Do you like riddles? I do. Here’s my favorite:
What goes around a button?
You might think the answer is “a buttonhole.” But you would be WRONG!
Well, technically, you would be right, but the correct answer to this riddle is “a goat.”
Because goats go around a-buttin.’ You know, like butting things.
Ok, that joke only works when you say it out loud, and it’s a bit of an open question as to whether it works at all. It’s from a very old and very bad book of jokes and riddles I encountered as a child.
Look, I didn’t say I liked GOOD riddles. I sort of prefer the terrible ones.
And I’m in luck! A few days ago a drive-by commenter left a giant angry dump of a comment in response to one of my posts from way back in 2011. I didn’t let the comment through moderation, but it contained a riddle, of sorts, that I would like to share with you all.
What “is similar to a man wearing small tight thongs and having an erection?”
Set aside the issue of why this fellow is wearing more than one thong, and see what you can come up with.
A banana in a bikini?
A sausage in a small hammock?
A roll of quarters in a diaper?
I’m running out of ideas here.
One of those long balloons that they make balloon animals out of, inside a bag that’s too small for it?
Nope!
The answer is: “Women wearing provocative clothes.”
Let’s let Jon explain it:
Women wearing provocative clothes is similar to a man wearing small tight thongs and having an erection. HOw would you feel men hanging out like that? WOuld you invite them to meet your wife/daughter?
First of all, I don’t have a “wife/daughter.” And I am troubled by Jon’s assumption that I am anti-thong, when it comes to men. I’m not. Dude thongs are fine, in moderation. I’m wearing one right now. I require visitors to put on thongs before entering my apartment. I put them on my cats, when I can catch them.
NOTE TO EXTREMELY LITERAL-MINDED READERS: I’m not really wearing a thong. I don’t actually require visitors to put on thongs before entering my apartment. I don’t put them on my cats. I was making some little jokes. That said, I don’t really care if guys wear thongs to the beach, though they should really cover up (and try to think of very unsexy things) if they get erections. As should anyone who gets an erection in public.
In the post that Jon is responding to, I took issue with a fellow who suggested that women who “dress … provocatively and leav[e] a man in an unfinished state of excitement” are essentially assaulting men. Things that this fellow regarded as “provocative” included jeans, high heels, exposed hair. Some of his other arguments were even more, er, provocative.
But let’s get back to Jon, who had many further thoughts and theories he wanted to share with me and my readers, most of which involved explaining how totally wrong he thinks I am, and most of which have nothing to do with my post.
Here are his thoughts on non-verbal communication,
Most human communication is non verbal. For example, if I wink at your wife, are you ok with that? I am just winking right? No David (author) don’t be judgmental! Well that’s called “hitting a girl!”. So provocative outfits create the same sense as sexual organs on a man’s face. It sends non verbal sexual messages.
Er, sexual organs on a man’s face? How exactly did we get from winking to sexual organs on a man’s face?
Women are not a minority – they form 51% of the population and are a MAJORITY.
Thanks for the tip!
Women failures in mathematics, sciences, sports, jobs are not a man’s fault.
How about grammatical errors made by men? Whose fault are they?
In fact most men are not anti-female. At the very least they usually love their mothers, grand mothers, daughters and maybe wives.
‘Maybe wives?” I’m sensing some bitterness here.
Women have failed in these areas as they are just not good enough and lack that white matter in brain that is created by 20,000 evolution and male testosterone. These are biological facts.
Would any biologists care to comment on these, er, facts?
Women do better than men in fields that require caring and nurturing such as certain medical fields (nursing, gynecology), giving birth to babies and raising them.
I will concede that having a uterus does give someone a bit of an advantage when it comes to giving birth to babies.
That said, I am not suggesting preventing women from pursuing their dreams but dont expect 50% of Einsteins and newtons to be women. In fact there has never been a great female scientist of the rank of newton, gauss, euler etc. All major scientific inventions (even minor ones actually) are all male.
WE INVENTED THE MAMMOTH TO FEED YOU.
Nature has designed the human female body to carry babies and be sexually attractive to a man. If this was not the case, human species would not have made it this far. It is the very reason that men have hair on their faces and a muscular body. Its called evolution and you cant (and there is no need to) challenge 20,000 years of human evolution.
Men have hair on their faces so … women can be sexy to them?
I’m thinking Jon might have mixed up some of his notes from Biology 101.
But speaking of sexy, let me just end this post with a dude in what appears to be a Speedo or Speedo equivalent.
I don’t know why, biologically speaking, he’s holding a nailgun, but then again I wasn’t paying careful attention in Biology 101 either.
Also it kind of looks like someone else’s face has been photoshopped over the original Speeo-wearer’s face. I have no idea why. Let’s just call that another riddle.
It’s always funny to me that “Speedo” has become the universal term for small, tight men’s bathing suit. Speedo is just a brand name. When I was a diver I used to wear them all the time.
Basically this
Did I just commit misandry by posting that picture? Neat!
Dr. Thang, I can also see where he’s coming from. I mean, you take a lady breakfast in bed you’d expect a little appreciation but no, it’s always “WHO ARE YOU?” and “HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?” and “I’M CALLING THE POLICE”.
@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
Its like how “band-aid” is a brand that makes adhesive bandages.
And one would think the female equivalent of “man in thong with erection” would be “women in thong with wet spot” not “exposing hair”.
Speaking as a male with superior science knowledge…I was unaware before now that “white matter” was a thing. What’s the difference between that and gray?
Women: Them lack that white matter in brain that is created by 20,000 evolution and male testosterone. Very smarty smart MRA say so.
*Emerges from under rock*
90+% in graduate level biostatistics and epidemiology? Damn, but that’s impressive and awesome! Great job, congratulations!
Okay, I’ll go back in hiding now.
*Hides*
@Ray of Rays
Assuming my recently-obtained A in my Introduction to Brain and Behavior course means anything….I believe white matter is correlated with swift and simple brain input processing. Others, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
This is reminding me of another one of my pet hates, trainers who encourage people to be aware of their body language by telling them that ‘93% of communication is nonverbal’ as if this is a fact (I’ve heard this twice in the past year). That doesn’t even pass the basic common sense test–if it were true, how could people communicate at all via writing or talking on the phone?
http://ubiquity.acm.org/article.cfm?id=2043156
Also congrats Flora.
So, Jon’s entire thesis is “Women have attributes that are attractive to males, and vice versa. However, since women are irrational and unintelligent because reasons, they are only fit for being ogled and bedded. Conversely, men are responsible for all the triumphs of rational thought. Since men become uncomfortable in the presence of said physical attributes, therefore women should hide their physical attributes to avoid inconveniencing men”?
How about, fuck you, just a little, you fragile snowflake. It’s not society’s job to make sure that you can properly function in it without having unwanted boners.
That face that has been photoshopped onto the nail gun holding dude is the current president of Finland, Sauli Niinistö.
Edit: adding image
?itok=S6MZR-2G
@Flora
I am in complete and utter awe. Congratulations, just congratulations, you have won in life in spades.
I don’t get that at all. I mean, I’m not bothered the slightest by men, thongs, men in thongs, men with erections, men in thongs with erections, cucumbers in thongs, David Bowies, or David Bowies in thongs sucking on cucumbers. The last of those might be a bit of a turn-on, though. I am bothered by cats in thongs, because why would you even do that?
More seriously, I consider nudity and biological functions in general to be utterly unremarkable. Well, unless you’re doing something extremely rude and/or unsanitary like peeing on the carpet. I’ve even given other people permission to have sex on my bed, though admittedly I washed it afterward just in case. Not sure if it’s because my disgust meter is broken (I’ve noted that the uncanny valley isn’t even a thing for me) or if I’m just extremely un-neurotic about biological realities.
Congrats Flora!
Also, Dr Thang and Nobody Special have gotten me giggling like a loon right now. That’s exactly what I needed this morning, thanks.
In return, have a picture of a kitty in a thong.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/09/06/16/37F6085D00000578-3776250-image-a-30_1473175457244.jpg
@Ray of Rays:
This is rather oversimplified, but white matter is the insulation that goes around neurons, which make up the gray matter.
So neurons/gray matter are the “cables” conducting and integrating the electrical impulses in the central nervous system, while white matter (made up of something called “glia”) is the stuff that wraps around those cables, keeps them from leaking electricity along the way, and makes conductance efficient and speedy.
Of course, nothing is ever quite that simple, and we’re finding out that, rather than simply being inert insulation material, white matter may in fact contribute to some of the signaling and processing in more subtle ways, but for general intents and purposes that’s a good way to think about white vs. gray matter.
He appears to not know the difference between “hitting a girl” and “hitting on a girl”. I wish I were more surprised.
This guy must be so good at biology. Oh, and of course he’s upset by seeing Speedo-wearing men with erections. Personally I couldn’t give less of a fuck, but then I’m a humourless man-hating feminist.
And I’m really impressed by the number of scientifically accomplished women in this commentariat. Me, I studied the Classics, which I’m sure the guy in OP would say is all about sitting around talking about your feelings and how literature makes you feel. (Because learning Ancient Greek grammar is just that easy.)
@EJ: thank you for posting that picture, your kitty is beautiful and made my day.
ChrisW:
Not actually the only one, but the first and the only one to win Nobels in two different sciences, I think.
(Sadly that’s not my kitty. My previous kitty is sadly late of old age (she was 13, which is a venerable age for a kitty as ferocious as her) and my current flat doesn’t allow pets so I can’t get a new one. Sadface.)
I wanted to pop back into this thread because I just had an excellent conversation with a learned female scientist, and thought that the internet needed to know. We talked about some numbers I had come up with yesterday, and about her rugby team’s successes, and about the correct recipe for mulled wine.
The scientist in question makes a point of wearing makeup every day. I haven’t heard anybody comment on this; it just seems to be the way she feels confident. Some other women in our team don’t wear any makeup, and I haven’t heard commentary on that either. One person in a team next door goes around in six inch spike heels; she’s said to be really good at her field, and since this is the case nobody cares what her taste in footwear is.
Dear Jon: you may believe that it is a man’s job to be a scientist and a woman’s job to look decorative. However, based on the scientists I interact with on a daily basis, you’re full of shit.
That’s what I love the most about MRAs’ constant galahing of WOMZ CAN’T SCIENCE. I mean, it’s laughably stupid no matter where they say it, but here of all places? Christ. It’s just a shame I can’t slap ’em down with my latest paper (for privacy reasons).
@Benevolent Wine
If I weren’t so entirely lazy, I’d be tempted to do a little study on unsuspecting people in the real world, asking them to name some male or female scientists.
The list of famous female scientists is depressingly short (instead of, you know, the list of important ones) and I’d be pleasantly surprised if J. Random Poll Victim could name five women in science at all, let alone five without mentioning Curie (or “women in computing” without mentioning Hopper or Lovelace).
Thinking about it a little more though, I wonder if said theoretical entirely average person could name many male scientists, either. The pool of famous male scientists is a little larger, but I wonder who else might be generally well known other than Newton and Einstein.
Maybe I’ll try this on my relatives and their associated hangers-on this christmas. Not that I’m a good enough statistician to be able to work out how you can differentiate sexist biases from anti-intellectual biases or just plain ignorance…
Piss, too tired to catch myself. That means “Squawking (or, in other contexts, acting) like total idiots,” sorry. =P
Oh my GLaDOS in Aperture.
Remember the collective bonersad that was #Buttgate, when one of Tracer’s poses in Overwatch was ever-so-slightly changed to be less male-gazey and more in line with her character and the #Gits flipped out as only #Gits can?
She’s gay.
I believe the word for this is “Gigglesplosion.”
Lise Meitner, Emmy Noether, Cecelia Payne-Gaposhkin, Rosalind Franklin, Jocelyn Bell Burnell, Caroline Hershel, Emilie du Chatelet, Mary Leakey, just a few scientists to contemplate.
So, men express their sexuality by making it public knowledge when they’re experiencing desire, while women express their sexuality by publicly displaying those parts of their bodies which are most likely to induce desire in others? Ok, got it!
(Congratulations to Flora – those are some truly excellent marks!)
He’s calling men animals. That’s really what this is. Most of that text of his comes down to ”men are animals”. It’s just more dehumanizing anti-male bullshit i keep hearing out of MRAs. And these shitstains have the gall to call feminists misandrists.