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Ten Hour Beach Sunset vs Big Cats in Boxes: An Open Thread Video Showdown

Sorry, folks. I migrained out today. (Headache seems to be fading now.) So how about an open thread? And a VIDEO SHOWDOWN? Vote for your favorite below!

VOTE! Unlike the real elections last week, there is no wrong choice here, and the results will not cause you to curl up in a fetal position on your bed for a week!

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Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@Jesalin

Apologies for intruding, as the conversation was between you and Belladonna – but jesus christ I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. And so happy that things are better now.

Re Belladonna’s comment about queer/trans people without family support: one of my former uni students, who’s become quite a good friend, is in precisely this situation. She’s in a very bad space right now, re mental health. We are all doing everything we can, but I can’t help thinking that if her home life had been a little different, perhaps things wouldn’t have gotten this bad?

I realise – especially given my own mental health battles – that these things are multi-faceted and resist single explanations. But I think of my son and I know that if I were to judge him negatively it would shatter him. Parents have a terrible power over their children, in all senses of ‘terrible’.

Sorry for lengthy ramble; stuff on my mind, and your comments were seriously moving. Thanks for sharing what you did <3

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

Also, makroth wins best video, imho 😀

Jesalin
Jesalin
4 years ago

@Mish

No apologies required 🙂

Home life and family support are major, major factors in mental health and that goes double for queer/trans youth. I think it’s a pretty safe bet that with a more supportive family environment your friend would be in a much better place, or at the very least, better equipped to deal with whatever issues that crop up.

I’m not a violent person but so-called parents who don’t support their queer/trans children and/or actively cause them harm (physical or mental) seriously make me want to be. Every time I hear about another queer/trans child or youth who committed suicide because their parents hounded them..I tell myself that wasn’t suicide, it was murder. Harassing someone to the point that they kill themselves is, at least to me, murder by proxy.

numerobis
numerobis
4 years ago

Immigration to Canada is pretty straightforward if you fit in a category. For example, you’re a skilled worker (aka did lots of school), so then you go down the skilled worker form to add up all the points and if you have enough points you’re almost sure to get in. Or you’re a student, come right in. There are several programs. Straightforward doesn’t mean easy — it’s a long bureaucratic process — but it is relatively transparent, unlike in the US.

Quebec handles its own immigration, separate from the rest of Canada. It’s similar but more axé sur le français. Quebec has the PVT (permis voyage-travail), which is a year of residency with work permit — very popular for Parisians. It’s only a year, but no surprise, it’s much easier to apply for permanent residency when you’re already in the country: you get a huge number of points on the skilled worker program for instance if you have a job waiting for you (and it’s much easier to apply for a job when you’re here), and a few points if you’ve lived in Canada before.

Ability to communicate in both French and English is definitely a plus, but not a requirement. It’s not a requirement that you speak even one of the official languages, it just helps a lot.

Medical marijuana is widely accessible legally in Quebec and BC, dunno about the rest of Canada; it’s very easy to get on the black market as well, and law enforcement generally has better things to do — like investigate basement grow-ops, or hit people up on guns charges. The federal government is working on legalization.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

Thanks everyone for helping me arrange my thoughts on the matter a little better. Got a bad case of the flu right now, which isn’t exactly helping me think clearly, not to mention being high for a significant portion of my evenings and nights.

I’m gonna take a while longer to take a decision but I need to keep those possibilities at hand.

Re : family support for trans, queer or not-sufficiently-gender-conforming people

To this day I still can’t forget that I never was and never will be adequately masculine for my father. How I deal with it is my own concern and isn’t applicable to everyone else. Regardless, there’s one thing in common : it’s fucking hard. Giant props to all of those who pulled through that, and all the hugs and support to those who have yet to do it.

Belladonna "Toxic Hag"
Belladonna "Toxic Hag"
4 years ago

@Jesalin
It’s hard for me to imagine what it might be like to grow up with that type of abuse. Physical abuse, mind games, even hateful emotional abuse are a lot easier for me to imagine than just “lack of affection.” I did grow up with a very severe sense of being mostly alone in a sea of faces, because I didn’t share my feelings with my mother or trust her to respect them. But she wasn’t completely stingy with her affections, and I also had my grandma.

Anyway, I’m not trying to do some kind of that’s your story, well, here’s my story thing. I’m just trying to figure out if I have any idea of how you may have felt. And then see if I can magnify that to empathize with how awful it must have been for you. I may or may not be on the right track, here. Either way, my heart bleeds for the child you were. And I’m sorry for the things you’ve had to overcome, and for any issues you still deal with as a result.

I’d say it’s a testament to the kind of person you must be that you came through all of that still able to form deep and long-lasting relationships with people.

As for her “supporting” your transition, I wouldn’t call that support. I’d call it a lack of condemnation, maybe. But mostly it sounds like just another example of the lack of emotional support and basic, well, indifference, you’ve been describing elsewhere. 🙁

Anyway, I totally get what you were saying here:

A) I don’t believe she’s worth the energy that wold entail and B) I believe that real hate implies the existence (past or present) of love, and I have none for her.

It seems like it might be the healthiest possible way you could feel about it. I think the fact that you are still able to respect her for how much she overcame the cycle, which seems like it must be because you have empathy for her own abuse, is just another testament to what a great person you must be.

Belladonna "Toxic Hag"
Belladonna "Toxic Hag"
4 years ago

New talk while I was writing my comment.

@Mish
Don’t apologize. Thank you for joining the conversation.

@Jesalin

I’m not a violent person but so-called parents who don’t support their queer/trans children and/or actively cause them harm (physical or mental) seriously make me want to be. Every time I hear about another queer/trans child or youth who committed suicide because their parents hounded them..I tell myself that wasn’t suicide, it was murder. Harassing someone to the point that they kill themselves is, at least to me, murder by proxy.

Yes! ^^This^^!

Belladonna "Toxic Hag"
Belladonna "Toxic Hag"
4 years ago

*sigh* Missed the edit window, but I need to clarify this:

just “lack of affection.”

By “just,” I in no way meant to imply that this would be any less soul-crushing than other types of abuse. It’s just that it’s really neutral. Not negative attention, not positive attention. But I actually think bland neutrality would be utterly soul-crushing to a child. Possibly even worse than negative attention. Kind of a “you’re just not important enough to care about, either way” message.

Dalillama
Dalillama
4 years ago

Woody Guthrie describes the new cabinet:

sparkalipoo
sparkalipoo
4 years ago

@moocow

thanks, I don’t know if it gets through to them but sometimes they say things so naive that it’s hard not to say something.

I’ve noticed the same thing, were they see something on facebook or twitter and don’t bother to see if the source is reputable and sometimes it doesn’t even pass the smell test

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@Jesalin, Belladonna,

Thanks for your replies; I couldn’t agree more, even if I made an enormous banner saying I AGREE WITH YOU <3

@Sinkable John, esquire,
Seriously? ffs. You know what, if my boy ends up with anything like your level of kindness, smartness, and extreme funniness, I'll be happy. "Manliness" doesn't even compare to that.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

kindness, smartness, and extreme funniness

:3

“Manliness” doesn’t even compare to that.

The way I understand it, both can’t exist simultaneously ? They’re actually both sides of a spectrum ? The old man hated that I was “influenced” by my mother*, that I “read too much” (for fuck’s sake !) and thought what I wrote was shit, he actually burned all of my early notes in my very first attempt at writing a novel.

Disclaimer : yeah, @”Dad”, it was actually shit. I totally agree. Even from memory (’cause it’s not like I can read it again for reference, huh ?) I can tell how bad it was. But, y’know, I was fucking seven at that time. Cut me some goddamn slack.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@John,

Ah, fuck. You were seven? Would I be right in thinking that no matter what the quality, he’d still have burnt it?

Destroying someone’s art is like destroying part of their person. And to do that to a little kid…

I was seven myself when I wrote my first poem, in hospital. It was probably awful, but my mum (for all her faults) kept it and always encouraged me to write, and read. I’m even more grateful for that now.

For everyone on this thread:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/ac267673344233608cfdd533b6024d60/tumblr_mqix7sSSnj1sxva69o1_1280.gif

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

The fun part is that there was a second iteration of the very same novel he burnt. With slight changes, improving quality. And then there was a third, with slight changes again.

… and then there were 12 years worth of new iterations with slight changes, and when I was 19 I started working on the current version. It’s nothing like the one from when I was 7. But you can still trace the continuity from the book-burning days. I’m so proud of this one that I’ve spent the last 4 and a half years on it and I know that this time, it’s the right one. Moral of this story : come on, burn my work, I fucking dare you.

My mother on the other hand always supported me. Still does. I can’t find a job, I can’t move out, but she doesn’t care and lets me stay for as long as I need and actively encourages me to use this time to write, supporting me financially (that means among other things paying for my “medication”, on top of feeding and housing me) even though we get poorer with each month.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

@Sinkable John, fuck. Good for you for sticking to your writing in spite of everything! And good for your mum, that must be difficult. I hope your dad doesn’t take it out on her as well, for supporting you 🙁

Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
4 years ago

<3 John. You're the better man. And good luck with your writing! Please do keep us informed about your progress, if it helps motivate you! Having the interest and participation of others is so vital for any creative work.

(I've started actual work on a video game with a friend now, in that news. Probably won't ever hit the market but it's nice to actually have fun with stuff like that)

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

Not cats, not sunsets, not related – but whatever, I’m posting it anyway:

I just found this, and dayum.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

To be honest I haven’t written anything in a long while 🙁

It keeps churning though. My late History teacher from high school (wherever you are now, I hope it’s a good place for you, you beautiful bastard) told me that the reason writers don’t get paid a salary on a hourly basis is because we work 24/7 even if we don’t pick up a pen in years. It’s so true. When I’m not actively, consciously thinking about how stuff needs to be written, I’m still doing it in the background. (Take that, multitasking feeemale brains !)
Every new information, everything I see, hear, touch or taste (sadly my sense of smell is that of a smoker) all of that ends up one way or another in my work. I think it’s true for all artists regardless of their discipline too.

These days with all the awful shit going on, I can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing. I can’t tell if I should be writing if only to purge myself or if taking a break from it is for the best, if only to preserve my work from said awful shit.

@Scildfreja

I remember you mentionned that before, I’m glad you’re still working on it ! Keep us informed 🙂
I have a feeling we’re all gonna have a strong need for each other’s creativity before the year is over, as a mental health mechanism.

dr. ej
dr. ej
4 years ago

Hi everyone! I just wanted to stop by to say that I passed my PhD viva yesterday (hence the name change). I have minor corrections to make, but I expected that and it shouldn’t take me long. I can finally relax a bit.

Viscaria
Viscaria
4 years ago

EEEEEEEEEeeeeeee congrats Doc!!!

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
4 years ago

@dr. ej

Congrats! 🙂

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

Congratulations Doctor ej!

I’ve mentioned before that people who manage to do PhDs are like demi gods to me; so that’s an amazing achievement.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

Congratulations Dr. ej!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

Congrats Dr. ej!

EJ (The Orphic Lizard)

Only minor corrections? That’s good going. Congratulations dr. ej!

Dalillama
Dalillama
4 years ago

Congratulations, Dr. ej.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@dr ej,

Fantastic news – and only minor corrections? That’s brilliant and pretty rare.

@Alan, I already told you this in an email, I think, but it doesn’t take demi-god-ness to get a PhD. otoh, if you’d like to think of us as demi-gods, who am I to stop you? Apart from a demi-god that is.
I just confused myself 😐

Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
4 years ago

Dr. ej, congratulations!

May you have a week of uninterrupted sleep, disturbed only by occasional grilled cheese sammiches and cartoons in pyjamas.