Open Thread for Personal Stuff, 12/16 Edition

@weirwoodtreehugger
I’ve seen the pattern thanks to some posters on FTB. It’s a reason why I’ve started using craven and coward, the sudden connection between female/woman things flips a switch in their heads based on nothing but social conflict tactics. Whole sets of content, logic and reason go utterly ignored as the misogynist focuses on tone and imagined physical/social characteristics. I consider it genuine damage to a mind.

While not as intense, I invoke similar feelings wearing a thing connected to males that like something associated with what they hate. I think it’s allowed some interesting tactics but I’m still thinking about it. You can really monkey wrench in-group emotions depending on what you do with it. I think I’ve done a good-cop/bad-cop routine with me as the bad-cop. It says pretty shitty things about them and people in general (when considering what the pattern looks like when you can substitute sex/gender with things like race or other axis of bigot-bait). I hooked one on Pharyngula a couple of weeks ago.

I wish it were not like this for you.

I’m just about on my last legs. Every single bloody step of transition has had some kind of delay, and to be perfectly honest, I have no idea how I managed to push through and keep going. As I mentioned earlier this month, I finally got my out-of-province surgery approval. I thought I was finally in the home stretch and I would finally be able to get on the wait-list for my bottom surgery.

Yeah, no. I got the info package from the clinic and finally clued into something I’ve known, or should have known considering I have a copy of the Standards of Care v7 printed out. I have one referral letter for my surgery, the SoC v7 requires two. The cluster-fuck system here hasn’t figured out that v7 replaced the v6 they are still using, roughly 5 years ago (which is both before I even started transition, and also before the province even re-instated coverage for any trans* related surgery).
Oh, and the clinic requires that one of the two letters includes a six-month follow (yeah..the one letter that I do have didn’t do that).

So..I haven’t got a single idea as to where I’m going to get the second letter I need. I went though the public system for that, and the public system hasn’t yet figured out that the SoC is on version 7. In addition, even if I manage to figure something out, it’ll take a minimum six (more) months of waiting (and having more and more people put on the wait-list ahead of me). Oh, and the out-of-province approval is only valid for a year.

I hate this, I hate all the waiting, I hate all the screw-ups that have caused me to have to wait even longer, and I bloody well hate life. Although apparently I don’t hate it quite enough yet because I’m still breathing.

@Sinkable John

Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return, and we can, because the cosmos is also within us. We’re made of star stuff.

That’s amazing.

When I was in high school my literature teacher told us that the early nineteenth-century American writer Edgar Allan Poe had made up his own religion. He believed that when we die we return to the stars. (I can’t find any corroboration of this on the Internet.)

I found this viewpoint comforting. And now it turns out that it’s more than a belief.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, stars to stars.

@ kat & sinkable john

This always gets me thinking about where we come from. Of course what I’d really like to see is a comparison of slugs, snails and puppy dogs’ tails versus sugar, spice and all things nice.

http://thumbnails.visually.netdna-cdn.com/abundance-of-elements_520164043c6e6.jpg

They’re saying 50-50 whether my flight will be canceled because of a blizzard in Iqaluit.

I’d be sad, but better sad than crashed.

I definitely feel like an immigrant, sitting in the gate area. Which I am — I just don’t get reminded of it often.

Also, the guy next to me has a cat. An adorable, curious and slightly freaked-out cat, on a leash. I was so sad to leave my kitties at home all alone (family will housesit).

Karalora: optimism and hope mixed with exactly the right amount of cynicism is my only advice.

My flight is leaving, hopefully we can land despite the blizzard. So many cute babies on this flight!

Lots to reply to today. It is my birthday, so I’ma chill today I think. Not like work’s giving me much of a paycheque anymore!

@dreemer, you always make me boggle 😀 I’ve never been a role model to anyone, for anything. Thank you. And, so you know, the answer to “What would Scildfreja do?” is usually “hide in bed with alcohol and cookies,” in case you needed to know.

@Sea Wolf, tissue paper of all sorts can be useful! I prefer to use gauze and thin layers of plaster for surfaces, though. For bushes, it depends on the bush! You can actually get a lot done with those fakey green dish washing sponges, some glue, and a little baling wire!

@Paradoxy, I’m glad you’re table to salvage your desk. It’d make a nice little TV stand too, I think. I personally like to spend a bit of money on the structural components of something like that and buy a sheet of foamcore. It’s open-cell foam, maybe 5mm, with a sheet of card on either side. Very rigid, lightweight, easy to cut, tougher and more sturdy than plain card or cardboard. Comes in white and black, or sometimes you can get colours. Given that you probably aren’t swimming in dubloons, though, use what you got!

@Ooglyboggles, you’re feeling remorse because that’s what good people do when someone reaches out for sympathy and you don’t respond. You’re not fulfilling your part of the social contract. The social contract being “Women are supposed to provide emotional labour for men on demand.”

I’m sure you have made the right choice, you’re just feeling doubt, because doubt’s a natural thing to feel in the face of the situation you’re in. He wants you to feel that doubt – it’s how he gets back in. Don’t let the guilt trip get to you too badly!

@numerobis, I hope your flight goes through okay!

@Brony, you have standing permission to do what you like with anything I write! I’m glad you’re okay from your accident, and I’m also glad that the morphine worked on you. I’m apparently super resistant to the stuff. Was in the hospital at one point a few years ago and they had to fill me up with drugs like you wouldn’t believe to make the pain go away. (Fortunately for me, I’m still pretty lucid while in pain. Apparently the nurses were shocked I could talk at all, much less form full sentences and remember my please-and-thank-you’s)

@WWTH and Brony, about the whole “they go sour when they see a woman’s avatar” thing; it’s not really a defect at all. It’s a pretty clear indication of how sexist they are, but it’s not at all a sign of a broken brain. The addition of that avatar, or an identifying name, activates a particularly strong set of neurons in their brains, apparently, that’s all. The neurons connected to “woman in conversation” immediately light up a whole constellation of negative associations, made all the stronger by other, recent activations (MRAs don’t come here raw after all, they’ve been watching MRA videos or reading websites or whatnot. They come here primed.)

So yeah, not really a sign of a damaged mind. Their brains are healthy. Their opinions have just been left to grow out wild and have gone all lopsided. The dangers of ignoring your mental hygiene!

@Jesalin, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. Keep trying, it’s worth it. Just remember that whatever happens, you’re still a worthwhile person, and that no amount of being screwed around by an uncaring system will make you lesser. There are people here who are cheering for you, no matter the outcome.

@Karalora, you’re going through a dark place right now. That’s okay! It’s your dark tea-time of the soul. Just remember that you don’t get to decide how you feel – feelings are outside of your control. Accept them. This said, you do get to decide whether those feelings define you, or whether they are just happening to you at the moment. It sounds like you’re already making the decision that they’re something you’re experiencing instead of a core part of yourself. That’s good!

As for their tools being stronger – they really aren’t. They are individually powerful, because they’re willing to trash the social contract between individuals to accomplish their goals. This lets them do things that we don’t let ourselves do, by convention. But what they gain in individual power, they lose in group cohesion and coordination.

Their strategy is ever-fractioning, with each individual able to take as much as they can grasp, but only ever relying on their own capabilities. Our strategy pulls people together. We limit ourselves and call those limits “ethical behaviour”, but in doing so we are capable of so, so much more than they. Cooperation has always been the greatest strength of humanity. That hasn’t changed.

Individual men (and it’s almost always men) might have statues carved of them, or have their names written down in stories – usually immortalized as monsters. But we’re the ones who built the pyramids, lifted the stones of Stonehenge, and cut the steps of Chichen Itza. The Great Men of History have always put their names on the accomplishments of humanity, but they’ve never been anything more than the vultures arriving at the end to steal scraps. It’s always been us – the great bulk of humanity – who’ve pulled together and endured and lived, trying to leave behind something greater than we found when we got here.

It’s dark times, and you’re allowed to feel grim. Don’t be upset at yourself for it. Just don’t let it define you, or you’ll end up like they are, one of the vultures outside of the circle. You don’t want that, and neither do we!

Sigh. Still on the ground.

We were good to go, and there was a mechanical problem.

It’s great how open the airline is though. Chatting about weather with the passengers. Mentioning the decision criteria. Not being coy on the phone to keep people from overhearing that e.g. Kuujjuaq airport (our layover) is starting to close, or that we’re being sent on the weekend if it’s cancelled because they have to pay hotels because it’s mechanical, not weather.

@Scildfreja Unnýðnes it’s your birthday ?!?!?

Many many many many many many heaps of happy returns! Thank you for being a VIP – Very Inspiring Person 🙂

Happy Birthday Shieldmaiden!!!

http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e35/13118342_1550401288589841_710624442_n.jpg

@Scildfreja: It’s your birthday, you can blog if you wanna. 😉

@Fishy Goat: hi! missed you way up there. But I think Iqaluit is closer to Montreal than Whitehorse? Maybe not as the great circle routes, but certainly as the mail plane flies: express mail IIRC goes from Whitehorse to Edmonton to Montreal (or Ottawa) to Iqaluit.

Been looking all over the Internet for a suitable happy birthday meme for Scildfreja, but then Alan found and posted it first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

Hugs for everyone!

If you are suffering tragedy or afraid of things to come in society you should know that those are factors in how I dissect trolls. I try to make my communications useful as well as expressive in tone so I bias how I analyze the world in terms of ways to change society. What I call “Dissection of trolls” is actively shaped by the concerns of people that I like. I’ve spent decades trying to socially objectify the characteristics of aggression and conflict on the internet because of how my instincts shape my attention in social situations. Because I am a white male American with a assertive and aggressive personality who comes from a conservative and traditionalist background I’ve been focusing on using the psychological reality of that in objectifying the benefits I have due to social privilege. I get to see how the bullshit is shaped from the perspective of someone in the in-group of xenophobic bigots.

Because I try to be empathetic I allow the fears of other people write themselves to my attention and perception. I let them alter my behavior for social reasons. The fears of people I like are actively biasing what I look at in my dissections. These dissections are done with tools based on the experiences of people who face xenophobia and bigotry based social attacks. Those experiences also determine what I actively strategize against as I read what they write and help them with fights in social spaces online. So when I dissect a troll the objects that I pull from the patterns are meant to be useful in creating social tools that can be used for attack and defense in a more group-neutral way that helps people I like to change the world too. Anything that I am in terms of impressive skills and abilities is due to the experiences of others and I like to pay them back as best as I can.

In this dissection I intend to standardize an analysis so that there are consistent elements for others to try to look for if they choose. There will be an introduction that explains what is about to be read and contains one or more useful pieces of vocabulary/concepts (Social Affordances. There will be a “sociography” which is like a biography of how I experience the troll as a person relative to the kind of person I am. It’s important to try to humanize the other person as much as you can, and understand how your personal biases shape your perception and experience of them. Then there will be the dissection of Yor from a conflict frame of reference. I will be discussing moral and ethical concerns of lots of things as it progresses.

The result should yeild a set of interesting and useful ways of creating things I think of as perceptual social affordances, the sensible general patterns in society that can be sensed, ruminated about, and manipulated like variables in social interactions.

@Paradoxical Intention
I really wished I could have gotten the full experience of Borderlands 2 with a group I really enjoyed it on the xbox360 but the old friend that I used to play it with is not someone I can socialize with comfortably. I’m the sort of person that enjoys grinding for rare and powerful things that blow stuff up and shoot stuff. I also love the characters and humor in the game and how they do things like make a whole expansion based on a role-playing session between the characters in the game. Awesome fun.

@Dalillama
My condolences on losing your friend. I hope that everything turns out as best as it can.

Re: common ground.
That can be done in a rational and fair manner that at least defines the amount of ground that you need to cover between you and the other person. I think of it as energy saving and excellent ways to limit where the conversation should go. Things like specific 1st party needs for assessing claims and other rational demands, or mutually defining words associated social tension to streamline understanding, understanding the things most important to the other person, making sure you/they can offer a version what the other person is communicating that satisfies them in terms of accuracy (both objective and feeling based content).

Eventually you develop rhetoric that can be applied to attached social appeals included with responses that can deal with people who are only acting in a social conflict behavior and not interested in communication. There is a minimum set of things that let you look at something for yourself and in a social conflict that is useful when dealing people who only want to win and are not receptive to being correct about reality.

@Jesalin
Is there a system in place for challenging the letter requirement? What is the letter requirement supposed to prove to safeguard against?

@Kat
I will be OK. I’m experiencing the reality of my body experiencing some minor damage due to forces and blunted impacts. While the safety equipment did it’s job (the proper pants in addition to the jacket and gloves would have spared my knee), it’s going to suck to move, get up, sit down flex my right side joints… The whole thing was interesting in retrospect. I was calm and logical from staying limp to prevent broken bones, to watching for cars as I stumbled to the curb and other reactions to the event. I hydroplaned while going under the speed limit and breaking behind a car making a left during cold and misty weather. I did what I was supposed to and the scooter still slipped and I slid along with it. I was fortunate and the bystanders gave me more positive feelings for society in general. I’m getting over the fear of calling the motorcyclist back that asked for my number to see how I am doing.

I’m hoping I’m physically flexible enough to work by Monday.

@Alan Robertshaw
I’m always fascinated by the biological uses of things that are not mentioned much in a basic education in biology and biochemistry. All the Not H, C, O, N, S, P, Na, Cl, K, Ca, Mg, and Co. Like how selenium is used in protein synthesis.

@dreemr
I’m on Tylanol-Codine. I can have Ibuprofin between doses and it takes the edge off enough to sleep and get out of bed.

@Scildfreja
Thank you. My concern about including specific other people involved in social criticism is unintended effects from the nature of the social conflict we find ourselves in. I’m going to be willing remove any name that wants to be removed with the exception of Yor (who has a list of reasons why overt and explicit social criticism was warranted).
That sucks about the efficacy of pain killers for you. Does anything work well that you know of? In my case the I was mentally alert and coherent while experiencing the reduction in pain. Little to no euphoria which is probably a good thing, though I don’t have specific information about what they dosed me with.

To be more specific about what I mean by “damage to a mind”, I acknowledge the riskiness of the social impact of the term and welcome your perspective on it. I see a bigot as having damage to the human equivalent of software. Parts of the brain and mind it generates that can be altered by self and socially inspired behavior modification during the ones lifetime. While the social filters that we use are hard to objectively define in terms that easily satisfy common experience, I think that it’s reasonable to call brain/mind-software level social filters that generate fear driven irrational and illogical social biases as damage to a mind. But if you have a better way to socially interact with these things I would be happy to consider it. My way of conceptualizing this is compatible with what you described (It’s interesting to think about the biases associated with things like ecstasy, vigilance, surprise and other things in addition to anger and fear).