obviously something you’ve consented to! /s
Thank you for not addressing the fact that whoever these colleagues are, they are behaving in a way that would make someone uncomfortable enough to have to LEAVE the networking opportunity that parties present.
This article is still terrible. They should just take it down.
Also, @Jon? Hetero women have the potential to be just as turned on by men as hetero men do with women. Like everything, it is on a spectrum. Some people are super into sex all the way over the ‘ehhh’ and not caring.
Cis women might be able to carry children, but that does not define who they are. It is pretty interesting to see how the birthrate is dropping, now that women have options in their futures, I think. If what you say is true, this would not be the case.
Also, if most human communication is non-verbal, I think you should move to a place where you don’t speak the language and see how well you do, communicating. And I’m talking about difficult concepts here, not ‘where’s the bathroom’.
I want you to convince someone (using only non-verbal means) of the very points you are arguing about here.
I have a feeling you will not do very well.
Also thank you for equating women and their bodies with money, and something to steal. I’m sure we don’t already have enough of that in our society.
9____6 UGH.
TIL that a woman’s body is equivalent to an inanimate object used as currency.
But you accept that women’s bodies are the same as currency.
Take yourself out of society immediately. You are a danger to other people. Confine yourself to your home and never leave it and never interact with other humans in person, ever, because you can’t be trusted around them and you are actively dangerous.
Ooh, I love it when they pop in to try and defend themselves. It’s always so adorable!
Boob? Singular?
Citation seriously fucking needed. As a heterosexual woman, I find men’s bodies quite appealing. But I guess you know better than I would about my sexuality, huh?
No Jon, your ass is not a citation. I did take college level biology courses and at no point did any professor or book I was assigned say this.
Straight isn’t the default. Gay people are perfectly average and normal and also feel sexual attraction to the bodies of people who are the gender they find attractive. Just because you are a straight man that does not make straight male sexuality the be all and end all.
None of this has anything to do with biology. This is all culture. Women are raised to believe we should be decorative and not have an assertive kind of sexuality. Men are raised to believe that women are objects to be consumed. GET IT?
Like science? I’m assuming you believe that men are more adept at STEM. Since you just completely failed at biology in the previous paragraph, it’s impossible to take this assertion at all seriously.
One time I got cat called when I was wearing a puffy calf length winter coat over jeans and chunky healed boots. I had a scarf covering my lower face and a knit cap covering my had. Please explain how my attire was provocative. How was I asking for it? What should I be wearing to prevent street harassing. What precisely is an acceptable outfit for women to wear.
Oh, and fuck you! A lot of rape victims were not dressed “provocatively” when they were raped. Some rape victims are elderly. Some are children. Some are men. There is no evidence whatsoever that dressing sexy causes rape.
If men are driven to rape by sexy clothes, perhaps it is not women who need to change to accommodate that. Perhaps men shouldn’t be allowed out without an escort if they’re just uncontrollable rape beasts. Of course, the fact that rapists maneuver themselves into situations where they can be alone with someone vulnerable shows that rape is a calculated predatory act and not uncontrollable horniness so your demand that we dress like Mennonites or whatever the fuck you’re going for here is based in fail.
Nurture this
http://p.fod4.com/p/media/877ebc4f55/NnM2HPr5RJOgIeIIR7n1_Bus%20Middle%20Finger.gif
http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Argumentum_ad_populum
Women are angry at their failures and that’s why they resort to such vile tactics to get attention. There is no women scientist of repute. All major startups (Google, FB etc) are all male. Men dominate and OWN all professional sports. Women simply don’t have a footprint. It just pisses them off. They now just want to use their sex appeal to exert power over men. To tease them and make a mockery. Only weak men cater to such vile acts.
Men are not responsible for women’s failures. They just don’t have the brains to be the next newton or Einstein. Just accept the reality and quit complaining. YOU ARE NOT A MAN and never WILL BE!
Men are responsible for suppressing women’s success.
Which, by the way, is kinda why the paragraph above that is bullshit, beyond the obviously false statements like “no women scientists” – dude, do you live on like, an island, alone with seagulls, or something ?
Melting down already?
The only fail in this thread is you, Jonny boy.
Hmmmm.
http://i.imgur.com/m8gVKpR.gif
Jon:
Did you read… This thread… Hedy Lamarr??
How about all the women scientists who had their work stolen? Here is an article about six of them.
There are loads of links in that article alone to show you why your statement is really, really wrong.
Here is an article about 90 women scientists.
Here is a list of female scientists working before the 20th century.
Here is a pledge from 800 women scientists.
Look, these ideas are just wrong. You are wrong.
This:
Is super duper dangerous. There is NO SUCH THING as ‘implicit consent’ when someone who is drunk goes into the apartment of someone else. Also, as you have pointed out, women are typically not as strong as men, so the *threat* of violence is often enough to keep them from reacting. Lack of physical injuries =/= not rape.
If you have slept with a woman in a similar situation and this is how you justify it to yourself, you are wrong. This was rape. If you are thinking of putting these thoughts into behaviours: stop, this is rape.
In short: THIS IS RAPE. Do not do.
Also, please learn how blockquotes work. They’re easy now, there’s a little button. You either highlight the words you already have typed out and press it, and things will be
Or you click the button, and it will start one. You type, then click it again and it will be ended.
Or just type the html. Your responses are confusing because I think some of that are quotes? But I’m not sure.
I have no patience for rape apologists, aka rapist wannabes, or sometimes actual rapists. I have no evidence one way or the other that Jon has committed rape as yet, but he’s certainly invested in excusing it for when he does get around to it.
There’s no need to treat Jon like a rational human and try to sway him with facts. Rape apologists are not rational and cannot be swayed with facts. They can only be ostracized, singled out, and excluded from company, since it is not legal to lock them in their bedrooms alone for the safety of others.
http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/1/25503000/ngbbs553d5103238a5.jpg
I’m still not sure what these tactics are meant to achieve other than annoy Jonny
And that matters why? Also, incorrect. Also, read a book
But… Men are smart and strong and such. How could weak women possibly overpower them?
Guilty as charged
Men, as a group, are, at least partially, responsible for the failure of women’s successes to be recognized and rewarded. FTFY
How I wish you’d quit complaining
Transphobic af. And women in STEM fields aren’t tryna be men anyway. But the fact that you think that’s true has nothing to do with the relative lack of girls pursuing STEM in the 1st place. Completely unrelated, I’m sure… Jackass
PS. Agreed, super dangerous
Can’t believe humanity made this decision without asking for my opinion. I would’ve voted in favor of street nudity, workplace nudity and night club nudity (but not public transportation nudity, restaurant nudity or professional sports nudity (non-zero risk of accidental bowel movement)).
Well, there. I contributed.
There has been no woman scientist to match Euler, Gauss, Legendre, Einstein, Newton etc etc . All major inventions are male. Small papers here and there mean nothing at all. A rare minor discovery – which is often at the coattails of a man does not count.
Women suck at mathematical sciences, business, professional sports and just about anything that really matters. In Olympics they play with other WOMEN. They cannot compete with men’s teams.
The feminists and their male sympathizers are a pity party team of losers. They are jealous of male dominance and generally get support from males that are just as big losers themselves. Quit blaming men and everyone else under the sky and accept your own lack of ability.
Every loser in the history of time just keeps blaming everyone else for their demise. Men are not the reason for women’s lack of accomplishments. Women just don’t have it. Do something that you are good at and stop trying to be be equal to a man. A woman is not a man. This is VERY hard to digest for any loser – women and their male friends.
Women can sing, act, raise babies, become great prostitutes and strippers, nurses, some medical fields and a lot of dumb office type secretarial jobs. They can do supportive roles for a man. A small % can do math but you can easily find a man to beat them to the game.
Even in business they suck. Did Sally or Joanna start Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Oracle? You people are jealous, crabby sour grapes public that want to steal other’s achievements. Go get a life.
Yeah, ban the rapist please. He is garbage.
Jon can’t defend his rape apologia so he’s switched to we hunted the mammoth, men did everything therefore I’m automatically right trolling? How boring.
If that’s true, why did I cut my hair short? Checkmate!