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These Kellogg’s Breakfast Cereal Commercials Kill Fascists

Kellogg's Corn Flakes: Sweetened with Breitbart's tears
Kellogg’s Corn Flakes: Sweetened with Breitbart’s tears

On Tuesday, cereal and snack giant Kellogg’s announced it was pulling ads from Breitbart on the grounds that Breitbart is a giant racist shithole of a site and who would want to be associated with that? Granted, the Kellogg’s people were a little more diplomatic in making this point, saying simply that Breitbart isn’t really “aligned with our values as a company.”

Breitbart responded, naturally, by calling for a boycott of Kellogg’s, declaring that the company’s unwillingness to have their ads run next to stories about how birth control makes women “unattractive and crazy” somehow

represent[s] an escalation in the war by leftist companies … against conservative customers whose values propelled Donald Trump into the White House. …

Indeed, the move appears to be one more example of an out-of-touch corporation embracing false left-wing narratives used to cynically smear the hard working Americans that populate this nation’s heartland.

Breitbart’s Editor-in-Chief Alexander Marlow went on to declare, apparently with a straight face, that

Boycotting Breitbart News for presenting mainstream American ideas is an act of discrimination and intense prejudice. If you serve Kellogg’s products to your family, you are serving up bigotry at your breakfast table.

Naturally we here at We Hunted the Mammoth stand with Kellogg’s even though we’re lactose intolerant and don’t eat cereal any more but hey, we do sometimes eat other Kellogg’s products like Pringles and Cheez-its.

You can do your part in this very important cultural war by watching the following commercials for several different Kellogg’s cereals, including one that no longer exists, and also Pop Tarts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVfxF_DvBnI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpl_VSLpCzA

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hottotrotsky
hottotrotsky
7 years ago

Breitbart had better be ready to host my ads for ungendered spermicidal lubricant in Lenin, Marx and Hegel shaped collectable hand blown glass bottles, OR I CRY BIGOTRY. Man, I even planned a special Walter Benjamin Christmas mistletoe fresh edition, but my freeze peaches are all being stolen!!1!

I haven’t made rice krispies treats in years, but as @Bina mentioned above, the delicious weirdness of beibg a socialist jabbing fascists by supporting capitalists is a perfect gestalt for 2k16.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

Meh. Advertisers suddenly realize that Breitbart is a rag. They couldn’t have done that earlier, like, years ago when everyone else figured it out ?

True.

I don’t think the people who handle the advertisements normally care that much where the ads go, as long as people are likely to see them. And in the case of online ad banners, they usually don’t even know which sites they’re being displayed on.

Some websites still have spaces to buy ads and stuff but there are services like Google Ad which uses your search history to advertise stuff you’d like people can use to get revenue instead. (Very useful for sites with a wide arrange of viewership.) Unless Breitbart uses a Google Ad-like service, Kellogg would have had to go to them to ask for ad space. Which they probably didn’t. Or else they need to have some talks inside.

So, like, the question is, why is possibly Google Ads still giving Breitbart service?

Cynical Optimist
Cynical Optimist
7 years ago

@kupo, Axecalibur

Thanks for the tip and the last time an actual moderate ran.

Weird (yeah, it CAN happen here) Eddie
Weird (yeah, it CAN happen here) Eddie
7 years ago

@ Cynical

How do I explain to people why the protests are happening?

If you want to get into it… “We elected a monster, and people who have been and are going to be victimized by the monster aren’t willing to go away and die quietly”

That’s the gist of the protests, I don’t know how that’s going to set in your case, but I’ve given up trying to sugar-coat it.

There seems to be two types of people who voted for him; 1) those who liked his bigotry, supported it and thought it was funny and 2) those who voted for a phantasm of him that they made up in their heads, and was what they wanted him to be (and who thought his bigotry was funny). Anyone who supports this monster has to either ignore everything he has said and done or support it… or be absolutely catatonic.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
7 years ago

@ Cynical Optimist
You could show them the constitution and explain that this is well within their constitutional rights to protest against a despot, you could also reference multiple links that David has compiled in an article a while back.

Snowberry
Snowberry
7 years ago

when was the last time the GOP ran a truly moderate candidate?

1956?

Does Bush senior count? He was a moderate relative to all of the other Repub presidential candidates since at least Nixon.

Dan Hoan
7 years ago

While, this makes me glad I bought poptarts this morning for breakfast….what the hell has Kellogs been doing advertising here in the first place?

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

@Snowberry
Post southern strategy Republicans don’t count as ‘moderate’ for me. I mean, what does ‘moderate’ even mean? For my purposes tho, 1968-now is inadmissible, Goldwater started this whole mess, and Nixon was the same guy in 60 as he was in 68. That leaves Eisenhower *shrug*

bearpelt
bearpelt
7 years ago

…Kellogg’s was actually started up by an arch-conservative health fanatic who believed that a bland but nourishing cereal-based diet would kill the sex drive…

Bina that is simply amazing. I did not know that and my mind is blown now.

I think that Kellogg is also the reason that so many men are circumcised, actually. He believed it would make them less likely to… well I’m at work so YOU KNOW.

@Rhuu Wait what???? THAT’S why so many Xtians in America circumcise???

@Eyes on the Right IS THAT A WESTIE IN YOUR ICON? DO YOU HAVE A WESTIE?? My family loves westies omg

@AW MAH FREEZE PEACH

hottotrotsky
hottotrotsky
7 years ago

@bearpelt

Widepread circumsicsion also goes back to 19th century racist garbage recapitulation theory!

The idea was that stages of child development mirrored ‘stages’ of civilization, where a four year old boy is the equivalent to a ‘primitive’ tribal society (especially Native American ofc) and so on, and that it was important to train boys toward a ‘civilized’ controlled sexuality and masculinity by visually and functionally differentiating their genitals from those of ‘primitive’ men. Presumably coming of age circumsicsion ceremonies were either unknown or not factored into this peak white trash.

Hexum7
Hexum7
7 years ago

Is that Judy Garland learning French?

That would explain a lot.

Otrame
Otrame
7 years ago

feartheminotaur,

That was brilliant.

I understand not liking nested comments because it’s hard to come back to a conversation after being away for a while and not knowing what you’ve already read. But on the other hand, nested comments mean I could tell you that I thought your piece was brilliant and that comment would show up right next to yours. Or you could have numbered comments so I could say: feartheminotaur @34 That was brilliant, and people who saw my comment but not yours could find it easily.

Everyone I know knows how easily I lose track of what the original conversation was, and now you do too.

No seriously, that was brilliant.

Weird (yeah, it CAN happen here) Eddie
Weird (yeah, it CAN happen here) Eddie
7 years ago

@ Hexum

Is that Judy Garland learning French?

M. Google is not cooperating on this, though I found (unreliable) info it’s from 1962… and it sure LOOKS like her.

PeeVee the (Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Noice) Sarcastic
7 years ago

Well, Judy would have been 40 in 1962, so…

Sea Wolf
Sea Wolf
7 years ago

Firstly: I now want to buy one of the huuuge boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and eat a big bowl of it with a generous sprinkling of sugar.

Secondly: I agree with the sentiments on bigots calling others bigoted for not putting up with their bigotry. It’s so aggravating.

Eyes on the Right
7 years ago

@bearpelt

Yes it is, and yes I do. She’s turning 14 this December.

Speak Centurion
Speak Centurion
7 years ago

Breitbart News certainly puts forward some controversy-stirring ideas but I can’t say I have ever seen anything racist or bigoted on their website.

AlphaBetaSoup
AlphaBetaSoup
7 years ago

@ Bina,

The book is even better! (Road to Wellville). T. Coragghessan Boyle is my favorite contemporary writer (since Kurt Vonnegut died)

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
7 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw:

“This is the one used on the Irvine and Mallory Everest expedition”

They had “meat lozenges,” too, which sound like bouillon cubes (are they?). Mallory still had a tin in his pocket when his body was found in 1999. It wasn’t hypoglycemia that killed Mallory and Irvine, so there’s that, I guess.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
7 years ago

@Speak Centurion
comment image

Go be ignorant
Somewhere else washout roman,
you are not welcome.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

@ asabovesobelow

They had “meat lozenges,” too

As far as I’m aware (so take this with a barrow load of salt) they were like tablets of dried beef and gelatin. They started out as ‘invalid food’. You could eat them or brew up ‘beef tea’. (My grandma swore by beef tea as a panacea). They were issued to soldiers in WW1 so that’s probably where the expedition got the idea.

What amazes me about that expedition is how they were dressed. Pretty much what you’d wear for a country walk. Less than 10mm of clothing. However tests show it was actually quite effective, so the old advice about dressing in layers seems to pan out.

kupo
kupo
7 years ago

@Speak Centurion

Breitbart News certainly puts forward some controversy-stirring ideas but I can’t say I have ever seen anything racist or bigoted on their website.

Oh, aren’t you adorable.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
7 years ago

@Speak Nonsense

That pun pretty much covers it

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
7 years ago

@feartheminotaur,
@Otrame,

Seconding Otrame’s compliments, and wishes for nesting comments (sometimes!).

Re Kellogg’s and circumcision, I did some research on this area ages ago and it’s fascinating. For instance, the whole clean white masculinity thing (late 19th – early 20th C) was big in a number of western countries, but male circumcision rates have always been much higher in the US (I’m speaking of non-religious circumcision, obv.)

Also ‘interesting’ that alt-righters on social media are berating Kelloggs for promoting circumcision – now that the company has pulled its advertising from Breitbart.