The 4th quarter 2016 We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now WHTM pledge drive continues! If you like, then MONEY pls? SERIOUS THANKS!
The internet’s angry dude army tends to get pretty worked up when women “invade” what some dudes consider sacred male spaces — like video games, and Star Wars, and comedic films about ghosts.
Now these same dudes are furious at comedian Amy Schumer for invading yet another sacrosanct male space: the world of Barbie.
Wait, what did I just write?
Ok, so the world of Barbie is traditionally associated with young girls, not angry adult men, but it turns out that a bunch of these adult men apparently feel that they should get the final say in any Barbie-related decisions that might possibly have some sort of impact on, I guess, their weird sexual fantasies about Barbie dolls?
See, they’re mad about reports that Schumer may play the title role in an upcoming live-action film based on the legendary Barbie doll because, even though the film isn’t aimed at them at all, the very thought that a woman with opinions they don’t like, and who they think is a fatty, might play Barbie kind of makes their little heads explode.
And so, on Reddit’s The_Donald, where a good number of these angry dudes tend to congregate, the Trump-loving, Schumer-hating regulars have decided to make America great again by Googlebombing an unflattering pic of Amy Schumer to the top of the search results for the phrase “fat Barbie.”
They haven’t succeeded in this task, at least not yet, though the post advocating the Googlebomb has managed to garner more than 3500 upvotes so far.
The_Donald’s critiques of the Emmy-award winning comedian, actress, writer and producer are, naturally, small masterpieces of careful reasoning.
I have curated a selection of some of the finest comments for you all below.
![FightTheUniverse 37 points 9 hours ago RIP Amy Schumer's f**kability. permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ZornsLemmon 55 points 8 hours ago She's always had a dog face and her chin is annoying as f**k. permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]Tragically_American 16 points 2 hours ago SHE'S A CHUBBY CHEEKED WHORE!!](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/amy1.png?ssl=1)
What a terrible miscarriage of cinematic justice!!1! In the REAL WORLD Amy Schumer would never ever ever ever be able to date a hunky dude oh wait.
Just a reminder: when then-candidate Donald Trump did his “Ask Me Anything” appearance on Reddit, he bypassed the regular Ask Me Anything subreddit and went straight to The_Donald.
Clearly, these are his peeps.
@Scildfreja
I won’t doubt that sprouts can be good, but my taste buds are of the type that react badly to Green Things. I nearly puked eating broccoli (at my grandma’s insistence) not too long ago.
That said, you mentioning maple syrup…Nah, the joke’s too easy. (The real stuff, though….gooooooooooood stuff.)
ETA
@dlouwe
By all means, please do! Just credit me and let me access any resultant recordings. (And maybe have some creative input.)
@Troubelle: Is it too easy a joke because she’s so sweet???
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/028/251/d4a.png
(About two thirds of the way through, no spoilers please! It’s just too good an image!!)
@Rhuu
Cute, but not my intent. It’s sort of a poke in the nationality. (Obviously, this is made purely in an affectionate manner.)
Isn’t there some genetic component to whether you find sprouts etc bitter? Like literally some people can taste a chemical other people can’t?
I think this has cropped up before. Probably around Christmas when this becomes a topical issue.
Found the Canadian!
@Troubelle
Of course! I’ll definitely post it here if I end up with something I want to record, and at that point we can figure out any crediting/feedback/access stuff via email if it’s necessary.
@Alan:
Don’t know for sure about sprouts, but the genetic component for tasting cilantro has been isolated. (I’m actually one of the people without the standard version of that, so cilantro tastes pretty blah and soapy to me. Needless to say, this has an effect on my interest in Thai food.)
@Alan
Indeed, and I believe I may possess it (in contrast to my siblings).
@dlouwe
Thanks! I’d offer to provide vocals, but I haven’t had any voice coaching and I don’t have anything close to a quality mic.
I can’t abide broccoli. I don’t think I’m a taster though because I like kale and people who are tasters hate broccoli, cauliflower and kale and I only hate the 1st two. I’m not the biggest Brussels sprouts fan but there’s a bruschetta at the restaurant I’m going to tomorrow with them on it and it’s quite good so I guess it depends on how well made they are for me.
Fuck broccoli though. The smell of it cooking makes me feel sick. Even the sight skeeves me out. Ew.
@Troubelle
Or that nasty ass red cabbage that invades my salads. I agree with some of the above posters, my tastebuds cannot abide by certain veggies. If it’s not the bitter taste, it’s the texture of them. Like onions. Ugh. Even if they’re chopped up small, I can’t stand them.
@Scout
Ah, the days when Mom tried to make us salad. Didn’t work out too well.
@Troubelle
I’m fine with salads as long as I don’t have anything that I consider to be unwelcome (like the above mentioned grossness) . I do like them when I have control over what goes in them. No onions, no bitter veggies. I do like southwestern corn and tomatoes. Cucumbers always win. I prefer fruit salads. Give me a big ass fruit salad with pineapple and strawberries and I’m in heaven.
@Scout
Aw, dude. Fruit salad. Always what my mom brought to family functions, and for good goddamn reason. (Unfortunately, I like pineapple but it tends to sear my tongue with its acidity.)
@Troubelle
Sometimes it does that to me. One of my favorites is pears, they’re everywhere this time of year (hell yeah!) but they leave this grainy residue on the roof of my mouth. I love them but that almost ruins them.
I suspect these guys are not male model material, any more than most women are female model material. But it hardly matters what their faces or bodies look like.
My tastebuds have become somewhat more open in the last 5-10 years; I used to be not be able to abide by onions or peppers in any form, but now I’m a sucker for both sauteed onions and roasted peppers. I’ll even eat raw bell peppers in a salad. Raw onion is still pretty much a no-go, and a perfect way to ruin a sandwich.
The thing that is entirely unpalatable to me is horseradish. Horseradish makes me irrationally angry if I get an unexpected taste of it. My body considers the very existence of horseradish to be unacceptable. Somehow it’s worse than finding something inedible in my food, because I can at least assume that was unintentional or a mistake of some sort. Horseradish is an intentional and objectively incorrect decision.
@Alan
I’m apparently the only one in my family who doesn’t have the ‘Durian fruit taste good’ gene. I’m one of the other group, to whom it smells like a trashfire being doused in sewage, and tastes that way too.
@Dalillama
I’ve yet to try durian, mostly because it goes for about thirty smackers at the only place I’ve seen that smells–ah, sells it.
Taste is pretty weird (and I’m not just talking about my fashion choices). Obviously smell is a major component, but your perception can be altered by all sorts of factors.
There’s some interesting experiments where even skilled chefs could be tricked into misidentifying very diverse flavours (mint, orange, plain water etc) just by altering the colour of drinks.
Even sound plays a part. If they artificially boost the top end EQ of the sound you make when you’re chewing, you think the food tastes fresher.
Basically we all experience synaesthesia to a degree and that plays a major part in how we perceive things.
Not a fan of Amy Schumer in the slightest (ugh, that convo she and Lena Dunham had, ugh ugh ugh). But even less am I a fan of guys who think Barbie absolutely HAS to make their boners happy each and every single iteration. She’s a CHILDREN’S TOY. One aimed specifically at GIRLS (although, ain’t gonna lie, I’ve known my share of boys who played with her too, and I don’t mean sexually; I just mean that she shared a space with their stuffed toy animals and had long funny kid conversations with them, that sort of thing).
Anyhow. Don’t anyone tell these walking bonersadz about Denise Duhamel’s book of poems about Barbie:
http://images.gr-assets.com/books/1387751556l/604540.jpg
…because it just might make them all permanently impotent, and then we’d never hear the end of all the moaning and groaning.
(Also, I’m not a fan of cruciferous veggies in general, because they tend to be bitter. Plus, I have an irritable bowel and anything cabbage-y means an uncomfortable night for me, unless I take a buttload of Beano, or snarf down some live-culture yogurt…or it’s fermented. I do like Sauerkraut and kimchi better, if only for that reason.)
@Fruitloopsie
I’ve already explained why I object to it. It’s a clinical diagnosis, not a trait. Further, phrasing it like that makes it seem unhealthy. You have given no reason why you disagree, only that you don’t personally have an objection to it. Why is your lack of preference more important than my not feeling awful when I come here and people are talking about people like me as if I can be reduced to a medical diagnosis and like someone finding me sexually attractive is abnormal to the point where they have to use a cutesy term for it that turns it into a fetish?
@ Weird (yeah, it CAN happen here) Eddie, 10:53 AM
“something to be inserted into various bodily openings”
“damn, that would… HURT!!!”
Suddenly I’m reminded of the scene from one of my favorite kids’ movies (The Gate (1987)), in which a Barbie is inserted into a bodily opening. Specifically, an eye-socket. Wait, does an eye count as a bodily opening? Well anyway, if it didn’t before, then certainly after. In any case, it did, in fact, appear to hurt the damned.
@Vucodlak
I’m morbidly curious. (And I say it counts just fine.)
@Bina
I absolutely cannot stand Lena Dunham. Ever since I read about the things she said about her sister in that book of hers… and then all of the other things about her is just… ugh.
I’m pretty “meh” about Amy Schumer. However I don’t think these MRA jerks should be complaining about her being cast in a movie they would never see anyway. As a matter of fact I think they’d probably have nasty things to say about anyone who got that part, just because that’s what they do.
@ Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement, 10:06 PM
If I remember correctly, a brother and sister were hiding in a closet from the demons they accidently summoned with a ritual found in the liner notes of a heavy metal record, when suddenly one of the possessed leapt out at them. Big sister took the first thing she put her to, a Barbie doll, and stuck it leg-first into the possessed’s eye.
It’s a rather shockingly violent moment for a kid’s film, and the movie scared the crap out of me when I was a child. So naturally, I had to find it and watch it again as an adult. It’s actually a pretty good movie, if you like 80’s-horror. The principle child actors (among them a young Stephen Dorff) are good, the characters are likable, and it’s got some genuinely creepy moments. I particularly liked the stop-motion demons. Also, the love-rocket, which only SOUNDS dirty.
In fact, I thought it was rather sweet, but then, my sister never gave me anything that could slay a great old one. Of course, imaginary beings seldom have much of gift budget. My sister was imaginary, I mean; not the great old ones. IA IA stay asleep and don’t eat me, and so forth. Though if I DID have a sister, I’d like to think she’d stab a demon in the eye with a beloved children’s toy to save me from a fate worse than death.
It’s the thought that counts, is what I’m saying. Anyway, I recommend the movie.
@Scout
is red cabbage that purple stuff you sometimes find in salads? (I kinda remember it having a name that didn’t match it’s color) :/