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The internet’s angry dude army tends to get pretty worked up when women “invade” what some dudes consider sacred male spaces — like video games, and Star Wars, and comedic films about ghosts.
Now these same dudes are furious at comedian Amy Schumer for invading yet another sacrosanct male space: the world of Barbie.
Wait, what did I just write?
Ok, so the world of Barbie is traditionally associated with young girls, not angry adult men, but it turns out that a bunch of these adult men apparently feel that they should get the final say in any Barbie-related decisions that might possibly have some sort of impact on, I guess, their weird sexual fantasies about Barbie dolls?
See, they’re mad about reports that Schumer may play the title role in an upcoming live-action film based on the legendary Barbie doll because, even though the film isn’t aimed at them at all, the very thought that a woman with opinions they don’t like, and who they think is a fatty, might play Barbie kind of makes their little heads explode.
And so, on Reddit’s The_Donald, where a good number of these angry dudes tend to congregate, the Trump-loving, Schumer-hating regulars have decided to make America great again by Googlebombing an unflattering pic of Amy Schumer to the top of the search results for the phrase “fat Barbie.”
They haven’t succeeded in this task, at least not yet, though the post advocating the Googlebomb has managed to garner more than 3500 upvotes so far.
The_Donald’s critiques of the Emmy-award winning comedian, actress, writer and producer are, naturally, small masterpieces of careful reasoning.
I have curated a selection of some of the finest comments for you all below.
![FightTheUniverse 37 points 9 hours ago RIP Amy Schumer's f**kability. permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]ZornsLemmon 55 points 8 hours ago She's always had a dog face and her chin is annoying as f**k. permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]Tragically_American 16 points 2 hours ago SHE'S A CHUBBY CHEEKED WHORE!!](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/amy1.png?ssl=1)
What a terrible miscarriage of cinematic justice!!1! In the REAL WORLD Amy Schumer would never ever ever ever be able to date a hunky dude oh wait.
Just a reminder: when then-candidate Donald Trump did his “Ask Me Anything” appearance on Reddit, he bypassed the regular Ask Me Anything subreddit and went straight to The_Donald.
Clearly, these are his peeps.
My kids sometimes watch the Barbie cartoon and it’s actually pretty self aware and witty from what I’ve seen.
But mostly I was being sarcastic when I asked that, should’ve marked that somehow… though now I actually do think just how are they categorizing things like breast reduction surgery for backpain…
@Snowberry
That was exactly what I started to type earlier, and then I got sidetracked by wondering what it would sound like if they complained about GI Joe. But yeah. It’s a never-ending source of hilarity that they get so angry when real live women fail to meet exaggerated fantasy standards drawn from comic books, porn, and toys.
If Barbie existed in real life, she wouldn’t have room for a liver, she wouldn’t be able to walk or hold her head up, and she’d be infertile because she wouldn’t have the 17-22% body fat needed to menstruate. They dwell obsessively on the “2/10 would not bang” minutiae of measurements and metrics and angles and ratios, and yet they have no idea what’s realistic for a woman to look like or weigh.
You know, looking at those Barbie dolls, you’d think they’d make a black doll with natural hair for, you know, mass production. I know they made ~*;.L*I.M;I’T.E’D*~*E:D;I’T,I.O*N.;*~ ones based on celebrities with braids and locks but, like, why not…a massed produced one…
I mean, Honey Swamp got a fro like whoa.
http://i.imgur.com/XQ2xpyL.png
(She’s amazing I want her doll a lot but Monster High dolls are expensive.)
The only black Barbies I’ve seen have straightened hair, unless you count the black Ken dolls which have short cropped hair. Maybe one had a fade once? Not a…not a lot of variety in hair there.
Not gonna lie though, “SHE’S A CHUBBY CHEEKED WHORE” caught me so off guard that I laughed for a full 5 minutes.
Can we please not use the term obesity here? We’re not talking about people attracted to a clinical diagnosis, but to fat. And not everyone who is attracted to fat people is a “chubby chaser”. Some people are actually attracted to a wide range of people rather than fetishizing a specific trait.
@PI
I concur in regards to that particular Barbie. (And you reminded me to ask my mom about dye jobs. While she’s….less than optimal, she was chill with me dying my hair the first time…and since she noticed that my hair was less greasy when dyed, she’s encouraged me to do it since. And since my hair is so thick, it can take a while for my roots to actually show. I’m currently dyed black from brown; I’m considering deep blue.)
As for proportions (@Buttercup), I’ll admit that back in middle-school, all of my drawn people were noodles. Nowadays, though, I can draw more realistically proportioned persons.
You know there are actually guys out there that would be complaining about this that own Barbies
they just don’t take them out of the boxes for fear of hurting their “value”
(somebody brought up Toy Story right? I have a uncle who collects toys like that guy in the second movie, and it just made me so sad, like he had these Barbies {I remember he had these ones that were dressed up in costumes from around the world [the Japanese one even had a different face than the others, which is really neat] and they were so pretty, and when I took them out of the box so I could play with them he was so fucking pissed that I’m pretty sure that we’d have to come up with a new word for being pissed)
I noticed that as well. The usual song is that plain girls are going around refusing to sleep with anyone who isn’t a hot, high-earning man, and getting away with it.
I had the Japanese Barbie when I was little. She came with a red kimono and a yellow obi. I cut her hair into a cute Bob. I liked her better than my standard blonde Barbie.
You should see what happened to My Little Pony.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8wwQvP9KI0E/VMqul-glNRI/AAAAAAAARZk/W8vwyjQ3g5c/s1600/Rarity_sobbing_S4E23.png
@Buttercup
Exactly. And I don’t think they care what a woman is supposed to look like. What I’ve seen is that they have such an irrational hatred for women that they’d badmouth her even if she looked like a Victoria’s Secret model. They’d probably call them whores. It doesn’t really matter what women look like, their looks just give these guys an excuse to use all the horrible adjectives they want to when describing them. From what I’ve seen, to these men, there’s nothing a female can possibly do that is right. Even if they cast a girl that meets their standards, they’d still have something negative to say about her.
I must say that I’m new to this blog, I’ve been lurking for a little while now, but when I see these Reddit posts where they discuss a woman’s looks, talk about 6’s going out with 10’s and so on, I can’t help but wonder what the posters themselves look like.
Because they don’t want women and girls to have anything especially to have positive self esteem.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using the word obese.
Welcome, Scout!
@Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Thank you!
LOL How much do any of you wanna bet that most of the people who are whining about Amy Schumer are morbidly obese?
okay can we just put a block on all ongoing discussion that has to do with fat-shaming the folks we’re mocking, thanks very much. We have better reasons to mock them.
@Monster-Teeth, welcome!
I get the sentiment, but we’re tryin to not shame people for how they look. Frankly, body mass is not required for asshole opinions about women!
(I’d be totally unsurprised if they have terrible body image, to be fair, but that’s not something I want to mock them for. I’d rather mock them for having such horrible reasons for their actions!)
(EDIT: hi5!)
@Scout
Bitter
@Axe, cont. Scout
And not a good bitter, like coffee or tea or dark chocolate. Bitter like a culinary abomination. Involving Brussels sprouts.
If your Brussel sprouts are bitter, they have not been prepared right, or they’re just really low quality! They should be tender and savoury! Gotta roast them with olive oil and dried cranberry and pine nuts and sea salt!
http://www.pickledplum.com/oven-roasted-brussels-sprouts-with-bacon-recipe/
Adding that maple syrup really adds a lot too. Totally worth it.
@Beth
I prefer to be called “person who is physically attracted to fat women”. I don’t call those who like skinny women “skinny chasers” either.
@Troubelle
*nods*
There’s some emotions that are easy to hide. In my experience, this kinda intense hate tends not to be one of em. It’s pretty nasty stuff, and it tends to show loud and clear when whatever someone’s particular button is gets even lightly pressed. Even if that button is the casting of a movie they wouldn’t have cared about anyway
@.Troubelle that song is a masterpiece. What lovely poetry you write!
I loved my barbies as a little girl. I hated baby dolls, I always found it creepy even when I was 4/5 years old that I was basically being primed for motherhood. It really bothered me. But I loved barbie. Because she was an adult with agency and it was aspirational. I had endless hours of playing with barbie as she went to uni, became a veterinarian, etc etc. I really did used to teach math to my toys. I had a mini chalkboard and I would sit them around it. Lol.
Anyway, to get on topic, not a fan of schumer’s brand of white feminism, but im with Scildfreja in kinda being excited about this movie. I’m glad it pisses off the manosphere, I bathe in male tears. Bwahaha.
@Eddie
I think the hyphenation was wrong; perhaps “grown ass-men”?
@Troubelle
Would you mind if I put some of the lyrics you’ve been posting to music? I’m perpetually trying to work on my song composition/recording skills, but I bottleneck a bit on lyrics. Having someone else’s “blank-slate” lyrics to work from could be a fun exercise.